Everything You Ever Wanted
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It took a season's going by to know it's not my fault.
I tried to be perfect.
Tried to be honest.
Tried to be everything that you ever wanted.
I tried to be stronger.
Tried to be smarter.
Tried to be everything but you…
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Chapter 2
His eyes didn't see the red of the reflectors in the street. If he weren't driving straight I would have said he was drunk. But no, Hwoarang wasn't drunk. But still he drove his motorcycle on the wrong side of the road. I didn't care, or at least, part of me didn't care. But the part that did was the part that cared about Hwoarang.
I surprised even myself at the thought that I, the fearless yet at the same time scared, cold hearted girl that I was, could ever care for anyone other than my mother. I wouldn't tell him or Asuka that I cared or that I was afraid, afraid of losing them, him more than her, but her nonetheless.
Another thing that I wouldn't mention, I cared about Hwoarang's safety more than mine. I happened to be on the back of his motorcycle, arms wrapped around his waist. He looked at me through the corner of his eye. "I'm sorry, do you want to turn around and go back?"
I smiled, the wind blowing my long hair. Asuka wants to cut it. My mother always loved my hair. "No," I said. "I like this." My arms tightened around him for a moment until I loosened my grip. "Thanks," I said, letting my head fall on his shoulder. And since my eyes were adjusted to the dark, I closed my eyes and more darkness surrounded me, yet I felt safe, holding Hwoarang, the wind blowing all around me.
When we got back to my apartment, I made myself a cup of tea and thanked Hwoarang for taking me out on his bike. I was surprised at my kindness when I offered him a cup. "No thanks. Yeah, I thought you might need to clear you're head from all that thinking you've been doing. That's what usually helps me." He smiled. His smile was kind; nothing like what I would have expected that first day I'd met him. I wondered how Jin was. But then again, that was something I didn't really care much about, even though it had crossed my mind.
"So," I said, trying to sound casual. Since Jin had come to my mind, I decided to bring him up in conversation. "You haven't gone looking for Jin lately, eh?"
"Oh, no, I have. Not that I've found him. Kazama hides." Hwoarang laughed. "And besides, why should I try to find Kazama if I've got you to hang around. I haven't looked nearly as much as I would have if I hadn't met you."
I smiled at him. Cute. But that wasn't what came out. "Heh. And I'm soo much fun, aren't I?" As soon as it left my lips, I mentally cursed myself for saying something so mean. Yet, I added, "You have better things to do, I'm sure."
"No, if I had better things to do, I wouldn't be here." Hwoarang gave a puzzled look for a moment. "No, I mean, if I didn't want to be here, I wouldn't." He walked over to me and put a hand on my shoulder. "You shouldn't discredit yourself like that." I put my hand on his. When I took it away, he pulled me into a hug.
When I pulled away, I told him that I was going to bed and that he was welcome to stay if he liked.
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In the morning, when I awoke, I walked into the kitchen. There was a note on the table.
Natari,
I'm sorry I had to go without saying goodbye. I'm not usually the kind to leave notes but I thought that with you and all this drama you've been going through, it might be nice. I'm not usually considerate either. I guess some things change, but for how long, I don't know. I'll come back by to see you.
Hwoarang
The letter was scribbled out on the piece of paper, barely legible, red ink bleeding through the other side. The pen was left next to the paper.
I smiled, thinking of Hwoarang. I reread it before tucking it away in my dresser.
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I went to see Asuka. When she saw me, she said, "Are you ready for that haircut now?"
I snorted, "No." Again, mentally cursing myself. "I don't quite think I ever will be. So I guess I'm ready."
So I got my hair cut. No longer was it far down my leg. Now it came up to the middle of my back. My bangs were cut too. Now they fell just above my eyebrows and hung over my forehead. I wasn't sure whether I didn't like it or that I just wasn't used to it. But still, I thanked her.
Asuka hugged me. "Your mother would have been proud of you, ya know." She smiled.
"What is there to be proud of?" I asked, not returning the smile.
My answer startled her. I knew she was looking for the words to say. I knew there wasn't anything. But after a few seconds of silence, she said, "Well for one thing, you put flowers on her grave. You went to avenge for her death. You've found what you don't like and you're working to change it." She smiled again and placed her hands on my shoulders before embracing me again.
Oh, yeah, that was really something to be proud of. I didn't want to let her know that I disagreed with her.