*Forever and For Always*

Thanks for reading as always I do not own any of the SOA characters they belong to Kurt Sutter. This Chapter is going to be more in depth with the letters and what Tara is thinking about doing now that Jax knows about the letters. I hope you all enjoy

Chapter 2-Moving Forward, but looking back

Jax POV

Watching Tara tell me about these letters did something to me. I never felt like my world was perfectly crashing down on me until I started reading these letters. When my brother Thomas died it was like my dad checked out on me too. His only living son he checked out on. Left me with Gemma all those times because he had to do a "run" for the club. It was as if he didn't care what happened to me. I not only grew up without a brother but I also grew up without a father. I hated JT. I had no love for him in my body what so ever. It was like he was a stranger to me. Anytime he was home I wasn't. Then his accident happened and I couldn't believe I was actually physically losing my father. I was heartbroken. I went to his hospital room and I talked to him like he could really hear me. I apologized for being an asshole to him. I told him I hated myself for never giving him a chance to be there for me and now it was like he was being pulled away from me. All the shit didn't seem to matter anymore the only thing I cared about was JT and him getting better. Gemma was so calm it scared me. There her husband laid fighting for her life and she was worried about TM. Back then I thought nothing of it ya know she's the queen of course she would be worried about TM and the rest of the brothers but now after reading these I see why she was so calm. I hate her Gemma is no longer someone I can trust or even love. She was the reason my father was torn from my life and for what? For Clay to be the head of the table that rightfully belonged to my father. I could never look at her the same. The anger I'm feeling is just not right. To say I want to kill my own mother is an understatement. Killing her would be too easy. She needs to suffer. She needs to hurt like I do, like I did when JT was ripped from my life. I will make sure of it. Now I need to get my head straight. Reading these letters makes me want to rip Clay's heart out with my own 2 hands but I have to do things right. Tara wants the law to handle it but how can I trust Unser. It's very clear he was involved as well. Hale, ha that's a joke, I have hated that man my entire life because he loved Tara. My Tara, but she was right. The law needed to be the ones to handle this.

Tara's POV

As I sat in the rocking chair in the nursery feeding Thomas I felt a little uneasy. Not sure what his reaction would be to the letters or to my plan I've come up with the last 14 months. I know bits and pieces he is going to disagree with but I think my plan is perfect and no one would even know. As evil as Gemma is she deserves to be brought to justice for the things she did. Hell even Unser deserves to be brought to justice. I couldn't believe what I read so I re-read them daily. I was uneasy about it all so I went to Piney. He was always straight with me, he'd tell me that I was crazy but the look on his face told me he already knew the truth. He hugged me tight and told me to hold the truth don't trust anyone with it. Piney was always the easy tempered guy, there was a solution for every problem in his eyes and the outcome wasn't always violent. Piney knew the truth about JT but he couldn't prove it. The only thing his best friend left him was a copy of the manuscript with strict instructions to give to Jackson when Piney thought he needed it. I never knew there was more than 1 copy of his manuscript. When I told Piney I read it he smiled. In a weird way I think he knew what I was thinking. He told me to hold my truth for the next 14 months and deep down in my gut I will know when Jax needs to hear it and that's when Piney told me that after Jax knew the truth for us all to come back to him, he had something to tell us more. I originally thought he was going to tell me to leave the past in the past that it wasn't something to dig up but his smile reassured me that I was doing the right thing. When Jax came out of our bathroom wrapped in a towel he came to the nursery and Abel's eyes lit up and he went wobbling over and hugged his father so tight. I knew Jax didn't think he would recognize him but I was so happy to see he didn't. He played with Abel's hair and Abel played with his. Abel laughed and laughed when his father threw him in the air. My heart melted. This was the life. This was our life.

After putting Thomas down for a nap and settling Abel down to color, Jax walked in the living room and just looked at me, picked me up fireman style and ran to the bedroom. He threw me down on the bed and I couldn't help but kiss him. His lips felt so soft on mine. It was like heaven and I couldn't get enough. It was starting to get a little crazy until he pulled away. I thought for sure he was going to take me right then and there. That was until he sat up and reached into his drawer to pull the stack of letters out. I knew he wanted to talk and after everything that happened, I was all ears.

Jax really didn't believe what he read but after reading the entire stack of letters he knew the truth and Tara was right. It hurt like hell. But then again, he was warned by Tara. He was just happy she didn't keep them from him. He was happy that even with all the bullshit with SAMCRO and the guns and even the bullshit with Donna being murdered Tara was still here. She was still his and always would be. That crow on her back proved it. Even after her being gone for 10 years it was like a sign that she never even thought about removing his crow. He couldn't be happier when she came home. Even though his life was one big mess, as soon as he seen her; the broken pieces started to be put back together. Here they are after everything, 2 boys later and there love was stronger than ever. He was meant to protect them and that's exactly what he was going to do. He's always wanted to get SAMCRO in the right direction. The guns were great money but the violence was spilling into their backyards. This wasn't what his father wanted and now that he can see clearly it's not what he wants either. He wants his sons to carry his legacy but not a violent legacy a more peaceful legacy was what he wanted.

After what felt like an eternity Tara turned to Jax and asked "so what do you think"? All he could do was let out a big sigh. That was her cue she thought, now I tell him my plan. "Jax before you say anything, the only other person who knows about these are Piney. He also has his very own copy of JT's manuscript. He helped me through these 14 months and told me to hold my truth, said that I would know when you needed to know and after I told you we needed to go see him at the cabin. He wants to involve Opie too. I know he can be trusted. I have no doubts about that but Jax we have to keep this to a minimum. I don't want anyone else finding out we know the truth. My plan won't work if Gemma finds out we know the truth. We need to let the law handle Gemma, but Clay, he needs to be handled the club way. He needs to meet mr mayhem for what he did. Baby I have no doubt in my mind that you know what needs to be done but we need to be smart about it. Smarter than Clay, smarter than your mom and defiantly smarter than Unser. It's too risky for any of us to stop talking to them or being friendly. We have to act like nothing has changed even though our whole world is about to change. Jax my promise to you is to stand by you 100% but you have to promise me that you're not going to lose it when you see Clay or even Gemma. We have to act normal because let's be honest if they find out they might put a hit out on both of us like Clay did with Opie". All Jax could do was nod in agreement. There were no words. He was pissed, hurt scared and mad but he knew in the end, the club not only needed his head right but his family did to and that's what he cares about. "Tara, I trust Piney and Opie enough to do this right. I promise you we will let the law handle this, but your right, Clay will meet mr mayhem I promise you that because in the end when I bring this to the brothers, killing a first 9 and a president will for sure seal his fate, I love you Tara and I'm so happy you are here with me." As Tara crossed the bedroom to Jax he kissed her like it was the last thing he would do today. "I have to go to the clubhouse; I'll talk to Clay, see if me and Opie can go out to check on Piney. I need you to meet us there. Have Neeta come for the kids" she smiled and kissed him as he headed out the door.

TBC—again thanks for the support and feedback.