Aw, poor Rose! Hopefully her and Dimitri will end up together ;) Review if you want me to continue!
xoxo Catherine
To simply put it I was miserable – at best. All night I'd tossed and turned in my tear-stained sheets and despite how much I wanted to, sleep would not come. How could it? The love of my life had only come after me because his ex-fiancé had told him to. He had been ready to marry her, and when she had tossed him aside he had come after me. To Dimitri I was only second place. Whimpering, I jumped out of my bed. I was done crying, I thought, wiping away two of my stray tears. There was no way that I would let Dimitri do that to me any longer – I needed to move on. He had made it perfectly clear that he was ready to take me back, but I needed to reject him. Maybe someday I would be able to take him back, but even I knew that then it would be too late for me. Just like it was too late for Dimitri; after two years of loneliness (or being with Adrian) I couldn't forgive him. He had ripped my heart out, tortured it, had it shredded and finally stomped on it only to return to me with a band aid. Band aids don't fix broken hearts, I thought – It didn't matter if they were physical or emotional, neither would do. Flopping onto my bed I closed my brown eyes and I thought of all the good times Dimitri and I had. Memories flooded into my brain like a river that had been blocked with a dam which was suddenly gone. There was nothing stopping my memories anymore. Pictures appeared in my thoughts – good and bad – before disappearing only to be replaced with another. Stolen kisses. Making him laugh that glorious laugh. Him trying to keep his cool. Us sparring… The list went on and on as I sighed, wishing that nothing had happened to stop that. With us it had always been so easy, but that was three years ago. I knew Dimitri had claimed to me that his loved had faded, only to change his mind last night and say that it was still there… Or that was what I presumed, but the man was giving me whiplash and it was his time to hurt. I had gone through enough and I wasn't about to make myself vulnerable to the Russian God any time soon. Never again, I vowed to myself as I got out of bed and slipped into a black pair of short shorts and a bright red tank top. As I yanked a brush through my hair I thought about what I was going to tell Adrian, although he probably already knew and was waiting to assault my dreams when I finally found sleep.
Leaving my official guardian room – I had one at Christian and Lissa's place where I usually stayed, but truthfully I had needed to be alone last night – I headed towards the gym. The sun gleamed overhead, swelteringly hot. I knew that at this time the main gym would most likely be empty, but just to be sure I headed towards the old one that was rarely used by anyone. Inside there was a fair amount of equipment with a beat up punching bag, along with some broken up dummies and a few other pieces of old tools to practice with. I headed towards the dummies and pulled out my stake as I began to stake the dummies one by one, wrestling with the ribs. My technique was sloppy – I was crushing the ribs rather than manoeuvring around them – but each time I struck the dummy I felt an endorphin of happiness release. This was what I needed to get rid of Dimitri, yet each time I staked a dummy they began to remind me a lot more of the exact guy I wanted to forget. That one was tall. The next one had long brown hair, and finally the last had the entire package – even the chocolate brown eyes. The color was off of course, no one could duplicate those eyes that I fell in love with, but the reminder was there, nonetheless. Screaming out in exasperation, I flung my hands up into the air wondering why everyone was trying to put me in pain, even God was continuously reminding me of things I wanted to forget. A deep chuckle snapped me out my thoughts, and as I whirled around steadily I saw Dimitri. Wonderful.
"What do you want Belikov?" I said, glaring at him as if he was Satan himself – which to me he was.
"Rose –"he started, stepping forward while I stayed in the exact same position.
"I don't want to hear it. Sure, I ruined your wedding and I said a lot of fucked up shit, but I didn't mean it. None of it, okay? I don't love you anymore, maybe I never did. Love fades, remember Guardian Belikov? Well guess what? Mine fucking has." My brown eyes were ablaze with fury while Dimitri stood the same way he had before. Vulnerable. His silence caught me off guard and I felt myself getting more and more frustrated. Why couldn't he be angry? Why wouldn't he fight back? Even his guardian's mask was better than this.
"Well say something!" I shouted at him, anger and cruelty lacing my words. "What are you scared that I have you figured out Dimitri? Ha," I laughed harshly. "Welcome to my world. Except I never used your feelings against you. Did I?"
Suddenly, he leapt forward aiming for my head with his fist. I hardly had time to duck before his hand was soaring overhead. That hit a nerve, I thought smirking. At least this was progress. Not exactly progress… More 'progress' in the fact that I was getting something out of him. If the dummies reminded me of Dimitri and saddened me, fighting Dimitri again was a completely different thing. He was better than I remembered, although I supposed that was to be expected. We hadn't fought each other since he was my mentor, three years ago. According to Dimitri's facial expression, however, he was shocked at how my fighting technique had changed as well. No longer did we know each other's fighting skills inside and out like we used to. Now, we had to always be on our guard, unsure of what the other was about to. Kicking high into the air, I managed to get a good kick to his shoulder before he took leverage of that and tried to twist me around. Too slow. I forced my foot down and shook him off, giving him an advantage and allowed him to punch me in my ribs. My momentary pain was enough time for him to pin me and – technically – kill me but as he laid on top of me, keeping his weight off of me, I was even more shocked by his next words.
"You have improved, Roza," he breathed, his face only inches from mine.
"Thanks," I panted in between breaths, all spiteful thoughts momentarily forgotten. "You have too." For a moment we only stared in each other's eyes, reading the other person's soul, and I thought about what I would have done at the age of seventeen. Surely, I would've pulled him close to me and kissed him with all of the passion I could muster until he finally built back his control. But I wasn't seventeen anymore and Dimitri had hurt me, perhaps in ways that could never be fixed. Still I didn't miss the lust that flashed in his eyes as he stayed on top of me, not bothering to move off of me, and I could imagine him leaning down and pressing his lips to mine and –
"Rose?" My thoughts were cut off by the sound of my best friend's voice, entering the gym with Christian following suit. Nodding at me, Dimitri got off of me and held out a hand to help me up. I didn't take it, instead, getting up by myself as I returned his nod.
"Hey Liss, Christian. Dimitri and I were just sparring," I told them, the words coming out of my mouth before I realized that must have been pretty obvious. I could tell that Lissa didn't by my explanation and later on I would be getting a long lecture. The foot that separated Dimitri and I seemed like we were miles apart and way too close for my liking. Had Lissa and Christian not interrupted us a few moments earlier I couldn't even process what might have happened. We might have kissed. We probably would have kissed. What's wrong with you? I screamed at myself mentally. How could I have almost lost control? It seemed like it was high school all over again, only this time I was the one fighting for control. Maybe I never gave Dimitri enough credit.
"Oh, well we can leave," she said, turning sharply, dragging Christian behind her.
"No, really, Liss," I called after her, almost frantic to have another human's presence in the gym besides Dimitri. I didn't want to know what would happen if I was left alone with him again. At the same time Dimitri spoke saying, "No princess, please stay." I had to fight the impulse to look over at him and smirk.
Looking back at me, her emerald green eyes flashed with curiosity but didn't say anything about it. "We were just looking for you. We couldn't find you in your room and you weren't in the Guardian quarters either."
"I couldn't sleep," I explained. No one asked me why. There was no need to; the answer rang loud and clear through the silence of the gymnasium. At that precise moment it seemed that my eyes decided to focus on exactly what Lissa and Christian looked like. Lissa had her hair ruffled, one of Christian's shirts slung over her messily and short pink pajama bottoms, while Christian didn't look much better, wearing only plaid boxers. Crossing my arms over my chest, I attempted to raise an eyebrow but failed. If it was any other circumstance I would've stated that Dimitri had to teach me how to do that.
"Is there something you'd like to tell me?" I asked in the famous Rose Hathaway fashion, making Lissa blush and Christian grin.
"Nope, I think our appearance pretty much covers what you disturbed," Christian stated, smirking. Through the bond I could feel Lissa's embarrassment grow especially with Dimitri in the room, but Christian didn't look bothered. Of course not - he even had the nerve to look smug.
"Disturbed?" I questioned. "I'm pretty sure that I wasn't the one banging at your door in these unheard of hours of the night." I grinned. "On second thought, thanks to Comrade here I'm pretty sure that I've been awake way too early for training before," I said warmly, speaking without really thinking. Once my words registered in the room, however, I could feel the tension grow. Why did I have to call him Comrade? Why did I have to even mention him? Guardians were used to being ignored; he wouldn't have minded, I concluded. But I had mentioned him, and now I was positive that he was going to think something was going on between us. Not that anything was. Dimitri and I were nothing. What we once had was gone. Somewhere in my subconscious decided to pick that particular moment to whisper, You just keep telling yourself that. I wanted to kick it and growl at it to shut up. Great, now I truly was going insane.
"Did we interrupt something ourselves?" Lissa demanded cautiously, her happiness growing in the bond for me. Lissa was such a good person, I thought suddenly. Of course she always had been, but the thought took me by surprise. When was the last time I had done something with her? Just us girls? Lehigh took up a lot of her schedule, but I was guarding here there too. Shaking my head, I decided that I would have to mention it to her tomorrow and go get our nails done or something at the spa here in court.
"No!" I half shouted, somewhat alarmed. I sounded defensive. I didn't want to be defensive. There was no fucking reason for me to be defensive. Nothing was going on.
"Well, okay. We'll just be going back to sleep now," Lissa said, heading towards the doors.
Shooting Christian a quick look, I mouthed 'Sleep. Yeah sure,' so that Lissa wouldn't see.
"Wait! Liss?" I asked, my voice gentle as she reached the doors. Looking over her shoulder, her tender green eyes surveyed me. "Why did you come looking for me, anyway?"
"I felt you through the bond," she said. "You were having some pretty strong emotions."
"Oh right." Nodding, I pondered her statement. I knew that her powers were getting greater, allowing her to sense me as I sensed her sometimes, but it still annoyed me and for once I understood what Lissa meant when she said that me going into her head was invasion of privacy, even if in the beginning I couldn't help it, and when I was sleeping, I still had no control.
Glancing back at Dimitri as they left, I wondered what Lissa meant by 'strong emotions'. Was it when I was staking the dummies? Or when I saw Dimitri or was arguing and sparring with him? Or… was she talking about when he had laid on top of me, his closeness overbearing in what I could not determine was either a good or a bad way. Nonetheless I had to go. Until then I hadn't realized just how tired I was, although I was still unsure whether or not sleep would come.
Walking away with my head bowed, I slipped halfway out the door and nodded to him as I said, "Good night Guardian Belikov," just as he murmured, "Good night my dearest Roza," almost too low for me to hear. I didn't stop smiling the entire way back to Lissa's.
"Hello Little Dhampir," I heard Adrian say as I fell into unconsciousness. His face was solemn, his green eyes looked tired and I mentally kicked myself knowing that I was the cause of all of this. It was true that I loved Adrian, but I wasn't in love with him as he was with me. My love for Adrian was like the love you might feel for your brother or best friend, but not your boyfriend. Oh the irony.
"Look Adrian I'm sorry," I blurted before he could say anything else. Tonight Adrian had brought me to his grandmother's garden at her estate, a place I knew he loved. At the moment we were surrounded by low green hedges speckled with roses and flowers with a small bench to the left, but we were both standing. In the dream, the wind was slight and the sun shone down on us comfortable as my white sundress flowed with the breeze. That was my first hint that this was going to be a bad encounter – probably our break up. No matter what, Adrian always dressed me in something seductive and him in something equally as sexy, but now he was wearing casual clothes – a blue polo shirt and khakis – while I was the picture of innocence as my dark waves fell softly down my back and shoulders.
"There's nothing to be sorry for, Rose. I knew it would happen eventually, even if I hoped it wouldn't," he said, frowning slightly while I winced.
"I didn't mean for it to happen, Adrian! I… I'm not even getting back with him, okay?" I began, taking a huge breath that I knew I would need for my next speech. "Adrian, me? I'm a selfish, slutty, ignorant, sarcastic, horrible person. I don't deserve you, Lissa, Dimitri, Christian, my mother, Abe… Anyone. I'm surprised that you have all dealt with me for this long. But you? Adrian you're one of the most self-sacrificing, amazing, kind, passionate people I know, and I don't deserve you Adrian. I kept you along for so long because I'm selfish and I'm so needy, and I wanted you to be there for me, even though I knew that I could never love you, and we have to end this Adrian. You need to find someone who deserves you and can love you back and…" I let my sentence end with silence, but I was pretty sure we both knew what I meant. No tears streamed down my face as they did with Dimitri. Rose Hathaway was done crying. However my face was filled with more anguish than I had shown in years. No longer would I ever cry over another boy again, I promised myself, although I was pretty sure I had said that more than once in the previous twenty four hours.
"Rose –" Adrian started, but the dream was already starting to fade away – I was waking up - and I knew that it was good thing. Our relationship had to end now before he could try and convince me to stay with him. As he became dimmer and dimmer and misty fog became to appear swirling around the garden I heard him murmur, "I still love you." It was for the best, I told myself.
But I woke up crying. Jesus.