Author's Note: This chappie's gonna have a reference to the Seinfeld episode with Kramer as a mall Santa. This chapter also features Big Brother!Germany and Little Brother!Prussia.

Now, without further ado, chapter 1.

Chapter 1: Santa's a Commie!

Ivan and Natalia were at the mall later that day. Ivan had been dragged there against his will, because Natalia wanted a dress.

"Natalia, I don't want to be here," Ivan said. "It's very…Christmas-y."

"You're shopping with me, and that's final," Natalia said in a scary voice. Ivan saw that his sister had a knife in her coat pocket.

"Okay, okay," Ivan said nervously.

As Natalia dragged Ivan through the mall, Ivan saw that there was a man dressed up as Santa and a long line of parents and excited children waiting to talk to him.

Among the people in the line were the members of the Beilschmidt family: the father, Claus; the mother, Elise; the kids, 20-year-old Roderich Edelstein, 13-year-old Ludwig and 6-year-old Gilbert; and the patriarch, Germania. Roderich, who was Ludwig and Gilbert's half-brother, was there with his girlfriend, Elizabeta Hedervary, whose parents had just left with her little brother, Jakob.

"Beilschmidt!" Ivan yelled. "What are you doing?"

"Oh, hey, Merry Christmas, Mr. Braginski," Claus called back and waved to his boss.

"Merry Christmas," Gilbert called.

"Bah humbug," Ivan said and was, once again, dragged off by Natalia.

"What a grouch," Ludwig mumbled. He then saw a girl he had a crush on, Krysia Lukasiewicz, and then shyly looked away.

One of the children in the line hopped down off Santa's lap and walked off with her mother and father.

"Ho, ho, ho!" Santa said jovially. "Next?"

"It's your turn, son," Claus said to Gilbert.

Gilbert grabbed onto one of Ludwig's arms and clung to him. "West, you come and sit on Santa's lap, too."

"Uh…not this time, Gilbo," Ludwig said gently.

"Pleeeeeeeaaaaaaaaase?" Gilbert asked, looking at his big brother with big, red-violet eyes.

"Sorry, little bro, but I'm too old to sit on Santa's lap now," said Ludwig.

"No, you're not," Gilbert said happily.

"Come on, baby brother," Roderich said. He picked up Gilbert, who was still talking, and placed him on Santa's lap.

"Well, what's your name, little boy?" asked Santa.

"Gilbert," Gilbert replied.

"What would you like for Christmas, Gilbert?" Santa asked.

"I want a racing car set," said Gilbert.

"Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho!" said Santa. "A racing car set!" He then leaned closer to Gilbert and whispered, "Listen, kid, you don't want one of those. Those are assembled in Taiwan by kids like you. And these Coleman pigs, they sell it at triple the cost."

"But I want a racing car set," said Gilbert.

"You see, kid, you're being bamboozled," Santa whispered again. "These capitalist fat cats are inflating the profit margin and reducing your number of toys."

"Hey, this guy's a Commie!" Gilbert shouted.

"Hey, kid, quiet," the elf beside Santa said. "Where did a nice little boy like you hear such a bad word like that? Huh?"

"Commie, Commie, Commie!" Gilbert shouted some more. "Traitor to our country!"

"Uh…Gilbo, that's not—" Roderich said.

"Santa is not a Commie," said the elf. "He just forgot how his good friend stuck his neck out for him to get him a good job like this. Didn't he, Santa?" The elf then strangled Santa.

"Is there a problem here?" asked the manager.

"Ho, ho, ho, ho!" said Santa.

"This guy's a Commie. He's spreading propaganda!" said Gilbert. He was pointing to Santa.

"Oh yeah? Well, that's enough, pinko! You're through. The both of ya."

"I've got two kids in college!" said the elf.

"You can't fire me, I'm Santa Claus," said Santa.

"Not anymore. Get your skinny ass out of here!" the manager said.

After the disastrous visit to the mall, the Beilschmidts were walking back home.

"Well, that went well," Elise said irritably. "Come on, guys."

"Uh, coming, Ellie," said Claus. He walked faster to catch up with his wife.

Gilbert stopped and looked inside a store window. Inside the window was a racing car set.

"Gilbo?" said Ludwig. "What is it?"

"That…that's the racing car set I want," Gilbert said.

"What's going on?" asked Roderich.

"Gilbo's looking at the racing car set he wants," said Ludwig.

"Boys, come on," said Germania. "Let's go home."

"In a minute, Grandpa," said Roderich. "We'll catch up."

"Okay," said Germania. He went back home with Claus and Elise.

Roderich looked at the racing car set Gilbert wanted. "The Hot Wheels Deluxe Elite?"

"Yeah," said Gilbert. "That's all I want for Christmas."

"Well…I don't know if we're gonna be able to get—Ouch! Lizzie," said Roderich.

"Don't say that," Elizabeta whispered.

"I…I mean…Santa will probably bring it to you," Roderich said quickly.

"But he told me not to get it, 'cause he's a Commie," Gilbert said.

"Gilbo, that wasn't really Santa," said Ludwig.

"Really?" asked Gilbert.

"That's right," said Roderich. "Santa's not a Commie."

"But…but why didn't the real Santa come?" asked Gilbert.

"Because the real Santa needs to stay in the North Pole and make sure the elves are working hard to make the toys," Elizabeta said gently. "The Santas at the mall are there because they listen to what kids want for Christmas and then tell Santa later. This year's mall Santa just happened to be a Commie, that's all."

"Oh," said Gilbert. "Okay. But I'll really get the racing car set?"

"Of course, little bro," Ludwig said, messing up Gilbert's hair. "Come on, I'll give you a piggyback ride."

"But, West, I can walk," said Gilbert.

"Don't push yourself," said Ludwig. "Come on, hop on my back."

"Okay." Gilbert got on Ludwig's back and was enjoying the ride.

"Guys, we're gonna go," said Roderich. "See you later."

"'Kay," Ludwig said. Now it was just him and Gilbert walking back home.

"Hey, West," Gilbert said sleepily.

"What is it, Gilbo?" asked Ludwig.

"What do you want for Christmas?" asked Gilbert.

"Um…" said Ludwig. "A date with Krysia," he said quietly. Then he spoke up so his baby brother could hear him. "I don't know. Nothing much."

"You want a date with Krysia Lukasiewicz from your school, right?" asked Gilbert. "'Cause if you want that…maybe you should talk to her."

"Uh…who ever said I wanted a date for Christmas?" Ludwig said nervously.

"Well, don't you?" asked Gilbert. He then yawned and buried his face into the back of Ludwig's jacket.

"Well, yeah, but…" said Ludwig. "That's not important right now."

"Yeah it is," said Gilbert. "Uh, Big Brother, I'm slipping."

"Oh, sorry," said Ludwig. He adjusted his hold on Gilbert so he wouldn't slip off. "And right now, getting you a new heart is more important."

"Okay," Gilbert gave in. He then got so tired that he fell asleep on his big brother's back.

'Cute,' Ludwig thought as he heard his brother's even breathing.

Just then, Ludwig ran into Krysia.

"Hey, Lui," she said happily.

"Oh…" Ludwig said nervously, his face turning red as he spoke. "Kry…sia…u-guh-guh-buh-buh…"

Krysia laughed. "You're funny. Listen, my family's throwing a Christmas party on the 25th, and I was wondering if you'd like to come."

"Uh…s-s-s-s-s-s-sure…" said Ludwig. "A-gah-bah-bah-bah…gotta go." He then took off running, leaving a confused Krysia standing on the sidewalk.

"Wait, Lui…" Krysia called. "Be at my house at 7:30."

Ivan was hiding in an alley, standing in a small trash can. This was obviously a poor attempt at hiding from Natalia, as the girl scared him on their little expedition to the mall.

Ivan saw Ludwig Beilschmidt running by with little Gilbert on his back. The boy ran past the alley, and then came back.

"What are you doing in that little trash can, Ivan the Grouch?" asked Ludwig. The teen had to make a very serious effort not to laugh when he saw Ivan standing in the receptacle.

"Don't call me Ivan the Grouch!" Ivan said angrily. "And, if you must know, I'm hiding from my little sister."

"Why?" asked a very drowsy Gilbert. He had just woken up.

"She scares me," said Ivan. "She dragged me to the mall against my will."

"Well, maybe you should hide in a bigger trash can, Mr. Braginski," said Gilbert. He fell asleep again.

"Where am I gonna find a bigger trash can, kid?" Ivan asked.

"Big Brother," Natalia called. "Where are you?"

"Uh, right there," Ludwig said, pointing to a trash can right behind the Russian. "See?"

"Oh," Ivan said. "Thanks."

"Yeah, yeah," said Ludwig. He really didn't like Ivan at all, because of how the guy treated his father.

Ivan got into the can. "Oh, and if my sister asks, you haven't seen me."

"Right," said Ludwig. "Merry Christmas." He then walked away.

"Bah humbug!" Ivan shouted. He ducked back into the trash can and put the lid on.

"Hey, you," Natalia said to Ludwig. "Have you seen my big brother?"

"Yeah, he's in the alley you just passed, inside the biggest trash can," said Ludwig.

"Okay, thanks," said Natalia. She then went to the alley Ivan was hiding in. She saw the biggest trash can there and threw the lid off. "Hello, Big Brother."

"AAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Ivan screamed. "Go away!"

Natalia then dragged a screaming Ivan out of the can and back to the house.

Ludwig walked through the door, carrying a sleeping Gilbert on his back. "Hi, I'm home."

"Lui, you're just in time for dinner, son," said Elise. "Aw, and you gave Gilbo a piggyback ride. How cute."

"Yeah," said Ludwig. "He fell asleep."

"I'll put him to bed," said Claus. He took Gilbert off Ludwig's back and put the child in bed.

Back at the Braginski's house, Ivan was hiding in his room.

Natalia was on the other side of the door, yelling for Ivan to let her in.

"Big Brother! Big Brother! Open this door! You and I are going to become one whether you like it or not! Why do you have to be such a jerk all the time?"

"No way!" Ivan yelled back.

"Let's become one! Open this damn door! Let me in!" Natalia shouted from the hallway. Ivan then heard the sound of his door being scratched.

"Go away!" Ivan shouted in fear. 'That jerk boy!' he thought. 'Why did he have to tell Natalia where I was hiding?'

Author's Note: About the Seinfeld reference: It was when the Santa in the mall was saying stuff to Gilbert and Gilbert called the guy a Commie, which got the guy and his buddy fired.