Chapter 2: Beginnings

"I do not like that Peter Pan!" screamed Captain Hook from about two-thirds of the way to the top of his lungs. He wasn't someone who had a good reason for the things he did. Mostly he just battled Peter for its own sake, and mostly he just lost. He remembered himself back to a time when he actually plundered and did other pirate things. But ever since Peter Pan showed up in Never Land, he hadn't been able to do that because Peter got in his way.

But the worst part was how happy Peter was. Captain Hook didn't really have any happy thoughts left anymore. He was a grownup, and piracy was a job that didn't really pay the bills. He wished he was happy and figured that low morale was responsible for his recent string of failures. "Maybe if I be happy," he thought, "I'd be motivated to learn the secret to flying, and if I could fly I could BEAT PETER PAN! That'd make me happy."

His logic was circular. He didn't notice, because he was the bad guy and kinda stupid.

That's when Mr. Smee came in.

Author's note: Mr. Smee is an important part of the Peter Pan universe so I thought it would be a bad idea to leave him out. That's why I put him in the story, but he doesn't do much.

"Smee!" shouted Captain Hook from an even higher part of his lungs than before, probably four-fifths of the way to the top of his lungs. His wig fell off because he was so loud.

"Yes, Cap'n!" said Smee with more confidence than he really had, because he was faking it. Then he also picked up Captain Hook's wig off the floor. He had just swept and mopped that morning, so it didn't have dust all over it when he handed his wig back to him.

"I want two things," began Hook. "First, I want a shave. My stubble is getting itchy."

"Alright, Cap'n. Shall I shave off the mustache, or just trim around it?"

Captain Hook's cheeks blushed a deep red with furiosity, but he kept his voice calm as he instructed "When have I ever wanted to get rid of my pristine mustache? Just shave around it, you useless pile of indentured servitude."

"Yes, Cap'n," Smee said again for the second time.

"Besides, second, at the same time as while you're giving me a shave, we will come up with a plan to win against Peter Pan once and for all! I have a good idea for how to do it and we have to kidnap Wendy."

Then he got his shave and came up with a plan. While he was being shaved, he put his wig on a mannequin head on a table next to the chair where he was sitting. That was a special place to put it so that it wouldn't accidentally get cut. It was important that the hair not get cut because it was a wig and wigs don't grow back, even if the wigs made from real hair, because they're not connected to hair follicles anymore. It's like how if you clip fingernails you can't use them in place of fake nails to make real ones that grow.

There also wasn't dust on the mannequin head.

While they were discussing the details, they decided on what eventually happened in the first chapter where they kidnapped Wendy. Then they flew Captain Hook's boat next to Peter Pan's house and parked it, they were a little bit more far away than they wanted to because there were a lot of trees in the way and the Jolly Roger is too big to fit there.

Author's Note: The movie left this part out, but the Jolly Roger can fly because there's a smiley face on a painting inside it. That's the closest that a pirate ship can get to thinking happy thoughts. It also has pixie dust, but I think the movie didn't forget that part.

They all disembarked their way out of the Jolly Roger. Each of the pirates went to different sides, but there were a lot of them and Peter Pan's house only had four sides, so some of them shared sides. It was kinda like a SWAT team mission, except that they were the bad guys, and they didn't break through any windows. Actually one of them just went in through the backdoor. That one of them was Captain Hook himself; the others would only get involved if he did the secret signal to call for backup.

When he got inside into the house, he saw Peter and Wendy were waving their hands around. But when he looked closer he saw that he actually saw wrong the first time, because they were playing Rock, Paper, Scissors. Hook wasn't a fan of that game, because it involved too much luck and he had bad luck. Trying to win at Rock Paper Scissors was, for him, like a U.S. Navy Seal trying to win a weakest man competition against a little kid: he would lose, but he was still better because seals are strong and kids are weak. Captain Hook was also not a kid and he doesn't like them.

Author's Note: Captain Hook *really* does not like kids. I want you to stop reading for a minute and think about that. It's important.

Between rounds he snuck up on Wendy and kidnapped her. Peter Pan and Tinkerbell weren't paying attention so that was his chance and they didn't notice him. Using both of his hands, he put his left hand over her mouth so she could not scream even though she really wanted to, and he right hand over her torso to pick her up by. It was at about this time that he wished he had tape so he could carry her with both hands. He forgot to leave a note, but it was okay since he wrote it earlier (I forgot to write that part, but it happened while they were driving over here) and it was in his pocket anyway, so it just fell out on the floor, just like if he left it there on purpose.

Once he was on his way out the door, Peter started paying attention again but it was too late. Smee asked "Shall we prepare the brig for the priz'ner, Cap'n?*" (See footnote)

"Nay, Mr. Smee," replied Hook in a voice that actually was confident because he didn't need to fake it. "You don't need to worry about prisoners escaping when you have..."

Author's Note: If this was a movie, there would be a close-up on Hook's face right now. He says this part really dramatic.

"...A flying boat.**"

Author's Note: To be continued.

*Author's footnote: A brig is like a jail cell in a ship. The Jolly Roger has one.

**Author's footnote: Wendy doesn't have any pixie dust because Tinkerbell is a bitch. If she tried to escape her way out of the ship, she would fall and probably get hurt really bad or even die, depending on how high in the sky it is.