Phoebe's Turn
Phoebe was grateful that Pastor Jason was able to see her right after lunch. She knew that Catherine would be speaking with him before lunch because she had told her that she was going out for "a bit" then. She was vague about the reason so she assumed that she was going to talk with him about Trelawney and her. Oddly, she no longer cared. At one time she had been very bothered whenever she thought that someone might be prying into her personal affairs.
Now that her focus and concern were on her baby and her sister, she accepted the fact that she needed help of people such as Catherine and Pastor Jason to keep on top of all of the people in her life. She knew that she also needed to maintain her focus on her husband's needs. It was beneficial for both of them. Despite his promise while they were on their honeymoon that he would have no regrets this time for lost opportunities in his marriage, he still didn't know how to accomplish that. She knew that things were slipping out of balance for him between his work and his home life again.
He also seemed to be slowly sinking into a state of confusion about all of the various relationships in his life outside the university, mostly the kids. After Uncle David's visit, he was unsure of how he felt about Trelawney. He was more short-tempered with his own three. It worried her. The more confused he became, the longer his hours at work. As always his response to the problems was to try to escape them or put off confronting them. He was falling into his own pattern of procrastination again. He needed to get over that once and for all.
She suspected that Rob would wish to speak with Pastor Jason as well. He was also very troubled by Uncle David's visit and the difficulties that it had posed for them all. She accepted unequivocally that Rob would want help in maintaining an overview of the situation. It was a challenge with which he had never been faced before. Uncle David had told him that he was now her paterfamilias. She knew her place in relation to him and respected his position of authority in her life.
However, such a role did not really exist in American family culture. She believed that this was why Hal was having problems accepting his father's new role in their lives. He viewed it as interference in his personal affairs. But Rob was stepping in to help in the areas that Hal had lost control of. Unless Hal could learn to rein in his time spent at the university, she and the kids were going to need Rob's help.
There were many things about Uncle David's visit that had personally disturbed her. The codicil to the will was the most upsetting. It was shocking for her to realize now that she had been completely unaware of it last year. It had somehow slipped by her cognizance as she was listening to all the legalisms as the lawyer reviewed them. It was an indication of her state of mind at the time. And yet it was a very important issue.
She could not understand how or why her parents could have thought that she could or would not be able to raise her sister "properly." They had never said a word about it before. Of course, she had not directly spoken with them since she had left home that last time. They had exchanged letters fairly regularly, but nowhere in their letters had there been any hint of distrust. Of course none of them had any idea that there would be an immediate need for her to raise Trelawney. However, she knew that the presumption by all family members was that she would drop everything to fulfill this duty.
She was also aware that there had already been concern because she had been in one place for so long, and certainly lots of speculation to go along with it. She believed that she had managed all the nosy relatives who had popped in to visit very well. Of course she had mostly wanted them to leave her alone and get on with their own lives. She wondered if her parents hadn't read anything in her letters that might have bothered them. But there was no way of knowing. And certainly Trelawney hadn't known.
She knew that they were lucky that Uncle David had chosen not to invoke the codicil at this time. But the fact that he could at any time unnerved her. Although he had allowed the legal action that she had taken to grant custody to Rob and Catherine stand, she knew that in his own mind, the fact that he commended her into their care was the superseding action. It had never been her right to do this. Reluctantly she admitted that her own perception of the power structure within the family now made her realize that she had lost control of custody through her own actions. Like Trelawney, she accepted the outcome without complaint, but certainly with much heartache.
She found solace in her days with her sister. They played with the dolls in the dollhouse, they talked, they knitted, and they read. Trelawney played the piano for them. Phoebe could feel that Maisie enjoyed their time together as well, especially the music. The best part of the time was that they could share it without anyone else to lay claim to it. She did not have to feel guilty for neglecting her husband and their children. Because she had been brought up to think of others first, she had never been very good about articulating her own needs.
Even now she viewed this time in terms of its benefits for her sister, not herself. It had been a very long time since they had had such unencumbered time. She realized that since Trelawney had come to America such time had not existed. They talked a great deal about their parents and the days in the village. Sometimes it felt almost as if it were a part of another life. At other times, it felt like a dream. In fact, in many ways, it was.
Catherine's home offered them a space that they could call their own. It was where they belonged as sisters. The children were all in school, where they belonged. Hal was at work, where he really wanted to be during his days. Trelawney had never seemed to belong in school, or at least not in that school. Mrs. Griegan had really been the one who made school work for her last year. This year, there was no one.
She knew that there were many ways that she could fill her time. In fact, many of the activities that she shared with her sister were things that she could do by herself or with Catherine. But Trelawney was the one who soothed her wounded spirit best. Her love was completely uncomplicated and purely unconditional. There was never a look or a word of reproach for the time they had missed together or the fact that her mistakes had nearly separated them forever. Her forgiveness, like her love, was unspoken and implicit.
Sometimes Catherine joined them, but when they sought refuge in talking about their previous lives with their parents she had the sensitivity to withdraw. This was very important for them, since there were aspects to their previous life that were incomprehensible to outsiders. If she were present, they would have to censor their memories so as not reveal too much about who they were. At these times, Trelawney would curl up in her arms and she would feel that energy pass between them that seemed to strengthen her. She asked Trelawney if she felt it as well.
"Oh, yes, Phoebe," she said matter of factly. "I believe that we are feeling the strength of each other's auras. We are so very close, you know. In fact, I believe that they have even blended once or twice."
"Are you sure?" asked Phoebe. This was incredible. The co-mingling of auras was something that everyone had heard of, but no one that she knew had ever seen. Yet, Trelawney had spoken of it just now as if it were an everyday occurrence.
"I don't know if one can ever be completely sure about these things," she said. "It would take someone else with second sight to see it. But you do know that Mum and Papa's auras would merge from time to time."
"They did?' asked Phoebe. "How do you know?"
"I saw them," she replied. "They were so very much in love and so very close. When they were happy, it was a lovely blue color. It was very clear, cool, and peaceful. Their spirits were in perfect harmony with one another."
"Did you ever see such a thing with anyone else?" she asked curiously.
"Oh, no," answered Trelawney. "Of course one does see auras quite often. It's a very good way of knowing when someone is mad or sad or happy if you can't read their face."
"Yes, I know," she smiled. "It can be very useful in human relations to be able to anticipate responses through mood."
"Oh yes," said the girl once more. "And to tell if they are being deceitful. Of course Pastor Jason is an angel because his aura is such a lovely, bright golden color. It was odd that I knew him for several weeks before I saw it. In fact it was only when I realized that he had been sent for me that I could see it. The clear pale yellow slowly flooded with orange and the luminous gold appeared. I suspect that angels have the power to disguise their auras. I shall have to ask him sometime."
"I didn't see it either," admitted Phoebe. "Until after I realized who he was. I know that he must be very careful. Especially there are others besides those such as us who can see auras."
"Yes," said Trelawney. "That was why he was gone while Uncle David was here. If Uncle David were looking for him then he might discover him by catching him unawares. He avoids Aunt Henrietta, but I don't believe that she could see it anyway."
"Why is that?"
"Aunt Henrietta refuses to acknowledge the light," she said simply. "She lives in the darkness. Her aura is quite a muddy brown, you know, rather loathsome when she is angry and it is infused with grey. If she ever goes to heaven, it will take her many journeys. I don't believe that I have many journeys left before I go to heaven. I am looking forward to seeing Mum and Papa again."
Phoebe left their conversation off at this point and changed the subject to the color of the nursery. She didn't want to know how Trelawney knew this and she was afraid to ask. It was one of those many things about her sister that even she did not understand. She was not even sure that she wanted to understand it. She was unsure of what it meant for her. She was hoping that her conversation with Pastor Jason would help to settle her mind.
Last summer when she herself had been having nightmares, Trelawney had begun her talk of darkness and light with regard to Cholmondeley. At that point she had referred to her as a child of the light, and herself as a child of God. It had settled her to realize that she had not let her sister down when she had been harmed earlier.
She had protected her when she needed to and when she was able to. Her own parents could not do as much. There was no need to feel guilty for what did not happen when she was under her protection. Perhaps Pastor Jason, who had helped her to acknowledge this and see the light, could explain things now.
When she entered his office, she could see that he was relaxed. She was sure that it was easier for him to talk to her or Trelawney than the others because there was less that he had to hide. They knew his true nature.
"So, Phoebe," he greeted her. "How have you been for the last month? It looks to me as though things are going very well with your pregnancy. Has the morning sickness finally abated?"
"Yes, it has," she replied. "We've all missed you."
"So I gathered from talking to Catherine," he answered. "I am afraid that she is very bewildered by all that she has learned about you and your family. Of course there is so much that she really can't know. David told her much more than I thought he would. It is not really good for you all for her to know too much. I was able to dodge most of her questions, but she is very tenacious. I suspect that she will be back."
"Yes, she will," said Phoebe. "She doesn't want to upset me, so she has been trying to avoid asking me too much. She also knows that I am very skilled at avoiding personal questions. So is Trelawney. Of course even in straightforward matters Trelawney can be challenging to speak with. She has a very engaging way flitting from topic to topic with little rhyme or reason to anyone but herself. It is very charming, but also very frustrating if you are looking for a specific answer."
"It is very important for you to remember that Catherine does not need to know as much as she thinks that she does in order to keep Trelawney safe," he continued. "Keeping her away from Aunt Henrietta is most important thing."
"I am still not sure of why that is," replied Phoebe. "She has really always been a bit of a family joke. It is odd that Trelawney even bothers to fear her."
"What else can you think of that has been a genuine fear for Trelawney? Be honest," he asked.
This was a question that Phoebe did not wish to answer, however Pastor Jason waited patiently until she finally lifted her eyes from her hands.
"She was afraid of the unicorn," answered Phoebe reluctantly. She did not like to think about that. It was still very disturbing for her.
"Who was also an odd sort, a real character, you must admit. And everyone viewed him as harmless, if quirky. He quite skillfully, although like Aunt Henrietta perhaps not with intentional malevolence, disguised his true nature beneath a veneer of showmanship," he said. "He represented the darkness for her for reasons no one understood at the time. And of course, he was. But like Aunt Henrietta he does not seem to have an awareness of himself as the darkness.
"She saw him as the trickster and the animal. It shows how much she really feared him. She was able to see things in him that no one else could. That is very disturbing, but I now think that we are all realizing that this is an intrinsic, albeit still developing, aspect of her nature. Remember that she has referred to Aunt Henrietta by the name of another negative archetype, the evil witch.
"Aunt Henrietta may be a joke, but her powers, such as they are, are connected with darker forces. That is why things frequently go wrong for her. She can mean well, as she does with you. But she doesn't fully understand that her 'connections' are not positive in origin. Because Trelawney is so aware of the nature of their darkness, she is fearful. And once again, as with the unicorn, her primary concern is protecting you."
"Trelawney spoke once of Aunt Henrietta and the darkness. She said that she didn't think that she would ever recognize you because she doesn't believe in the light," she said. "Aunt Henrietta is very uncomfortable around anything that has even the slightest hint of religion. She has always been like that."
"Perhaps," he replied. "But I'm not taking any chances. Aunt Henrietta would very much like to discover my identity and 'blow my cover' so to speak. Just because she doesn't believe in God does not mean that she would be unable to recognize one of his messengers. She sees auras too. And she knows what they mean. If I have to leave, Uncle David will have to return and bring Trelawney home. At this point that would not be good for any of you, especially you. Your sister's ability to communicate with Maisie is most disconcerting. But it also tells us that Maisie needs her."
"Trelawney believes that on occasion our auras merge," she stated, leaving it hanging out in the air.
Pastor Jason looked deep in thought. No doubt he was not hearing this for the first time. She wondered how Catherine knew.
"Catherine knew because David told her," he replied, answering her unspoken question. "He observed it. It is why he left Trelawney where she is. There is a very deep connection between the two of you. Separating you by thousands of miles would be extremely stressful for you both, but especially for you being pregnant.
"It is why he has placed her in Rob's care. At this time he is in the strongest position to do this. You really should not take his decision to heart the way that you are. It is for the best. Catherine is her direct caretaker, but ultimately it is Rob who protects you all. As you know, I do not protect, I only advise."
"Yes, I imagine he could see it," she said slowly. "I felt the energy pass between us on one or two occasions that was much stronger than usual. I have always taken for granted that our sibling relationship accounted for it at other times. I discussed it with Emmeline once. She said that she has never felt that close to any of her brothers or sisters. What Trelawney and I share is very special."
"What you share is very special, even between close siblings. You were close to begin with, but your mother also did everything that she could to nurture the emotional dependence that you have on one another. I myself have never actually seen the auras of two people merge before. How did it make you feel?" he asked with curiosity.
"I suppose that it was a warm feeling," she said. "I felt strengthened by it and I certainly know that she was. She was distraught and I could feel her anxiety. It gave me a sense of peace and she seemed to relax in my arms. I know that she felt safe. Sometimes the same thing happens when we are sitting in the sunlight together. At those times, Trelawney claims that we are feeling our parents' presence. She says that they come in a sunbeam."
"I have no doubt that they do, in spirit anyway," he replied. "You are both children of light. We now know that both of your parents were on their final journey home. It is a most unusual circumstance that two such people should find each other and marry. In fact, it is extremely rare. Especially when you consider that theirs was a wholly contractual marriage. Unlike you and Hal, they did not marry because it was a star-crossed romance. It was sheer serendipity. That makes you and Trelawney both very special.
"Their journey was cut short, but they left the two of you behind. Trelawney knows this and has always instinctively known it. I believe that it is a component of her fragile mind, but I can't be sure. No one else knows this, but I am telling you because it will help you understand her better.
"Had she not been permitted to come to you after they died, she would have gone to them. She had made that decision, at the time by refusing to eat. It is a pity that no one ever told you that. It would have helped you to intervene earlier. Emmeline recognized the pattern when she visited at Christmas and told me. However, Trelawney's journey is not complete. She is still here for a reason. I suspect a higher purpose. It is unlikely that we will know what that is until her life is over."
"Is this her last journey?" asked Phoebe with trepidation. She wasn't sure why, since it would in no way affect her present journey. Perhaps it was because if Trelawney joined their parents then she might lose all three of them through her own subsequent journeys. Since there was no way to directly communicate with those who had completed their last journey there was no way of knowing.
"There is no way to know," answered Pastor Jason wisely. "It will not be known until this earthly journey is complete for her. It is one of the few things that even she cannot know about herself. But you must not be afraid. No one can know when a journey will end or if it is a final journey. Trelawney was aware that Maisie's journey was beginning. But the two things are not the same at all."
"Do you think that it is a good idea to keep her out of school for the rest of the year?" she asked, wanting to change the subject to a happier topic.
"Do you?" he asked with a smile.
"Yes," she answered honestly. "But it is really for my own selfish reasons."
"Your reasons are not selfish," he replied firmly. "And if you feel that Maisie wants to be with her as well, you are correct. And there is nothing wrong with that. Catherine is going to look into a better school for her for next year. In the meantime, enjoy your time alone with her. You both need each other now.
"You finally beginning the very natural grieving process by which you make peace with the past and move on. It is something that you must do together. Come September, your focus will be on Maisie and she will be happy in her new school. You'll see. And things will begin to sort themselves out."
"What about Aunt Henrietta?" she asked.
"I wish I knew," he said with a sigh. "I have trouble understanding those like her. The difficulty is that there is a great deal that she misunderstands and misinterprets. She has a very murky aura and is extremely difficult to read, even for me. Avoid her whenever possible and try not to pay attention to what she says. It's hard, but it can be done. There is much deceit in her words, not all of which is her own. Unfortunately it is mingled with accurate foresight."
"I wish that I knew more," she said wistfully.
"You know as much as you can and certainly more than most humans can," he said. "I know that you are used to controlling things and being in charge. Let go of that for a while and focus on your child. That is perfectly natural. And remember that you can't control everything anyway. At this time in your life, really the only thing that you can do is let go and let God. And trust in the light."
"I'll try, but . . ."
"No buts," he said firmly. "Just do it. Now go home. You still have a bit of time with your sister before the other children come home. Go to Catherine's. Give her a big hug. And let her spirit renew you."
Phoebe looked at him as he sat before her. She knew that he was right. She also realized that perhaps she had known all along that there was something special between her and Trelawney. And there always would be. But there was one last thing that she needed to talk about. She shifted in her seat uncomfortably.
"Pastor Jason, something still deeply disturbs me. I am still not sure of why my parents added the codicil to the will that gives custody to Uncle David if I can't take care of Trelawney properly," she said. "Why didn't they trust me?"
This was one of those times when Jason was very glad that he was able to easily conceal his thoughts from others, even those like Phoebe and Trelawney. Phoebe's father had indeed not trusted her to return to the village to care for her younger sister in the event of a tragedy. He didn't even trust her to return with Cholmondeley.
He didn't know why she had been with the Everetts for so long, but his instincts were telling him that reason could potentially lead to trouble with her and her two major commitments to her family: to marry her betrothed and to care for her sister if anything should happen to them.
"It was actually your father who added the codicil to the will," he said to try to soften what he had to say. "Your mother never knew about it. It wasn't that he didn't trust you to care for her. He was concerned that you might not do so in the village. He was afraid of might happen to Trelawney if she settled outside the village."
"But he never knew about Cholmondeley," answered Phoebe puzzled. "He had no reason to suspect that we would not marry and settle in the village. In fact, that's what would have happened if Trelawney had not interfered."
Oh what a tangled web we weave, he thought. In fact Owen did not trust her to do her duty as a good daughter and fulfill her marriage contract, even without the knowledge of Cholmondeley's relationship with his younger child. Jason wanted to spare her that knowledge. Her mother had not even known. Close as they were, he had concealed it from her.
Considering how hard Meg had worked to make the girls eventually inseparable, it would have made her most disappointed in her older daughter. But his sister Agatha had gushed a bit too much for his comfort about the handsome professor and Phoebe's claims of contentment. Justine was more reserved in her comments, but she had not been totally blind either.
Even the flaky Uncle Alfred was suspicious when he couldn't budge her from her contented state within the household. Meg had never suspected that there might be some validity to their claims. She thought that the problem was Cholmondeley and his dithering abroad. She believed that if he decided to claim his bride then Phoebe would drop everything and return home. Had her parents lived, she probably would have done so. There was no way to know for certain anymore.
Perhaps Owen had a premonition of his fate, or his wife's. That too was impossible to know. Like Phoebe and Trelawney, their minds and their fates were closely bound together. Their auras would merge on occasion as well. Tragedy for one had clearly been tragedy for the other. The phenomenon of the merged auras meant that Phoebe and Trelawney shared this same closeness of spirit.
To protect the younger child, Meg had cultivated this very close relationship. However she could not possibly have known that the ramifications for both of her daughters might have been eventually problematic. But even he could not know if or in what way. The circumstance was simply too rare. The stories about it too unreliable.
Phoebe watched Pastor Jason carefully as he mulled her last words. She could not perceive his thoughts. His facial expression was inscrutable. But she could feel her own anxiety rising. She realized that he was trying to avoid telling her the truth. Her father had not trusted her to raise Trelawney in the village. That was why Uncle David had been given secondary custody. Oddly, so was Auntie Anna. She wondered how she felt about Trelawney coming to live with them.
Auntie Anna was one of their relatives who had found Trelawney to be a trial. She believed that her sister Meg had spoilt her and that a firmer hand would have gone a long way towards putting her on the straight and narrow as she saw it. Auntie Anna was quite definitely the "salt of the earth." She had no time for the whimsical notions of a child such as Trelawney and thought that they were the result of Mum's over-indulgence.
Of her own six children, Emmeline was the youngest. Auntie Anna did not know what Mum had been thinking, having Trelawney at her much older age. She even once went so far as to say that Trelawney's oddness came from Mum's age. It was one of the few times that Papa had actually wielded his power over another family member and shut her down.
If Trelawney was a little fey, it was because she had been made that way by God. God does not make mistakes. He entrusts his most special children to special people who will regard them as precious, not problems. Trelawney had been sent to Meg as a gift, not a burden. Phoebe loved her in the same way.
However, Auntie Anna was essentially a good woman. She meant no harm or malice. Uncle David had always been busy with the business end of the family, including the finances of his siblings, and she had her hands full with her six children. She had breathed a sigh of relief when Emmeline had finally left home and she could focus her energies on her garden and her animals.
When the grandbabies came along she was thrilled. Phoebe doubted that she was interested in embracing motherhood again, even for the sake of her goddaughter. Perhaps her father had added her name to the codicil to give her veto power over the choice to take custody. He would not have wanted his younger daughter taken in on sufferance.
Finally Pastor Jason spoke, breaking into her thoughts.
"It is really too late to speculate about the intentions of someone who passed away over a year ago," he stated. "He was acting on incomplete information since while he was living he did not know the truth about your ex-fiancé and your sister."
"Does he know now?" she asked sadly. "Does Mum?"
He looked at her sympathetically. She already knew the answer to that question.
"They both know," he said gently. "They have known since Agatha discerned the knowledge from Francine's mind. Many tears have been wept. Yes, there are tears even in heaven. This was also the reason why I was sent to guard her shortly after the aunts visited.
"Your parents were fearful that if even they could not keep her safe, no other human being could either. That was no judgment on you or your ability to care for her. It was the only way that they could be at peace. And our Father always wants us to be at peace, especially in His kingdom."
Phoebe closed her eyes to focus her concentration against the darkness she could feel lurking in the corners of her mind. She was disturbed by this latest revelation. She knew that Trelawney had perceived Helen weeping in heaven for the rift between her mother and her children. She had tried to fool herself into believing that her parents had not known about her sister's plight.
"Open your eyes, Phoebe, child of light."
Pastor Jason's voice broke into her concentration.
"You will not find light in the darkness. You must open your eyes to see the light."
She opened her eyes to see the glow of the ethereal light that Trelawney had claimed surrounded him. She was right. It was a pure golden energy, glowing with wisdom, goodness, and love. It was this pure light alone that could excise the darkness creeping into her mind and soul. Within her, she could feel her child respond. Even Maisie recognized the light.
"Yes, even Maisie knows the light," he said softly. "It was not so long ago that your little angel resided in heaven. She knows only goodness and light. It is why she and Trelawney already know each other. Just like you and Trelawney, she is also a child of light. She is a most special gift from God. You are very blessed that she has been sent to you. Have faith in the light. Keep your eyes fixed on it and it will lead you home."
Thus, Phoebe felt a peace descend over her. She realized that all human decisions are imperfect, not only her own, but everyone else's too. It is through love that one accepts the imperfections of others and still loves. None of them was perfect, not even her beloved parents. And of course the hardest one to forgive, is always one's self.
Before her sat a man who was more than a man. She could trust him because he came from the light. He would guide them all towards the light. Quietly she stood up and thanked him for his time. He embraced her and gave her a blessing. His final words before she left were, "Peace be with you."
And it was. She drove back home, went the Catherine's and sought out her sister. Trelawney was sitting alone in her room reading in the rocking chair when she came in. Her aura glowed with a clear, pale turquoise hue. She smiled when she saw her and immediately stood up from the chair. Phoebe seated herself and then Trelawney sat beside her on the floor and rested against her. Phoebe felt the now familiar energy pass between them as she stroked her long, blonde curls. She felt very fortunate to be a child of light.
Rob Weighs In
Rob was glad that Pastor Jason had finally returned from his meeting out of state. He had begun to really feel the stress of trying to maintain peace and balance among the various family members since Uncle David had left. He knew that the good pastor would ease some of the burden of caring for these fragile lives.
Catherine had returned from her talk with him and immediately gotten on the phone with the school's guidance office. From her end of the conversation, he could tell that she wanted to pull Trelawney out of school for the remainder of the year and teach her at home. Considering what a problem that Trelawney had been for them, he doubted that they would have any strenuous objections. After her call ended she looked at him.
"Don't say anything until the arrangements are made," she said firmly. "I don't want either of them to be disappointed."
"That's not what I was thinking of saying," he replied mildly. "I am not sure that this is really going to solve the problem."
"For the time being," she answered. "It will. As soon as these arrangements are made, we are going to start looking for a private school for next year."
Rob shrugged. No doubt Pastor Jason approved of the idea. That was why she had been so eager to act right away. If the plan was to put Trelawney in another school next year, then he didn't have too much of a problem with it. It would also be good for his grandson. He wouldn't have to keep worrying about defending her every time some problem arose with the other students.
He had been watching Catherine, Phoebe, and Trelawney interact for the last week. They were all happy with the present arrangement. Considering all of the upheaval in the girls' lives over the past year, it was good for them to have this quiet time together. He had gotten the sense that the sisters had never really had the chance to mourn for the loss of their parents.
He knew that prior to Trelawney starting school last year, they had had some time alone during the days. But at that point Phoebe had still been in her "nanny" mindset. Her days were focused on caring for the family by whom she was hired. She had never had any time off for herself, let alone her sister. Since September, their lives had been filled with activity, most of it positive, but nonetheless activity. He knew that they spent a great deal of time now reminiscing. That is also an important part of mourning.
Sitting now in Pastor Jason's office, he felt as though he was dropping a heavy load that he had been carrying for a long time. He sighed heavily. Pastor Jason gave him a look of sympathy mingled with amusement.
"I am not sure that you bargained for all this when you moved down here a couple of months ago," he said.
"No, I did not," replied Rob emphatically. "I knew of course that there were things amiss with Trelawney and that Phoebe needed help juggling her needs with those of Hal and the other kids. I knew that it was only a matter of time before Phoebe became pregnant with a child of her own. What I had not realized was that there was this whole supernatural aspect to the Figalillys that was going to complicate everything to this degree. Talk about madness and chaos!"
"Hmm. 'Supernatural.' That's an interesting choice of word," commented Pastor Jason. "This is the first time that I've heard you use it."
"Can you think of a better word?" he asked, his annoyance building. "They read minds, talk to animals, talk about the universal consciousness, and we have a little girl who knows that her sister is having a daughter before she even knows that she's pregnant. Come to think of it, she knew that it was a girl before she even conceived.
"This same child dreams in archetypes, has an encyclopedic knowledge of myth and legend, and can essentially play any piece of music ever written with the artistic skill of a virtuoso. If I were not living in the middle of it, I wouldn't believe it."
"You certainly have made a lot of observations in the past few months," he replied. "I really can't refute anything that you're saying. From your perspective, I guess that the only explanation you have been able to come up with is the supernatural one."
"That's about it," said Rob as his frustration continued to mount. "It's not that I don't love both girls. In fact, I have never met two more kind, caring, and loving people. But they see auras, their auras merge, and they have terrifying nightmares. It's just a little unnerving having them as members of my family.
"Not to mention some of the members of their family that come along with them. Some of these family members pop in and out of our lives without warning. When they are not here they seem to vanish into thin air. The icing on the cake is the crazy ones who live nearby."
"Now, let's be fair," said Pastor Jason. "You're talking about Aunt Henrietta and she's hardly 'some' even if she is larger than life. The only other two that you have met are Emmeline and David and both of them are perfectly normal. They may have the same psychic gifts, but they don't tend to make them apparent. Phoebe is also very discreet. Trelawney is unique, but as you say she is sweet and loving."
"I know," he said with a sigh. "But it felt good to get that off my chest. There aren't too many people around here that I can rant to. If I spoke like that in front of any of my family members, then there would be hell to pay. I actually like David and Emmeline quite a bit, although he's easier to deal with than she is."
"David is very much a man like yourself," answered Pastor Jason. "He loves his family and takes his responsibility to them very seriously. I know that he created a bit of upset before he left. But, well, admit it. You all let him."
"What do you mean by that?" asked Rob, just a bit defensively.
"I think that you were all unduly influenced by the power that he wields over Trelawney's life and the problems that that has created for Phoebe," he said. "Just because David observed something and made a statement about it, doesn't automatically validate his opinion. Some of his opinions were reasonable and some only so in the context of his world. Don't let him judge you all too harshly, especially Hal and Phoebe."
"You have my attention," replied Rob. "What exactly do you mean by that?"
"An example of an observation that is valid in both his culture and yours is that American public school is no place for Trelawney," he said. "He took the time to spend a day there and no one has told me that it was not a normal day for her. He is right. She needs a different kind of school. But first you need to get her out of there. She will be perfectly content to study at home for the rest of the year."
"That's not a permanent solution," objected Rob.
"Nobody has said that it is," replied Pastor Jason mildly. "It's a temporary fix while you search for a permanent solution by the finding the right school for her. It also solves the problem of giving her and Phoebe the time together that they need to complete this step in their mourning and move on. I was struck on the day of the anniversary by how raw they both still were."
"Why do you think that is?" asked Rob.
"This year has been one of enormous upheaval in their lives," he explained. "Because there was this constant change and another traumatic confrontation with the past, they never had the time to sit back and really grieve. They both avoided that painful step by focusing on other aspects of their lives. And that was only too easy. You seem to forget that Phoebe was in Hal's employ at the time of the tragedy and never took a break last year.
"Any other job would have given her a bereavement leave of absence during which time she and Trelawney could have had the time they needed alone together to come to grips with their loss. Nobody ever thought of that. But sooner or later the perpetual motion of avoidance, so to speak, always catches up with you. It could not have gone on much longer without one or both of them falling into a serious clinical depression."
"That makes sense," replied Rob. "None of us has really experienced such a great loss. Even though Hal lost his wife, he still had the children. And we were not nearly so far away as their family. When they lost both parents suddenly and simultaneously, Phoebe and Trelawney were really cut adrift."
"Cut adrift and far from home," added Pastor Jason. "They were both experiencing many unknown emotions. But David's perspective that they should have come home to consult with the family elders about their futures is only valid up to a point. There was nothing stopping him from getting on a plane a year ago and coming out to talk with them when they didn't return immediately. And why did he leave his youngest daughter as their only interlocutor with the larger clan?"
"When you put it that way," he said. "I think that you may be onto something."
"Remember that Emmeline is a little younger than Phoebe," he said. "She is more sophisticated, which makes her seem older, but she is still a girl in her twenties. Now the excuse was probably that she is the closest to her two cousins. And she is. So as a result, she accepted that the reason that they were staying in America was to keep your son's family intact. But she knew that there was something between Hal and Phoebe. Sending in Cholmondeley was a 'too little, too late' attempt to fix her mistake."
"But that worked out for the best," he replied.
"However, no one knew that at the time, except for Trelawney," Pastor Jason said. "And it took Aunt Agatha and Aunt Justine's large dose of family medicine to uncover that key bit of information. It was ultimately critical to the safety of the sisters. Their Cousin William Figalilly will not let him anywhere near here.
"But he has issues of his own. He has sworn to kill Cholmondeley before he comes within a mile of Trelawney again. He means that. He has a very deep sense of family loyalty and honor. He is also very impulsive. For the situation that he is in, it is not a good combination."
"What can we do about it?" asked Rob.
"Absolutely nothing," replied the pastor. "Be grateful that he will keep Cholmondeley away, but pray that he doesn't feel that he has to resort to violence. Such an act would damn his soul forever. It would be devastating for one such as Trelawney that he killed in her name. The guilt would be tremendous, even though she would in no way bear any responsibility."
"What are the odds of that happening?" asked Rob.
"It's not a matter of odds. It's not even a matter of kismet. There is no way to predict such an impulsive disruption of fate," he said. "It is like the death of the girls' parents by a drunk driver. It was a foolish and violent action that has disrupted their destiny and sent shock waves through the family. It's one of the reasons why their grief is so deep and as a result some of their choices have been poor. I'm not just talking about Phoebe and Trelawney now. But don't tell the girls about William. It would create unnecessary anxiety."
"I won't," said Rob. "I'm still worried about my son Hal though."
"In what way?"
"He seems to be having a hard time accepting Trelawney as part of his family," replied Rob.
"Yes, and I am surprised by that," admitted Pastor Jason. "After all, he was her gallant knight for a long time. But as I told Catherine, he's under a lot of pressure now. He has still not figured out a good way of balancing work and family. After the baby is born, he will have a household with five children to deal with. He put even more pressure on himself by vowing not repeat that mistake from his first marriage."
Rob looked surprised.
"The solution of moving Trelawney down to your house is not a permanent one either," he explained. "But he can't leave all those children for Phoebe to deal with alone. And she needs his time as well. She loves him very much and once she gets beyond those early infant months, she will be looking for him to fill her needs as a wife. The children, especially the boys, need him as a father."
"David really scolded him before he left regarding Trelawney. And I'm afraid that Catherine and I gave him a hard time too," answered Rob.
"Well, he did kind of need a scolding," said Pastor Jason. "Now perhaps three were a bit excessive, but hopefully you woke him up to the fact that he needs to make some changes in the way that he does business, so to speak, with his family. It's not just about Trelawney, although in a very real way she was the 'canary in the coal mine.'"
"Maybe," said Rob doubtfully.
"Let me guess," he said. "Hal is very happy with the present circumstances. Trelawney is not only living down the street, she is not in school so Phoebe can spend time with her at a time when no one else needs her."
"That's true."
"And I'm also guessing that he may be seeing this as a permanent, rather than temporary arrangement?" he continued.
"He hasn't said as much," replied Rob. "But I suspect that that is true as well."
"And he still has long days at work and brings home more work for nights and weekends?"
"Yes, pastor," admitted Rob once more. "What are you getting at?"
"If you really want to help your son," he answered. "You need to get him to admit that he needs to put his family first. He really does know this, but he allows his time allocation to be driven by his job. It's an insidious trap that many men fall into. Then their children grow up and they realize they never knew them. They retire and realize that they really don't know their wives either. From what I can see, that never happened to you and Catherine."
"No, it didn't," he said. "But I guess that's obvious. I liked my job very much, but I still made time to be a scout leader, coach teams, and volunteer at church. Catherine went back to teaching and enjoyed it, but always put the family first. Now Hal does a little bit if coaching, but he isn't nearly as involved in his children's lives as I was."
"Why do you suppose that is?"
Rob thought for a moment. That was a hard one. When Hal was married to Helen he never spent much time at home either. Establishing a career at a prestigious university is very time consuming. As a former graduate student herself, she understood his ambitions and fully supported them. She also had her mother to help her and keep her company when she needed it. That let Hal off the hook.
However, in one of his darker moments of grief after she died, he admitted that he had deep regrets about this. He seemed to be falling into the same pattern. Phoebe was fighting against it, but it was a losing battle. Hal was a very dedicated scientist, to both research and teaching. He didn't want to give up either.
"Well," Rob finally said. "I suppose that his career is much more of a vocation to him than mine ever was to me. I think that it could be the teaching component that really consumes his time. He is not only a scientist himself, he also wants to inspire the next generation."
"In the end," replied Pastor Jason. "The decision is up to him. But if he wants to be a strong part of his family and in fact wants his family to be stronger, he may have to sacrifice some of his professional goals. You can guide him, but ultimately it's his choice. I would advise that you help him to consciously make the choice rather than allowing it to become a de facto decision. Don't let him lose the control he now has to change things."
"As usual Pastor, your wisdom is greatly valued," he said. "Now I think that Catherine will be bringing Trelawney in shortly, so I had better be on my way."
"I hope that I've been a help," he replied.
"Yes, you have," said Rob. "You've given me a lot to think and pray on. I feel very blessed to know you."
"And I feel blessed to know you," answered Pastor Jason.
Rob left the office with his heart feeling a lot lighter. As always, Pastor Jason could not solve his problems for him, but he had given him some common sense advice for moving forward. It always amazed him that when the good pastor spoke, his words were simple and logical, and in their own way profound. He had an enormous understanding of human nature. But he was a very young man, by his standards anyway. He wondered how he had managed to accumulate so much wisdom in such a short lifetime.
Trelawney's Tales
Jason was happy that he was finally going to have a chance to sit down and talk directly with the subject of his three previous conversations. He strongly suspected that he would find her happier than she had been since he had known her. Of course Rob was right that keeping her home from school was not a permanent solution to the problem, but it might prove an excellent stop gap measure until a more appropriate school could be found. Starting her in a new school in September would mean that she would be able to spend significant quality time with her sister during her pregnancy, and once the child was born have her own life to move into.
As he had predicted, Trelawney floated into his office like the butterfly child that she was. She fondly gave Catherine a kiss on the cheek before she came in, earning herself a little pat on the back. She cheerfully plopped herself in the chair in front of him and looked at him expectantly.
"Well, miss," he said with a smile. "You're looking very chipper today."
"Oh, I am, Pastor Jason, I am."
"You're certainly not the sad little soul that I left behind went I went to Missouri," he remarked. "What happened to change your mood?"
"The most wonderful thing has happened last week," she replied. "Mama Kate allowed me to stay home from school and I have had hours and hours with my Phoebe! I am so pleased! And so is Maisie!
"Really?" He suddenly felt worried.
"Oh, yes," she said. "My little Maisie knows when I am there and she is so happy. I read to her and play her music on the piano. I think that even Phoebe can feel it when she is happy. And of course Phoebe is so much happier. The Professor is happier too. I am no longer in the way. Perhaps he will begin to like me again."
"Now, Trelawney," he said patiently. "Professor Everett has never stopped loving you."
"Now, Pastor Jason," she said mischievously. "You know better than to try and play word games with me. Of course I know that he loves me. But it has been awhile since he has really and truly liked me."
Of course, I know better, thought Jason. The little imp is certainly feeling her oats today. However she will have to stop this kind of talk about Maisie.
"Trelawney," he replied a little sternly. "You know better than to talk about your communication with Maisie. It must disturb Phoebe."
"Yes, indeed it does," she said seriously. "And I am now most careful when I speak with her. She is quite worried that I will say something when someone else can hear. But I have been very careful not to say anything even to her now. But you are my angel, so of course I can tell you."
"Of course," he smiled and shook his head. "And of course you have been bursting to tell someone. I am pleased that you are beginning to develop some self-control."
"It is not easy," she admitted. "And of course you know that. But I have a very important question. May you please tell Mama Kate that I do not have to go to school? She is quite a fine teacher. And Hal is better than any of my real math and science teachers. I do believe that he will make a fine university professor some day, just like his father."
Jason began to wonder which was worse, Trelawney in the depths of despair or Trelawney in the heights of joy. She really should not continue this talk, even with him.
"I cannot tell your Mama Kate to do anything, Trelawney," he said firmly. "And you know it. I am only here to advise. And I am now advising you to watch what you say about the future. You do not want Uncle David to return for you."
"Oh I very much doubt he will return to take me away," she replied happily. "Elspeth has told me that before he came to America, Auntie Anna told him that if I move in, then she moves out. She is done raising her children and if Meg was so foolish as to have a child at her age, she would not be so foolish as to clean up her mess."
It's a pity that the dog is such a little tattler, thought Jason. I would like to have a sit down with her, although I doubt that I could pry her away from Trelawney long enough to have a private word. But Trelawney's revelation had put all of David's words to the family in a new light. He was using the threat of taking the child away as leverage to make her life, and by extension Phoebe's life, better. He was a very shrewd man.
"Well," he said. "It will serve you best if you don't pass along that little tidbit to anyone else. If they know then they won't take his recommendations seriously."
"Oh, I know that," she answered matter of factly. "But I still must be concerned with Aunt Henrietta. She would not listen to Uncle David. He was quite perturbed when he returned from their sit down. I could not discern what she said, but it was something that upset him very much."
"What upsets him is of no concern to you," he said sharply. "Stay close to your Mama Kate and you will be fine."
"And if I don't have to go to school, I would be much closer to Mama Kate more of the time," she said sweetly. "And Phoebe would be too. You know that makes Mama Kate very happy."
"Yes, I know," he replied, relaxing.
"Do you have anything else to scold me about?" she asked sweetly. "I would like to go home and help Mama Kate make dinner. The family is coming and Hal is going to help me with my science assignment. Even Mr. Everett doesn't understand it. Fancy that!"
He let her go skipping out of the room to Catherine. She then gave her a big hug and they left hand in hand. He felt a twinge of regret that the girl would someday return to Phoebe. She would be thrilled, but no doubt Catherine would miss her. However, he also knew that they now had a lifelong bond. They each filled an empty hole in the other's life. It was very touching.
He had to admit that his conversations with Rob and Catherine had been somewhat amusing. They were so focused on the questions that they wanted to ask him, that they didn't realize how much he already knew about the Figalilly family and what was happening back in the village and abroad. However, he could not let them get too close to an understanding of either the clan or their people.
They were a special race of people and there were not many of them left. However, those that there were still had important work to do. He could not let this work be disrupted by well-meaning outsiders prying into their lives. The situation with which he was faced was very tricky, but he had been in tighter spots. He had never met a challenge yet that he was not able to conquer. He had no intention of allowing this one to be the first.
But it was time to return home to his own family for dinner. He had missed them as well. He would need to spend most of the night in prayer, but before that he would give his wife and children the attention that they deserved. He considered himself very fortunate to work for a boss who placed such a high value on family time.
To be continued . . .