"Max? Can you hear me?" I stirred, unsure of where I was. "It's all right, Max you're safe. You fell asleep, remember? Did Brooklyn hit your head at all when you were fighting?" I thought hard, then shook my head a fraction. I was teetering on the edge, wanting to fall back into the black abyss of sleep, but his voice was like an anchor, holding me where I was.
"Tired…leave me alone…" I mumbled, annoyed at being forced to speak.
"I can't do that, Max, sorry." I felt myself being moved into a sitting position. I put my head on my knees and closed my eyes. "Do you think that you're mad?" My eyes flew open in shock. Silently, I held out my wrists, showing him the scars marring them. "That doesn't make you mad, Max. Trust me, I know." I blinked and looked up at him. He took off his coat and showed me his own wrist. I looked, seeing the deep scars criss-crossing the pale skin. "It doesn't make you mad." His voice was quiet. He put his jacket over me. "If you want to go back to sleep, you can." I curled up under the thick leather and closed my eyes gratefully.
I slowly opened my eyes. I was still in the office, and Mr Hiwatari was still watching me.
"H-How long…" My voice was slurred with sleep.
"You've only been asleep for about half an hour." he replied. "How do you feel?" I shrugged. I was still woozy, but I didn't feel like every part of my body weighed a ton any more. "Better?" I nodded. "Good." He reached out a hand to help me upright. I grabbed it. His palm was cool and firm, his bicep taut as he pulled me upright. I swayed, unsteady from my sleep. He held my shoulders, steadying me. "I think you should go home." he told me quietly. I shook my head once.
I'm not going home, not yet. Dad'd be there, pretending that nothing's wrong as usual, and I'd just get more and more unhappy until I went for the razor again. A picture of the scarlet trickle floated into my mind and I swayed again, fighting the urge, instinctively looking for something sharp, unaware of the soft moans escaping my throat. Mr Hiwatari guided me over to one of the chairs behind his desk and sat me down, kneeling next to me.
"I'm not going to try and make you do anything you want to do, Max, but we're going to sit here for a bit, and if there's anything you want to say, I'll be here." I stayed silent for nearly half an hour, during which time he marked our books. Suddenly, the dam that I'd been building all those years broke. A hiccupping sob escaped my lips. It quickly turned into many more, years of unshed tears pouring down my cheeks.
I told him almost everything. About what people did to me, about how I never did anything in retaliation, about my dad's depression…the very first time I cut myself…He listened silently, his face impassive. The only thing that I kept to myself was my mum. That was a wound that I didn't want to share with anyone else, not yet.
Eventually, the babble stopped. I rubbed my eyes and took a couple of deep, shuddering breaths, my throat sore from so much unaccustomed talking. "Are you all right?" This time, his voice had softened.
"I-I don't need your bloody pity!" I choked out through waiting tears.
"I'd say you do." he told me. "Otherwise, why would you have let all that out?" I looked at him, worn out and on the edge of tears again. "Oh, Max." He sighed quietly and got up, coming over from his seat and placing a comforting hand on my shoulder. "It's okay to need help occasionally. You've needed help a lot in the last few years, haven't you? But you haven't asked for it, you stupid bastard." I looked dazedly at him, then moved forwards and wrapped my arms round him, hugging him tightly. Right now, he was my only source of comfort, comfort that I had been denying myself for so long…
His arms came round me and held me gently for a few seconds, then eased me away. "CCTV." he explained dryly. "I'd be facing a paedophile charge in seconds. Despite the fact that I'm only, what, four years older than you? Bloody law…" He patted my shoulder again, then went back to his seat. "You feel ready to go home yet?" I shrugged. Yeah, I could probably face my dad now. I didn't feel like I was made of eggshells anymore, a vast improvement. "Excellent. Will you be in school tomorrow?" I shrugged again. Maybe, maybe not. It depended on my mood, as it did with most of the kids in my class. "Well, if you're not, make sure you've got someone else with you, will you?" My temper rose quickly, as I guessed why he had said that. "Calm down, Max." Looked like he'd guessed I'd guessed. Screw him.
"I'm not gonna top myself or anything dumb like that!" I burst out indignantly. Shooting him a poisonous look, I stood up and grabbed my bag, hurrying out the door.
Kai shook his head sadly. That was his teacher training taking over his instincts again. He shouldn't have said that, it had rubbed Max up the wrong way instantly. Sighing, he checked the clock on the wall. School was over. He decided to go and check on the teacher that he had yanked in to be a substitute.
"Here comes the boy wonder!" Kai kept his face impassive, the frustrated comment sliding off him like water off a duck's back. "Only two days with them and you've already handed over? What happened to-"
"I had a situation that needed dealing with." Kai said curtly, sitting down in a chair. His lip curled involuntarily at the sudden look of interest on the surrounding faces, other teachers coming over to listen.
"What kind of situation?" one of the teachers asked him.
"Brooklyn and Max started fighting in the changing rooms."
"So?" another woman asked casually. "Brooklyn's always fighting with somebody, him and Bryan are vicious. I'm surprised that it was Max, though." There were nods of agreement from everyone listening.
"Yeah, he's usually the one who breaks the fights up."
"That's right. I remember once-
"Well not this time." Kai said quickly, cutting off what he knew would soon turn into a cascade of bad memories. "This time, they fought like a pair of mad animals. I gave them an after school which I'm one hundred-percent positive neither of them will come to, and Max passed out." Murmurs of surprise ran through his audience.
"Was he okay?" This came from a plump middle-aged Art teacher with paint stains all down her puffy blouse. Kai nodded, deciding in that instant to keep Max's actions after he had woken up secret for the time being.
"He was fine after he came round. He doesn't talk much, does he?" he said abruptly, changing the subject. Once again, the whole staff room shook their heads.
"He never has, not as far as I know." That comment came from the class' old form tutor, Miss Dart, who had asked to switch classes after three awful years with them. She was only twenty-five, small and slim, with a soft voice and a slow temper. Kai privately wondered how she had stuck with them past the first day. "He only ever speaks when there's no other way of getting his message across. It's strange, yes, but compared to the rest of them…" She chuckled sadly and spread her hands out in a "What can you do?" gesture. Kai folded his arms and leaned back in his chair.
"I can only try." he said quietly. A thought struck him. "What do any of you know about Ray Kon? For instance, his home life?" His eyes narrowed at the evasive air that had sprung up. He looked at their old tutor, trusting her slightly more than the others. She sighed and fiddled distractedly with a strand of her dark brown hair. "I don't think I can tell you…wait until the first Parents Evening, then you'll see." she murmured awkwardly. Kai swept them all with a scathing look, then nodded his thanks to Miss Dart and stood up.
"You're going already?" a few voices asked.
"No. I'm going to do some digging." came the curt answer.
I shut the door behind me quietly and kicked my shoes off.
"Good day at school, Max?" I opened my mouth to brush my father off, but something made me change my mind.
"I got in a fight." I called into the living room, raising my voice over the TV. The noise stopped.
"You? Hello, am I hearing right? Wanna come tell your old man about it?" I winced at his absurdly eager tone, guilt washing over me. I hadn't said more than three or four words a day to him since Mum left us.
"Okay." Well, better late than never…
I pulled myself away from Dad's embrace and headed for the stairs.
"Going to get changed?" he asked me. I nodded, giving him a tentative smile, which he returned equally nervously.
I walked up the stairs, the smile still on my face. We hadn't talked like that for years. About school, Dad's work, we even touched briefly on the face that I'm gay, although we didn't stay there for long. I suppose I have to thank Brooklyn for this. After all, he was the one who goaded me into fighting in the first place, and I haven't felt this good for… ages! I suddenly realised that I was humming. Slowly, a grin spread across my face.
"Hey, Dad?" I yelled down the stairs. "Name a song!" There was a long silence. I rolled my eyes. Bloody emotional Dad. I just unclammed for a bit, that's all… "Hurry up!"
"This Land Is Mine. You know it?" I sighed in mock annoyance.
"Yes." It's been his favourite song since I was just a little kid, how could I not know it?
I bent down and rummaged under my bed, eventually pulling out what I wanted, a battered guitar. I hummed a few times, then started tuning it. When that was done, I walked out to the landing. "You ready, Dad?"
"You'd better believe it!" I took a deep breath.
Okay, here we go…
"From behind these walls I hear your song,
Those sweet words.
Music that you play lights up my world.
The sweetest that I've heard. Could it be
That I've been touched and turned.
Oh, oh please, finally, finally things are changing…
This land is mine, but I let you rule.
I let you navigate and demand, just as long as you know.
This land is mine.
So, find your home and settle there, for I'm ready to let you win.
Just as long as we know.
This land is mine.
After all the battles and the wars,
The scars and loss.
I'm still the queen of my domain.
And feeling stronger now.
Walls are down a little more each day.
Since you came, finally, finally things are changing...
This land is mine, but I let you rule,
I let you navigate and demand. Just as long as you know.
This land is mine.
So find your home and settle there, for I'm ready to let you win.
Just as long as we know.
This land is mine.
Follow the days, I've travelled alone.
In this cold and colourless place to live.
It's what I had to pay.
This land is mine, but I let you rule,
I let you navigate and demand. Just as long as you know.
This land is mine.
So, find your home and settle there, for I'm ready to let you win.
Just as long as we know.
This land is mine.
I slowed the tempo down, plucking a gentle one-note accompaniment.
This land is mine, but I let you rule,
I let you navigate and demand. Just as long as you know.
This land is mine…
I held the last note on, then closed my mouth abruptly. I let out a sigh of sheer pleasure and wandered back to my room, shaking my head as I heard Dad's muffled sobs. God, what was it about him and me singing that song? I felt much better. Singing always did that to me, it was like I was letting all the things that would normally bother me slide away with each crescendo… I lay down on my bed and hummed happily to myself.
Second chapter's done! I'm sorry if some people didn't like the song, it was what I was listening to at the time, and it kind of came out automatically... Anyway, please, please review!