Note : Set after Dead men don't wear plaids.

Chapter 2

I was sitting in one of the pews in the back of nave waiting for Sam to visit the church.

It had been a long week. People had started to visit the church more frequently and given what had happened in last few days, I couldn't blame them. Faith for some people had been renewed and the faith of some had gone away. But whatever the circumstances, the majority of the residents turned towards church either to blame or to seek comfort.

We were suddenly 'blessed' with our departed. It happened without warning: the dead rose. At first I didn't know what to make of it. People turned to church for explanations and comfort in an almost impossible situation and I didn't know what to tell them. It was far too overwhelming. Many families had their departed loved ones back.

But the miracle was short-lived as all the dead people turned into hungry killers. The families had to lose their loved ones again and also some due to the killings of the dead people. It was a tragic situation where everyone had to live with renewed grief. They not only had endure the grief of losing them but also had to watch their loved ones turned into monsters.

The whole town had turned to chaos. People were calling the newspapers, television networks, conspiracy theorists, and anyone outside Sioux Falls immediately thought that everyone had gone crazy. The church was opened earlier than usual and was closed much later. I was organizing support groups and in the process of finding more therapists. Given the circumstances, it was hard to find the help because how could we confide what had happened to a stranger from outside Sioux Falls? Thankfully Sheriff Mills was able to find some help through Bobby Singer.

When the sheriff called me and told me about the news of the dead turning into monsters, I was speechless for a moment. I refused to use the word "zombie" because it sounded too much like the science fiction drama that boys from my youth group babbled about. And the idea that these people were killing others to eat their meat made my skin crawl.

But I was more shocked to hear that Sheriff Mills had enlisted help from two brothers who were friends of Bobby Singer. My mind immediately went to Sam and his brother. When I inquired about them from Sheriff Mills, she was surprised at first. I told her that I had met Sam briefly and if she could pass a message to the young man for me, please ask him to come and pay a visit to the church.

It has been around three years since our last encounter. Even though I hoped to see Sam back in the church, he never returned. Once, I asked about them from Bobby. His face darkened and set in a scowl and said something about both of them being idjits and they were doing as well as they could be. I took that news as a comfort.

Regardless of how brief our encounter was, I had been drawn to Sam immediately. His story, his struggles, how devoted he seemed to be towards his brother had moved me. I hoped that they would find some peace. I included Sam and his brother in my daily prayers, hoping that the Lord could lessen their burdens and help them through difficult times.

My curiosity was immediately piqued when I heard how Sam helped sheriff Mills with the monsters. I remembered that Sam mentioning that he was a PI, which was passed down to him from his father. Sam had said his family had been after a serial killer that had killed his mother and girlfriend, and that he had a theory that the same person may have killed his father. For the first time I had my doubts whether he had been honest with me back then. But then again, if it had been something similar to what we went through, Sam had a good reason to be as discreet as possible.

"Pastor Thomas?" A hesitant voice asked from behind me. I turned immediately and Sam was there standing near entrance. He looked unsure and for a brief moment I felt like he was scared to step inside the church.

The boy had grown a lot within the last three years. He was no longer lanky and was not trying to hide his height. His floppy mop of hair was brushed back, neatly tucked behind his ears. The vulnerability and the youthfulness had left his face and he looked matured… and there was something else in the way he carried himself.

I stood up and hurried towards him.

"Sam… it's so good to see you again, son!" I said placing a hand on his shoulder. Sam offered me a small smile. His hazel eyes were full of grief and sadness, just as when I saw him three years ago. My heart sank. It was clear that he had not found peace, and I feared for him.

Sam looked weary and as if the weight of the world was on his shoulder. His hands kept twitching like he was anticipating some sort of blow from me. He heaved a deep breath and spoke softly.

"It's good to see you again Pastor Thomas. It's good to have someone eager to see me."

I frowned at what he said. "Are you alright?" I asked, steering him towards the nave so that he could sit in one of the pews.

Sam smirked at me. "Don't go there, Pastor Thomas. Remember what happened last time."

I smiled at the gesture. "I haven't really forgotten, Sam. Speaking of that, I have a feeling that you weren't entirely truthful with me last time."

We sat down. Sam's eyes glazed over for few minutes, trying to recall what he had told me last time.

"Oh! You mean the serial killer business?" he asked teasingly. I mock glared at him.

"Given what happened here during last few days, I have a feeling you were not after a serial killer"

Sam gave me a thoughtful look. "How are you holding up, Pastor Thomas?"

I raised my eyebrows at him, surprised at the quick turnover of the question.

"I'm doing as well as I can in the given situation. Thanks to the mercy of the Lord, none of my dearly departed returned from the grave. I didn't have to go through the traumatizing events like the rest of the families but it changed things for me. It changed how I see the world.

"We learned about demons, exorcisms, and I have heard of supernatural beings thanks to my over imaginative youth group. But I was never prepared for monsters being real…. which comes back to my original question. Was it something supernatural that killed your family?"

"What made you come to that conclusion, Pastor Thomas? It could have very well been a serial killer." He was clearly trying to avoid the question and I wasn't sure whether I should push him into it.

"Sheriff Mills told me how informative you were about the so called zombie lore and you knew how to kill them. You were one of the very few who had been calm and collected during the whole incident, which made me think that the life you wanted to run away from had everything to do with these… monsters."

Sam nodded gravely. His gaze was turned towards the altar. He was probably wondering whether he should trust me with information about his life or not.

"It's more than you could have ever imagined. My whole life, I have been hunting the supernatural. And yeah… it wasn't a serial killer who killed mom, Jess and Dad. It was a demon named Azazel."

I felt myself shudder. That name was not something to tread lightly with. Sam interpreted my body language and nodded sadly.

"It's the same one that you know. He was after my family… and Dean killed him around three years ago. Our dad even helped in his own way."

I recalled how Sam wanted forgiveness from his father... and perhaps from all the people that had died trying to protect them.

"Were you able to ask for his forgiveness?"

"Dad's forgiveness? Not really. But I had a chance to tell him that I understood him, understood what he did for us and that I loved him. It was enough closure to me."

I nodded my head. People need closure to start healing. Maybe Sam was starting to heal, with regards to his father's death. But his posture still worried me. I knew he was carrying more emotional weight than before.

"So what's bothering you now, Sam?" I asked him gently, hoping that maybe this time I might be able to offer him some comfort, now that I somewhat knew about the supernatural world.

Sam looked at me, his eyes were pained and he bit his lip so hard that it drew blood.

"We lost some of our very close friends. They were almost like family and they died … as usual… protecting us and giving us an opportunity to finish something I did. They sacrificed themselves because of me. I don't think I could ever forgive myself for it."

I placed my hand on Sam's shoulder. It was the only way I knew to offer comfort to him. Regardless of how I felt towards him, I have very little knowledge about him. I have no idea on what's the best approach towards him or how to make him feel safe and comforted, and it frustrated me.

Sam didn't shrug off my hand so I took it as a good sign.

"Can I ask you something, Pastor Thomas?"

"Certainly, Sam"

"I have made quite a lot of bad choices which resulted in hurting so many people. We were pitted against two forces that none of us could comprehend and my choices made the situation far more worse.

"We lost yet again two people in our battle… a battle that happened because of me.I have seen so many bad things out there. I have experienced worse and Dean, maybe more. But I never lost my faith in God. I always believed and prayed to God. But sometimes I wonder…. I pray to God for forgiveness for my sins and I wonder whether he hears me, whether he would grant redemption for what I did."

Sam swallowed thickly. There were tears gleaming in his eyes.

"I can't tell you what happened in detail. It's a long story, Pastor Thomas. But you have to understand that I made a terrible mistake. I was warned not to do it but I wanted revenge for what she did to Dean…"

His voiced pitched higher and he spoke with vehemence.

"What she made me watch…. she was doing some really bad stuff and I thought if I stopped her, I would put an end to her work. But with what I did, I completed what she was aiming for. Because of me, people I love were hurt and worse; two of them are dead. There are people who died and suffered because of the choices I made."

Sam's breathing was becoming erratic and my worry for him increased. I may not have known Sam well, but my gut feeling was telling me that he was a good soul and my instincts hadn't failed me so far. The amount of guilt and the pain in Sam's face, in his voice and eyes, made me wonder what had happened to him.

I was also confused as to why he didn't elaborate about the woman he was speaking of. Someone had hurt Dean, and Sam had set his mind on revenge. I wasn't surprised. Sam spoke about his brother with much love and adoration. I hoped that Dean was all right and whatever she did to him, Sam was able to help him.

"Do you think God would forgive me? Sam asked me. His voice was a whisper and his hands were clasped together tightly. Tears slipped from his eyes.

In my time of service as a pastor, I have met many people seeking out to the church wondering whether God would forgive them for their sins. I have listen to them and offered comforting words and a sympathetic ear. I would quote the Bible and tell them if they repented, God would forgive them. But that was all before zombies happened.

So many people suffered without reason. So many good people had to go through a tragic time and were faced with a horrible situation. I haven't lost my faith completely but I had my doubts as to why God would let such a tragic situation fall upon so many innocent people.

Given all that Sam could have seen and experienced in his life time, I'm surprised that he still believed in God… that he still prayed and asked Him for forgiveness. And it made me wonder whether I should doubt the Him. Maybe God sent Sam my way to remind me that I should not lose my faith in Him.

"God works in mysterious ways, Sam. We don't know what He has in store for us. If you are to redeem yourself, God will give you a chance to do so. You have seen things that are far beyond my comprehension but still, here you are. You still believe in Him and you are praying to Him. You have no reason to doubt yourself or Him."

"Remember these things, O Jacob, and Israel, for you are my servant; I have formed you; you are my servant; O Israel, you will not be forgotten by me. I have blotted out your transgressions like a cloud and your sins like mist; return to me, for I have redeemed you."

We were both silent for a long time. Both Sam and I were lost in our own worlds. I kept wondering about these two young men. How must have their life been all this time, facing the darkness and fighting against it. Did people know what they do, the sacrifices they made so we could live in a safer world? How do they manage to do whatever they do? Who taught them about these monsters and how to defeat them? I had so many question and I knew Sam might not answer any of them.

"Thank you, Pastor Thomas," Sam said in a soft voice, breaking my chain of thoughts.

"You are welcome, Sam… but did I really help?" I asked sincerely. Sam's situation was different from any other person who came to the church. Despite how strange the situation was I wished that I could be of some help to him.

"Well… last time I was at the wrong place. At least this time, I'm at the right place to ask for forgiveness. And there's something I would like to do, which you could help me with."

"What's that, son?"

"I would like to make a confession."

…..

The End

Author's Notes (Or rather a nervous babble):
This is my second big bang and I'm writing pretty much after 5 years! I found sammybigbang at LJ accidentally but I'm glad I did!

This wasn't really the story that I had planned for the challenge! It was a big bang and I ran out of time (It's now in my laptop, unfinished...) The initial story was set after IMToD to ELAC and this little story came to my muse when I was pulling my hair, wondering what to do for the challenge.

Sam Winchester is pretty much one of those characters that never get enough time to express their side of the story. We have seen Dean expressing his feelings, having a breakdown or even grieving. But have we ever seen Sam do that? So this was my take on it. Sam always talked to Dean about his feeling (if he ever get the chance to!) but other than that we never saw him connect to Bobby the way Dean connected to Bobby. So I wanted someone outside of their world for Sam to talk to... may be confined a little bit so he could have some peace. And I felt a Pastor would be ideal. Sam has always shown as someone who had faith in God despite what happened around him, so I felt that Sam would go to a church for prayers or forgiveness.

In first part of the fic, which was set right after ELAC; Sam was looking for his dad's forgiveness and with pastor Jim's death, I felt that Sam might turn into the church. Even it doesn't offer the forgiveness he's looking for.

Second part was set in season 5. So we all know how much of angst/guilty ridden and self-loathing Sam was during that time. And it was immediately after Jo and Ellen's death. It felt right that Sam would go for a church for forgiveness. For letting out Lucifer, for Jo and Ellen's death and for what happen at Sioux Falls. I didn't want to go through his confession so I stopped before that, but he does confess in his own way throughout the entire fic. He's asking for forgiveness from God or from John. This was what I wanted to capture and I hope I did it so that you guys could actually make sense of the story :-)

There are two breadcrumbs I left. :-)

1. Sam told Young!John about how he felt during 'The Song remains Same'. He pretty mush said "I love you" without directly saying "I love you" and I felt that it was Sam's closure for the guilt he had regarding to John's death.

2. Pastor Thomas said that God would give him a chance to correct his sins. I wanted this to be the thought process of Sam taking down Lucifer. It was his redemption. Not only he did it for the world, he also did it for himself.

Sorry for the babble! Comments are love! Please take a moment to comment 3