DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN HARRY POTTER.
I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.
I kept a picture of him in my house... But not because I loved him. Not because I missed him.
I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.
I hated him. I kept a picture so I would never forget... That would betray the people that really matter. It would betray everyone I had lost.
I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.
To some, Voldemort was the symbol of the First Wizarding World... To me, it was him.
I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.
I stared at the picture of him screaming like a maniac... The one that showed up in the Prophet. That same issue, it had held news of the war being over. It also told of what a heavy cost... The cost of my brother's life. The cost of his wife's. And now, they had an orphaned son... But no one asked where little Harry was. They just knew that he was the one who had defeated Voldemort. My brother's life doesn't matter in their worthless.
I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.
I'm not an Auror to protect them. I'm an Auror to find the names of those who were responsible for taking James's life.
I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.
Before James's death, I was so happy... living in fairytales. What a cruel awakening it was. And now, hatred clouds my every movement. It's made me smart, and protected. People who took James and Lily away from me and Harry deserve to be sought after, to be hunted, to be hated to, to be killed, to be tortured.
I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.
"I hate you." I whispered, hatred lacing my words beautifully. Sirius Black had been trouble from the start. James stopped caring about me... He wanted me to be like Sirius, his best friend. Sirius this, Sirius that... And I hid in my books.
I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.
It was so different to have someone die of old age and to have someone murdered... My parents... It was peaceful. Almost reassuring. But James? He was young.
I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.
That same night, Uncle Alex was murdered. He had never married... I bet they would have killed her too if he had married. I bet that Voldemort would have taken them all... But little Harry stopped him.
Why couldn't he have stopped Sirius?
I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.
I was next... I was next. Why does it not bother me that I would have been next?
Maybe I wanted...want... to be next.
I hate you. I hate you.
"I hate you! Why can't you be more like Sirius?" I found myself saying. Repeating words of the past... I couldn't stop the tears that flooded my eyes. James had been angry... he hadn't meant it. But it was so easy to let his words cut into me. He'd been so stupid to trust him. I had stayed loyal to the end... The bitter end. And the end seemed to go on forever.
Harry was in 3rd year. Did he know about me? Was he proud of his Auror aunt that had dedicated her life to putting evil people where they belong? That she was fighting harder than any of them?
Or does he think that I left him just like his parents?
I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.
I felt so sick of crying all the time, of feeling regret, of feeling pain and misery... Why wasn't it getting better? Why wasn't it getting easier? Wasn't that how the world worked?
I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.
"You're the reason." I hissed at Sirius Black's picture. "I hate you! I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!" I screamed, throwing my head in my arms (which I had placed on my kitchen table) and sobbed.
What was wrong with me? What's going on?
I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.