Ch2…
Disclaimer: Me sa no own…sad but true…
~Haha! *holds up paper bag* I'm back with chap 2!! *dumps chapter two onto web page* Enjoy minna, n thankies fer reviewing^^~
Far, far away, in an isolated province of ancient China, there was an endless plain…
~Endless plain appears on screen~
And on that endless plain were two tiny seshi specks …~Camera zooms in. Tasuki and Chichirii appear. And yes, Tasuki is still playing the role of the pony…~
And those two tiny seshi specks on the endless plain were happily singing…
~Chichirii sings 'One Thousand Magical Books In This World' with Tasuki emphasizing on the "Why? WHY??!!" parts~
Get the picture? Good! ^-^Chichirii: One thousand magical books in this world, one thousand magical books…and out of them all, I had to choose Paul…one thousand magical books in this world…
Tasuki: Why? WHY??!! *sobs* WHH-HHYYYY???!!!!!
Chichirii: Wow…that's a lot of emphasis no da.
Tasuki: Aw…shaddup…*grouches to himself* Darned singing monks…
Chichirii: Nine hundred and ninety-nine magical books in this world, nine hundred and ninety-nine magical books…and out of them all, I had to choose Paul… nine hundred and ninety-nine magical books in this world…
Tasuki: *clenching fists* Iwillnotkillhim…Iwillnotkillhim…*pauses, thinking* Hang on…you gave a name to a book??!
Chichirii: Well, I had to no da! 'Book' doesn't rhyme with 'all', does it na no da?!
Tasuki: -_-;; I just had to ask…
Chichirii: Tasuki no da…
Tasuki: What??
Chichirii: What would you say if I told you that you were about to walk into a lake which mysteriously appeared out of nowhere no da?
Tasuki: I'd say that your brain shrunk even more than your body did. Why?
Chichirii: Oh…just asking no da…*pulls on snorkel and goggles*
Tasuki: What the *beep* are you doin? Are you *beeping* craz-
(There is a horrible "SPLASH" sound, followed my assorted screams, curses and gurgling)
Tasuki: AHHHHHH!!!! WATER!!!!!!!! *flounders around in knee-deep pond* HEEEEELLLLLLLPPPPP!!!! I'M *BEEPING* DROWNING!!!
(Chichirii is swimming slowly towards Tasuki. The gravity-defying bangs really live up to their reputation, and stick straight out of the water. Jaws music, which I do not own, plays)
Tasuki: OH MY SUZAKU IT'S A SHARK!!! AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! *suddenly forgets about drowning* GET ME OUTTA HERE!!!!!! *runs out of lake, out of water, and out of sight*
Chichirii: *pokes head above water and removes scuba gear* Da?
Duck: Quack! Quack! Quack! *pecks Chichirii on head*
Chichirii: Ah! Evil psycho duck no da!! *teleports to Alaska*
-Meanwhile-
Far, far away, in an isolated province of ancient China, there was a valley…
~Valley appears on screen~
And in that valley was a pig farm…
~Camera zooms in. Pig farm appears~
And on that pig farm in the valley lived Nakago The Self-Proclaimed General Who Is Really A Pig Farmer…
~Brief glimpse of Nakko in overalls, surrounded by a milling crowd of pigs~
Get the picture? Good! ^-^Nakago: *flinging handfuls of pig feed in all direction* Have more food, my pretties. Then, when you are strong enough, I will use your tremendous porky power to take over the world!! Muahahahahahahahahahaha!!!
Tasuki: *runs madly onto scene* AHHHHHHHHH!!! Huh? *blink blink* What the *beep* am I doin here??
Nakago: =( You have entered the sacred territory of the Seiryuu! Go, my minions! Attack the intruder!
(Thousands of pigs charge towards Tasuki, who is too busy laughing to notice)
Tasuki: Mfuahahahaha*snort*hahahahaha*snort snort*hahaha!!!!!! The *beeping* leader of the Seiryuu seven is a *beeping* bacon seller!!
Nakago: *shoots his Angry General GlareTM* Do not doubt the power of the pig!!! They will crush your pathetic non-piggy form in an instant!
(The pigs are still in the process of charging towards Tasuki, who is still laughing his head off)
Tasuki: Hahaha! *wipes away tears* *Beep*Nakago, this has gotta be the funniest *beeping* thing since Tama got his shirt caught in the dishwasher!
Nakago: No!! Not funny! Evil!!! EEEVVVVIIILLLLLLL!!!!!
(Miaka appears in a ninja outfit, complete with samurai sword and black ribbons in hair)
Miaka: *Leaping over fence in a single bound* HYYYAAAAHHHHH!!!!
Nakago/Tasuki: o.O Miaka??!
(Pigs stop charging and stare dumbly)
Miaka: *brandishing sword* I am Mia-Ki, the most dangerous bandit of this valley! Hand me the food and no one gets hurt!!
Tasuki: -_-;;; I shoulda known…
Nakago: *sigh* Does she always think with her stomach? *blasts Mia-Ki out of valley with his Super Special Seiryuu BlastTM)
Miaka: NOOOOO!!!! FOOOOOOD!!!!!!
Nakago: *shakes fist* And stay away! My pigs need to be healthy if they're gonna help me with my plan of world domination…
Tasuki: oO
Nakago: What??! At least they have some degree of intelligence!!
Tasuki: …
-Meanwhile-
Far, far away, in an isolated province of ancient Alaska, there was glacier…~12000000000000000000foot glacier appears~
And on that glacier there was an igloo…~Camera zooms in to sparkly igloo teetering dangerously on the peak of the glacier~
And in that igloo on the glacier lived a one-eyed seshi~Tomite appears, complete with eye patch, comical hat and ice arrows~
Get the picture? Good! ^-^
Tomite: *sipping tea* Ahh…this is so relaxing…
(Just then, Chichirii crashes through the roof with a…)
Chichirii: DAAAAAAA!!! *lands in sofa* Well, that wasn't so bad…^-^
(The igloo begins swaying violently from side to side. Tomite spills tea all over his front)
Tomite: *BEEP*!!!
Chichirii: Uh oh…
(Cracks begin forming in the wall. Bits of frost spray everywhere)
Chichirii: This is bad no da…*hides under cushion*
(Everyone hangs on for dear life as the igloo topples off and plummets 12000000000000000000feet into the ocean)
Tomite: My teeeeeeaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!
Chichirii: My haaaaaaaaiiiiiirrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Well, I guess now we know what their main priorities are…-_-;;)
-Meanwhile-
Far, far away, in an isolated province of ancient China, there was a garden…
~Garden appears on screen~
And in that garden was a house…
~Camera zooms in. Relatively normal-looking house appears~
And in that house in the garden lived a purple haired seshi…
~Nuriko appears, complete with braids, bracelets and very frilly dress~
Get the picture? Good! ^-^
Nuriko: *whistling* Dum de dum dum…*to rose* You're so pretty…just like me…
Rose: *hack hack* No way! I'm like so much better looking!!
Nuriko: Nani??! *raises fist* You can't say that to me!!!
Rose: Why not? I've been listening you go on and on about that "Hotohori" guy like so many times already! It's like so lame!! He is so not worth my time.
Nuriko: *can you say 'mad'?* STUPID *BEEPING* FLOWER!!! NO ONE TALKS THAT WAY ABOUY MY HOTOHORI!!!!!! *grabs lawn mower* GAAAH!! *runs over rose multiple times*
Rose: Noooooo!!!! *splat* The agony!! *squish* The cruelty of it all! *squealch*
Nuriko: *grabs flamethrower* BURN!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!
(A sizzling sound is heard, accompanied my a shrill scream)
Kourin: *opening front door* Nani, aniki? What's happening out here? *waggles finger* You aren't torturing the plants again, are you?
Nuriko: Eh hehehehe…*blocks charred remains of rose from view* Nope…^-^;;
Kourin:-_-;;
-Meanwhile-
Far, far away, in an isolated province of ancient Alaska, there was a sea…
~Sea appears on screen~
And in that sea was a plank…
~Camera zooms in. Measly looking plank appears~
And next to that plank in the sea were two stranded seshi…
~Chichirii and Tomite are shown in reclining inflata-chairs, complete with sunglasses, coconuts and a waterproof radio~
Get the picture? Good! ^-^Chichirii: Daa…this is the life^^…*sips coconut*
(The radio is playing "One Thousand Magical Books In This World", the latest hit on 77.7 FM!!)
Tomite: Tea would've been better…
Chichirii: Okay then no da.
(Chichirii snaps his fingers and a huge cup of tea appears)
Tomite: ^_____________^ Now that's more like it!
Chichirii: ^^ I agree no da!
Radio: We interrupt this broadcast to bring you a special news update! It has just been confirmed that a pig farm in an isolated province of ancient China has been burnt by a mysterious fire. The only survivor of this horrifying ordeal, a Mr. Nakago-sama, had this to say about the incident…
(Nakago's voice is heard, crackling slightly due to static)
Nakago: How could he do this to me??! I was supposed to run a world domination organization, not a breakfast outlet!!! That stupid son-of-a-
Radio: *tactfully interrupting* The identity of the perpetrator is still currently unknown, though it seems to be indirectly linked to a suspicious-looking earring that was discovered at the scene of the crime. Our group of forensic experts have also discovered the words "I belong to Tasuki" inscribed on it. If you have any information as to who the attacker might be, please contact Tokaki at 1900-08-IMFREE2NITE, or email Subaru at Do_I_Have_To_Get_Out_The_Superglue_Again@seshi.net. Your assistance is greatly appreciated.
Tomite: Hey…doesn't that sound a bit like-
Chichirii: Tasuki na no da!! *disappears with a pop*
Tomite: Hey! Monk Boy! Where'd ya go?
(Seagull squawks. Chichirii doesn't reply)
Tomite: *shrugs* Oh well…*chugs down more tea* Mmmmmmmm…
-Meanwhile-
Far, far away, in an isolated province of ancient China, there was a very big plot of land…
~Very big plot of land appears on screen~
And on that very big plot of land was a mansion…
~Camera zooms in. Gigantic twenty-story mansion appears~
And in that gigantic twenty-story mansion on the very big plot of land lived the emperor of Konan…~Hotohori appears, complete with long flowing pajama-like robes, not-so tangle-free hair and pink bunny slippers~
Get the picture? Good! ^-^
Hotohori: *Yawn* It's too early to wake up…*groan*
Tasuki: *hiding in laundry basket* Psst! Hotohori!
Hotohori: It's too early to be "psst"-ed at…*groan* *flops onto overly large couch*
Tasuki: Hotohori!!
Hotohori: It's too early for me to be hearing things…*groan*
Tasuki: HOTOHORI!!!
Hotohori: It's too early for me to be shouted at…*groan*
(Tasuki, being the very refined man that he is, hops out of the laundry basket, and flings it at the dozing emperor)
Tasuki: OI! WAKE UP YOU *BEEPING* LAZY LUG!!!! I NEED YOUR *BEEPING* HELP!!!!!!!
Hotohori: *finally wakes up* Ouch! Well, that's a nice way to ask for it…
Tasuki: Shaddup…I need your help to find Chichirii! I've sorta lost him.
Hotohori: Well, what does he look like?
Tasuki: *thinking* Well…he's about this high *holds up Tessen*, is in SD form, and has gravity-defying blue hair…hey…wait a sec-*whacks Hotohori on the head* You know what the *beep* he looks like!!!
Hotohori: I do?
Tasuki: YES YOU DO!!!!!!!!!
Hotohori: Well, I dunno where he is anyways…and why were you hiding in my laundry??
Tasuki: I had to…I'm wanted for torching Nakago-baka's pig farm.
Hotohori: How could you do such a thing??! Tasuki! I'm so asham-did you say "Nakago"?
Tasuki: Yep.
Hotohori: Oh. That's alright then.
Tasuki: -_-;;; Right….so d'ya know anyone who might know where he is?
(Just then, Tamahome the local door-to-door seshi salesman appears)
Hotohori: *rolls eyes* Right on time…
Tama: Heya Tasuki-ol-buddy-ol-pal!!
Tasuki: Help…
Tama: I just happen to have exactly what you need!
Tasuki: *sarcastically* You don't say…
Tama: I do say. Behold-the latest in Suzaku Schiseshi tracking devices-the Seshi-Finder!!! *pulls out metallic looking thingamajig with lotsa weird buttons and the words "Only for use by Suzaku's seshi" printed on the side)
Hotohori: Whoopee…
Tasuki: And you expect me too buy that thing…
Tama: *nod nod* Only 100000000006 ryou!!
Hotohori: But that's robbery! Even my hair gel costs less!
Tama: *shrugs* Hair gel is hair gel…Seshi-Finder is Seshi-Finder…
Tasuki: Are you sure it works? *grabs tracking device and types in Tamahome's name*
(Seshi-Finder splutters a few times, then the words "in front of your face, idiot!" appear on the screen)
Tasuki: What the heck??!! *whips out Tessen* LEKKA-
Tama: You burn it, you buy it.
Tasuki:…Fine…
Hotohori: It does work though…
Tasuki: I know…but some of us are a little less wealthy than others.
Hotohori: Yeah, I agree…
(Long pause)
Tama: Umm…Hotohori…I think that was your cue to generously donate some of your wealth to the Tamahome fund for Tasuki's sake…
Hotohori: Oh. Okay…*takes out checkbook*
Tasuki: Thanks, Hoto! You're the greatest!!!
Hotohori: Yeah whatever…keep in mind that you'll be in my debt for the rest of your waking hours though…
Tasuki: Some friend…*sniffle*
Tama: ^_______^ A pleasure doing business with you!! *saunters out*
Hotohori: Well…look on the bright side…at least we didn't get any complementary Miaka-made cookies or something…
Tasuki: Yeah…I guess…
(And so, our hero walks off into the sunset in search of the other hero, cramming the Seshi-Finder into his pocket as he makes his way off the very big plot of land)
The (second temporary) End
A/N: Since my brain has been reduced to a frozen lump of ice due to too much cramming for tomorrow's Physics test (which I am likely to fail anyway), poor lil Chichirii & not-so-lil Tasuki will be forced to wander around the FY world aimlessly until I can rediscover at least a portion of my missing common sense.
And yes, I do love exclamation marks!!!!!!!! WAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!