Wedding Two: Sheldrake and Starhurst Forever!
The rights to Rex Milligan belong to the late Anthony Buckeridge. Those to Harry Potter belong to J.K. Rowling. Those to the Dana girls, Nancy Drew, the Hardy Boys and others to the Stratemeyer Syndicate. Other rights belong to Marvel Comics, DC Comics/Warner Brothers/Hanna-Barbera, Edward Kitsis and Adam Horowitz, Susan Cooper, Terrance Dicks, the estates of the late Enid Blyton, the late Charles Addams, the late Malcolm Saville, the late Ian Fleming, the late Gerry and Sylvia Anderson and more. I own nothing and make claim to the same nothing.
Late April 2018: The Alchemists Arms
"I never thought that we would ever be treating you to a stag do, Rex!"
"I could say the same about you, Jigger! It'll be your turn in a couple of months. Louise and I have loved each other for years, even if we only realised it this year, as have you and Velma. That is all that matters."
The tall black-haired reporter Rex Milligan looked around the pub at The Alchemists Arms, his No-Maj pass around his neck. Stephen Strange had founded The Secret Circle, a wizard taskforce to protect the Earth from magical or mystical threats. Gomez Addams had, at the suggestion of Jason Blood, converted a long-abandoned hotel he had purchased cheaply into a private members' club that was also The Secret Circle's headquarters.
Rex had started recording the misadventures that he and his friends at Sheldrake Grammar School had experienced during his mid-to-late 1950's early teens. His shorter, stockier redheaded best friend J.I.G. Johnson (universally known by his old school nickname of "Jigger") had joined two former young sleuths and fellow scientists Georgina "George" Kirrin and Jonathan "Jon" Warrender in forming the Paranormal Investigations Bureau. They contacted Rex who had started a career in journalism. As a result, he developed a reputation for being the "British Kolchak". Many years later, he had become the Muggle Correspondent for "The Quibbler", after meeting Luna Lovegood investigating the return of the Hound of the Baskervilles.
Back in the 1920s, Sherlock Holmes had cultivated the Royal Jelly Honey by exposing his bees to the flower of a rare plant and fragments of a meteorite that had landed near the Yorkshire village of Wold Newton in December 1795. A regular treatment with this could restore and prolong youth almost indefinitely. The Great Detective was still active, looking more like 29 than 164! His brother Mycroft had supplied the formula to the Secret Service's various branches, the former young detectives, scientists and the like of Britain, Ireland, the Commonwealth and the United States and others of that ilk. Rex, Jigger and their colleagues both looked and felt fifty years younger than their actual ages. In fact, you wouldn't have known, as Rex put it, that there was any age gap between Nancy Drew, born before the start of World War One, and Ginny Potter, born in August 1981, but looking a decade younger thanks to her enhanced life expectancy as a powerful witch.
Rex had been good friends with Louise and Jean Dana ever since he and his friends at the Bureau had been introduced to them by Nancy Drew in 1967. In fact, it was obvious to all but Rex and Louise, the studious quieter brunette elder sister, that they had quickly fallen for each other. It took the two of them describing the smell of amortentia to Luna Scamander in January 2018 that made them finally realise that they were in love. Now, only three months later, they would be getting married the next day. The wedding would be at the old Dana place at Oak Halls, inherited by the Danas after the deaths of Uncle Ned and Aunt Harriett many years before.
Now, he was in one of the two themed bars at The Alchemists Arms in addition to the restaurant. One of the bars was patterned after an American Diner and the other, in which Rex, Jigger and their party were currently in, after a British or Irish pub.
"Are you apprehensive about tomorrow, Rex?" Harry Potter asked. "Wedding day nerves are normal, mate. In my experience, anyway!"
"Fossilised Fishhooks! Nervous?! I'm terrified!
"Still, I guess you would know! You must have this off pat! First, you married Ginny, then you and her both fell for Wednesday and married her, and then you had to marry Daphne thanks to those odious oiks who took over the Ministry of Magic and forced you into exile, to prevent them from stealing the Greengrass family Wizengamot vote. How do you cope with three wives anyway?"
"Thankfully, Daphne still sees Tracey as her principal spouse. Don't get me wrong, I love her to bits, as she does me. Even so, we only tend to share a bed a couple of times a week.
"Still, since we discovered what was happening to Tracey, Pansy and Millie in Slytherin… Let's just say, I'm glad I blood-adopted Millie as a sister, she married Pansy, Daphne married Tracey and now Daphne has married me too. The kids, Gin, Weds and I all adore them. Other than Draco, Astoria, Scorp and Al, of course, we can't say that about many Slytherins…"
"Narcissa and Andromeda?" Ron Weasley piped up, a pint of Thatchers Gold in hand.
"Them too!" Harry laughed. "Andy particularly, but Narcissa's a good friend too these days."
The tall, thin form of Jon Warrender walked up, as always adjusting his glasses before trying and failing to straighten the thick mop of blonde hair. "With Jigger and George due to marry Velma Dinkley and Jupiter Jones respectively over the next few months, I won't be the only happily married person in the Bureau…" Jon had married his first cousin and fellow Lone Piner Penelope "Penny" Warrender many years before (with Special Licenses from both Church and State, the Lone Piners being both devout and law-abiding).
Rex looked around. It was a relatively quiet affair. "Boko" Phipps, "Alfie" Cutforth, "Staggers" Stagg and other old friends from Sheldrake were present, as were various members of the Famous Five, the Secret Seven, the Swallows, the Baker Street Irregulars and more. All the surviving male Weasleys, Neville Longbottom and Xenophilius Lovegood were also present. Jason Blood was seated at the bar, half-watching Rupert Giles, John Constantine and Will Stanton play a friendly game of darts. Metal Mickey was playing the regular selection of 1980s dance classics as part of his regular Friday Night Mega Bop from a staged area beside the bar. The magical robot's creator Ken was dancing along.
"No Umbridge or Malfoy tonight?!" Charlie Weasley asked. Dolores Umbridge and Lucius Malfoy had been liberated from Azkaban prison by the demon Neron and they and fellow released jailbirds were granted powerful new wands and transport to the Ministry of Magic in exchange for their souls. Only the Secret Circle and various muggle allies (empowered or otherwise) had allowed the exiled rightful British Ministry to reclaim wizard Britain. Umbridge had been prevented from arresting fleeing mages during the faux-Ministry's government by Metal Mickey magically forcing her to dance to "YMCA". It was decided to imprison Umbridge and Malfoy in a pocket reality from which they were brought back in shackles each week by Doctor Strange to be backing dancers at the Mega Bop, compelled to dance by Mickey's chest beam.
"Nah," Jigger chuckled. "Well, would you want that gruesome specimen Umbridge dancing at your stag do? Now, I admit being no oil painting myself. Umbridge, however, is positively foul to look at."
"Fair enough!" Charlie conceded with a laugh.
"Certainly. Now, to perform my best man duties…" Jigger tapped his glass with a knife. "Gentlemen, be upstanding. It is time to toast the groom! To Rex!"
"To Rex!"
The Dana House, Oak Falls, that same night
"Well, Sis, I never thought I would be throwing you a bachelorette party…"
Louise Dana sighed at her bubblier and more adventurous blonde younger sister's comment. "Now, Jean…"
"Let her have her moment, Louise!" chided one of their two best friends from their schooldays at Starhurst School, the pretty blonde Doris Harland. "Given that you and Rex seemed to be doomed to forever miss the obvious, we were despairing of getting you into a wedding dress…"
"I hate to say this, but last I checked…"
"As much as Doris and me," the ever-loyal brunette Evelyn Starr retorted, "want to marry Joe and Iola Hardy, we can't. That was a low blow, Louise! As for Jean, I'm sure the right girl or guy will show up at some point…"
"I'm almost 101!" Jean retorted. "Normally, I would be not just off the shelf, but buried six feet under the floor!"
"Don't!" Louise giggled. "You make me feel like a cradle snatcher, Sis! I'm 102 to Rex's 76…"
As her sister and friends laughed, the bride-to-be looked around. George Kirrin was laughing with her fellow tomboy Georgia "George" Fayne, the two brunettes in dungarees and sweaters. Nancy Drew herself was currently being interviewed by Penny Livingston nee Parker about her latest exploits. It seemed that there was a former young lady sleuth wherever you looked. In addition, there were a few sorceresses' present, most notably Luna Scamander, the younger sister her fiancé never had.
"Mom, Dad, Aunt Harriett and Uncle Ned would have loved to have seen you in that dress tomorrow, Sis," Jean sighed softly, her eyes moist. "I wish they were all here with us…"
"I know, Sis," Louise replied, drawing her sister in close. "Somewhere up there, I'm sure they'll be looking down tomorrow. I mean to do them all proud.
"And you will look gorgeous as my escort too, Jean. They would all be proud of the pair of us."
"Thanks, Sis! Let's get you ready for tomorrow. Let's make sure that it really is the happiest day of your life!"
"Before that, I have a duty to perform as Chief Bridesmaid and Escort…" She promptly tapped a glass with a knife. "Everyone, it is time to toast the bride-to-be. To Louise!"
"To Louise!"
It was the following day, just before midday. Rex was dressed in his morning suit, with Jigger, Jon, Harry and the other Ushers with him. Luna Scamander had agreed to be his escort, with Rolf among the Ushers. All were fully prepared.
"Crystallised Cheesecakes! It's time to go. Thank you to all of you for being there for me – for us…"
"That's what sisters are for," Luna piped up affectionately. "This is just an attack of the wrackspurts, Rex. Cheer up! It's time we got you wed…"
"Never change, Luna!" Rex laughed, hugging her tightly.
A portal had been set up leading to the Dana house. They strode through, to be met by a sandy-haired freckled man and a dark-haired, dark-eyed, olive-skinned woman, both in riding gear.
"Howdy, Rex!" the woman smiled. "So, you are here to finally rope that steer of yours? About time too!"
"Linda, Bob!" Rex greeted the two happily. "Luna, Rolf, Harry, Ron, meet Bob and Linda Craig."
"Nice to meet you," Luna nodded. "Have you two been married long?"
"We're brother and sister!" Bob chuckled. "Don't worry, we get that a lot! And no, neither of us were adopted. I inherited Dad's Scottish looks and Linda Mom's Hispanic ones. We get that a lot too!"
"Linda's the best horsewoman in the community," Jigger added. "The two of them inherited their maternal grandparents' ranch in Southern California some years back. That palomino of Linda's, Chica, is a beautiful creature and a loyal friend."
"Great competitor, too!" Rex added with a grin. "Like her rider!
"Now, as lovely as this is, I believe you need to lead us somewhere?"
Linda led the party to the back garden, where a marquee was on the grass and, in front of it, seats around an elegant desk. "Your seats are at the front. The ceremony doesn't start for twenty minutes. You can take your time."
"Thanks, Linda," Jigger replied.
Luna looked around. "There's a portal here. I wonder where it leads? Oh, it goes to the Tower of London."
"Of course, Luna!" Anne Boleyn's ghost smiled at her. "I wouldn't miss an old friend's wedding. Rex has chosen his spouse much more carefully than I did!" Rex and Luna had interviewed several of the Tower's more famous residents for The Quibbler. Anne had quickly befriended the two and had helped them thwart an attempt to steal the Crown Jewels.
"Congratulations, Rex! My blessings are upon both you and your bride."
"Thank you, Anne." Rex extended his arm to Luna. "Now, if my honorary younger sister can escort me to my place…?"
Fifteen minutes later, everyone rose to their feet as the Bridal March from Lohengrin started. Louise Dana was a vision in white lace, with a full veil and a short train. She was on Jean's arm, with the soft cream dress the younger Dana sister was wearing making her look almost as beautiful as the bride. It was no surprise to see Doris and Evelyn, dressed identically to Jean, carrying the train.
Jean escorted Jean to the front of the seated area. Princess Diana of Themyscira stood up to officiate, taking a cloth and binding Louise's right hand to Rex's. "With this cloth, I bind these two together as one in love for all eternity!" After an exchange of oaths and rings, the couple were invited to kiss. After the various registers were signed, Diana asked for a round of applause for the bride and groom.
"So, Mrs Milligan," Rex said as they shared their first dance as man and wife, "this has been perfect so far. I have attracted no chaos…" He was cut off by a passionate kiss!
"No, Rex!" Louise said when they had finally come up for air. "No jinx! This has been perfect. With you holding me tight, it will never not be perfect again."
"You are right, my love. My fortune has changed completely.
"Mickey! Can you play some Cliff Richard next, please? I would like When the Girl in Your Arms is the Girl in Your Heart."
"Good choice, Mush! My pleasure. Boogie! Boogie!"
"Thank you, Mickey."
Nearby, Velma Dinkley was dancing with Jigger. "This will be us shortly, Jig!"
"Petrified Paintpots! Don't remind me! There's still so much to do…"
"Jinkies! Still, we can get it all done together."
Jon was dancing with his flame-haired wife Penny. "Finally, Newpenny! We can stop despairing of our friends' ever noticing the love interests right under their noses."
"Luna's right, Jon. Rex, Jigger and George aren't just friends now, any more than the other Lone Piners are. They are family!
"When Rex and Louise are back from honeymoon, we should arrange something for the autumn. Both Jigger and George are getting hitched in July, so maybe we could all go for a holiday in September? Linda and Bob are always inviting us to the Rancho del Sol! If we invite Jean as well, it could allow us to bond properly as an extended family.
"What do you think?"
"I think it's a wonderful idea! Although someone had better warn the Southern Californian authorities to keep an eye on dodgy estate agents stocking up on Halloween costumes if Velma is around…"
"Looking forward to joining the family, Jupe?" George asked, as she waltzed with her fiancé Jupiter Jones.
"Well, given that Fred Jones is my second cousin, I was under the considered impression that Velma and I were connected in a quasi-familial manner over an extended chronological period…"
George sighed. "You are so lucky that I find you showing off your extensive vocabulary attractive!"
"You look so pretty, Auntie Louise!" Lily Potter said sincerely.
"Thank you, Lily. You look pretty in yours, as well."
"Thanks. Now," the young redhead said putting her hands on her hips in a manner learned from her maternal grandmother Molly Weasley, "take good care of my Uncle Rex. If not, I'll give you a hexing!"
"You won't have to worry about that, Lily. I intend to devote the rest of my prolonged life to keeping Rex happy."
"Luna and I will do you proud in reporting on your wedding for The Quibbler and The Daily Prophet, Rex," Ginny promised her friend.
"Now, before the final toast, we Furies have a duty to perform. Pansy, if you can hand baby Sirius to Harry…?" Harry took his couple-of-week-old son Sirius Harry Potter into his arms. He had agreed to be the sperm donor for Pansy and Millie's fertility treatment.
Ten witches stood in the centre of the lawn. As one, Millicent, Ginny and Pansy Potter, Daphne and Tracey Greengrass-Potter, Susan Bones-Longbottom, Alicia Spinnet, Katie Bell and Padma and Parvati Patil spun rapidly to the right. Following some therapy on Themyscira in late Summer 2016, Millie had been chosen by the Six Goddesses of Themyscira to become Wonder Witch, the British wizard world's metahuman champion. As they revolved on the spot, there was a blinding flash of light and a thunderclap. When they had finished spinning, her bronzed, toned skin emerged from black armour and skirt covering her from décolletage to upper thigh. The black armour was marked with astrological and alchemical symbols and her gold tiara bore the Caduceus symbol. A Caduceus wand was in a holster in the golden belt around her waist, alongside a lasso and a sword in a scabbard. A bronzed shield was hung across her back and large bracelets covered her forearms from her wrists to her elbows. The other ladies had been chosen by the Six Goddesses during the recent exile to be the nine Furies, Wonder Witch's support team. They were all dressed in a version of Wonder Witch's garb and similarly equipped. Pansy's (or Wrath's, when a Fury) was adapted to take account of her recent pregnancy, but more surprisingly there had been modifications to one of her sister Fury's armour…
"Protectress!" Susan (or Nemesis) called delightedly. "You are pregnant!"
"Yes, about nine weeks along," Daphne (or Protectress) smiled happily. "Only Tracey, the Potters, Mum, Dad, Draco, Astoria, Scorpius and Narcissa knew. We are all very happy.
"Now, though, to business! On your mark, Wonder Witch."
"Thank you." Wonder Witch and the Furies drew their Caduceus wands and gathered in five lines of two, each column on either side of the garden path. "Guard of honour, cast lumos!"
As ten wand tips lit, Rex took Louise's arms and led them to a portal. Once the Furies had all lowered their wands, each guest took a glass and toasted "The bride and groom!" This done, Rex picked up his new wife bridal style and carried her through the portal to Storybrooke harbour, Louise following behind them alongside Rex's hostess during the recent exile, Zelena Mills.
"Welcome, Louise and Jean, to the Balaska II!" Rex announced. "Joe McClaine and Sam Loover of the W.I.N. spoke to James Bond. MI6's Q-Branch gave us this as a wedding present. It is a mid-sized yacht, perfect for sailing holidays. It also has some special features in case we run into trouble or are needed to investigate a nautical matter. I'll show you them later.
"In the meantime, we are sailing for open waters. If you want to get your cases, Louise, Jean…"
"It's your honeymoon! Louise doesn't need a chaperone, Rex. You've married her!"
"Jean, dear," her sister said softly, "you are the only surviving biological family either of us have. We want you to be part of everything. Well, outside our cabin anyway…
"Now, go and pack your case. Plenty of swimwear and scuba gear should be essential."
Three hours later, the three were lounging in the ondeck swimming pool. "You know," Jean mused, "when we first started, swimsuits had sleeves and legs. For the last thirty or forty years, we've been wearing some pretty skimpy bikinis in private!"
"Like we are now, Sis!" Louise giggled as she snuggled up to Rex. "And, Rex, as my husband, you don't need to watch where you put your hands!"
"Sorry, darling, I'm still getting used to this!" he complained. "In any event, technically we still have to consummate the marriage. By, err, you know…
"Wait, Louise, why are you getting out of the pool? And what are those towels for…?"
"For drying us, so we can go the master cabin, silly. We need to consummate the marriage. I'm sure Jean would prefer we did that in private!"
"As would we! Coming, love!"
"So, did you sleep well?" Jean teased the following morning.
"Very well, Sis. All the exercise tired us out!"
"TMI, Sis! Breakfast is cooking now. I'm sure you want to get your strengths up."
"Very much so!" Rex beamed. "We've been at anchor long enough, I think."
"Oh, now that I have you," Louise said softly, throwing her arms around him, "I'm in no hurry to go anywhere as long as you are with me…"