AN: Sorry for the delay, my internet has been down and school has been hard and we got a puppy (yay!). Also, it was stinking difficult to find a flaw for Lucy. She's always described as the perfect child, so I hope this is believable.
Chapter Two
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"She saw herself throned on high at a great tournament in Calormen and all the kings in the world fought because of her beauty. After that it turned from tournaments to real wars… Then it changed and Lucy, still beautiful beyond the lot of mortals, was back in England… And Susan was jealous of the dazzling beauty of Lucy, but that didn't matter a bit because no one cared about Susan now."
The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, C.S. Lewis
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Lucy remembers that dark fairy tale—the one that granted her beauty beyond any physical world. She remembers the lust, the power, the desire. She remembers the feeling of, for once in her life, surpassing Susan.
"Lucy, dear, you really ought to consider pinning these lovely curls up sometime. You'd look gorgeous, you know."
Lucy has always been the first one to see. She found the Wardrobe and its glittering world and later stumbled upon the pathway home. She witnessed the Death that garnered salvation for her family and would discover, years later, Aslan's presence in a Narnia she had previously thought forsaken. She would seek hope in a white albatross and unveil a Magician's Book with unspeakable secrets.
"I've always worn my hair down. You know that, Susan. Besides, I like it this way. It reminds me of Narnia."
No one would ever know quite what Narnia meant to Lucy. It was a place where she had purpose, beauty, and purity, and she clung to these memories with a desperation neither her brothers nor sister could ever imagine.
"Can we go a day without blathering on about this Narnia business, Lu? Just a day? It was only a game—pretty pictures we saw in our imaginations."
Oh yes, Lucy sees many pictures—dark pictures. She sees her own heart and the blackness that lies hidden in a small corner. Just as she has seen the majesty of Aslan, Lucy sees her own inadequacy. And she is jealous. Jealous of those who possess the traits of the valiant queen she once was. Lucy wishes for purpose again. For dignity. She wishes to be more than a little girl.
"I won't argue about this again, Susan. Don't talk to me like I'm your ignorant little sister. I've more experience than you'd care to recognize."
Peter is an adult again, well on his way to becoming a successful doctor. Edmund has immersed himself in England's judicial system. Both of her brothers have found purpose. Susan… Susan no longer remembers, but she is beautiful and elegant. Susan is respected. Lucy sees this, and she is envious. She hates the dark corner that whispers to her of childish actions and insufficiency.
"Yes, well, whatever you say, dear. I do think you ought to let me do your hair. If I start now, we could both make it to the party."
Lucy has been given the gift of sight and thus sees her own flaws. Her fairytale is over, her innocence and joy diminished. Lucy knows that she may never achieve anything great in this world—especially if success means attending silly parties.
"I'm meeting Peter and Edmund at the train station, Su. We'd love to have you. It'd be like before…"
She sees that story again. The one of a beautiful, powerful Lucy. Someone who means something, who can accomplish things.
"Why should I come? So I can listen to the three of you talk about your imaginary country? Hm? Is that what you want? To drag me into your childish fantasies and ruin everything I've accomplished here?"
That Lucy—the one kings covet and princesses secretly despise— is not happy.
"You cannot truly enjoy this, Susan. Don't you remember a time before all of this superficial rubbish? You were stunning in Narnia, yet you didn't care. You didn't try. Be the queen you are. Be our sister."
Lucy will never have a place in this world. She sees that now.
"I am happy, Lucy. You're just too caught up in your fairytale world to see something real."
A thousand pictures from a fairytale world blur before Lucy's vision, one image standing out among all other. She sees a figure who has guided her, loved her, and sacrificed everything for her.
"This isn't real, Susan. What's real is that night at the Stone Table. Those seconds when your head is buried in Aslan's mane and you feel as if nothing in the world can ever hurt you because He's there are the realest moments in the world. What's real is that I'm never going to be good enough, Susan, but He will always be. I love you, Su, and I wish you were coming, but I have to go. I've a train to catch."
Hours later, as she lies broken in a jungle of metal, Lucy remembers that murky place in her heart, as ominous as death's approach. Darkness engulfs her, yet Lucy does not fear, for her face is pressed into Aslan's golden mane, grace shrouding the dark corner. Her eyes fail her, yet for the first time in a long while, Lucy sees.
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"Jesus said to him, 'Receive your sight; your faith has healed you.'"
Luke 18:42
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