Infinite Paradox
{2}
"C'mon, Buck, stay with me," Steve chanted out harshly, breath swelling in his wounded chest. He was pushing himself to the limit. The journey out of the Soviet missile silo was unendurable, coldness scraped in his lungs. A wet trickle of blood made a slow descent over the sharp curve of his bruised jaw. He felt gravity underneath the tread of his boots, giving away as he hauled Bucky's slumped heavy weight over his shoulder. Unknownst to the snowy haze, his best friend was grasping onto wakefulness. The extent of the pain didn't relent.
Despite the welters of blood dripping over his taut lips, Steve carried in his determined strides; fighting the concussions of dizziness obstructing his blue eyes as tears distorted his vision. Pines trees bordering the mountain pass became distant and hazed blotches of unreachable illusions. He couldn't avoid the impending void of exhaustion. A slight limp in his paces grew evident to the pain seizing in his tensed muscles. He gripped onto faith at the divided moment, knowing that somehow they would out of the storm alive. If he was destined to move forward, he needed to find his guiding anchor before defeat would ground him.
His heart thumped wildly. Red dropped over the blankets of white, coloring over the imprints of his unbalanced footprints. There was no denying that he pushed himself to the limit; Tony's blood smeared over his blemished knuckles, a visible reminder of his ultimate and choice to save Bucky from an aimed repulsor blast in the chest. A ripple of unhinged guilt matched the sync of blood rushing through his chilled veins.
Steve glanced into the familiar shadows of regret. He lost traction in his boots as he fell deep into solace. His disinterest to dial Tony's number only increased as his blue eyes leveled into a hardened glint at the ring of bruises coloring on his knuckles. His bones felt unscrewed as he faltered in his regal stance while he eased the last remnants of pain before casting a gaze to the emptiness of the snowy void. He was lost in deep thought. No focus on his surroundings as he barely registered cold slashes of wind. He couldn't tame the balance of discarded emotions. He couldn't hold everything in. Tony and him, never understood each other from day one.
...You don't deserve that shield.
Differences were scaled by ideals and choices. He was a soldier who was stuck in an endless war, who fought for the protection of defining innocence and the noble cause of ensuring the right of freedom to everyone who imagined it. The refueling of his choices to evade the Accords demoted him to feel indifferent, to edge closer to the dark side of his stowed reservations.
Rage fueled torrents of adrenaline as Steve grounded his steeled weight over Iron Man's armor, raising the shield to bash into the face plate. Mercy was shredding. He was no longer harboring resistance-nothing would be held back. The balance of betrayal and vengeance had been bisected and Bucky was laying on the cement, immobilized with only a stump frayed metal attached to a heap of singed alloy.
With his blue eyes blazing into depths of a furious storm, Steve gave Tony no opening to relent his defense, he violently rammed the shield into the helmet with brutal and bone-crushing force. Sparks flew at impact. He tore the face plate off and stared down at rivets of blood smeared over Tony's suave and aging features. Surges of white-hot pain were inducing his unhinged vengeance. The semblance of Captain America vanished in a contortion of livid remorse. It was nearly driving him to a point of no return. "You never gave Bucky a chance..." Breath heaved out shallow pants. Thoughts ambushed his mind as he barred his teeth, letting the shield hang inches over Tony's chest. The bluish glow of arch reactor reflected in the red painted alloy.
In one acrid seethe fuming out of his tight lips, Steve raised his arms high at impaling width and glared at the billionaire with a sheen of unshed tears. "He is my friend. Always will be..." A vicious seize of emotion had creased his bloodied face, tears washed over the welts and deep gashes; when the shield crashed down. And so did his world. In reaction, to the unmerciful clash, Tony raised his arms to guard his chest but the shield divided them apart as thunderous clangs of vibranium echoed through the chamber, metallic chassis was cracking open as Steve pressed all his raw strength against the shield.
A taste of blood clogged his senses as he felt the harnessed power surging through him. Darkness overtook him. The call for retribution was brimming. He was determined to inflict harm, to unleash all instincts to protect his friend.
It was a natural defense that wouldn't abate. Bucky's life was on the line, and he couldn't allow his best friend- his brother -to endure pain. Not again. It was a test of will and strength. He wouldn't relent, because if he did, he feared that Bucky would pay the price.
Right at that direct moment of using caliber precision with his arms, Steve felt closer to the edge and unstable to anchor himself down.
'What have you done, Rogers?'
Awareness came back to him as drops blood painted the ground. Evidence that he was on the verge of turning into a killing machine. A strange hollowness overtook as he relented from the assault and drove all his intent at the dent face plate he tossed to the ground. Despite speed being a vital skill in combat, could also become a ravaging force controlled by a murderous surge of impulse that would have instilled pain.
It felt like everything turned against him, he wielded the power to kill Stark, but as he stared deeply into Tony's wetted hazel eyes filled with open panic, he let go of the shield and stopped himself. Enough blood was shed between them. He slid his thighs back and eased his faltering weight of Tony's armored body.
A flood of emotions immersed against his aching heart, and he was drowning in pain. No words came between them. Steve limped towards Bucky and hoisted him gently up against his chest, never looking back at Tony as he dropped the shield. He drove his focus on Bucky...That's all he focused on.
'I'm sorry, Tony...'
Realization struck his diminishing spirit. He wasn't the heartbeat of the Avengers, not anymore. The choices he made out of defiance and the unbreakable promise he vowed to Bucky had made him become an outcast. Captain America was the prevailing hero to carry the banner of freedom, he was shredded down into a false illusion of reactive compromise. He fell as a soldier, not as that star-Spangled poster boy everyone idolized in comic books and on trading cards. He never wanted to be a hero, just a symbol of unyielding hope that the world could reclaim their taken freedom if people became unified in strength to take a stand against the darkness.
"Hang in there, Buck," he beckoned to his friend in an urgent rasp, securing his tattered glove hand over Bucky's neck, entwining through damp tresses of dark unkempt hair, and felt his weakening pulse. He knew Bucky never will never quit fighting. He had himself push onward and find a safe house close to their range of walking distance. Medical attention was vital.
The stench of metallic and blood hung thickly in the violent gusts of air. A potent evidence that his bleeding out, almost ready to plunge into a void of unconsciousness. He didn't have much time. The last silver flecks of daylight were vanishing behind masses of clouds over the horizon. Darkness would soon cover the Siberian landscape. Breath was strained as he managed to force words of genuine promise. He wished to his good faith that he would keep it."We're gonna make it through, Buck." A faint smile cracked over his split up as a fond childhood memory immersed through his mind."Remember when I was too dumb enough to walk home on a busted ankle, you carried me back home."
Bucky stirred back to consciousness, his eyelids faintly opened to reveal the pale flecks of icy blue in his eyes. He parted his lips, tasting the dried blood that was smeared over his stubbled jaw and he tasted its bitter tang. "S'much fun," he slurred in a hastened Brooklyn drawl tilting his head up to glance at Steve through wolfish and loose tresses. His feet dragged over the snow. He wasn't wholly focused. The brutal onslaught of pain kept him stiff as his exposed fingers gripped over Steve's shoulder guards. He lost his ability of discipline, his athletic bulk was doused in sweat. He wasn't the lethal and efficient HYDRA combatant, just a battered down soldier relying on his captain to bring him home. "Where are we heading, Steve?"
"I don't know," Steve whispered in heaviness, he paused in his strides and traded a passive glance to the darkened forest ahead. Wariness snatched his defiance. He felt directionless, leading Bucky towards an unknown encampment of trees that would lead them to an inevitable death by a wild animal picking up their weakened scent.
He squared his jaw, feeling the leather strap of his helmet digging into his flesh. The searing coldness was freezing his bones raw, he could barely command an effort to move another inch. The edge of darkness was casting over them."Our best bet is to keep movin', if we don't we'll be goners by nightfall. Either the cold will get us or something less friendly will."
A stiffened groan emitted from Bucky's grimacing lips. He knew that his slacked weight was dragging Steve down. A devoid of choice shadowed his eyes, as glints of light reflected so deeply of frosted blue. A taut scowl revealed his extorting remorse. He whispered with a harsh edge of disdain."You should leave out here, I'm no good to you anymore...Hell, I'm no good to anyone."
"Buck, don't you dare say that," Steve grounded out in a heartbeat. The firmness of his baritone was fading as gobs of blood dripped out of the gash carved in his cheek. His face became fractured with unbidden pain. At that moment when his grimace was hidden by shadow, everything felt lifeless-unreachable. Bucky's wretched-stricken words lanced into his chest, opening the gap wider.
Masking a sting of tears with cold determination, Steve involuntarily narrowed the fierce intensity of his azure eyes down at his best friend. He wondered how long he would have until HYDRA's programming slipped back into Bucky's mind. His shaky hand gripped over Bucky's fleshed shoulder, defining a hushed penance as his fingers coiled over the singed leather. "We're finishing this mission together," he amended in a raw exhale, shifting his rigid weight to Bucky's side. In truth, he didn't want to lose his best friend again."M' not gonna leave you. Never again."
A grunt escaped passed Bucky's gnashed teeth, his gruff undertone crackled in a rasp. He glanced blearily up at the battered super-soldier. Tears welled in his listless eyes, he possessed the limited strength to deliver a cold and severe acceptance of the imminent fate before them."S-Steve," he breathed out a ragged stutter, his eyelids were fluttering closed as his voice failed him."Y-you gotta let me fall..."
"Just keep leaning on me, Buck," Steve urged fervently, shielding his arm over Bucky's back. He refused to surrender to the harsh elements around them.
He wouldn't let Bucky sacrifice himself for a sense of redemption. Yes, cherished memories were lost to them, but new ones would arise if they held onto each other.