Sleep was not an option for her, not after all that had unfolded since she had stepped into their kitchen that evening. Instead she was just lay in the darkness of their bedroom, in an empty bed looking up at the ceiling above her. Absently her thumb rolled her wedding band around her ring finger as she replayed the evening, wondering how she could have approached this differently in order to reach a move favourable outcome. Ideally one where she ended up lay with the brunette.

Turning her head to the left, across the emptiness to the side her wife would usually occupy, Maura read the red flashing digits on the clock sat on the best side table. 4:14. This was unnatural, usually if Maura was lay awake worrying about Jane it was because she was out on a case, pulling in some extra hours to make sure they caught their guy not across the courtyard in their guest house. Giving in to the worry Maura pushed back the covers and stood out into the cool early morning – she lifted her dressing gown from the chair she'd rested it over and left the bedroom.

She walked past Danny's room and glanced around the door that had been left ajar, in the distance she could see the subtle raise and fall of his chest, the soft breaths a welcomed sound – at least one Rizzoli was content. She listened for a few moments more before closing shut the door fully and continuing on her way. She made it to the bottom of the stairs and then padded over to the desk situated at the back of the sofa – flicking on the lamp. Looking around the ground floor was empty, Jane was still in the guest house. With a disappointed sigh Maura headed for the kettle, unsure if she even wanted a hot tea but she welcomed the idea of a task that may for just a short moment afford her a break.

With the steaming mug of tea made and held between both of her hands Maura sat at the breakfast bar – eyes staring at the wall ahead of her. The wall where BPD's best detective was hours earlier cowered. Her mind filtered from this image to that of Jane confessing that daily visits are taking place to that bridge, that damned bridge. Maura's eyes blurred with emotion, with tears that she willed not to fall – she couldn't break now, she needed to be strong because the argument that had taken place that evening had confirmed what Maura already knew – Jane was not okay and Jane was not coping.

Taking a deep breath in order to gain composure, the blond stood from the stool – she made her way towards the door leading out into the courtyard and only faulted for a moment as she held onto the handle. She pushed open the door and stepped barefoot towards the guest house – tea in hand.

"I don't have the energy for round two" Jane's gruff Boston accent spoke, exhaustion and desperation laced her tone.

Maura had only just stepped in from the outside and shut the door behind her – she remained still for a moment surveying the scene in front of her. She didn't need to turn on a light, the TV in the living area was casting colour out across the room, Jane was sat on the sofa with one leg stretched out over the coffee table and the other folded underneath her. The sound on the TV was muted, she knew Jane well enough to know the Detective neither knew or cared what was on that screen, she was using it as a distraction from reliving what had played out between the two of them earlier.

"You're not the only one."

Jane did not look up from the screen, her back was to the door and she had no intention of changing this. Maura walked around to the opposite side of the sofa and took a seat. Maura didn't look to Jane, she instead focused on the TV screen. She lifted the mug of tea and took a sip, the first sip since she had made it – thankful it still held heat. Taking a second longer drink she then turned her head, she held the mug to her side offering to her wife.

Jane's eyes settled on the mug for a moment, she hesitated before reaching out and taking hold of the tea with her left hand. She couldn't bring herself to look up into Maura's gaze, she was so lost – somewhere in the depth of anger and regret, desire to create further distance and the need to be pulled in close. She looked down into the liquid as if seeking guidance on what she should do next. She takes a drink – and looks back out to the baseball game that flickers by in silence.

A few moments passed, Maura found herself running her thumb over her wedding band again. "I couldn't lay up there any longer, staring at the ceiling, replaying earlier…" she explained, she looked down to the band on her ring finger.

"Maur…I…" Jane stuttered.

Maura did not let her finish, she cut her off, turning her body fully now so she was facing her wife "I need you to come up to our bed J, I need you to lay next to me…"

"What if I can't… give you… what you need"

Maura knew that Jane was not just talking about tonight, not just about joining her back in their room - "Let me rephrase…" She moved her hand over the space that had parted them and placed it on Jane's wrist thankful she did not pull away. "…You need to come up to our bed, you need to lay next to me…you need to sleep and tomorrow we will talk…"

Jane swallowed, her emotions were so raw, she was breaking apart and she did not know how to hold herself together anymore. "I shouldn't have attacked you like I did earlier…it…was unfair"

Maura just nodded keeping eye contact with the clearly damaged Detective, "We will talk…tomorrow" she repeated. Maura had not come into the guest house to tell Jane everything was ok because it was not, right now very little was ok including their marriage – but Maura would not allow her wife to spiral further.

Jane stirred, unusually there was no distant cry of an infant, no shrills of her mobile ringing or soft words spoken from her wife pulling her from sleep – Jane was waking to silence. She opened her eyes genteelly and was shocked to see the room was light. Running her hand over her face she signed and turned her head to the clock – the digits flashed 10:02. She could not remember when she last slept till it was light out, Danny had her up for an early morning feed which always occurred before sunrise – Jane did not need to turn to the opposite side of the bed to know that it would be empty, she knew without looking who had taken todays early morning feed.

Her body ached all over, emotionally and physically she felt beaten. It had been just after 5:00am when she had followed Maura from the guest house back to their bed, it had been just before 5:55am that she recalled seeing the clock for the last time.

Pushing back the covers Jane headed in the direction of the shower. She needed to wash away the images that the four hours of sleep had allowed to play over and over in her mind. An unwanted home movie that she had no control of – the nightmares that she'd lied and told Maura she wasn't having anymore. She turned the heat of the shower on full, she wanted to be clean.

"…she didn't sleep to well Tommy" Maura explained as she rested the mobile between her shoulder and her ear as Danny lay in her arm, her only free hand holding the bottle as he fed. "…I know…. You have called me four times this morning already – as soon as she is up I will get her to call you…. Yes I will let her know. Bye Tommy" Maura allowed the mobile to drop next to her on the sofa as she looked down at the feeding infant.

"Your uncle is so impatient…" She cooed softly, "Wants me to go waking up your Ma…I don't think so… I didn't even let you wake her today did I …so he has no chance" She smiled, the large green eyes gazing up at her no reaction to her words just blinking between gulps of milk. Maura rocked the small child as he drank and watched as his eyes became heavy with exhaustion. "I know how you feel son" she smirked sadly – "It's a good job I love you…and your Ma…" she took the now empty bottle from his mouth softly and placed it on the coffee table before sitting forward and continuing to cradle his now sleeping form. "…your both worth the lack of sleep" she concluded.

"He may be worth it… not so sure I am"

Maura was startled by the voice behind her that she felt her body jump, "Oh…Jane…" She gasped, turning her head she saw the freshly showered form standing in the doorway, "you scared me…"

"sorry…You should have woken me, I would have got up to him" She explained walking into the living room and sitting next to Maura on the sofa allowing her hand to rest over Danny's head as she stroked him softly, lovingly.

"You needed sleep J… plus…I can take care of our son for a morning." Intentionally Maura bit, it felt good – for a second.

"I know you can …" Jane nods, the statement of Danny being theirs did not go amiss. Guilt filtered into Jane's chest - she moved her hand from his head and placed it on Maura's leg.

"Grab a coffee Jane, and for god sake call your brother before he calls me again… I brought your mobile from the bedroom and placed it in the kitchen so that you weren't disturbed from your sleep. The only person clocking up missed calls is Tommy." Jane did not know what Tommy would want this side of midday, she didn't even know her youngest brother ever say this side of midday, she brushed it off.

"Maur… last night, can we… I need to explain…" The mobile to Maura's side sounded again, Jane growled in frustration.

Maura stood up from the sofa, "You should take that…he will only call again." She walked over to where the Moses basket for Danny sat and she lay him down for his Nap. How she has wished she could nap, the lack of sleep and constant worry was catching up with her. Jane tried to ignore the ringing

"Maur…"

"Take the call Jane, I'm going to shower"

Jane grabbed the handset as she watched Maura exit up the stairs, "WHAT Tommy!" she barked in frustration, "No its perfect god damn timing...what can I do for you" sarcasm dripped from her words as she sat forward allowing her head to fall into the hand that wasn't holding the phone. "Yeah I know Pa's back in town…"