Early Warning

The Toxic Twins have a gift for magery...God help us all.

Warning! This is AU from the end of Mortal Coil on.

I own nothing.

...

Valkyrie spent the next few days at Gordon's house, looking for books on elemental magic for Carol and Crystal. Since the twins didn't have reflections and Valkyrie didn't know the incantation to make one, they had to go to school, much to their disappointment.

Nothing vital had come up, so Valkyrie had been having a fairly peaceful week. Though Valkyrie felt it was probably best to wait to introduce the twins to Skulduggery or Ghastly, she had plans to ask Skulduggery to teach Carol elemental magic. It was a few days before Valkyrie talked to them again. She spoke with them over the phone (prompting some confusion on part of her parents), and determined that neither Carol nor Crystal was doing anything particularly dangerous or stupid. Valkyrie was impressed.

Carol could now consistently push a paperclip around on a table, though nothing heavier. Crystal still couldn't do anything, though Valkyrie assured her that it was (probably) normal. Valkyrie was thinking that maybe she should get Solomon Wreath to teach Crystal necromancy-she didn't know if particular types of magic ran in families, but she figured she should probably give it a shot.

The next time Valkyrie saw the twins, it was Friday evening, and their parents were away again. Valkyrie couldn't help but think that Fergus and Beryl were not making much of an effort to talk to the twins, but, then again, Fergus and Beryl never made an effort to do much of anything except be completely horrible (she hadn't forgotten the silverware Beryl had pocketed from Gordon's house).

Valkyrie hadn't spoken to them since Tuesday, and, as such, wasn't sure what how their studies were doing. The first thing Valkyrie noticed about the two was that Carol was grinning, clearly elated. Crystal looked fairly unhappy.

"Hullo," she said in some surprise. "What're you so happy about?"

"I picked my name!" exclaimed Carol. "It just sort of...came to me!"

Valkyrie smiled insincerely and prepared herself for something absolutely horrible. "So what is it?"

"Jarona (that means song, I think) Hammercloud. I was looking up names because I didn't want to pick a word and I found Jarona!"

Valkyrie blinked in surprise. "That's...not bad, actually. I was expecting something a whole lot worse."

Carol-Jarona, really, frowned at her, a bit offended. "Hey! I would never go around with something stupid."

Valkyrie smirked. "Of course you wouldn't. Okay," she said quickly, ignoring Jarona's indignant look. "Crystal, have you managed anything?"

Crystal shrugged. "Yeah, I can move things around," she said dismissively. "But Carol can light a flame, though, look!" she gestured to Jarona and she obligingly snapped her fingers, summoning a spark. "I don't see why I can't do anything."

"Crystal, how long have you been practicing?" asked Valkyrie, exasperated.

Crystal tapped her chin in thought. "...a week?" she said.

"Okay. It took me two weeks to summon a flame. Okay? And I'm smarter than you." Jarona and Crystal scowled at her. "Don't look like that, it's true. I'm smarter than my boyfriend if it makes you feel any better."

"It doesn't."

"Good. Okay, Jarona, I'm not an expert, but I think elemental magic is the best one for you, because your caught on so fast."

"Okay...so?" said Jarona, raising an eyebrow.

"So, I'm not really an elemental. I mean, I sort of do elemental magic, but I do better with another kind. I'm not the best teacher for you, but I have an idea for who might be."

"Would I have to read a lot?"

"If you ask him that question he might make you read more out of spite."

Jarona grimaced. "So, don't ask him about books. Got it. Who is he?"

"He's the guy I work with, the other detective, I told you about him."

"Yeah, he's the one who doesn't pay you." said Crystal sagely. "What was his name again?"

"His name is Skulduggery Pleasant, and he's the best elemental I know."

"And you tell me about stupid names," Jarona snarked.

"His appearance is a bit...unusual." Valkyrie said, choosing to ignore Jarona's comment. "It's hard to get used to, but you'll have to if you're going to learn with him." Valkyrie didn't mention that Skulduggery might refuse to teach her. Though she didn't think he would, she wasn't entirely sure.

"What, is he deformed?" asked Jarona bluntly. "Hideously ugly? Missing his teeth?"

Valkyrie smiled to herself. "No, he has all his teeth, you can be sure of that. He's not necessarily ugly..."

"So he is horribly deformed!"

"Well...no..." Valkyrie made a mental note to wait a long time before introducing the twins to anyone other than Skulduggery. "His cheekbones are perfectly good cheekbones."

"That's wonderful. Just tell us!"

"Okay then, he's a skeleton." Said Valkyrie quickly. Perhaps telling them right out would lessen the shock.

Jarona and Crystal stared at her.

"No way," said Crystal.

"Seriously, what does he look like?"

"I told you, he looks like a skeleton. He lost his skin and organs and things when..." Valkyrie paused, unsure whether Skulduggery would want the story told. "...in a fight." she finished lamely.

"Some fight!" exclaimed Crystal. "Does that happen often?"

"No, not at all. He's the only living skeleton in the world, as far as I know. Though I have fought a zombie or two."

The twins fell silent and stared at her some more. Valkyrie thought they were overreacting a bit. Come on, they hadn't seen anything really unusual yet. Personally, Valkyrie thought that the twins were getting a very easy introduction to magic-easier than her own had been, at any rate.

"...wait a minute," said Crystal. "You keep going on about different types of magic, right?"

"Disciplines, yeah."

"And you said you only sort of do elemental."

"That's true too."

"What type do you study when you're not doing elemental?"

Valkyrie blinked. That was a surprisingly good question. Then again, Crystal seemed to be the smarter of the pair. "Me?" she said. "I'm a necromancer."

The twins gazed at her uncomprehendingly. Valkyrie sighed. This was going to take an unpleasant amount of explanation...

.

"Why did you think I would be a good choice?"

It was the day after Valkyrie met with the twins and learned Carol's taken name. Valkyrie was at Skulduggery's house for lack of much else to do. She'd decided to stop putting off on asking him to be Jarona's teacher.

"Because you're the best elemental I know," she said simply. She was sprawled out on one of Skulduggery's numerous couches. This particular living room had only one couch in it and no chairs, so Valkyrie had deprived Skulduggery of a seat.

Skulduggery, who paced back and forth on the opposite side of the room, waved a dismissive hand. "That doesn't mean I'd make a good teacher. Why not Ghastly?"

"Ghastly's busy," said Valkyrie. Skulduggery always seemed to ignore Ghastly's new status as Elder for some reason. "And besides, he turned himself into a statue for two years. I don't want to try explaining that to Fungus and Horriberyl." Valkyrie was inordinately proud of the nicknames she had come up with for her relatives. Sadly, they hadn't caught on, and for the life of her Valkyrie couldn't think of why.

"Aside from turning himself into a statue, which he did only when he was in dire need of it, Ghastly is a perfectly capable elemental."

"Doesn't change the fact that he's too busy. He's almost too busy to make you new suits. Can you imagine what would happen if I persuaded him to teach Jarona on top of everything?"

"Hm...suits are very important."

"I prefer coats myself."

"You would. So, you can't ask Ghastly, and...hm. You don't really know any other elementals, do you?"

"There's also that small problem. I mean, you know others, but I don't want to hand Jarona off to someone I don't trust. She's none too bright, you know."

"So you've said. Many times." Skulduggery tilted his head in a resigned sort of way. "She's definitely related to you?"

"I'm afraid so."

"And you're not knowledgeable enough to teach her."

"I never said that..."

"Yes you did. Well, I suppose if someone doesn't teach her, she's bound to get into some sort of trouble-her more than her sister, from the sounds of it, though they're both sort of hazardous."

"Hazardous?" Valkyrie hadn't thought of it like that.

"Yes. People who know they have magical talent, especially ones with taken names, and yet are not trained in any kind of magic can actually do involuntary magic when threatened."

"What does knowing about it have to do with anything?"

Skulduggery shrugged. "Honestly? I don't know. Knowing about magic makes people a certain kind of dangerous, but no one's quite sure why. I'm guessing that Jarona's magical strength is somewhere near yours, given that you share a bloodline, so any involuntary magic she does will be a lot stronger than a more ordinary mage's."

"She knows some stuff, and so does Crystal..."

"Neither of them know enough to control themselves, though, I'm guessing."

"So you will teach Jarona. You're...obligated or something now."

"No I'm not."

"No?"

"I'm just teaching her so she doesn't blow up a city block."

"How charitable of you."

"It's truly a heroic act, given what I'll have to put up with. I just hope she doesn't steal all my silverware."

Valkyrie raised an eyebrow. "Skulduggery, you don't have any silverware, and I don't think she's done that in...well, a few months, at least."

"And for that I am glad."

"All you have is books, and she doesn't like those. So, when do you want to meet her?"

...

I freaking love writing Val's dialogue with the twins. Actually, I just like writing about the twins in general, even all the horrible stuff Valkyrie says about them behind their backs. Valkyrie is truthfully not a nice person. Also, I know Valkyrie's nicknames are dumb. She just doesn't have any nicknaming skill, you know?

Making more stuff up...by the time this thing is finished, I will have created a whole bizarre set of magical laws that have no basis in the canon SP world.

Feedback is appreciated.