Hi guys! So the girls are back! I need a few more weeks for the TGO Chapter, but I hope this satisfies for now! The prompt was for the Harper Avery's or the photoshoot I mention a lot. I started writing and then 17 pages nagged at me. I've been avoiding real life because this was in my head so I hope you like it. Obviously, knowing TGO helps...there's a lot going on here! But I confess that I don't always read back so...I do my best with timing...this one takes place 2 weeks before the oneshot that started it all! Let me know what you think!
Also, I know I wrote the HA's differently than they did in the show, because the guy getting it knows he's getting it...but that's how I wanted to do it. Anyway, really hope you like this!
"Tenley what's the problem? You just did all of your pictures with Pop Pop and Nana and Bellie and Braelyn so good, baby. These are just pictures with daddy. You already did all the hard stuff. Go show daddy your Avery smile, you do it the best!" April nudged her two-and-a-half year old toward the backdrop where Jackson was taking his individual shots.
They did this every year; it was part of being an Avery. Harper made the family come to Boston and take pictures. For the newsletters, for the holiday card. If it were up to him, his great-granddaughters might not be included, but Catherine insisted. She said the foundation needed a younger image, and pictures of Jackson with his family would help achieve that. So every year since April was pregnant with Arabella, they came. All her children had taken these pictures from the womb. She was hiding her current pregnancy from the girls for the moment though, so she refused to take any this year. But Tenley didn't have choice.
"Don't want to do it wit daddy, want to wit Mama."
"Oh but Mama's wearing sweats right now, sweetie, I'm not going to take pictures this time."
"Go play dress-up like Bellie." Tenley pointed to the racks of dresses she knew were behind them in the dressing room. Arabella loved taking these pictures, and insisted on changing her wardrobe every time there was a different person in a shot with her. Harper caved to her every whim, so there were always racks and racks of dresses for both girls to choose from.
"No silly, none of those fit mama," April laughed. That was the understatement of the century. It was getting so hard to hide her bump, these days. When they got home, they'd have to sit the girls down for the talk. "Do you want to change your dress Tenley? I will help you do that if you want to."
"No. I like dis dress." She fanned her purple and white flower-printed dress out and smiled.
"You look very pretty, Tee!"
"Yeah," she nodded and giggled.
"So why don't you go show daddy how pretty your dress is? I bet he wants to see it!" Jackson had gotten up early to start prepping for the Harper Avery Awards being held later that night. For the first time, Harper agreed to honor a plastic surgeon, so it was going to be a big night for him. The girls had been to foundation events before, parties and such. But this year, Jackson begged April to let them come to the awards. He wanted his whole family there for his big night, he'd said.
April didn't really understand his eagerness. In years past, Jackson saw the awards as just an obligation. They would leave the girls with Nikki for the weekend and go alone. She looked forward to it. Though he did have a sense of obligation, Jackson was always had an eye roll at the ready at Avery foundation events, especially the Harper Avery Awards. And because Jackson's only obligation in the past had only been to be there and look pretty, they'd spent a lot of the weekend holed up in the penthouse suite of the Ritz-Carlton, eating room service and having uninterrupted sex. It was a mini vacation of sorts.
This year was totally different. Because the girls were here, they were at least getting the photo shoot done in one trip, but Jackson was different. All he had told her was that a plastic surgeon was being honored. But from the way this trip had been going so far, it seemed like part of the reason that was happening was because Jackson was given more responsibility planning the evening. She thought this would be like a vacation, as usual. But it seemed like she and the girls were just there for show, because he hadn't been around much at all. He'd left early this morning to do something important he was vague about, so he hadn't helped April get the girls out the door or seen them pick their outfits.
"Don't show daddy, no fun!" Tenley pulled April out of her thoughts.
"What? Did you just call daddy no fun? I don't think he's gonna like that….hey daddy…"April raised her voice and motioned for Jackson to come over to them. "Tenley just took pictures with Pop Pop, but she said you will be no fun to take them with."
"Are you serious Tee?" He raised his eyebrows at her, but immediately launched into a tickle attack, lifting her into his arms an eliciting those sweet giggles that only he could. April wondered if he noticed the way his daughters laughed at him. She really wondered if Jackson took the time to actually appreciate the beautiful sound they only made for him.
"Wanna know a secret?" he whispered in Tenley's ear. She nodded, all business. Secrets were serious. "I hate taking pictures too. But I'll make it fun, I promise. We can make silly faces at the camera first. What's your best silly face Tee, show me."
"No, no, no." She started to cry and reached out for April. He hadn't been listening closely. She'd been fine taking pictures all day. It was just when it came time to take them with Jackson that there was trouble. It worried April so much.
"What can I do, hmm baby? You're a big girl and you know these have to get done." Her doctor had asked her to be conscious of how often she held her kids, to avoid it. But with a near one-year-old who was just beginning to stand, and a two-year-old who was extra sensitive, it was proving to be an impossible task.
She kissed her daughter's cheek. "I think I'm gonna go take some pictures with daddy. He's one of my favorite people to take pictures with, did you know that Tee?" Tenley nodded her head against her mother's shoulder. "The sooner we're done, the sooner we get to go eat lunch, right? We're gonna have lunch with daddy and then we're all gonna go visit the horsies, remember?" April put Tenley down. "So I'm going to go get all of my pictures done, because I don't know about you Tee, but I want to go see Strawberry. Don't you, Jackson?"
She turned to him. "Yeah…yeah, I bet the horsies miss you Tee." He was quick to wrap his arms around April and lead her to the backdrop. "I can't come to lunch or the stables April. I thought I told you…I have so much to do for tonight." He kissed down her neck and the photographer snapped away. "And I thought you weren't doing these this year."
"I'm not," April spit. Then she turned her attention to the photographer. "You don't have to take so many, these are just so Tenley will eventually come take some with Jackson."
"Well, try to look like you're having fun, mama." Jackson gave an exaggerated smile and looked toward Tenley, who wasn't budging.
"Kind of hard to do right now. What do you mean you're not coming….I thought…"
"My name is on this event this year, April. Come on….you knew that!"
"I knew no such thing. You might have told me in your head, but all I knew was that you really wanted the girls here because Harper decided to honor a plastic surgeon or…something." April rolled her eyes as another flash went off.
"Oh…I'm so sorry babe! I really thought I…"
"You think you do a lot lately Jackson."
"Come on April, cut me some slack. For today. The only place I want to be is wherever you and the girls are….but that can't happen today. I'm sorry." He tried to kiss her but she put her hand up to stop him, and heard the camera click.
"When can it happen, Jackson? When can you make time for us this weekend that's just for us, not for show for the foundation. My family is not a trophy family…I refuse to…"
"April…I know that. I love my family. I love you. I wish it could be like usual. I wish this were just a weekend we could hang out and have fun. It's just…not. But I will be back in time to help you get them ready. I promise. "
"Okay," she sighed.
"Okay?"
"Yeah. You are Jackson Avery and I am your wife. I know what that means."
He raised his eyebrows. "I'm not sure I know what that means. But I'm glad you do. Thank you for understanding. I really am sorry." She let him kiss her, forgetting they were in the middle of a fake/real photo shoot, until he slipped his arm around her bump.
"Jackson Harper…get your hand off there right this second…" she seethed, tilting her head toward Arabella, who was twirling her way to the sidelines, having finished changing clothes with her Nana. "She watches things and she knows it means when you…just…hands off the belly. And Tenley? You gotta spend more time with her, Jackson. She was fine until you showed up."
"Whoa, this just got serious again fast. Is it so bad if she figures it out?"
"Yes. Yes it is. She's the reason we find out the sex every time. The first time I wanted to be prepared but then…"
"You read that it helps if kids know they're going to have a brother or a sister."
"Yeah but she freaks out every time and I'm getting tired of it. So yes. It matters because I'm not dealing with that meltdown alone. You know it's a big one and I just…"
"Hey, hey relax, sweetheart. Take a deep breath. OK. Not today. I get why it matters. Just…kiss me."
"What?" She wrinkled her nose at him but he went in for it anyway. And it worked, she relaxed. Kissing her husband was her favorite activity in the world. It reminded her that she wasn't alone, that someone was in this with her.
Jackson was trying his best. Sure, he was flawed. And his best needed to be better. But if he really was taking on more responsibility with the foundation he was probably stressed. April wanted to support him.
"Do they do that all the time?" Harper asked his great-granddaughter, frowning.
"Ascusting kisses? Yeah, always Pop Pop." Bellie sighed.
"Well that's just not appropriate is it, Bellie?"
The four-year-old shrugged. "Mommies an' daddies do it when they in lub. Asept my friend Carla sayed her mommy lub her daddy but she neber seed dem kiss ascusting," she laughed to herself.
"That's the way it should be, behind closed doors."
"Oh leave them alone, Harper. They are trying to show Tee that this can be fun. And they were just having a f-i-g-h-t. Let them be." Catherine whispered, and then picked Braelyn up from her stroller. "Say nana, Brae. Say na-na-na."
"She just says mama, and Tee, and she calls me Abie. She don't eben say dad. I don't know why she say me and Tee but not dad."
"She will baby. She's not even one year old yet."
Arabella shook her head. "Not nex' week."
"No her party's not next week, it's the one after, right? Her birthday's next week though."
"Yeah and my friends get to come to da party, Nana. You coming?"
"Yeah, diva. I'm gonna try very hard."
"Daddy has to do more trying. Mommy says dat eberyday."
"Yeah? Do they yell a lot, baby?"
"No, dey don't yell. Yellin' not 'loud in Abery house. Or I will gib a time out."
"Oh you will huh? Give your parents time out?"
"Yeah I will Nana. Pop Pop you comin' fer the party?"
"No. You have so many parties at your house, because you have so many sisters. I can't come to every one. Your sisters come fast, don't they Darling?"
"Yeah, dey comed fast and Brae a-nyin sometimes but Tenley's my friend." Arabella paused, and then turned to stare at her great grandfather, seriously. "Mama hab a pop. Is dare a baby in it? Pops al-ways hab babies in dem." Catherine smacked Harper, hard. It was very hard to amuse Avery men, but somehow Arabella Catherine got the job done easily. She seemed to have all of them wrapped around her finger. Somehow she always got Harper in particular to tell her things she didn't even know she wanted to know.
"I think you should ask your dad about where the pop comes from," Harper cleared his throat. "Hey Bellie, how do you get that to stop?" He pointed to Jackson and April, still in their own little world. "We have work to do today. We have to get these pictures done."
"Only always stops if you hab an ouchie."
"Go tell them you have an ouchie, Bellie."
"Dat is lyin' Pop Pop. Abery's don't do lyin'."
"You are right but it's not a lie for long. You can tell them I made you do it. We have to get these done. I need your help. And your dad and I have an important meeting for lunch."
"No. Mom sayed daddy has lunch wit us."
"She didn't know baby," Catherine stepped in. "Just go tell them you are ready for pictures with daddy."
"Fine. I goin'." Arabella gave a dramatic sigh complete with an eye roll.
"Ascuse me, mom an' dad…ASCUSE ME!..." She tried just being loud at first, but quickly grew impatient. '"I HAB A OUCHIE!"
That got April's attention. "What sweetheart? Where? Oh Bellie, you look so pretty."
"Thanks," she giggled. . "I don't hab an ouchie. Pop Pop telled me to say that fer gettin' you 'tention 'cause it's my turn fer pictures wit daddy, please."
"Ok, you're right Bellie. You're gonna have fun right?"
"Oh course mom."
"Ok. When you're done pretty girl, make sure you tell Tee how much fun you had with daddy."
"Ok, mom. She just playin' Ipad."
"I know," April sighed and went back to the sidelines to check on her other kids. The kissing was nice, but she was still frustrated. Jackson wasn't completely off the hook. One of his daughters was uncomfortable around him; there was no excuse for that. The fact that there was nothing April could do to fix this for Tenley tore her up.
"Whatcha doin' Tenley girl?"
"Just playin' letters game," she said, after taking her passi out of her mouth.
"Don't you wanna go over there and talk to Nana and Pop Pop?"
"No mama."
"I didn't convince you pictures with dad were fun, huh?" Tenley shook her head, eyes focused on the screen. "Look at Arabella, sweetie. Stop playing one sec. Look at how much fun she's having with daddy." April pointed to Jackson and Bellie. Arabella was laughing about something in her dad's arms, but by the time Tee looked up they were doing the serious "Avery smile" that Tenley was trying to avoid at all costs.
"Jus' Avie smile." She looked back at the ipad game.
April took it away, slowly. "Tenley what's wrong? You did all your other pictures. Pop Pop is not as fun as daddy, trust me."
"Daddy don't have fun," she answered.
"I don't know what that means, baby…. he's having so much fun. Oh look…look Belllie's getting a piggyback ride. You like those, Tee!"
She saw it happening, thankfully. Something about that got her excited. "Will I get one?"
"Of course, baby. Of course he will give you one. You just have to go ask nicely, without your passi. Go ahead, Tee!"
April was finally able to relax a little bit as Tenley ran over to Jackson. Her second born was sweet and sensitive, just like she was. As a husband, Jackson handled that personality well enough. He got impatient and was insensitive at times. But April was able to communicate her hurt feelings and warn him when he needed to try harder for her, or simply walk away. It's why their marriage worked, because April communicated when she needed to.
Well, about most things. April kept the burdens of childcare to herself for the most part. When she had tried to explain her stress in the past, Jackson didn't seem to understand. He said he'd do better, fall short, and then always have excuses. It had been that way since Braelyn was born.
But at least April could communicate her feelings. She was realizing today that Tenley probably stayed closer to her for more reasons than just wanting to be a helper. Maybe she was also staying away from Jackson. He tucked her in when he was home, but left her alone to color if she was in the corner by herself. He'd get distracted by Arabella attacking him, or the baby. He was trying to be better with the baby. He was home to feed and bathe her more, since April got fed up one day and pointed out he never helped, and maybe that's why she didn't say "dada" yet. But Tenley was getting lost in all of that.
The piggyback ride was over, and somehow Jackson had convinced her to do her Avery smiles. She caught April's eye and April smiled and gave her daughter a thumbs up.
When Jackson noticed her distraction, he tickled Tee's tummy, and the photographer snapped away. No doubt these would be part of the "reject" pile Harper mailed them every year that was filled with raw, beautiful, candid shots that April framed every year.
"Hey you! Look at me, not at mommy silly. You know what? I didn't get my kisses this morning. Gimme kisses, princess!" April's eyes began to water as she watched them take these last few shots. Because when they both tried, the love there was so obvious. But it broke her heart that they both had to try so hard.
"Mama, it's later. Where's daddy?" All day Arabella had been asking. Before she would take a bite of lunch she wanted to know where he was. Before she would let April take a picture of her on the horse to send to him, she asked why he couldn't just come see. In the car ride to places and from places. "Is daddy gonna be there? Why not now? It's later." All day, all April could think to say was "Even later than this."
"You're right sweetheart, it is later. I don't know where he is. But please close your eyes; it's your turn for the waterfall. Close them tight sweetheart." She filled up a cup and rinsed her daughter's hair. At least the tub in the penthouse suite was more than big enough for two little bodies.
"Toys?"
"I didn't bring bath toys Tenley." She didn't think she'd need them. Whenever daddy helped with baths the girls were plenty entertained. "Your turn for the waterfall, close your eyes tight."
"Why is Brae in here, not sleepin'?"
"It's a special night Bellie, she took a nap early so she could stay up just a little bit at the awards." The baby shouldn'tve been going. But there was no way April would leave her alone in Seattle, even with Nikki, and Harper's housekeeper Louisa always had this night off.
April had bought the baby a dress. She'd assumed a lot of things about this weekend, most of which she felt silly for now. If she had known how it was going to be, she'd have done a lot of things differently. But she'd found her 11-month old an appropriate dress, so she was hoping Brae would last at least until 9 pm.
"Can we hab dinner mama? I'm hungry."
"Silly, where am I supposed to make dinner?" There was no kitchen. And no time to order room service. If Jackson were there, she'd have him order before helping with baths. He'd promised to be there. "Come stand up and step into the towels, both of you. They give dinner at the awards. We can have a snack before we get into our pretty dresses." She hoped a snack would do. Because surely Jackson mentioned that dining accommodations needed to be made for his children. Surely he knew that if they had to be there he had to offer food they'd eat.
"Mom, you got a tex." Arabella said a few minutes later, when she was eating her snack.
"I know sweetheart, I heard it. Ignore it, Ok? I'm in the middle of dressing your sister."
"But it's da noise fer it's daddy."
"I know, Bellie I heard it. It's not going to be any news we want to hear right now, we gotta get ready," April sighed. She knew her husband. He didn't text good news. On the rare occasion he came home early, or when he had treats for the girls, there was no need for warning. Surprises were much more gratifying. He was just explaining why he was late, or telling her he was going to be later than he was already, or worst case, asking her to meet him there. If it was that, she'd deal with it when they were all dressed and ready to go. No need to give herself more anxiety.
"How much you lub daddy? To da moon too? Or da stars high up from da moon?"
"Right now, maybe the stars lower than the moon," April admitted, zipping up the back of Braelyn's dress.
"He lub you so much al-ways mom. He says dat."
"He says a lot doesn't he? Eat your string cheese Arabella it's almost your turn to get dressed. Tenley girl, come on…your turn. Are you done eating?" She nodded and climbed down from her chair, running to her mother, who was in the middle of the hotel suite floor, surrounded by dresses. "Yours is purple, are you excited, Princess?" April bought three matching black dresses with different color bows for the event.
She usually wasn't into the matching thing. April loved being a mother and was good at it, it came naturally to her. But she was very conscious of doing things that felt too "housewifey", especially after making the decision to leave Grey-Sloan. Putting her children in matching dresses felt housewifey, but also a little bit Avery, and easy. She was glad now that she went for easy, seeing as she was getting them ready alone. But Arabella never let her mother get away with anything.
"Why dey da same? That is silly," she said, turning to look at her sisters, mouth full of string cheese.
"You're silly. Turn around and sit nice in your chair and finish eating, big girl. Please!" April let out a frustrated sigh. "And no doing that later, you have to sit like a lady all night."
"I know da rules mom, I'm da best follower."
"No, me!" Tenley piped up, as April finished zipping her up.
"I hope you both are good rule followers tonight. Because this is Pop Pop and daddy's event, and it's not really for little girls but daddy told Pop Pop his girls were the best and so Pop Pop said you could come. You have to show him daddy was right." She had no idea what Jackson had told his grandfather, but she did have very respectful little girls.
"No can-nee?" Tenley asked, frowning.
"No candy, but maybe there's cookies for the cookie monster. I don't really know anything, girls." She whispered the last part to her knee, surprised she even said it out loud. "Come on now Arabella Catherine, you're done eating. I think you're just playing with it."
"I'm not mom!" she insisted, but did as she was told.
"Want to know a secret about your dress, big girl?" Arabella nodded. "Your bow is gold to match my dress because you are the oldest, right? You're not a baby so you should match mommy." She whispered it, because special, harmless secrets made Bellie feel special.
The little girl's eyes widened. "Us only, Ok mom? Not girls only. No one else knows."
April couldn't help but laugh. "Ok, Bellie. We won't tell anyone else our dresses match." Jackson loved April in gold. She thought it an odd choice herself, but he absolutely loved her in gold. So she'd bought an empire waist, simple, full-length maternity gown this year. Because usually she told him she didn't dress for him and bought whatever color she wanted, his preferences be damned. But tonight was his night. As she zipped up her last little girl, April regretted not going with the eggplant gown she'd loved.
"I tell you a secret now, mom?"
"Ok Arabella, what?" April yawned and somehow hoisted herself up from the floor.
"You hab a pop. Is there a baby in there?"
"Bellie, no more questions today, OK? You asked too many hard questions. Time to finish your hair. Come on, everyone march to the bedroom." She picked Brae up and kissed her cheek, as her oldest daughters fell in line behind her. They listened; at least her children listened to her.
"There. Now mommy's all ready for the Harper Averys too." April blotted her lipstick and smiled at her girls from the mirror. "We did good, girlies, who needs daddy, right?"
"We do mom 'acause he bringin' the limbo-zine and we needs ta walk inside wit him, member? That's you're rules." Arabella rolled her eyes.
April chuckled. "Yeah well, that might have changed. Let's see." She started toward the living room and her phone. "Want to play a game girls? Where do you think daddy is?"
"He just workin' mom."
"He goed to horsies…visit Sperry."
"Daddy don't bisit your horsie, Tee. Don't be a silly."
"Let's be silly, who can think of the silliest place daddy is right now?" April called to the girls, reading the text from an hour ago. "GONNA BE LATE! SO SORRY BABE. BE THERE WITH THE LIMO."
"Errr,…rocket ship…"
"Good one, Bellie…"
"Plane in da sky…"
"That's not a silly place, Tee. Peoples go dare all the time…"
"Actually it would be kind of silly. Because we are here…he should be here, right? He should be here," she whispered, and then shook it off. Sometimes she forgot she was talking to little girls. "OK….next question…how am I going to zip my dress up without daddy here. Any ideas?" Bellie just stared at her mom and shrugged.
"I'm here. I'm here. Sorry, sorry, sorry….I'm here. What can I do?" Jackson went in for a kiss but she wouldn't even give her cheek. They had been married for just under five years. The cheek meant trouble, but he'd never been denied it. "Babe…"
"What? You can help me zip up and you can take the baby. Here, she's sleeping…don't wake her yet."
"Daddy! Was you in a rocket ship?" Arabella giggled, running up to her dad. "Mommy, can I wear lis-stick?" Jackson zipped April's dress and took the baby.
"No Bellie. Time to go….Let's go, girls…"
"April, relax. We have a second. Take a breath. My girls look so pretty tonight. Lemme see your dresses." He certainly was a charmer. The little girls blushed and fanned their skirts out.
"All right, enough. Let's go. Big girls hold my hand, because daddy has the baby."
Tee immediately ran to April's side, but Arabella wasn't having it. "Why? I wanna hold daddy's hand."
"Because that's the way it is, Arabella!" April snapped, grabbing her daughter's arm. Everything froze for a minute. She was firm; she always got her point across. Her children respected her. But she was never short, never mean.
"April what the h…."
She ignored Jackson and turned to Tenley, realizing that Arabella was about to bust into tears. "Princess, go downstairs with your daddy. I have to talk to Bellie." Tenley's eyes widened and she ran to her father. She, too, was a little frightened. Her mommy had never been that angry before.
"I'm sorry, diva. Mommy's so, so, so sorry Arabella. I'm mad at your daddy and I just…please don't cry sweet girl. You look so pretty. I don't want silly tears to mess up your pretty face. I'm so sorry Arabella."
"You mad 'acause daddy went a silly place?" she was still a little cautious.
"Yeah, he did. But don't worry about that Arabella. Can I have a hug, please? We gotta go, or we'll be late for the awards."
"Yeah. I assept your 'pology." Arabella said, giving her mom a hug.
"Thanks big girl," April kissed Bellie, leaving a little lipstick behind. She laughed. "Oh look, sweetie….I left a little lipstick behind. Wanna keep it?"
Arabella wrinkled her nose. "Ewww no mom. Not the way to put it on."
"OK, I'll get it off in the limo. Come on, pretty girl. We'd better go."
Bellie willingly took her mom's hand. "Mom, you da prettiest, eben wit your pop."
April smiled, deciding neither to confirm nor deny at this point. "Thank you, Arabella."
"Alright, time to go over the rules one last time, big girls." April said, as soon as she and Bellie crawled into the limo. She didn't want to give Jackson even one second to talk. Now was not the time.
"What are daddy and Pop Pop doing tonight?"
"Workin." Bellie was already bored, having memorized these answers. But Tenley, always eager to please, was playing close attention.
"Annnd what to we say to the strangers who are going to keep saying hi to us all night?"
"Who are you, stupidface?" Arabella giggled at her response, knowing it was wrong.
"Nope! No extra stickers for you. Tee?"
"Hi! I'm Tenley."
"Good girl." April smiled at her daughter, already snuggled in her lap.
"Den you tell dem what they askin' if you knows answer."
"Good, Bellie. You can have extra stickers too." April knew all of the doctors tonight would be all over Harper Avery's great gandkids, faking interest, and she wanted her kids to be as ready as possible to converse. Her girls were smart, she wanted it known they cold be talked to and not just fawned over. If Arabella was going to be at board meetings with these people in about ten years time, like Jackson wanted, she might as well start talking to them now.
"What if you have to go to the bathroom? Who do you ask?"
"Not Pop Pop, no way!" Arabella shook her head wildly, but her bun was so fixed in place it didn't move at all. Jackson chuckled. "Mama only."
"Yeah but what if mama's busy talking? Nana or daddy?"
"Firs' daddy…" Jackson's eyes widened and he started shaking his head. He didn't know these rules existed, but he'd been impressed until now. April just nodded at him, over her daughters' heads.
"Why daddy?"
"He's daddy." Tenley answered simply.
"That's right, Tee. He's always daddy so even when he's working he's second in charge."
Jackson just rolled his eyes and turned his attention to Braelyn, who was waking up in his arms. "Hi cub. Perfect timing. Say dada…"
April ignored him. "A few more girls. "How do we sit on our chairs?"
"Nice ony."
"What do we say to Dr. Jacoby when we sit down?"
"'gradulations 'acause Pop Pop and daddy gibin him a ward."
"What kind of voice do we use?"
"INSIDE ONLY!" Arabella screamed, knowing it was her last chance of the night. April shot her a look. "Jus' kiddin' mama," she smiled. "But Brae al-ways cry loud."
"Brae's just a baby. No rules for her. What game are we playing tonight?"
"Whisper pictures or color by youself only."
"Game?" Jackson spoke up, he couldn't help himself.
"Yeah daddy. Game….because all the girls in this limo are too little to know what reconstructive surgery for burn victims even is….so no matter that Dr. Jacoby's advancements are worthy of Pop Pop's award. When speeches happen we will color. But when everyone's talking we will be playing whisper Pictionary. Problem?"
"N-Nope. April, you know that after an hour you can take them in the back room and…"
"No thanks. I didn't come here knowing I was expected to be a babysitter. I thought I was attending the Harper Avery's with my family. So when they are tired we will change into 'jamas and they can fall asleep in your lap, right?"
They weren't even there yet, and April regretted this choice more than she had all weekend. It wasn't fair, expecting little girls to do this. She hated herself for letting him talk her into it. He'd made it sound like he'd be there to help. But even so, she wasn't sure what possessed him to think making three little girls under five sit through three hours of medical talk was a good idea.
Or, more accurately, she did know what possessed her, and she was angry about it, and determined that tonight go her way, since she'd given in to him without thinking.
"Plus, we didn't have dinner, so….there better be nuggies waitin for us in there, right?" April asked her girls, huge smile plastered on her face.
"Nuggies? But mama I thought you would…"
"What? Cook dinner? Order food? Take them to a restaurant twice in one day by myself? No time, with three baths to give by myself," Jackson looked stung, but couldn't meet his wife's eyes, staring instead at his phone screen. "Oh look, we're here girls!" April chirped as the limo stopped. "Remember….we gotta take a few more annoying pictures in the lobby. What's the most important rule of the whole night?"
"No tantrum. Al-ways put you Abery smile on."
"That's right Arabella. Let's go. Big girls hold my hand. Dad has to carry the baby. Sorry, that's just how it is."
April led her family out of the limo. And in the lobby, when he kissed her cheek for the cameras, she let him. She knew how to stand by her husband's side, Avery smile plastered on her face.
"'Escuse me I don't eat dis." Arabella said, when a waiter put a steak in front of her an hour later. "I eat lotsa stuff. Hamberger or grilled cheesy or nuggies or…"
"OK, Bellie sweetheart….he doesn't need your whole list…" April patted her daughter's hand and gave her husband the evil eye from across the table, but he was busy charming some doctors from NYU. Starry-eyed first-timers, no doubt. "I'm sorry…" she paused, not able to see the waiter's nametag.
"Cory."
"I am so sorry Cory. Obviously my husband and in-laws didn't inform you that Harper's great granddaughters would be eating but if you could just whip up two grilled cheeses or hamburgers and fries or something, Bellie, Tenley, and I would be eternally grateful to you, right girls?"
"Yes. My tummy is hungry mama."
"I know, Tee. You've gotta wait just a little longer. But I'll cut up some salad for you."
"Sure Mrs. Avery…I'll…"
"Oh, Dr. It's Dr. April Avery. Nice to meet you, Cory." She had agonized over this for awhile, but decided that no one needed to know this year. Plus, she would always be a doctor. She'd earned the title, no matter that she had to stay home for a while until she got used to four children.
"Right Dr. Avery. Grilled cheese alright?"
"Perfect, right girls?"
"Yes please, thank you!" They both answered almost in unison, smiling brightly. April was so proud of her girls. It was eight o' clock, almost past their bedtime, and they hadn't eaten dinner yet. But they were being polite and coloring and making conversation when they had to. They weren't bothering daddy or Pop Pop or Nana and their whisper voices were extra quiet. They even remembered to say congratulations to Dr. Jacoby.
They definitely earned a special treat tonight, but more than that, it was just a great scene to watch as a parent. April was sad Jackson couldn't really watch it, though he was being more attentive than she had expected.
She checked her watch. Brae needed a change, and there was about 20 minutes until the awards started. Pictures were done; there was no sense in keeping her in the dress any longer. She knew she could get her changed before speaking began. The older girls could eat and then change while presentations were being given. Jackson was speaking enough that they wouldn't realize they'd missed anything. And they would probably be asleep by the time he actually presented the Harper Avery.
She cut up two salads for Bellie and Tee and then dared interrupt Jackson's conversation. "Jackson…babe excuse me, sorry…I'm just going to take this cub and get her pajamas on. Food is coming for the big girls, if you could just watch them, please. I'll be as fast as I can."
"Sure, take your time sweetheart. Hey girls, come meet my friends and show me what you colored." The girls' eyes brightened as they did what he asked and some of April's anger subsided. As wrong as it was to leave her all alone, and to text her so late, she knew that tonight, of all nights, he had a good excuse. She picked up the baby and the diaper bag and headed to the bathroom.
And then she heard it, when she was just past the table, seemingly out of ear shot "Your wife is just lovely. What does she do?"
"Oh she's ummm…she takes care of the kids." April gasped and felt the tears well up behind her eyes. It was the truth, and had been for about six months. But she'd never heard him answer the question in conversation. She always expected he'd add a "for now" or at least "she used to be a trauma surgeon." He used to purposefully bring up the Kepner Checklist in conversation at this event, when all the Avery talk started making him sick.
April started trembling a little, but remembered how to walk. Arabella, at least, had her back. "She usta be a surgery daddy, fer 'mergency room, member?"
"Yeah diva, I do. What are you coloring?"
April took a deep breath when she lay Braelyn down on the changing table, but her hands were shaking, and the baby started to cry.
"I know. I know. I feel you, Cub. Shhhh. Shh." In the bathroom April wiped a tear away before it fell on the baby.
The toilet flushed in a stall, and she stopped talking, realizing she wasn't alone.
"April? April. Are you alright? Sweetie you're shaking."
Her mother-in-law's voice made her jump. "Oh….Oh I….I'm fine I…"
"Here let me do that April. Go to the sink, freshen up. Are we putting jammies on?"
"Yeah…Catherine I…you have to go speak in a few minutes I…"
"So they'll stall for me, they've been doing it for years, honey. You need help; you couldn't dress her like that. It's fine, it's for my granddaughter." April went to the mirror and splashed water on her face. She started reapplying just foundation and gloss. "April, what's wrong?"
"Your son, he… requires a lot of sex."
Catherine's eyes widened and she blew a raspberry on her granddaughter's tummy. She hadn't talked to April Kepner about sex since well before she knew her son had taken the girl's virginity. "We weren't expecting that, were we Braelyn?"
"And I like it, too. A lot of it…it makes me feel…desired and loved and…But we don't talk much about…..he just….he's good at distracting me instead of talking so we don't talk much, sometimes. And I try to tell him I need help but…We just have a lot of sex and…" The tears started falling, in spite of her attempts to stop them.
"Breathe, April…Breathe and say what you want to say…."
"The least he could do is say 'she takes care of our children, who we make when I'm angry or happy or stressed. The ones I tell her are so beautiful I want half a dozen with her because she's perfect. We make gorgeous children and she's the best mom. What four-year-old do you know that could behave so well at a prestigious event?' If he doesn't want to help, if he doesn't want to call me a surgeon anymore, the least he could say is that!"
Catherine nodded understanding at the mirror. "Well, I'm not sure that would go over well in this room. But what do you require, right now?"
"Excuse me?"
"Simple question. What do you need?"
"I ummm…"She stuttered, not quite prepared for that question. "A break….some romance….I…I don't even…"
"Alright well….can you last an hour and a half until these things are over? Then let me take the girls to Harper's for the night. All three. If nothing else you need a good night's sleep, April, my God. You're carrying a child. Try to remember that when you get stressed. It's not good for that baby…"
"Girl, Catherine. It's another girl. I…I'm sorry," she said, suddenly fearful, though of what, she didn't know.
"Don't you ever apologize to me or anyone else for the sex of your child, you understand me? You and I both know you have no control over that…" April nodded. "Now come on, come introduce Harper with me…are you together?" she asked, buttoning up Braelyn's onsie.
"Catherine that's one of Jackson's…."
"Oh please, he's giving the whole speech before the award is presented. Can you read off of index cards?"
"Yes..."
"Then you are going to go out there, and in front of all of those pretentious, fake people, you are going to hand your husband his daughter and without a word, walk on stage with me and steal his lines. Remind him that you are a Kepner and an Avery, and above all else, you require respect from my son. Teach your daughters to require respect from men, even if they choose to stay home and raise kids."
So that's what April did. She marched right out there and handed a confused Jackson his babbling baby girl. Then she met Catherine on stage, and even cradled her bump very quickly in front of a bunch of stuffy doctors. She was basically only hiding her pregnancy from Tenley at this point anyway, and was having a lot of trouble connecting to this baby. It was a step.
She watched Jackson remind her beaming, giggling girls to use inside voices as Catherine explained that there would be a change in the program. "Doctor Mrs. Jackson Avery" would be sharing the introductive remarks. It sounded weird, but at least it told everyone exactly who she was.
Trauma surgery had taught her nothing if not to improvise in any situation. She left the lines about how Jackson was inspired by his grandfather to Catherine, and told how her oldest daughter was already inspired by the heart thanks to Harper.
Then she calmly sat down and finished her dinner (which they re-warmed for her, without her asking), happy to care for her children the rest of the night after Catherine helped her make her point.
At the beginning of her marriage, April had been afraid of Catherine Avery. The woman wasn't at all excited about her son's quick wedding and honeymoon baby, and she wasn't afraid to let it be known. Catherine as a mother-in-law, at first, was very different than Catherine as a mentor. But Arabella had melted every Avery heart a little bit, and years into marriage, April was finding that Catherine was blending both roles pretty well.
She didn't ask for details on the marriage, but if she was given any, if she sensed trouble, it became her business. At least to an extent. She was going to do everything she could to ensure her son stayed as far away from his father's footsteps as possible. And as April was constantly reminded, she wasn't one to sit back and just watch another woman lose her voice, especially because of a man.
"Tell him what you require," Catherine reminded April, as everyone was loading the sleeping girls into Catherine's limo later that night.
He was looking for kisses even before the key was in the door. "Get away. You're not touching me tonight. I'm going to sleep." April squirmed away from his touch and headed into the bedroom to undress. Both of them had very different expectations for this night alone.
"I said I'm sorry. I made the press stuff before the awards, so I'd be here now….and it went long."
"What, you want a god star because you thought I needed your help tucking them in? I wouldn't have. I needed help getting them ready."
"I've been home lately to tuck them in, April. That's not fair…"
"Not fair? You want to talk about not fair? How about not knowing that your husband is not only speaking at the event he normally despises so much, but also running it? How about not knowing that you and your kids were there not for support, but basically just for show...How about…"
"I needed you there. All of you. I did!"
"You called me a housewife. There's nothing wrong with that, but that is not what I am. That is not all I am. You were just ready to debut your children at the Harper Avery's officially and you needed a babysitter."
"How can you say that? You're their mother…" He sat down on the bed next to her after untying his bowtie and rubbed his temples.
"That's not all I am, Jackson. I'm not just their mother, not just your wife."
"I know. You made that very clear tonight with my mother…."
"Oh you're mad about that? Please! This conversation is over. I'm going to sleep in the other bed tonight…" She stood up to leave, but he grabbed her hand.
"No. No. I'm not mad. I'm proud. And ashamed I didn't think to include you like that…Come on, let me help with your zipper. Sit down…." She sighed, but obliged.
"Exactly, Jackson…you didn't think. I would never have agreed to…I literally just thought you were attending, like always. Plastering on your Avery smile for Harper and saying a few words to the press because Jacoby is a plastic surgeon. After four years…How do you not know to add an 'oh…I'm planning it this year April,' to the end of a sentence, just once? I can't just handle three kids under five in a different city on my own, it's nor fair."
"I'm sorry babe. But you did great. I'm sorry." He started kissing her shoulder, slowly unzipping her dress. For the second time, April moved away from his touch.
"I did 'great'?" Gee thanks. So glad you approve of my parenting Jackson. I'm definitely not in the mood…I'm pregnant and…"
"You like sex better when you're pregnant. You always say you feel even more…"
"This one's different, OK. It's different with her. It hurts," she lied, and bit her lip as punishment. Sex felt like it always did while she was pregnant, when she was in the mood.
" It hurts? So last week, when you were begging for more you were actually…what? Hiding pain?"
April sighed. She'd never been a good liar. "I'm exhausted OK? It feels fine. But I'm not in the mood. I just spent the entire day with three very active little girls. Very active, very well behaved little girls who still try my patience because I'm alone with them. A lot. And in the morning, when I wake them up they say 'Hi Mama, where's daddy?' And at lunch, 'is daddy comin'?' And if you're late one night 'why he not here?' Even Tee, even though she wasn't really in the mood for you today, either. Even Brae, she can only say 'mama,' and 'cub' and 'no' pretty much, but she watches the door with her sisters when I tell them you will be home soon. And…You didn't even look at me tonight."
"What? April…of course I…"
"No, you didn't….you said 'My girls look so pretty.' Usually you…" She looked down, unable to finish her sentence.
Usually. Usually he said "My girls look so pretty tonight," and then he'd stop right in front of her, look her right in the eyes and say "And my wife," and kiss her until the girls started to laugh or Arabella groaned and rolled her eyes. But tonight, tonight he'd grouped all four, all five of them together.
"April…you were mad…I didn't…we were rushing and…" He stopped making excuses, stood up and started pacing the room. "I'm him."
"What?" April blinked, surprised at his reaction. She expected just to vent and yell and then accept his apology, maybe even kiss him goodnight before he wrapped his arms around her and they fell asleep.
"I'm him. I'm here, so I'm both of them. Harper stayed, but he hired nannies…"
"Jackson, I don't want to hire nannies what are you…."
"I know. I'm just saying. My whole life I've tried to…to…be him, be like him…like my grandfather, but not like him, too. And definitely not like my…definitely not like….not like h-h-him."Jackson's voice cracked. "I wanted surgery and love and you…you're the reason I have both. I took it from you and now…now I'm failing. I'm failing you April. I'm him. I'm both of them." When he looked up, there were tears in his eyes.
"You aren't failing me, Jackson. Or us…they love you. We love you. And you didn't take anything from me. You let me make the choice. You made me make it alone." If she were being honest with herself, April would remember how trapped she'd felt that night, like she only had one choice. But now was not the time for that memory.
"Come here, sweetheart. Come sit. Here, you want a chocolate-covered strawberry? Someone ordered them, someone who knew he had a lot of apologizing to do tonight, maybe?" She tried to give him her most cheerful smile. Jackson's father was a touchy subject.
"It wasn't me, April." Jackson answered, dejected.
"Oh…hmmm…oh maybe it was your mom. I told her I needed some….some romance and maybe she was just…offering some…help? Oh well….We can have fun with these…here, have one…" she outstretched her hands, offering him the tray.
"April, you told my mother you needed…you just said you didn't want to have…I really am failing….
"Well, we can just sit together and eat a snack. And…please stop talking about my husband that way. He just handed the Harper Avery award to a plastic surgeon for the first time in history. That's not something a failure gets to do."
"I didn't earn that, that's just my name…." But he sat down.
"You most certainly did earn that. Harper Avery makes everyone earn his respect, even his family. Otherwise you'd have been presenting the award for years. But your mother has done it. Now shut up and eat a strawberry." He started to protest, but when he opened his mouth she shoved it in, laughing. "Yummy?"
He'd hurt her today, all day. He'd made mistakes. But April often forgot how difficult family functions were for him. He was a good father. He loved spending time with the girls, when he could. But he also had to be an Avery. He was never given any other choice. He very rarely had to be "daddy" and "Dr. Jackson Avery, Harper's grandson," at the same time. He could've done a little bit better with the dad part, but he could've done worse. She was being too hard on him. He simply hadn't had time to be her husband all day, but at least he was admitting his mistakes.
He nodded in reply to her question and she was pulled back to the present. "You're not failing me, do you understand?" He just fed her a strawberry, silently. "Mmmm…" She pulled him to her and kissed him, knowing what he needed. "Babe, this dress…it's really starting to get uncomfortable…"
"Are you sure, April?" When he didn't play along, that's when he needed it most.
"Yes. I'm sure. I was mad and I lied before because…well…I don't know but I'm sorry." She framed his face with her hands. "I'm sorry, Jackson."
"Me too, I'm so sorry April I don't…"
"Shh just…take my dress off, Jackson. And tomorrow we'll sleep late and meet the girls for brunch and have a family day. Tomorrow…that was always our day in your mind, right? , and you'll come home more to do paperwork. I need you home more."
He nodded, not meeting her eyes, but she put her finger under his chin, forcing him to look at her. They just stared like that for a good 30 seconds, like it was a contest, until he finally broke the silence "Stand up, please. I want to look at you in this dress before I take it off."