Olivia
"I'm…I'm not sure, Jake," I mumbled, watching as his face crumbled. He was kneeling before me, holding an expensive looking engagement ring in his hand. This was the second time he had proposed since we had started dating almost two years ago. The first time I had told him that I was still rebounding from a tough break-up and that had been true. Now, I don't really know why I was hesitating. Maybe it was because I had always seen myself marrying someone else.
"It's because of him isn't it?" He didn't sound angry…just hurt. I felt a pang in my heart at the mention of Fitz. I don't believe that I will every truly get over him.
"N…no. I'm just not ready. Ask me in a year?" My attempt at a joke fell flat. Jake shook his head, standing and closing the velvet box in his hand; shielding the diamond from the flickering candlelight.
"I'll wait on you, but only because I love you. I want you to remember that." His look told it all; he really did love me and it made me feel guilty that I couldn't feel the same for him. He leaned in to kiss my cheek before walking out of the dining room. I sighed and stood, walking toward the bedroom. On my way, I noticed that Jake had positioned himself on the couch, flipping on the television. I opened the bedroom door and slowly walked inside. I kicked my black heels off and glanced at the nightstand beside the bed. My phone lay on the small table, seemingly calling to me. I sighed and grabbed the device, quickly walking outside on to the terrace. I glanced over my shoulder to see that the bedroom was still empty before quickly dialing the digits that I had branded in my mind.
I glanced over the railing at the bright lights of New York City as my phone began ringing. I felt the butterflies in my stomach. I hadn't spoken to Fitz since before his reelection in an attempt to distance myself from him and not be the proverbial and literal flat tire on the reelection trail. He had threatened to walk away from it all for me – I couldn't let him give up on his dream.
I heard a car honking and looked down on the crowded street as my phone continued to ring. I had about given up hope when I heard an all too familiar voice on the other line. "Hello?"
My breath caught in my throat. I was almost too afraid to say anything. I hadn't heard Fitz's voice in nearly two years. I avoided anything and everything that involved him. I shivered as I felt the cold December breeze – I probably should have thrown a coat on over the strapless purple gown I was wearing.
"Fitz?" I breathed, afraid of how he would react. I slowly sat on the bench that Jake had insisted on placing on the terrace last year. I sat in silence for a few minutes, afraid that Fitz had hung up. My heart was pounding in my chest and I began to wonder if I had made a mistake by calling.
"Honey, why are you calling me so late?" Fitz's smooth voice came across the line. I could hear the wind whistling through the phone and I knew he was outside. Probably on the Truman balcony. His favorite place to escape Mellie. I felt tears welling in my eyes and a lump forming in my throat at finally hearing the love of my life's voice after so long.
"I really don't know," I choked out, feeling the coldness of a tear on my cheek.
"It's kind of hard to talk right now," Fitz murmured, his voice barely above a whisper.
"I know…I just…I just need someone to talk to right now," My voice broke as the tears began falling, the cold New York air nearly freezing them to my face.
"Honey, why are you crying? Is everything okay?" He sounded concerned, like the Fitz I remembered, before…before I walked away. I sighed and attempted to think of happier thoughts, wiping my eyes free of tears. I knew that my mascara was probably a mess; hopefully Jake wouldn't walk out here. He was too sweet of a guy to know that I was crying over someone else.
"It's nothing…What have you been up to?" I decided to change the subject, little did I know how horrible that decision would be.
"Not much. Everything seems to have died down these last few months. Mellie and I are doing better. We renewed our vows last month."
I dropped the phone, unable to respond. Fitz and Mellie…renewed their vows? I couldn't believe he had reconciled with that woman. Chosen to continue his life with her…not me. I wasn't sure about moving forward with Jake because I was still in love with Fitz. I had figured that he was still in love with me, too. I guess I was wrong.
"That's amazing." I placed the phone back to my ear, unable to find the enthusiasm to match my words; I was truly heartbroken. "So, what's she like?"
I'd never met Mellie. It was almost like Fitz had intentionally kept the two of us from one another. I couldn't blame him. It would have been awkward for his wife to meet his mistress. Asking about her had always been a touchy subject. There was an unspoken rule that we wouldn't speak about her when we were together. I figured now was my chance to find out.
I probably shouldn't have asked, but I had to know. I needed to know what this woman was like that got Fitz – who would likely get to keep him forever. What powers did this woman have that she could make Fitz forget about me? I wondered if he ever thought about me when he was with her. It was a question that had been burning in my mind since we first hooked up.
"She's not you," Fitz said softly after a long pause. I felt my heart stop for a moment – he was still in love with me.
"I suppose not." I smiled to myself, feeling slightly giddy that he had compared her to me, yet I felt sad at the way things had panned out.
"What about your guy…Jake is it?" His voice sounded anxious, like he was dreading the answer. It was the same voice he had used when he had asked me if I was sure that we should break-up.
"He isn't you," I responded, telling the truth. I thought of Jake, sitting in the living room with his engagement ring. He said he loved me, but my heart belonged to Fitz. No matter what, he would never match up to the love of my life.
"I guess we never really moved on." He sounded wistful, like he too wondered if we had made a mistake.
"Guess not…it was the time of our lives." The statement couldn't have rung more true. My time with Fitz was the most memorable and the best memories I had of Washington.
"It's funny that you called me tonight," There he paused to chuckle, "I had a dream about you…we were married. Had a couple kids. You were here with me."
That made me smile. The other night I had had a similar dream. I dreamt that I had had the nerve to tell Fitz yes that December and that I hadn't walked away or made the choice that I did. It was the first time in my life that I had woken up crying.
"Strange. I had one just like that," I smiled, recalling the dream with ease. I had analyzed it many times since that night.
"Does he know you're talking to me? Will it start a fight?" That question of his wiped the smile from my face. Thinking of that dream had made me almost forget about Jake. Well, almost until Fitz had to bring him up.
"No…what about your…your wife?" I asked, struggling to say that word. I hated that someone else got that title. I had adolescent dreams of being the one who could someday call herself Mrs. Fitzgerald Grant III.
"No, I don't think she has a clue." Fitz sounded distracted, like he wasn't quite paying attention.
"Good…Fitz, I miss you," I finally admitted, letting the words tumble from my lips. I felt relief swell in my chest at having finally admitted to myself that after all this time, I still wasn't over Fitz.
"I miss you too," Fitz breathed and I felt the butterflies in my stomach, like the first time he had told me he loved me.
"Do you…do you ever wish things had turned out differently? That she was me?" I had to ask that question. I just had to know if he really had moved on or not. He once told me that he wished we could get married. I made a promise to myself that if he said no, I would hang up and continue with my life…Fitz free.
"I'm not going to lie, sometimes I wish she was you." I felt a smile forming on my face at his words.
"Sometimes I wish he were you too," I admitted to him. It was still half a lie though. It wasn't sometimes that I wished Jake was Fitz…it was most of the time.
"Coming from the lips of an angel, hearing those words makes me weak." I smiled at his choice of words. Apparently not even time had changed my Fitz.
"Still poetic as ever, I see." There was a pause on the line, as if Fitz was unsure of what to say next. I glanced up, noticing for the first time that it was snowing. I held my palm out and watched as a small snowflake landed in my palm. I closed my hand around the frozen water, trying to push back memories of mine and Fitz's last Christmas together.
"It was really good to hear your voice again. I don't want to say goodbye, but you're making it too hard to be faithful. Goodbye, Angel." With that, he hung up the phone. I pulled my phone back to look at it in shock. After admitting that he still missed me, I couldn't believe that he had actually hung up on me. I willed my tears back and stood from the bench, walking back into the bedroom. I laid my phone down on the nightstand and slowly made my way to the bedroom door. Anger was boiling in my veins. I had to do something that would hurt Fitz as much as he had hurt me. With a heavy heart, I walked into the living room and came to a halt in front of Jake.
Jake sat on the couch, looking absolutely adorable. He had slung the black jacket of his tuxedo over the couch and sat in his white dress shirt; his red tie had been loosened. He had taken his shoes off and they sat beside the couch on the floor. His brown hair was falling slightly into his eyes. I smiled at him as he looked up at me.
"I did some thinking and…yes. I will marry you. I love you, Jake, and I don't want to lose you." I hoped that I sounded sincere.
The smile that Jake gave me caused a pang in my heart. I loved Jake, just not as much as Fitz. Maybe in time, I would come to love him as much – or almost as much. Until then, I just hoped that he never found out that I didn't love him as much.
"That's great! I love you too, Olivia," Jake exclaimed, sitting up from the couch and slipping the ring box from his pants. He took my hand and slid the large, diamond ring onto my finger before placing a kiss on my hand.
"You couldn't have made me happier," Jake smiled, kissing me as he led me toward our bedroom. I sighed into his kiss – this was going to be a long night, but it was my payback to Fitz.
A/N- And now you know Olivia's side of the story. Thank you everyone who has reviewed. More, or no? – Cass