Like Joker and Harley Quinn
Disclaimer: I don't make cool characters...I just kind of toggle with them in my own twisted stories...so hell no! I don't own Kick-Ass! ...It's just too 'kick-ass' for me to own...*cries*
Mindy locked her bedroom door, she sat in her creaky chair and logged into her mySpace account. Mindy MacReady had new messages, one from that creepy guy, never felt the need to remember who he was, but she opened his message.
Movies tomorrow. Triple date?
She quickly responded with an excuse, and resumed scrolling though the messages. One was from Chris D'Amico. Hit Girl had so many "friends" and "followers", same with Red Mist/The Motherfucker, and Kick Ass, even Big Daddy's memorial page had a lot.
The only reason Mindy could think of why Chris had so many female "friends" was because of his wealth or parties. "He's less of an awkward dweeb, overly-cocky though…heh cocky…oh god, I'm getting Dad's humor…" she shrugged, and clicked open his message.
Found the place. I'll stop in tomorrow.
Mindy sighed, and typed furiously.
Creep. Why the fuck are you so interested in my job?
She sat back in her chair, and sent it. After a few minutes of brooding he responded back.
Well then. Any who, am I the only who thinks this is like Mary Jane from Spiderman? She had a job just like that…and you call me creepy.
Mindy face palmed.
Whatever dickwad. Go jerk off to your nerdy ass comics.
He responded about ten minutes later.
You're a dirty girl, you know that? Well, I figured you would've left by now, disobeying Marcus, and attempting to figure out my motives, you know?
Mindy growled.
You're a cocky son of bitch, you know that? Well, I figured you would've been more of a host, a better villain, and make a cooler costume, you know?
As she read his response five minutes later, she could practically hear him smirking, and one does not simply…hear one smirk.
Bitchy today, huh? Did your boyfriend just dump you? Ah well, open your goddamn window, Jesus.
Mindy's eyes widened and she quickly spun around. She saw The Motherfucker's elaborate orange getup, he was leaning casually against the fire escape. He crossed his arms, and she could sense he was smirking.
She opened the window, and he stepped in.
"'Sup babe, miss me?" he greeted.
Mindy rolled her eyes, and put a finger to her mouth, "Shh, Marcus is still up, and I'm not your babe." and then she pretended to gag, sticking her index finger into her mouth mockingly.
Chris narrowed his eyes, and crossed his arms. He made quick strides to her computer, and clicked on the other message.
Oh well, maybe next time?
Mindy slapped him and turned her computer monitor off. "The hell man, that's none of your business."
Chris shrugged, "So you're his babe?"
She rubbed her temples, "God no, that's Dave's friend. How the hell did you even find me?"
Chris stood and walked to face the window, "Simple, I placed a tracker on you when we were all touchy feely."
Mindy scoffed, "Doubt that. I would've known, dumbass."
He waved a hand in dismissal, "God woman, your nicknames are rude. I call you something nice, like 'babe' and you're like, 'cocksucker' and 'dumbass', what the fuck."
He turned away, and she ripped his mask off, "Hey!"
She silenced him with a kiss, "I thought I told you, shh."
He whispered, "Give me my mask. It totally ruins the whole vibe."
Mindy pulled him against herself and kissed him roughly, "Oh well."
They had a brief make out session, and Chris spoke up, "But still, can't you call me something nicer, like something hot."
She smiled, "You're a cocky bastard."
Chris flicked his tongue in her mouth as they kissed, he pulled away, "You seem to mention cocks a lot."
"That's not an invitation."
"Damn. Shot down." he mocked, and snapped his fingers.
Mindy shoved him away, crossing her arms, "Why the hell are you here, fucktard?"
He sighed overdramatically, "God woman, you use me, you know that? I'm just at your disposal for sex and then you're all like, 'What's your plan? I'm going to kill you tomorrow.' Like I would tell you."
Mindy snorted, "Listen dumbass, you've had six years head start, literally, for sex. I'm taking my time, dabbling here and there. And you know I have my ways."
Chris scoffed, "Pfft, right. And you know I've had my fair share of getting around, it's in the paper. I'm like Bruce Wayne, minus the vigilante night life. And you call tonguing your 'enemy' taking your time? Who the hell did you sleep with?"
He quirked his brow expectantly, and she raised her chin, "Wouldn't you like to know, little horny bastard. Besides, I do have my ways…" she walked her fingers up his chest plate, "I could show up at your condo…in a school girl outfit…sprawled on your bed…and practically begging for you to fuck me."
Chris looked off in the distance, a content smirk on his face as he nodded, "Yeah…so seduction is your thing, huh? Well you could try…"
He gave her a half cocky, half thoughtful look, and she narrowed her eyes, "Oh, there is no trying about it. I'll get what I want, Motherfucker."
He raised a finger, correcting her, "The Motherfucker, can't forget that 'the', and I fuck those who ask, except dudes. So, if there's already another woman in my bed when you get there, don't worry about it."
Mindy was about to retort, when she heard footsteps coming closer. She quickly shoved Chris into her walk-in closet, she closed him in just as Marcus knocked.
"Mindy? You okay in there? Is someone else here?"
"Don't come in! I'm changing! I'm just watching some vids on Youtube, fights and stuff.." she quickly unzipped her dress, to convince Marcus of her alibi.
"Alright, I'm warming up the leftover pizza, how many slices you want?"
"Three." she peeled the red gown from her body, and Chris watched in amusement. Marcus told her he'd be back and walked to the kitchen. Mindy opened the closet and Chris nearly collapsed, in laughter and whatnot. She shoved him out of the closet, as he eyed her up and down.
"Mmm mmm…I don't know if pizza is too appetizing anymore." his eyes trailed from her lace bra to her matching panties, "I do love the color, red and black really is my thing."
"Shut it fuck face, jerk off when you get home." she closed the closet doors behind her and changed inside the safety of the closet.
He leaned against the door, and surprised her, "Yeah, maybe I will."
Mindy rolled her eyes, "You're such an old pervert."
Chris crossed his arms and smirked, "Absolutely, twenty-four is definitely considered old for people in this society."
She scoffed, "It's like being middle aged if you're a Playboy bunny."
Chris asked her amusedly, "Oh my god, did you see them at the party?! Damn those girls were so wasted…should've took them upstairs."
For whatever reason, those comments made Mindy's blood boil, she ripped the doors open, and she was dressed in her improved Hit Girl costume. She had slightly longer purple hair, and her suit was adjusted for her grown body, although she lost the black leggings with her original costume, "Just like how you wanted to take me upstairs?"
"Oh, come on!" he joked, he eyed her costume up and down, "I would've taken you up after I was done with them.."
She brushed her arm, "No thanks. I don't like sloppy seconds."
They heard Marcus' footsteps once more, and Chris rolled his eyes, "Speaking of sloppy seconds, here comes your leftover pizza."
Marcus knocked, "Hey, I'm heading to bed, come get your pizza before it gets cold again."
Mindy thanked him, "'Night."
"'Night." Marcus' footsteps faded down the hall.
Chris pulled the door open and grabbed the pizza. Mindy rolled her eyes, "You're lucky two of them were for you anyway."
Chris smiled, his cheeks extra puffy from the food, "Whoo-hoo food!"
As they finished their food, he spoke up, "You know what I love about this mask?"
Mindy nibbled on the last of her crust, and responded coolly, "It hides your ugliness?"
Chris smirked, "Absolutely, I mean, if I'm so ugly and yet I'm the only person you've ever made-out with, what does that say about you?"
Mindy smirked back, "I'm a gold digger."
He laughed, "Good one. Anyway, I don't have to shave, like Chris could have facial hair, like a kick ass-"
"No..not like Kick Ass, Dave is a nerd…and I'm not a big fan of the facial hair."
"Now wait," he raised his hands, "I wasn't finished, something really bad ass, kinda like Tony Stark. Oh yeah, das beard." he looked off in the distance, and had that same expression.
Mindy grabbed his chin, with an ungloved hand, and turned his head back and forth. He eyed her with suspicion, "What?"
She shrugged and continued to turn his head, "I can feel the stubble…"
"You don't say!" he mocked, "I shaved yesterday morning, so.."
Mindy retracted her hand, and posed thoughtfully, "Eh, I could kind of see it…you might be able to pull it off."
"Well then. It's settled." he clapped his hands together, "I even got a woman's approval."
She rolled her eyes, "Alright, dickwad take me to the place."
"Yeah yeah," he stood up and pulled his mask on, "We need to work on these pet names. You don't like being complimented, and I don't want to be called a cocksucker."
Mindy stood and wrapped her mask on, "Sure whatever, can we get moving?"
He handed Mindy her other glove, "Right this way, m'lady." he stood aside of the window, and gestured to it.
She rolled her eyes, "Now you're starting to sound like a dweeb again."
Chris smirked at her, "Well, that proves my hypothesis right, Mindy MacReady digs bad boys."
They climbed out of her window, "I wouldn't call you a bad boy, until you can actually defend yourself in combat, without douche minions, or be clinically insane like The Joker."
He snorted, "If I'm going to be The Joker, I'm going to need a Harley Quinn, and you, are going to end up just like her."
Mindy turned around and crossed her arms, "I highly doubt that-"
Chris shrugged, "Well, she spent so much time with him, she became obsessed," he wiggled his fingers like it was a spooky story, "Then she like 'loved' him and totally became his bitch. Might I add, she fights more than he does, you fight more than me, and she likes dressing like a school girl too! And Joker totally uses cronies!"
Mindy face palmed, "That was such a nerd overload, you are so lucky I read like every Batman comic," she placed her hands on her hips, and he crossed his arms with a smirk, "Listen here you Motherfucker-"
"The."
"Whatever! You're rich like Bruce Wayne, but you dress up in leather to be a villain instead of a vigilante. That makes you a douche."
Chris laughed, "Bitch please. Bruce Wayne was like old, when he started his gig."
She flipped her hair back over her shoulder, "Anyway, Bruce Wayne totally hooked up with Selina Kyle."
"Seriously? There is like fifty different continuation plot lines! There's one where he hooks up with Talia, and she is like a bitch!" he argued.
Mindy put a hand to his face, "Well, I like the Selina plot better."
"She was a thief." he swatted her hand away from his face.
"Catwoman totally wanted Batman, then when she was Selina Kyle, she was with Bruce Wayne."
"Yeah, but they didn't like it as much as their alter egos!"
Mindy crossed her arms, her chin in the air, she huffed, "Whatever!"
Chris spoke up after a few moments, "Did we seriously just have an argument…over comic books…?" she nodded, and slowly uncrossed her arms, he continued, "You know, the more I think about this, the more I think you're more like Bat Girl, she was all about kicking ass, and her daddy was a cop."
She laughed, "You are so not a Nightwing."
He narrowed his eyes, "What?! I am totally a Nightwing! Like, my dad was killed, and I'm mad rich. I've got a costume, and I'm screwing around with Bat Girl."
Mindy pushed past him, "Or Huntress, or any of those other bitches."
Chris grabbed her arm, "But I'm pretty sure he ended up with Barbara."
She rolled her eyes, "Yeah, in one continuation. There's one where he has a kid with what's-her-face, Huntress, and in this continuation he only proposes after Barbara's cured of her paralysis! Then she was all like, 'No, I think you need to go on a journey to find yourself, then when you come back we can totally be together!'" she scowled, and Chris snorted at her impersonation.
"Yeah…well I guess I'm just going to, uh, be Joker. And you can be Harley Quinn, kay?"
Mindy rolled her eyes, "Whatever. We better get moving before Marcus comes and checks up on the noise."
Chris pulled out the keys to his Mist Mobile, he clicked the unlock button, and the blip noise was heard from below. He stepped out on the railing, facing her he jumped. Mindy rushed to the rail to see him land in the Mustang, and twist the ignition.
She let out a sigh of relief, and jumped down into the adjacent seat, he grinned at her, "Gotta love sun roofs."
"Sure." she said, buckling up. Chris closed the roof, and cut the wheel speeding them into the city. Mindy examined the interior, black, leather, kind of like his suit. The outside had a paint job, the red was replaced with a dark orange, matching his new outfit.
"I like the car." she said, nodding in appreciation. He smirked as his ego was boosted, she turned on the radio, and a bunch of shit music came on.
Her face scrunched in disgust, "The fuck is that shit?!"
Chris shrugged, and pushed in a CD, "How the hell should I know?"
Mindy gaped at him, "Aren't you the only one who drives this thing?!"
He gave her a sidelong glance, "Duh. I just haven't listened to the radio in like months, I've been getting more into the music business, you know, in case you haven't kept up with me in the papers. So I have been listening to mixed tapes and shit…"
She pressed play, "In conclusion, hopefully this tape has better music."
The Prodigy started to blare through the speakers, the bass was pounding. Mindy skipped the track, as much as she liked the song, the next song sounded familiar.
I can't see where you coming fro-om…but I know just what you running fro-om…and what matters ain't who's baddest…
The man had a smooth low voice, and she couldn't help but smile at the song. Chris looked at her, she seemed to be enjoying herself, "See, you like it."
Mindy looked him in the eye, and then quickly skipped the track, but Chris changed it back. Mindy shrugged and stared out the window and listened to the song.
Well I love you like the way I love ya…and I suffer but I ain't gonna cut ya 'cus…
Now the chorus, Mindy really started to like.
This ain't no place for no hero…this ain't no place for no..better ma-an. This ain't no place for no hero, to call ho-ome…
When the song ended, Chris cut the wheel into a warehouse, and turned off the car. He pulled the keys out and shoved them in his pocket. He turned to Mindy, who was looking at him expectantly, "So, do you know what song that was?"
Mindy swayed her head from side to side, "It sounded familiar."
They unbuckled themselves, and Chris asked, "Well, you ever see those commercials for Arkham City, from a couple years back?"
Her face lit up, "Oh! Yeah, I have that game, I knew I heard it somewhere."
Chris unlocked the doors, and stepped out, "Well, yeah. That's where it's from."
Mindy stepped out and observed the new surroundings. A spacious warehouse, well decommissioned factory. The large glass windows, a few had cracks and holes from punks. She looked up, instinctively grabbing her butterfly knife, there was at least three stories to this place, her guess was five. Chris slammed the car doors shut, and saw she had her blade out.
"Jesus Christ, woman. You don't need that." he said, exasperatedly.
Mindy shrugged, before spinning it closed, and hooking it back on her belt, "Old habits, die hard."
Chris pulled off his mask, and rubbed the bridge of his nose, "Yeah, okay. Lucky you. I just don't want to be stabbed."
"Would you prefer being cut?" she offered, teasingly.
He narrowed his eyes, and retorted sarcastically, "Nah, I'd rather be diced."
She flipped her hair back, "Well, where the hell are we?"
Chris placed his hand on the small of her back and ushered her towards the only lit area of the building. She tensed at his hand, but walked it off. When they reached the destination, it was a small table, lit by a candelabra. There were two platters.
As Mindy stood there in awe, and confusion, she removed her mask. Chris stood in front of the table, and spread his arms, "Ta-da!"
Mindy walked over, and whispered, "Oh my god.."
Chris crossed his arms and smirked, "Well, so, this is kind of the reason why my messages were kind of lagging."
Mindy quirked a brow, "Okay fuckface, what is all this?"
He pulled out her seat, and gestured her to sit down, she did so warily.
When he was seated he answered, "Well, you wanted to know what I was up to, right?"
Mindy crossed her arms, "Yeah, but you already told me…" she reached for her butterfly knife, "…didn't you?"
Chris shrugged, "Half-truth. Really."
"You bitch!" she seethed.
He rubbed the back of his neck, "Yeah, uh, still not digging the pet names."
She darted out of her chair and tackled him to the ground, her knife was at his neck. He kicked the chair away, in hopes of not damaging the table set, he then laced his fingers and rested his hands behind his head. Mindy breathed heavily, her blade, so close to cutting his jugular.
He smirked up at her, "Do it."
Mindy narrowed her eyes, "Don't tempt me D'Amico."
Chris tried to shrug, "Why do you care, huh? You're supposed to hate me…you're supposed to kill me if you get the chance. You've had at least twenty chances tonight."
She sat up in a straddled position around his waist, and wiped her nose, "I don't know. Usually I would, I could kill you in fifty ways right now…maybe I'm just hoping you'll do something else. Draw this 'fight' out. If you're going to die right now, die fighting."
Chris sighed, "Oh come on. Don't get sentimental. You yourself said that I was sexual release-"
Mindy gripped his collar, tugging him closer to her face, and shrieked, "I never said I didn't care!"
Chris' eyes widened, her grip loosened bit by bit as her breathing slowed down. Mindy covered her mouth, as if she was trying to take back what she had just said, Chris slammed back on the ground. He rubbed the back of his head, Well, that was like an atomic drama bomb…
He returned his hands to their original position, and Mindy had her knife back at his throat. She squeezed her eyes shut, stalling, but as she took her breath to strike he stole her knife. Chris tossed it away, and Mindy recovered and was about to throw punches to his face, but he grabbed her wrists and switched positions by shoving her backwards.
All her air whooshed out of her lungs, and they both breathed heavily. They were back in that familiar position of being aligned against one another. Mindy looked up in his eyes, she tried to glare, but it weakened and she just turned her head.
She was squirming, "Get off me! Get off! Get off! Get off! Goddamn it! Get the fuck off of me!"
Chris shook his head, "Would you listen! Just shut up!"
Mindy snarled, "Fuck you, D'Amico!"
Chris forcefully kissed her, she resisted but melted into it. He felt her muscles relax, and he released his grip on her wrists. Her hands ran through his hair, massaging his scalp. He rested his hands on her waist. As much as he wanted to explore her body, he didn't want to piss her off.
Mindy released him from the kiss, and wrapped her arms around his neck, holding him tight. Chris wrapped his arms around her waist, and listened to her as she whispered into his ear, "I can't do it…Dad would be so pissed. I can't kill you."
Chris whispered back, "Try. You could do it right now…suffocate me."
Mindy glared at him and tried to shove him off, "You're sadistic, you know that? Fucking asshole, I never said I liked you, I just said I cared."
Chris rested on his forearms, and looked down at her, she looked so infuriated. He knew she had just given him the perfect blackmail information, the whole spilling her guts out to him. She was being one hundred percent serious, Mindy MacReady, the Hit Girl couldn't bring herself to kill enemy numero uno.
He quirked his brow and smirked, "But…you do want me, right?"
Mindy shoved him backwards like he did to her earlier, "That's it!" she shook him by the collar, he gripped her hands, and stopped her.
"Jesus Christ, woman!" he shook his head, "Like seriously! Why the hell are you keeping me alive?"
Mindy shrugged, "Maybe I live for the chase you know? I'm not really into the whole 'for a greater good' shit, it's for the rush of adrenaline, the thrill of it all. It's fun to kick ass."
"So, you mean to tell me, this entire time, all these years. You didn't kill me because you get kicks from it?" he snorted incredulously.
Mindy slapped him, "If you're going to laugh, you shouldn't have asked. Would you rather be dead?"
Chris felt his reddened cheek, and narrowed his eyes at her, "Would you rather know what I have been up to?"
Mindy attempted to stand up, but Chris pulled her back down, "You didn't answer me."
She tugged at his grip, "Yes, I do want to know."
Chris stood up, pulling Mindy up in the process, he walked her back to her seat, and removed the cover off her platter. She stared at it, just a simple hamburger. Well with the toppings neatly arranged around it in a perfected decoration, she carefully selected what she wanted. Across the table, Chris was doing the same.
She took a massive bite out of the burger, and set it down. She chewed slowly, carefully choosing her words, and swallowed.
"Now, what the fuck have you been doing?"
Chris was in the middle of biting his burger, and looked up at her. She crossed her arms and smirked at how much of a dumbass he resembled.
He chewed and swallowed, "Take a guess."
Mindy refrained from slamming her fist on the table, "Tell me now damn it!"
Chris looked her in the eye, "I still have the cartel."
A/N: I don't know about you guys, but if I wasn't the author, I'd have a hunch he was still 'up to no good. Started makin' trouble in mah neighborhood.' No? Yeah, my jokes suck. Anyway, I'm unreliable with updates...as like people from years ago have discovered. Heh...heh...
If I get inspiration, I'll write. As of now, Chloe Moretz and Chris Mintz-Plasse are my muses. He so adorable, and she's so cool! I swear if they don't date three years from now, I will cry. I will. (._.) - see that. That my fellow readers, is a whale. You do not want to see the whale cry. You will feel bad..forever..and ever.
(~_~) - #sadwhaleissad.
By the way. No reviews? Oh come on. Admit it, we all want to see a tiny bit of Hit-Girl/Red Mist action.