a/n: Just thought I would let you know: the chapters are going to be OwlCity song titles, so if you recognize them or if they sound like a nonsensical metaphor it's all from Adam Young's lovely mind

disclaimer: i don't own anything from the Harry Potter, all this magic belongs to J. K Rowling.

Take it all away

James

1977 did not have a good start for James Potter.

"How could it?" he wondered, given the way the last year had ended.

Now, he sat alone in the last compartment of carriage B (the Marauders traditional compartment) in the Hogwarts Express after the Christmas break. He stared out the window, with his legs stretched into the seat in front of him, as the snow fell mercilessly for the fifth day in a row. The lunch lady had gone by half an hour earlier and the cabin was now filled with empty pumpkin juice cartons, crushed chocolate frogs packages, a half eaten acid pops bag and another one filled with cockroach clusters lying on the floor. He hadn't been hungry when he bought the sweets but he had allowed himself to think, even if for a short period of time and no mattered how foolish he knew it was, that the simple act (performed every time he had been on the train since he was 11 years old) would make everything magical again.

"James!" the compartment's door opened suddenly bringing James back from his state of thinking about nothing at all. "You've been here the entire ride? How was your holiday?" asked Will Archer, with his newly shaved sandy blonde hair and dark, almost hazel, green eyes; one of James' fellow sixth years Gryffindors who, along with the rest of the Marauders and another boy named Gabriel Wright, he shared the dormitory with.

"Hey man, it was good" he said unenthusiastically as the other took a seat next to his feet "Yeah, I've just been here finishing the Potions essay we had and, as you can probably tell, eating, what've you been up to? "

"Oh, not much, Gabe and I were playing exploding snaps, but I decided to give him and Sadie some privacy." making James nod in understanding.

"Yeah, I heard they got together at the end of the year party".

"That's right. One drunken make out session and next thing you know it's been 3 freaking days since he last saw her and I'm being woken up at 6a.m with the damn lights on, because apparently he couldn't wait a reasonable hour to write her a letter". James snorted acknowledging how very Gabe-like-behavior that was. "What about you? You never came back to the dorm that night? Who were you with?" to James' relief he didn't get a chance to answer.

"There you are, mate" said Gabe, dark-spiky hair and incredibly blue eyes "What's up James" he said smiling receiving a smile and a nod in return.

"Well, I was giving you and Juliet some space"

"Well if you hadn't you would've bumped into Sophie, she is looking for you." with that Will got up as to follow Gabe to their previous compartment "And Juliet, really? We're not that bad"

"Sure, keep telling yourself that. See you later James" said Will giving him an amused look.

He was glad to be alone once again. Not that James didn't like the guys; he did, quite a lot actually. Will and Gabe were probably as close as he and Sirius, and even though they weren't part of the Marauders the six of them had spent endless nights up talking and endless days playing quidditch. But today just wasn't a good day for James.

Lily

Lily had always loved Christmas, and now looking through the window of the first compartment at carriage B (her usual) she was feeling particularly nostalgic. The snow made it feel like the beginning of winter all over again and the memory of the promise of hot cocoas late at night in front of the fireplace and the thought of seeing her parents after so long made her heart swell for a moment. Once that moment ended she remember that the only promise lying ahead was that everything would melt away. And she didn't mean just the snow.

"Lily, it's going to be fine"

"I know" she answered, giving her best friend Ella Rhodes, a girl with dark brown hair and same colored eyes whose best feature was her perfectly shaped rosy lips a forced smile.

"Right" Ella answered knowing exactly how forced Lily's smile and answer was, but knowing it was better to let her be.

"Yeah, Lils, you've got nothing to worry about, Daniel is definitely still into you" said Cassandra with her bright smile, another one of Lily and Ella's roommates with an (insanely long) beach blonde hair and uncommonly tanned skin for that time of the year.

You see, if Cassandra hadn't spent the holidays with her family, completely isolated from the magical world, in Australia she would've known that Lily's concern was far from the Ravenclaw she had gone out with 2 weeks earlier, instead it was directed to the deaths to 2 muggle born families during that short period of a month. Given how worried the blonde had been when she heard of the first family's death, none of the 2 girls had the heart to correct her since even though Cassandra was a muggle born herself, her family was as safe as anyone could be. And besides, she would find out soon enough anyways.

"Right, so have you seen Daniel at all today?" asked Ella knowing how much Lily appreciated the diversion of topics.

"Not really, I got on the train fairly late and came straight after you guys" she answered "And I'm glad I didn't, I wouldn't even know what to say, I mean I don't even know what we are, two dates doesn't exactly fall into any dating category, no matter how amazing those dates were"

"Were they, now…" Ella said more to herself than to anyone, but Cassandra heard her and managed to kick her in the shin without Lily noticing it.

"Come on, you have to talk to him. It weren't just two dates. It was two dates staring both Lily Evans and Daniel Miller. That is definitely something. The both of you are the most notoriously single people in the school".

"Actually, he is notoriously single I'm chronically single. Big difference".

"Yeah right" Ella snorted "Having the most popular guy in school ask you out every other day, definitely screams ugly duckling".

Lily just rolled her eyes. That's what no one understood. Until the end of fifth year Potter had asked her out incessantly and even though he didn't anymore people still assumed he was just biding his time. Was that supposed to make her feel great about herself? Was she supposed to feel honored that the "Great James Potter" wasted a few seconds of his precious time trying to get her attention. Was she supposed to feel grateful that he paid her any attention at all, even though it was probably only because he could get a rise out of her, and because she was (probably the only one) that didn't give him a free pass on account of his "awesomeness".

And that's what she hated the most, that those were the only reasons why he had bothered. He had no idea how much she would have given for his attention and his date offers until the end of third year, when her thirteen-year-old infatuated mind couldn't make excuses for him anymore.

The way he behaved, the way he talked and specially the way he treated people (her former best friend included). He was just a shallow, selfish, egotistical git, no matter how much she wanted him to be more. And ironically enough the beginning of the fourth year, was when he started his "Evans obsession" as many would call it. She could almost appreciate the irony. Almost. There was too much of it to be just the universe's twisted sense of humor. He had to know. He had to have known how she felt before and decided he couldn't allow the prospect of anyone associating something as earthly as "moving on" to something as heavenly as him.

He had to make her think of him. All the damn time. Even if it was in a bad way. He was always there.

And rather than his obnoxious behavior, that was why she honestly hated him so much.

And Ella and Cassandra were the only people she had ever admitted that to. Just that one time, but she had. She had actually said it out loud.

"Speaking of the devil, have you talked to him yet?" Lily asked Ella

"No, and I'm not going to. Ever again."

"Somehow I don't buy it, you always forgive him" pointed Cassandra

"Not this time. That's the thing: he's one of my best friends I would forgive him for anything except he doesn't want forgiveness. The idiot doesn't think there's anything wrong with what he did."

Lily and Cassandra exchanged a look but said nothing, because for once they kind of agreed with Potter. Kind of.

At the end of last year he had tried to scare of Ella's (sort of) boyfriend Aaron on the grounds of him being, to quote James, "a fucking asshole". Aaron Graham's reputation preceded him as one of the school's Casanovas. Of the heartless variety. James being his protective self over his childhood friend decided to take matters into his own hands because he (as did Lily and Cassandra) knew that that was exactly Ella's type.

James

The fight with Ella had been the icing on the cake, of an awful end of the year. Sure he had gone behind her back about the whole thing, but it's not as if it would have made any difference. Knowing her she wouldn't have listened to his advice and knowing himself he would have gone have his "chat" with Aaron anyway.

They had been raised across the street from each other (or across the block, giving the size of each their houses) and he knew she would forgive him if he apologized. But he couldn't, he had a policy of only saying what he meant. And he couldn't tell her he was sorry when he wasn't.

Aaron was an asshole as far as James was concerned. He cheated on tests, wizard chess, quidditch (if he could manage) and girls. Lost of times and lots of them. He would be damned if he didn't at least try and do something about it.

But if there was something Aaron Graham could not be accused of being was a coward; he may not have been a Gryffindor (in fact, he was a Slytherin which was just adding insult to injury if you asked James) but he wasn't a coward. Most guys in school would not have wanted to get a Marauder on their bad side (let alone more than one). But Aaron did not cower under James' speech one the ways he would make Aaron's life a living hell if he didn't end things with Ella, on the contrary. He made sure to get to her before James could and made it sound pretty bad (though, to be fair they weren't all lies). If there was anything Aaron mastered, probably the only thing, it was the art of convincing a girl of anything he wanted.

When she found him, for the first time that day, right before the end of the end of the year party at the common room, the fallout had not been pretty. Ella was on a roll and James barely got a chance to speak. Add that to the murder of the first muggle family plus the on going tension in the Marauders and it was not a good end of the year.

The Mitchells, mother, father and a 10 year old little girl (due to be coming to Hogwarts in the next year) were found in their home, on the night of December 2nd, fallen from their respective dining chairs. They apparently had been eating dinner and never stood a chance.

The once cheerful atmosphere at school changed drastically and it only plummeted the Marauders mood even further.

It all started with Sirius' family; he had been kicked out the summer before sixth year and moved in with James' family on the occasion. And despite how much he claimed to be happy to "finally leave the haunted mansion" and how much James knew he really meant it when he said the Potters were his family, the Marauders knew, even though Sirius would never admit it, how much the whole thing had hurt him.

Throughout the year, he would have this crazy mood swings and start fights with anyone (mostly Slytherins) who would do or say anything remotely similar to the "Black guidelines". One day, one particularly bad day, that "anyone" happened to be Severus Snape; he had said something about James' and Sirius' blood traitors status and James brushed it right off (which Sirius could only attribute to one of two things a) Sirius had been getting into fights enough for the both of them b) Lily Evans was sitting just two seats in front of them). But Sirius didn't. He said nothing at time because professor McGonagall was too close but he sent Snape a note, telling him that if he wanted to know just "how much of traitors" he and James were, he should go find out by the Whomping Willow that night and gave him the directions to get inside.

It was a spur of the moment thing, if professor McGonagall hadn't been there to inhibit him from starting a fight he would have thrown a hex (or a punch) and that would have been the end of it. But she was there, and the thought of Snape's face when he realized, that Remus Lupin was a werewolf, gave him enough satisfaction to just send the damned note.

Before the class was over Sirius had already regretted it, he saw just in how many ways the whole thing was so wrong. But Snape had left class before he could find a way to convince him it was a stupid joke and dissuade him from going. James had the map, and even though Sirius' hand was itching to just fucking ask for it and fix the damn thing, he wanted to fix it on his own. Asking for it would mean he would have to tell James what he did and that, he wanted to avoid at all costs.

He was used to people getting angry at him, but if there was anything he couldn't handle was being a disappointment. That's why he always made sure to keep people's expectations pretty low. But this was James.

He looked for him the entire day, stayed for over an hour in front of the Slytherins common room waiting for him to come out, but he never caught him. And that's when Sirius decided that there was no way around it anymore, he had had to tell James (without managing to look him in the eyes) and they both set off to get Snape (who was already on his way to the Whomping Willow, Merlin knows where the hell he was coming from). But they were too late. Snape had already seen the werewolf and did the math.

The two Marauders managed to get the Slytherin out of the mess with only a couple scratches, but their friendship wasn't so lucky. James, Remus and Peter had been furious with Sirius. Remus had been furious with James. James ended up furious with Remus and Sirius with himself.

Almost three months went by before they weren't furious with each other anymore, but the consequences were still too current for anyone to forget about the whole thing entirely. Sirius had been sentenced to a three month detention (including during the holidays, which was why he had remained at Hogwarts during break), the situation had stressed out Peter so much he hadn't been able to focus on his studies and was now hanging by a thread on most classes so he also stayed at Hogwarts to make sure he got some work done. Snape always looked at them with an air of victory, as if he could ruin Remus' life in 3 words.

Though they knew Snape wouldn't go against Dumbledore and spill their secret, the threat still left Remus on edge; so much so that when he left home for Christmas and figured when his transformation would take place, he insisted James didn't come to help him out. The whole thing would only happen by the end of the holiday and if not only Remus but also James Potter weren't there when school started it would raise too many questions.

It all made James feel worse, all their friends were dealing with it in some way, while he was regard by the professors as a hero who had saved Snape's life. The only people who didn't regard him as such were himself, Snape and Lily Evans.

Everything had been so wretched by the end of the year, he had felt the need to just numb it all away at the party. He had been drinking and ended up sleeping with Ravenclaw seventh year Morgan Dunn. It wasn't a particularly big deal, but for some reason he hadn't wanted Will and Gabe to know. It wasn't a first for Morgan and it certainly wasn't for James, he didn't think of sex as a big deal even though he thought about it a great deal.

But, much like saying thing he didn't mean, James had a policy of not drowning his feelings in it. It was one thing to it because he wanted it, it was another to it because he felt like he needed it. James didn't like needing things, or people (though he knew he did more than he would like to admit). Specially people he couldn't have.

And then the train stopped. They had arrived at Hogwarts and James started to clean up the mess he had left his compartment in and gather his stuff to leave. He entered the carriage with Will, Gabe, Melanie and Gabe's twin sister, a Hufflepuff named Sophie.

The first sight of Hogwarts, no matter how many times he had seen it and no matter how little time it had been since he had seen it, always had the same effect on James, it filled him with hope. He was suddenly craving the feast, he couldn't wait to see Sirius and Peter and hell even try to get a smile from Ella.

He was on his way to the common room when, turning a corridor, he couldn't help but overhear two voices he was so familiar with. And he couldn't help eavesdropping.

"Lily, just stop walking and talk to me, please" said Snape

"No, I don't want to talk to you" she said turning around and saying it firmly.

"Fine, then just listen. Here, I got you a Christmas present" he said handing her a small package. And from what James could tell she looked rather taken aback, Snape didn't seem like the gift giving type. But she shook it off.

"I don't want it" she tried giving it back but he wouldn't take it "I don't want anything from you anymore, why can't you understand that?".

"Because I know it's not true, you still care Lily, I know you do otherwise you wouldn't have come visit me in the hospital wing".

"Just because you're not my friend anymore doesn't mean I want you dead. You must have me mistaken with the Slytherins you hang around with".

"Lily come on, they're are my housemates you were my best friend, please, just give me another chance, I'll do anything." to James' surprise Lily actually seemed moved, he supposed Snape wasn't the pleading type either.

"Here's what you can do you: you can please just leave me alone"

"Fine" Snape conceded "But keep the gift" and he left. James would have felt better about her refusal to accept the git's apologies if he hadn't noticed how tightly she was holding the package. It bothered him.

He was about to get out of his hiding place and continue his route to the common room when another voice filled the air.

"Hey Lily, I've been looking for you everywhere" and James realized it was Daniel Miller, quidditch captain of the Ravenclaw team. Oh no.

"Oh, hi Dan" he could tell she was embarrassed "Sorry, I've been with the girls all day, how was the end on your holiday?"

"Well, not as good as the beginning of it, yours?" he answered with what, James could only assume, was supposed to be a charming smile. It really bothered him.

"Oh yeah, not as good as the beginning" she said giving him a smile and a weird silence installed

"Ok, so I'm just gonna say it" Daniel started "I know you don't exactly "do relationships" and I don't know why that is, so feel free to say no, but I do know how amazing the two times we went out were" James and Lily held their breath and Eric just kept talking "And I know I don't "do relationships" either, but that's because they just don't feel right. Ok, so maybe it was just me but those two dates did. And I know two dates isn't a lot to go by, but I wanna try if you do"

After a little while Lily just said "Try?"

"Yeah, try a relationship, the boyfriend and girlfriend kind"

"Oh" This was insane, she would say no right?

"We don't have to do the whole, holding hands, going public, PDA thing right now. We could take it slow. But I want to talk to you everyday, about things that matter. And yeah, I wanna kiss all the time; just you. What do you say?"

James could swear he could hear the engines working inside her head, and her heart beating in her chest. And then his own stopped as a smile broke into her face.

"I say, sure. Let's try it" and that was all it took for Daniel to slip his hand behind her neck and kiss her.

And suddenly James wasn't craving the feast anymore.

For his luck, the kiss didn't last too long, Lily apparently had a prefect's meeting to attend and departed from Daniel's side towards the corridor James standing in. He was getting ready to leave, before she started another conversation he did not want to hear, when she turned his corner and bumped into his chest. Instinctively his hands went to the small of her back to stop her from falling.

"Oh I'm so sorry" she said before realizing who it was she had bumped into. And then she did "Merlin Potter, watch here you're going"

"Are you kidding? I was standing here you're the one with your head in the clouds." she had an answer at the tip of her tongue, he could tell, but she stopped.

"Wait, what do you mean you were "standing here"? Were you listening to my conversation?"

He scoffed "And you say I have a big head. Get over yourself, Evans. I was minding my own business when you and, your new boyfriend, started your little love fest" she rolled her eyes started to leave "But two dates? who knew you were so easy, Evans. I can only imagine what date four will be like" he said with as much venom as he could muster. He regretted it instantly as she turned around so fast and he thought she might actually hit him.

"You're disgusting Potter! You don't know the first thing about me, Daniel or the two of us together. Not only that but you're a hypocrite"

"Oh yeah? How so?"

"What took for Morgan Dunn to get you into that broom closet? One dirty word? One kiss? One shot of firewhiskey? What's easier than that?"

He was dumbstruck "How could you possibly know about that? "

"Apparently you aren't so discrete either Potter. Not only did I have the displeasure of seeing your little "love fest" that night, but I heard some of it too. And I've been having nightmares ever since" she started to leave once again but he couldn't allow it.

"Well, they won't be going away any time soon with Snivellus' little souvenir on your bed side"

"Were you eavesdropping the whole thing?" she asked turning around.

"Damn right. And I'm glad I was, I wanted to know if you would fall for his crap. And by the looks of it won't take too long before you do. What, with visiting him in the hospital wing and accepting his little gifts".

"Wow, once again your hypocrisy amazes me".

"Yeah, remember that time when my best friend called me that thing in front of the entire school and I forgave him?" he said filled with irony.

"That's not what I meant" she had had enough of Potter today "I won't forgive him, not that I owe you any explanation. But I said it once, I'll say it again: you're just as bad as he is. You don't get to lecture me about it."

"I'm not-"

"Right, because luring someone into a werewolf's hiding is much better than calling someone a mudblood"

With one last look, he turned around and left without another word.

And bumped into Sirius, who apparently was doing a little eavesdropping of his own.

"Ouch Prongs watch where you're going"

"Padfoot, what are you doing here?"

"I was looking for you, through the map, everyone that got from the train was in the common room half and hour ago... and then I heard you and Evans and well... kept hearing."

"Great" James said as he kept walking and Sirius went after him.

"Mate, why don't you just tell her it wasn't you. Why, don't you just tell her that actually you saved him".

"Because I don't care. Now come on, let's find Wormtail and head to the kitchens"

"Fine" Sirius said knowing that it wasn't fine at all.

She could think the worst of him if she wanted. He didn't care.

She could date whoever she wanted. He didn't care.

And his honesty policy apparently didn't apply to the things he told himself.