Fire licked up my face and hands, burning the flesh down to the bone, I tried to scream but when I open my mouth nothing but laughter issued from it. Terrible hysteric giggles that didn't belong to me, it wasn't my laugh. I ran from the smoke filled building naked and burning while people screamed inside of it. I continued to laugh.
Then it all changed. I was surrounded by people, they were the ones on fire now, and they were laughing. Laughing at me. I was huddled on the ground, a black match in my hand. I started to scream, and it was such a terrible sound that the burning corpses started to back away from me.
I laid on my back in the padded cell I had fallen asleep in, my voice was raspy and came out in gurgled half sobs, half screams. I tried to stop them but they persisted. The dream had been so vivid, so cruel, so real. I wanted to stand and pace, to decipher it, to understand it, but the room was too small and I knew that I would get nowhere close to a suitable pace. When the strange sounds coming from within me didn't stop, that was when the guards came in assisted by the resident floor nurse. She was carrying a large syringe filled with an unknown clear liquid, I guessed it was something to get me to go to sleep. I turned over so they would have better access. I tried to stay still and closed my eyes. The cries had died down to background noise, and I heard the nurse shuffle closer, I was incredibly still.
"I've never seen one of them hold so still before," She exclaimed seeming shocked, yet somehow relieved. I didn't like how she referred to the patience as thems as if we were a type of animal meant to be contained. In fact I hated it, and at that moment all I wanted was to stand and hit that nurse, to grab her hair, and to scream for her to take it back, to tell her that we were humans too. But I knew that, that kind of behavior would get me nowhere except another two weeks in maximum confinement, so I stayed still. "Usually their up and ranting by now, fighting back." The nurse spoke again, and I had to hold myself back again. I felt her move forward, her foot steps loud and her breathing heavy, then I felt a sharp stab somewhere in hind quarters, I twitched at the poke but did not cry out, it didn't hurt enough for that.
Slowly the unknown medication started to work. The edges of my vision because fuzzy and blurred and the cries stopped, as my mouth hung agape, and my eyes closed again. I knew I wouldn't be awake for at least another eight hours thanks to the sedative, and that was fine with me I just hope it would knock me out enough to rid me of the unpleasant familiar images the haunted me in sleep.
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"Oi! You! Wake up!" I was being shaken and an unknown voice was yelling in my ear, it was disorienting. My eyes, and head were heavy, I tried to lift them but it hurt too much and I soon gave up and slumped into the pads again. I felt another nudge at my side, then another, but I didn't move, and I kept my eyes closed. "come one, get up, were moving you today." The voice was commanding but that wasn't what got me to open my eyes. I had lost track of the days somewhere in the passed two months that I had been in maximum confinement. I raised my head and looked around the room.
Harry and Ben were standing at the door, as well as my main doctor, Dr. Smock. She was wearing a navy and white pinstripe suit, with a red belt and high heels. It seemed a little dressy for an insane asylum physiatrist, but who was I to judge. There was another unknown doctor standing behind her in a white lab suit, and a final unknown guard standing above me with an impatient look on his face. "Come on!" He almost yelled, I flinched back as the noise hurt my ears. Dr. Smock had moved a step forward and had placed a hand on the guards arm.
"Stay calm, John, she's very unstable." She said in an firm voice. The words were meant to be calming and reassuring but they came out harsh and commanding. I glared at the doctor.
"I'm not unstable." I hissed "I just don't like being woken up." I sneered right at her and she returned the look.
"Harry, Ben," She looked at the orderly and guard by the door then motioned to me. "Help her up." again, a command. They obeyed, and moved forward before hoisting me to my feet, I swayed unsteadily, and Harry held onto my arm as he had the day before. I cracked my neck, then looked at Dr. Smock.
"So…" I began conversationally, stretching my back, and rolling my shoulders "Finally decide to spring me Doc?" She didn't answer, but strode from the room and motioned for us to follow her. We did.
We moved through the hall, and to the elevators, all of us stepped in except for Harry, and I then realized that I wouldn't be seeing him anymore. He worked strictly on floor five, and nowhere else. I waved at him sadly, "See ya, Harry." My voice was audibly sad, I felt a strange sort of pity for my self.
"yeah, see ya Cee." He smiled a crinkly eyed smile just before the elevator doors closed. When they were closed Doc Smock turned toward me.
"You will now be staying in a permanent room on floor four, Maximum security. Im not sure if there is any possibility that you will have the chance for demotion, not the way you have acted thus far." She looked at me in a demeaning kind of way, and I glared at her. She continued to speak. "We will, of course, be keeping an eye on you, we sincerely hope that we will not have to put you into max confinement again." I looked at her, she didn't seem very convincing and I was sure that she didn't really care if I was in max confinement or not.
The elevator doors open and we stepped out. Doc Smock led the way down the hall way. It was full, cell after cell, in its white washed walls, and It had the feeling of a real prison. She turned down another hall filled with even more cells, and went all the way to the end where there were three empty cells. She motioned to the one that was open, and I walked in.
"Well isn't this homey." I said sarcastically, she ignored me.
"You will be taken out for breakfast at nine, lunch at one, and dinner at seven, you have a free hour of recreation every other day at three. You will be escorted with a guard at all times, and never forget you are on video camera so someone will always be watching you." This seemed like a threat to me, but I disregarded it, if the wanted to threaten me she could, I wasn't scared of her. After two years of living here all fear I had had, had dissipated. She gave me one last look from head to toe them walked out of my cell. The guard slid my cell door closed and the slamming sound it made echoed through the hall way.
I had been here for two years, since I had been only eighteen years old, and I had spent most of my time in medium security, floor three, up until the past two months, which I had spent in max confinement. Maximum security wasn't so much different from medium, other than the fact that in medium you got two hours of recreation everyday, you didn't live in a barred cell but an actual room, with an actual door, and you had to stay with a room mate.
I went and sat one the lumpy mattress, and looked around. The little cell was very plain, painted white, with nothing but a bed that had been chained to the wall, and a toilet. The bed was covered in yellowed sheets, and a grey wooly blanket. I laid down and tried to relax my body one muscle at a time, listening only to sound of my heart and breathing.
I heard a soft knocking sound from the south wall of the room, and it broke my concentration. I muttered a word not freely used in polite conversation, then rose from my bed walking to the bars. There was a small space between the wall and the bars, just enough room for me to squeeze my self into a position where I could see my neighbors bed.
Sitting on A bed exactly like mine was a small little balding man, with hair growing out of his ears. I looked at him pointedly. He didn't say anything.
"Was there something specific you wanted, or did you just want to piss me off?" I asked acidly. I didn't like being mean to this complete stranger, but I wasn't in the best of moods. He looked offended, and slightly taken aback, but answered me anyway.
"Well, I was just wondering who you were, you know, why you're here." He looked at me and I saw his eyes move up my body, he frowned, he obviously didn't like what he saw. That pissed me off.
"Why do you care?" I asked him.
He stopped to think, looking at my body again. "Your very pretty, I was thinking…" He trailed off. I think he was trying to go for seductive, it just came out cheesy and pathetic.
"What the fuck?!" I looked at him, surprised etched on every line of my face. I'm sure there was quite a bit of disgust too. He looked at me, then licked him lip. "Fuck off, you perve." I growled at him. I stared at his muddy brown eyes daring him to fight back. He didn't.
"Sorry I asked." He said bitterly, disappointed. I squeezed from the bars, and went to go sit on the bed again.
Bastard, I thought sourly.
I laid there for what seemed like hours, staring at the ceiling imagining that I was free, picturing my self running from this place, breathing fresh air, and screaming at the top of my lungs. These were disorienting thoughts, and they made me tired. I closed my eyes, and slowly drifted into unconsciousness.
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BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!
A buzzing sounded around me, startling me for sleep. I sat up and rubbed my eyes, looking around. There was shuffling in all the cells around me, people standing, yawning and stretching. I stood and twisted at the waist, relishing in the feeling that came when my stiff back popped. I looked at the clock, nine o'clock. Breakfast. Yum. I flopped back onto my bed. I didn't particularly want to go to breakfast, that food sucked, and I would most likely be alone considering it was my first time on floor four. But the thought of walking around and stretching my legs was also very appealing.
At that time Ben walked up, with yet another unknown orderly. I Watched them as they opened my cell with a click. I sat there not moving. Ben watched me loathing in his eyes, and the orderly looked annoyed.
"Breakfast," he said, "Come on." I didn't move I continued to look at Ben, He stared at me for a few more seconds then looked away, a look of embarrassment on his scruffy face. The guard cleared his throat. And in the end I decided that the few minutes to walk were too good to pass up. I walked ahead of Ben and the orderly, stretching my legs, and rolling my shoulders as I walked. They followed behind me by about three feet, but I could feel their eyes burning a hole in my back, I tried to ignore it focusing on the stretching of my tight muscles.
I rounded a corner, coming to a large arched door way.
Inside their was an assortment of grey tables, and metal chairs that looked that they had been bolted to the floor. I stood their watching the people. They all looked like they could used a few hours of sleep, dark circles were under each pair of eyes. Their hair was all stringy like mine, but other than these small things they seemed to be relatively happy, laughing and joking with the other crazies.
All but one.
I had seen him one the news. Read about him in the paper, and heard the other inmates speak of him with fear in their voice. His makeup had long been washed away, but he was still pale as a sheet, and corpse like. His hair was stringy and especially unkempt, knotted and faded green. Pale pink and jagged scars were set in his face, stretching it into a permanent smile. The Joker. He sat at a table alone, eating slowly with a steady rhythm with his spoon, up, down, up, down. I stood there watching him. I felt Ben nudge me in the back as a means of hurrying me along, and even as I did, I didn't take my eyes off of him. I saw subtle differences between him and the other inmates. He sat with a sort of self reassuring, almost arrogant posture, and the way that his eyes would every now and then sweep the room sent a silent threat. None of the other inmates looked at him.
I walked slowly through the line, grabbing the blue tray full of muck that the transvestite looking lunch lady pushed at me. I stood beneath the arched doorway and decided on where to sit. I saw the other ones in the room, people so much like my self. They were safe, or to an extent anyway, and they were excruciatingly boring…
Before I was fully aware of what I was doing my feet were moving, one at a time across the cold marble floor. The voices were screaming, both of the yelling warnings, and accusations in my head. "Stop, Holly shit what are you doing!?" Rang through my ears, but I didn't stop, I continued on, across the small cafeteria, through the other prisoners who were stopping to stare, their heads whipping between myself and my destination. There were gasps, and muttering, and even a small sob from my audience. I reached the table just as my mind whirred into power again. And then I realized I was a dumb ass.
He looked at me, a strange almost annoyed look on his threatening face. He smacked his lips, and licked at the scar tissue in the corners of his mouth.
"Hellllo?" He drawled at me, looking me in the eyes. His eyes were a strange shade of brown, or were they green? I wasn't sure, I looked back internally shaking, trying to push my words into coherent order.
"Can I sit here?" I asked. My voice came out extremely steady, despite my fear.
"Hmmm…" I then saw his eyes flick up and down my body like so many men had in my life time, but unlike those times when I had felt dirty and violated, I liked it this time I felt gratified and proud. Then his eyes moved to my face looking between my differently colored eyes. " If You want to." He replied his voice lazy, and seemingly bored. Then he turned back to his muck and ignored me completely.
I started to sit down when I felt someone tug on my arm, it was Ben. His face a furious and just a little bit scared, his eyes were wild, he looked crazier than anyone I had seen in Arkham even the madman that sat in front of me. He gripped me so tightly that my arm was going numb. I looked at him, trying to make him let go. I tugged at my arm, feebly trying to free myself.
"Clara, don't sit there." He said, his voice strained and rough with emotion.
"Why not?" I asked him, yet again trying to shake my self free.
"BECAUSE I SAID SO!" He bellowed, raising his other arm high above his head. I closed my eyes waiting for the blow, waiting for him to hit me, to punish me for questioning him but it never came. There was a shocked gasp from the onlookers surrounding me, and I opened my eyes. The joker was holding Bens arm, Ben looked scared to death and the Joker was smiling. Smiling his terrible scarred smile. His eyes were burning with the intensity I had seen in them months ago when he had been free and terrorizing Gotham city.
"I wouldn't do that." He enunciated his T's to the extreme and licked his lips. He slowly let go of Bens arm. As soon as Ben was free he pushed me away and strode right out of the room. I stood there dumb founded then slowly looked down at my frightening savior. He was sitting down again, and looking up at me, somewhat expectantly.
"You Gonna sit down." It wasn't a question and then suddenly he looked annoyed again.
I obeyed. I sat, but I didn't eat, I didn't even look at my food. I watched him, deep gratitude imbedded in my being. He ate, then looked up at me when he noticed I wasn't eating. "You know…" he drew out his words and lapped at his scars "Its not polite to stare." He looked at me, and drummed his fingers on the table. I cleared my throat and looked down embarrassed.
"Umm, thanks…for umm, for that…yeah." I finished lamely, and flushed with new found embarrassment. He watched me blinked a few times then went back to him food. I didn't say anything, and neither did he but I took great notice to the multiple inmates eyes that wouldn't turn from me or the man in the seat opposite me. Their eyes were full of fear, and pity and sick desperation and concern. I didn't like them watching me, caring whether I has in danger or not. I cleared my throat, and leaned closer to the joker.
"I think their scared." I said, and yet again I found my self embarrassed at how stupid I sounded. "Look at all of them." He raised his eyes but didn't look at the other people in the room, he looked at me.
"Yeah well, they don't like me to…socialize with people. They think I might…influence them." He grinned, and internally I shuddered. He really was terrifying. Sure at one time he must have been very handsome, with his smooth skin and hard square jaw, but the ugly scars were distracting and reflected the madness that must have been with in him.
"Yeah, their strange enough, without someone like you telling them what to do." It had slipped before I had thought of the reaction. I was so used to speaking my mind in any company that I didn't stop to consider how he would react. I saw his hand tighten around his spoon, and his eyes moved to mine. They were cold and mean, and I could almost hear the wheels turning in his head, coming up with creative ways to answer, or hurt me, I wasn't sure. I looked at his scars again, and I saw him smile.
"Well…you're a pretty one aren't you." That took me off guard. I didn't think it was a question but obviously I was wrong. "Answer." His voice was cold as steel, so I nodded. He didn't seem completely happy with my response, but satisfied. "You know…I used to be very good looking my self…until, well, this happened…" He motioned to his face and licked at his scars. I felt slightly nauseated. "You want to know how I got em'" I didn't say anything, I sat completely still as he reached up and gently cupped my face. His hands were very warm and his touch was so soft it could have been a caress, but I knew better, my heart was pounding and I thought I was going to be sick. "Well…When I was young, I had a brother, a few years older than me you know…and he umm….he liked his…he liked his women, liked them a lot. And one day He brings one of his girls over and she is beautiful, lovely, just like you…But I get the feeling she doesn't like my brother. He goes out to get some beer from the garage and leaves her with me…Now this girl she umm…she decided it would be…funny to scream and get my brother. And she does '"Holy Shit!"' She screams '"Get your fucking hands off of me!"' I'm sitting there trying to get he to shut up when my brother runs in, reallllly pissed. He starts going off on me like never before and he takes a knife from his pocket…holds me down of the ground, and says me '"No woman will ever look at you again you damn ugly bastard."' and then…." He ran his tong slowly along the scars, and smirked at me. I saw a flash in his eyes I had seen it before. In my parents and my sisters eyes so long ago, and I knew that he had lied to me.
"oh…very funny, now lets get to the real way you got them." I looked at him and saw his face fall and his eyes grow disappointed.
"The truth?" he asked.
"Yes, The truth."
"I don't remember." He said, He seemed angry, and I regretted calling is bluff.
"Sorry I asked." I dropped my head and played with the napkin on my tray.
We sat in silence for seconds, minutes, or it could have been hours I lost track. At some point someone cleared their throat above me and I looked up. It was Ben, and the orderly from this mourning.
"Doctor Smock wants to see you." The orderly said in a strained voice, and I saw his eyes flicking nervously back and forth between the joker and me. I rose from my chair and looked at my lunch partner, He didn't seem to have noticed I had stood. I began walking across the cafeteria followed my Ben and the orderly. I has at the archway when I heard his voice.
"See you tomorrow…Clara." He drawled in almost a seductive voice and I shivered. I saw him chuckle and turn back to his food. I smirked and walked out of the cafeteria, people watching me as I went.
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Wooooo, wow. That chapter took me forever to write but hopefully it will take me less time to write the next. Hopefully cant promise anything.. J
-maddy.
