Chapter 2

"Irina?" She heard a voice but didn't want to respond. "Irina!" Someone said again, coming closer to the woman who was still standing on the balcony.

"Uh?" Irina finally reacted, turning to face the one who spoke. "Sorry, I was… thinking." She smiled, her hair flying softly in the light wind.

"You have been standing here for about an hour. Aren't you freezing?" The woman said, handing a warm blanket to Irina. "I don't want you to catch cold."

"Thanks." Irina smiled again. "I love rain. It is so… clean. I am not sure, but I think it has something to do with my past." She wrapped herself with the blanket, her body shaking, realizing it was really cold outside.

The ocean was storming and the darkened night cloudy sky was pelting rain. She liked this weather, or at least, she thought she did. All she could do during the last few years was thinking, guessing and trying to remember. Irina Derevko, as they told her was her name, had nothing in her mind. People asked her some things, some really horrible things she had to know, but she did not understand what they meant.

Wrapped in the blanket, she sat back in the armchair, resting her head and looking at the woman who stood in front of her.

"What is wrong, Cathy?" she asked.

"I'm worried about you, Irina. They had you a hostage for more than four years…I mean… if you simply told me where they were, we'd destroy them. You'd get your revenge for what they did to you."

"I don't want revenge." Derevko shook her shoulders and smiled happily. "All I want is to feel safe, and I am safe now here."

"But they hurt you!" Cathy upped her tone, now almost screaming. "You don't want to leave it that way, do you? Irina Derevko would never…"

"I'm not Irina Derevko. I don't know what I am. Who I am. Where I am." Tears were running down her cheeks. "Why do you all want me to do something I never will do? I don't want to be a killer. I am not a killer, am I? … How many did that Derevko kill?"

"Okay, okay, I get it." Cathy seemed rather distracted or disappointed. "You don't want to talk to me this evening," her voice now was as calm as possible. "Don't worry, that's okay. Rest now." She went back inside leaving Irina alone on the balcony, deep in her thoughts.

She didn't want to punish anyone, did she? Irina could not say for sure what exactly she wanted. And, well, those people, they were not so bad.

She remembered the first time she opened her eyes: head was in agonizing pain, as was all her body. First, she was so dizzy she could not even understand her surroundings. Everything seemed dark gray, then a bit lighter, and then, it was all too white, so her eyes couldn't stand it. Someone approached her, touching her hand tenderly. Still, she winced in pain, at that.

"Irina…"She heard the voice somewhere far from her almost dead body. "Irina, das ist mich, Sveta. Hören Sie mich?" (1)

Irina, again, tried to pull her eyes open. It hurt, but at least she managed to see the one speaking. She never saw that girl before. Before? Before what, she asked her sleeping mind, and tried to move her arms. God, she thought, I'd better not do that. The pain overwhelmed her, and she cried out.

Immediately, the room was full of people wearing white, and they were all around her. One of them injected her with something even before she tried to resist. Irina didn't know who these people were, and why they were calling her that name. But she tried and, predictably, failed to remember her real name. There was nothing she could think of.

The one who injected her nodded to the girl and left. The others followed him and, as soon as they all were gone, the girl sat next to Irina's bed. She was worried that was obvious.

"Irina, you feel any better?" She spoke with an accent, touching the woman's forehead. There was a huge bandage there, covering almost all her head, and down very close to Irina's eyes.

She wanted to reply and once had her mouth open, she realized she could not say anything. Whatever they gave to her moments ago had its effect and she was now falling asleep. That's for the good, she thought before drowning into darkness. At least, there was no pain there, and she could now rest.

The sky shouted and Irina looked up. It was late, but she didn't want to sleep. She tightened her blanket, moved her head slowly and looked at the door. Cathy would not probably be back now, she was upset, or maybe even angry, but would try not to bother Irina. The woman breathed deeply, remembering.

The first time she was told who she was, Irina could barely believe it. Otherwise, she could not take it she was a killer and a spy all her life.

That was when she came to for the second time. They obviously drugged her, so she now did not feel much pain, and neither did she feel her body. Once her eyes were open, some device beeped, and in five seconds, someone entered her room. It was a girl she saw before, still worried, looking thoughtfully over Irina's pale face.

"Irina?" The girl started as people in white appeared behind her.

They were busy, not paying attention to the blond. Irina closed her eyes to get rid of headache, but that could hardly help. She moved her lips trying to make a sound.

"Who…" She didn't finish.

"Irina, how you feel?"

"Who…are…you? What…" The woman whispered.

"Ich… Me, Svetlana. You not remembering mich?.. Irina…" (2)

"I'm not Irina," she finally gathered her strength to say. "I don't know who I am."

The girl's face froze. She immediately turned to the one in the white robe, and he said something Irina could not understand. They both then left just to come back several minutes later, still talking. They looked at her in disbelief, doctor said more to Svetlana, and she nodded. Svetlana spoke again, slowly and pausing after each phrase.

"You remember something?.. Anything?.. You fell down, remember?.. You are Russian… You run ITC… Nothing?" She sighed seeing confusion on the other woman's face.

"I can't be," Irina smiled weakly. "...Russian. I don't speak it."

The doctor approached the girl. Irina could see he was nervous. She wanted to get out of here, to go home. If she knew where home was, it would be much easier to do that. The girl's phone rang, and the man in white stopped talking as Svetlana picked up the mobile and listened carefully. She said nothing, but turned it off then, and spoke to the doctor again. Still, Irina could understand nothing they said.

"Can you tell me?"

"Was… What do you want, Irina?" Svetlana turned her head to face the older woman. (3)

"Who am I?"

Irina spent the next few hours listening to three people whom she obviously saw for the first time in her life; but those seemed to know her before – or the one they thought she was – and they continued to call her like Irina. Her head hurt, she could not take it anymore as they told her she was a killer of sort. Her eyes began tearing and she cried.

"I'm not it, you know. Why are you lying to me? I can't be that one." She became silent as she felt her entire body in pain again: the painkillers had worn off. Hysterically, experiencing more pain in her head and ribcage, she tried to sit up only to find they tied her to the bed. Her mind blew up, and Irina felt dizzy again. She did not believe them, did she?

"Let me go!" She screamed before collapsing.

"Doktor! Es geht ihr Schlechte! Kommen Sie …" Irina heard before loosing consciousness. (4)

Irina looked at the sky again, turning her head to the door to the bedroom. It was time she'd better get some sleep not to feel awful tomorrow morning. She got up from the armchair and headed to her bedroom. It was warm inside, and the lights were off. Irina set on the edge of her bed massaging her stiffened torso.

Her mind took her back to her time in ITC's hands. First, they seemed to treat her well, and nothing predicted they'd make her suffer other than telling her she had been worst one in the whole world. In some time, her wounds healed, and she was allowed to go anywhere within the base, but after several weeks they moved her to some place where there was very few people, and Irina knew none of them. She still had sessions with the psychologist, but those made no progress: Irina remembered nothing. The man said her injuries were terrible and her survival was just a miracle.

She remembered the pain in her hands when those people in white robes connected her to the electricity. They said nothing to her, as they didn't speak her language. Just before they started, the blond girl, Svetlana, came in. She spoke to Irina in a low voice, saying she hated what they were about to do to her. "But there is no other way. We tried all we could. And we need you remember who you used to be."

And they did it, time after time, each time it was worse than before.

Irina's body shook unwillingly and she closed her eyes tightly to get rid of that picture. She could not. Maybe Cathy was right: she had to take her revenge on those people in order to feel better. Otherwise, the nightmares would probably not stop.

End of chapter 2:)

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(1) Germ. "It is me, Svetlana. Do you hear me?"

(2) Germ. "I… Me"

(3) Germ. "What"

(4) Germ. "Doctor! She is worse! Come you…"