Everything was quiet in the mansion in the middle of the night, save for the rustling of leaves on tree branches, the incessant hissing of crickets, and Julia's heavy pants as she brought the scalpel that she was holding onto her skin. She poked her wrists with the sharp end, as if afraid. But as of now, she was anything but afraid.
Slowly, she sunk the blade into her skin, watching tiny beads of blood ooze out of the cut to form a thin trail that travelled down her arm and onto the tiled floor. As she continued, a puddle began forming beneath her feet. The metallic scent of blood wafted in the air, and she inhaled deeply. There was no pain where the wound was, only tingling sensations that sent shivers down her spine.
To anyone else, cutting this deep was painful, but to her it was exhilarating. Was this how drug addicts felt whenever they consume drugs? No wonder it was so difficult for them to stop.
"Ah! You love me right!? All mothers love their children!"
Go away. I want my peace and quiet.
Black spots began forming at the corners of her vision, which signalled the end of her little activity. Continuing any further would result in death from excess blood loss.
"Eh~ continue~ continue~"
Shut up.
"But you could always join me at the other side."
No way in hell.
Nearly every night in her dreams, the damned thing would be chasing her round and round in the same hedged labyrinth, calling out for her in a shrill voice that would grate her ears. Despite it only being able to crawl on its stubby legs, it was unnaturally fast. She would run and run until she was either out of breath, tripped over or hit a dead end. It would then rush over to her covered in slime, dirt and blood, before she would be abruptly pulled out from the dream, leaving her sweating and panting.
This took a massive toll on her sleep schedule, and it was evident from the darkening contrast of her eye shadows and the deteriorating quality of her work performance. People started asking if she had any problems, but she dismissed their queries and claimed that she was fine with a strained smile on her face.
Eventually people stopped asking, even her friends. Not because they were not concerned, it was because she simply refused to say anything.
Two years passed since the Nemesis incident.
Wales got a promotion, Sophie got her dream job as an archaeologist, Klaus almost saved enough money to open his own private luxury gym and Nero emerged as the top student in his school.
And as for Julia, the nightmares continued, but not as frequently.
A small box carefully wrapped in gold wrapping paper was delivered to her home. Julia does not bother to look at the card sticking at the top of the box to know who the present was from. She gently tugged at the silver ribbon and opened the lid to reveal an amethyst pendant necklace carved into an elaborate shape that resembled a warrior's helmet, almost like her beyblade. The crystal was rather huge, but not too imposing. From the weight of the jewellery itself, she could feel the hefty price that he had to fork out.
She opened a large drawer and dumped the box into a pile of other expensive jewellery that Mason sent over the course of a year in an attempt to impress her. While she does not bother to incorporate his gifts into her everyday wear, she would grab a random necklace or bracelet to put on during their weekly Saturday dates. They would dine at high end restaurants, where he would lavish her with more gifts and compliments whenever he had the chance. After that, he would bring her shopping.
Tonight, she thought no different; it was just another date. However, instead of heading back home as usual, the limousine drove to the opposite direction.
"Where are we going?" she asked.
"You'll see," he said. For a moment, she saw the corner of his lips curving upwards, before returning to rest.
…
It was dark, but from the corner of her eye, she noticed him smirking. However, it vanished as soon as it appeared.
She turned to face him.
"What do you want?"
"You'll see."
…
Holding her breath, she fiddled the hem of her coat with perpetually cold, shaky fingers. It was not until she felt a tap on the shoulder that she let go of the breath that she was holding for too long.
"Are you feeling unwell? Would you like to return home to rest?"
You coward. Don't you dare say yes.
"No thank you. I feel alright."
"Are you sure?"
Don't.
"I am sure."
They remained silent until they arrived at what seemed like a meadow. It looked like an ordinary piece of land, but upon closer inspection there were small, blinking lights floating in the air—fireflies.
Mason held her hand and leads her further into the dew-covered meadow. He reaches out to cup a firefly, maybe two, in his hands. He made a small gap between his fingers that was not big enough to let the fireflies escape, yet allow their light to be visible.
"Isn't this beautiful? Do you like it?" he asked.
"Yes, it is." she replied.
They continued to admire the scenery for a while, on occasion they attempted to catch a few fireflies with their hands. However, Julia was unable to successfully capture one without it escaping in between the gaps of her fingers. Maybe it was her prideful attitude, as she felt tears prickling at the corners of her eyes at the thought of losing to Mason in firefly catching.
"You aren't upset, are you?" he laughed.
Julia stubbornly shook her head, but this action caused her tears to splatter onto his arm.
He laughed again, before gripping her shoulders gently and pulling her into a kiss.
It was warm, but cold at the same time. But the best part of it all? She did not scream.
A year later, Sophie and Wales announced their engagement. At first, they had kept it a secret from their family and friends for an entire week before announcing it during a morning when they least expected it. Julia choked on her toast, Nero started screeching and spilt his orange juice in the process, and Klaus just nodded his head, citing that he expected it from the start.
Their wedding took place during the Spring. It was a joyous occasion. With lavish decorations, a sea of a variety of flavourful food and drinks, numerous guests strolling into the grand ballroom who endlessly showered them with heartfelt congratulations, along with a massive wedding cake that reached their height, it was a ceremony that was meant to be remembered forever in the hearts of the happy couple.
Wales's brother stood as his best man, and Julia was invited to be the bridesmaid along with Sophie's younger sisters. Naturally, she accepted, and now she combed Sophie's long wavy blue hair carefully with a comb. She was already beautiful, and there was no doubt that she would be a radiant gem wearing a wedding gown, outshining the sea of pebbles and rocks.
"You'll be fine," Julia assured.
"Easy for you to say. You aren't the one walking down the aisle." Sophie retorted back in a teasing manner.
"What happened to the strong and independent Sophie?"
"Even strong people have weaknesses."
...
"You're weak."
…
"I'm just joking with you," Julia said, placing the comb down and picked up some white hair pins.
"What happened to the upright and serious Julia?"
"Even serious people can joke around."
"I'm just joking with you." A smirk graced Sophie's thin, lipstick coated lips.
"Very funny."
They continued to converse while she worked on the bride's hair, and soon the other bridesmaids joined in the conversation. At one point, one of the bridesmaids asked about Mason. The other bridesmaids then started giggling and teasing Julia about her relationship with him. Oh, you two should get married already. Oh, invite us to your wedding. Oh, I'm certain that you'll catch the bouquet.
Julia just nodded her head and laughed, because they were partly true. From the start, she knew that Mason was the man that was arranged for her. Her father favoured him, and would constantly talk about him during meal times, mostly about his looks, achievements and his family fortune.
Was she upset that she would never experience true love for herself? Yes, because here she was, attending the wedding of a happy couple in love—feelings of envy was sure to manifest. Yet, she was an aristocrat, and it was her duty to continue the family line. She had duties to fulfil, and duty comes first before love. Call it the price in exchange for a privileged life, for she had long succumbed herself to her unchangeable fate.
Fate was cruel, after all.
On the way back home, the events during the wedding kept on replaying in Julia's head like a broken recorder. Sophie walking down the aisle in a pristine white gown with flower patterns sewn at the skirt with gold and silver thread along with a full-length lace veil adorning her head, Wales lifting the veil to kiss her tenderly on the lips, and the waltz which was accompanied by classical music played by the best musicians in all of Europe.
Just as the bridesmaids predicted, the bouquet did end up in Julia's hands. Nero teased her about it for the rest of the night, and she began to wonder if Sophie threw it at her direction on purpose.
Work was endless. Whenever she would finish one task, another one came in before she could so much as take a breather. Today was no exception.
Julia had been sitting for hours reading and signing mundane paperwork. As time passed her eyelids grew heavy and her right hand started to move more slowly and randomly, causing the words that she was writing to have slightly messy handwriting and some illegible letters. No matter how much she tried to fight it, no matter how much coffee she drank, her eyes closed and her head slammed on the desk. Her fountain pen rolled off the table and clanked noisily on the floor.
In her dream, she was at that place with him again. He tugged at her sleeve and said that she was beautiful.
Everybody she met had called her beautiful. Men young and old would stare at her like drunk dogs, eyes filled with lust. While she did not care for animals like them, she would play with their hearts and later dump them aside when she got whatever she wanted.
However, his lust filled eyes were terrifying.
He was the only person whom she cannot manipulate into submission. There was no point in trying.
So, when he smirked and asked her to follow him, she could do nothing but comply.
An incessant cry of distress awoke Julia from her sleep. She shivered.
No, leave me alone. Please.
"Mommy is upset."
Yes, because you are here. Go away and I won't be upset.
"Mommy, it's better here."
No it's not.
A penknife was situated right in front of her, with the exposed blade glinting seductively.
She pulled her sleeves, picked up the tool and pressed the sharp end of the blade to her arm, carefully carving abstract patterns on the delicate skin. Dark red beads began to form from the cuts before clumping together to form droplets of blood. When it became too heavy for its perch, it slid down her arms and splattered on an unfortunate paper document. Usually, she would go berserk when her paperwork was ruined with any kind of dirt or stain, but as of now she did not care.
As she continued to cut, her right hand started to feel heavy. More blood accumulated on her papers, her breathing grew more laboured, and dark spots clouded her vision.
She needed to stop.
Yet she could not.
It was as if her right hand had a mind of its own. Her brain was screaming at her hand to halt its actions, however her hand refused to listen.
The dark spots spread at an alarming rate, and she felt light headed. High pitched giggling assaulted her ears.
"Yay! Yay! Yayyyy!"
No no No NO NO!
Using all of her remaining energy, she hurled the penknife across the room. She then collapsed on the floor, on the verge of passing out. Blood continued to ooze from the cuts, turning the red carpet black.
No, don't you dare pass out now, don't you fucking dare.
Applying pressure to her injuries to halt blood flow, she feebly reached up her desktop to grab the bloodstained papers and chucked them under the desk before her head hit the floor again.
Somehow Julia managed to regain consciousness before her butler entered her office to escort her to bed. She flushed the bloodied papers down the toilet and attempted to wash off the blood from her arms and clothes. Thankfully, her shirt was black in colour and the stains were not obvious.
As she retreated into the warm duvet covers, she felt a heavy weight on her legs.
"I love you."
Get lost.
As much as she wanted to kick the weight off her, the weight itself rendered her legs useless and bound to the mattress.
"Just kick him in the balls."
She just stared at the older girl in disbelief.
"I'm serious. It hurts the most when you kick them there. If you kick hard enough, you'll make him infertile!"
This girl, a well-respected senior prefect in the school, just told her to kick a boy in the balls? Julia expected more mature advice from her to stop the numerous advances of a boy who had been pestering her to go out with him. At first, he sent her notes and love letters every day without fail. When she threw them all in the trash, he began to corner her after class at the lockers, sometimes bringing a friend or two to persuade her. Despite her reporting him to the teachers, he refused to back down. He was like a leech latching on her skin, draining her blood. She wanted to get rid of him.
Then again, if it really did hurt that much as she claimed, it did not hurt to try. She smirked devilishly.
"Maybe you're right."
It was now the senior's turn to stare. "Julia, you know I was just joking, right?"
Nothing irritated Julia more than babies. When Nero was just an infant, he would cry endlessly for their mother in the most ear-bleeding pitch possible. Being the little brat he was, nobody but their mother could cease his cries, not even the most experienced nannies. It would grate her ears and make her blood boil. Her younger self hated the very thought of having a sibling that she would have to share her things with and would steal the limelight from her, which resulted in her incessantly screaming at the infant to shut up.
Even as an adult, she still could not stand those miniature humans despite her mother's efforts in convincing her otherwise. You're a woman. Someday you're going to have children of your own, she said. You must tolerate them whether you like it or not.
Today, her mother was seated on the couch with her, watching television. Lately, her mother was into a drama series that involved a family being torn apart due to the father cheating on his wife with another wealthy lady. The series was extremely long-winded, dragging on to two hundred episodes and counting. She would drone on and on about the events occurring in the episodes in vivid detail, going so far as to make an analysis of the characters personalities and motives. There was no doubt that she was a hardcore fan of the show, and nobody in the estate can escape her rambles, not even the gardener who spends most of his time outside.
As usual, Mrs Konzern was rambling on about the latest scene that involved a car crash during the commercial break. Julia had learned to let her voice float into the background while making it seem like she was listening.
A baby diaper commercial came on the screen. Julia cringed, preparing herself for what was to come.
"Ah, look at that baby! He's so cute! Don't you think so, Julia dear?"
"Yes, mother."
"Say, how much longer must I wait till I can finally carry my grandchild?"
"Mother, there's no need to rush."
"Nonsense! I had you when I was twenty-two!"
Julia sighed, knowing that the conversation would spiral out of control just like all the previous ones if she continued. Yet, she really, really, really hated babies and that fact will not change. Not since that thing started haunting her.
"You don't like others, because you only like me, right?"
Dream on.
"Don't deny it~"
Luckily, the commercial break ended and Mrs Konzern focused her full attention on the television.
Nero started inviting a female classmate over for too many a day. When Julia found out and asked him about it, he crossed his arms and said that they were just friends. She accepted his answer, but as the weeks and months dragged on, she grew sceptical.
Her suspicions were confirmed when she happened to stumble across them in the gardens. They were seated at a lone bench, huddling against each other with their fingers entwined.
The girl held a white rose in her right hand.
At six o'clock in the morning, Julia's phone rang. When she picked up the call, she was certainly not expecting Klaus's shouting on the other hand, which was a surprise considering how he was never an excitable person nor had she heard him sound that excited before.
It turned out that his private luxury gym had been fully constructed and was now ready to use. She, including Wales and Sophie, took the liberty to travel all the way to Germany to celebrate its opening, and have a workout while they were there.
The gym was literally every athlete's dream gym, to say the least. It was a two storey building the size of a few football fields and had almost every single sports facility available from all over the world, on top with numerous decorations to beautify the place. It was worthy of being one of the best gyms in the world, but her family's gym stayed on the top of the list as usual.
After the opening party, they spent the entire day in the gym. You guys need to burn all those calories from all the food you wolfed down, Klaus joked, earning a chorus of laughter and giggles from the rest.
It was another Saturday date night. She and Mason had just finished their dinner. Julia expected to return home, however, the driver drove straight past the Konzern mansion gates.
"Another surprise?" She asked.
"Why yes, dear."
"What do you have in store for me?"
He laughed. "It wouldn't be a surprise if I told you."
"True."
They arrived at the same firefly covered meadow that he showed two years ago. She raised an eyebrow. Surely, he did not come here to show her a scenery that she had seen before.
"Have you discovered a secret underground cave full of gems?" Julia joked.
"Not quite. But I don't need an underground gem filled cave, for I have my gem right here." He then wrapped his right arm around her. Julia rolled her eyes. He tries too hard to be romantic sometimes.
She expected him to crack mushier romantic lines, but she certainly did not expect him to go down on one knee and flash out a small, velvet box. He opened it to reveal one of the most gorgeous diamond ring that she had seen in her whole life. The diamond was rather large and carefully polished to ensure that it sparkled brightly. It had elaborated patterns on the rim of the ring with smaller jewels embedded on it.
"I loved you ever since I met you on that day. I can't get you out of my mind. You're smart, beautiful and powerful. No other woman can compare with you. With the both us working together, we can even be the King and Queen of Europe."
No.
Before her was a man who she knew for three years. She knew everything from his favourite colour to his darkest secret.
Yet, he seemed like a complete stranger.
Was his speech memorised and rehearsed beforehand, or did it truly come from the bottom of his heart?
She could always flat out reject him and go back home to sleep. After all, her parents were not present to force her to nod her head, right?
Silence.
"...yes."
Breathing out a sigh of relief, he hastily took out the ring from the box and slid it onto her delicate finger. He threw away the box and smashed their lips together, wrapping his arms around her petite frame.
Did she love him? Maybe, maybe not.
But she had disgraced her family enough, so she never had a choice from the start.
The announcement of their engagement had been immediate. Both families were as delighted as the press were to have the news that the heirs of Europe's two largest conglomerates were getting married (though there was some leaning on various editors so that the actual date was not released). Their friends were equally happy for the couple, sending endless strings of congratulations.
Mason's younger brother stood as his best man, while Julia's female cousins stood as bridesmaids, along with Sophie being the matron of honour.
Sophie was styling Julia's hair, just like how Julia did during her wedding a year ago. She applied hair serum, hair spray and other various hair cosmetic products to her long, blonde hair. She tied her hair into an updo hairstyle and stuck a few flower pins, including a red rose pin as the largest and most distinguishable among the rest.
"Are you nervous?" Sophie asked.
"Of course. How can I not be?"
"So now you know what it was like for me a year ago."
Julia waved a gloved hand—which managed to hide the self-inflicted cuts from the rest of the world. "Okay, I get it. Stop shoving it in my face."
Sophie giggled. "Calm down. I'm just joking."
Julia rolled her eyes.
Just then, one of the bridesmaids entered the room to request Sophie's presence somewhere else. After they left, she heaved a heavy sigh.
Looking at her reflection in the mirror, she saw an elegant and alluring young bride in a pristine silk dress. Just like Sophie's dress, tiny gold and silver flowers were embroidered on the rim of her skirt but with an addition of gold thread and beads. Her chiffon veil was also white like her dress with scalloped edges.
Who was that beauty staring right back at her?
"Mommy is pretty!"
...
"Everyone loves mommy!"
...
"But they won't find mommy pretty if they know~"
Shut UP!
Returning her gaze to the mirror, she nearly had a heart attack. At the corner of the mirror was a disfigured toddler standing unsteadily on two stubby legs. It looked at her with its soulless black eyes, before opening its mouth to speak again.
"Nobody will judge mommy on the other side. Mommy will be safe here."
Fuck off! Leave me alone, goddammit!
"But I care about you…"
The scissors on the vanity table glinted under the fluorescent light seductively, just like the penknife.
She reached out to grab it.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
She was weak.
In the end, she did not even dare to pick it up. Weak, weak, weak was the word that kept on looping in her head like a broken recorder during the wedding ceremony.
By the time they arrived at a secluded resort meant for their honeymoon, she was tired—physically and mentally. Her cheekbones ached from smiling—artificially—and maintaining her confident posture when all she wanted to do was to lay on the floor, close her eyes and never open them again.
Julia hurriedly changed into her nightwear and tucked herself under the covers. She was about to fall asleep when the duvet blanket was yanked off her, and a body pinned her in place.
Her breath hitched at her throat.
"Darling, the mood's great. Do you wanna?"
She tried to say no, but all that came out from her throat was a hoarse whine.
He ruffled her hair and let out a chuckle. She could feel the vibrations on his chest as he laughed.
"So let's…"
His voice was deep and masculine, which many women would consider sexy. Yet to her, it seemed alien—terrifying.
Butterfly kisses were planted on her lips before he travelled lower to her neck and collarbone. His hot breath ghosted on her neck and his fingers fiddled with the zipper on the back of her nightgown.
"No…" She whispered, weakly hitting her fists on his chest to get the message across. Yet he continued his advances. His entire being radiated lust, and suddenly the man on top of her was no longer her newlywed husband but him. She was no longer lying on a king-sized bed but on the cold steel floor.
…
All over the walls of his room were pictures of a pretty young woman doing everyday activities, such as reading a book and typing on a laptop. Judging from the odd camera angles, it seemed that the photographer was taking these pictures discreetly. There was no doubt that he paid someone to take these photos to decorate his room with.
But looking closer…
"She's a gorgeous one, isn't she?"
She stared at him with widened eyes, slowly backing away.
"I remember the day we met at a party. Out of all the other ladies in the ballroom, she was the one that caught my eye instantaneously. When she looked at me with those radiant blue eyes, my heart was stolen. But of course, a beauty like her had also captured the attention of other men, perhaps unintentionally. Especially that bastard. He was everything that I wasn't: handsome, rich and powerful. But I tried. I sent her expensive gifts, letters and attention. Yet she rejected it all and went to him instead!" He slammed his fists on the wall in pure anger, making her jump.
No, no, no. She thought. This is not happening. She clutched her hands to her chest, trying to calm her erratic breathing. But he kept on advancing towards her, trapping her in a corner.
"Honestly, when I saw you standing on the stage, for a moment I thought she was standing there instead of her daughter. You have everything she has—her eyes, hair, skin tone, and right down to that prideful attitude. Why do you think I decided to hire you instead of leaving you to die in a ditch?"
She attempted to push him away, but he managed to restrain her hands, rendering her defenceless.
"I-I'll scream…" She warned, trying to sound undaunted.
"I have given orders that this wing was to be off limits for the time being. Nobody will hear you."
"Stay away from me, you creep!"
Immediately, his smile turned into a scowl. He let go of one of her arms to land a powerful blow on her right cheek, drawing blood at her lips.
"Stop being so uncooperative. I don't want to mar your pretty face."
Realising that one of her arms were free, she used the opportunity to punch him square in the face. He let out a howl and stumbled back, and she rushed towards the door. However, all hopes of escape came crashing down on her when the automated door refused to open despite her slamming her palm on the green button.
From the back, he grabbed her coat and pushed her onto the floor roughly before pinning her arms and legs, rendering her completely and utterly at his mercy. She squirmed and struggled, but deep down she knew that it was futile. Even if she were to somehow escape his grasp, there was no way that she could figure out a way to unlock the door in a few seconds.
"It's your fault. Why do you resemble her so much?"
Frightened tears spilt from her eyes, knowing that her worst nightmare was about to come true. She looked at the direction of the exit, silently pleading for someone—anyone to save her. It was an impossible scenario, yet she kept on hoping, praying.
He gently wiped the tears from her eyes. "It's okay, I'll make it quick."
No, no, no. no. She punched the floor three times. Usually, in wrestling matches, the wrestler will let go of his overpowered opponent when the referee slaps the mat three times. Yet he continued to pin her to the floor. She whimpered fearfully, shaking her head in denial.
"So pretty…"
…
"Kick him in the balls.
"The harder the better."
…
With a swift strike, she struck her knee in between his legs. He let out a howl of pain, rolling over the bed while holding his crotch like it was on fire. Julia hastily got out of the bed and slammed the door open, running out of the villa as if she were being chased.
Escape was all she could think of right now. Her brain was on autopilot. She needed to run, to create as much distance from him as much as possible. She continued to run despite her bare feet getting dirtied and cut by the road. She continued to run despite not knowing where she was going. She continued to run despite people yelling at her to get her attention.
Somewhere, the ghost child was laughing.
There was a blaring honk, and blinding headlights.
The impact was hard.
So uhm, hi.
If you made it this far without cringing, congrats to you haha.
Honestly thou, I love female Julian she's so much fun to write. Such gorgeousness for a spaghetti haired princes.
I drew inspiration from my favourite local author: Low Kay Hwa. Seriously, his writing style is simple yet gorgeous, and the first book I read from him was awesome. I fell in love with his book called A Photogenic Life. It's fucking gorgeous like a rainbow unicorn flying through cotton candied skies.
Big thanks to my friend Bambee for fueling my inner trash to make me finish this one shot. You owe me those essays yo.