Stephenie Meyer: Here's the sequel…
New Moon: The Condensed Version
Bella: Why do I have to grow older? I wish I was a vampire.
Bella cuts her arm at her birthday party
Jasper: Blood!
Edward: We're leaving. I don't love you anymore (except I do).
Bella: Nooo!!
Lots of time passes
Bella: Holy crow, I've turned into a zombie. Oooh, motorcycles!
Jacob: I can fix those up for you!
Bella: Let's go do something crazy so I can hear Edward's voice in my head.
Bella runs into Laurent
Laurent: Human! Must kill!!
Bella: Oh noes! And all my vampire friends are gone. Who will save me??
Wolves run through and chase Laurent.
Bella: What just happened here?
Fangirls: What just happened here??
Jacob: I can't be your friend anymore, Bella. I'm sorry.
Bella: Why does everyone hate me??
Jacob: Remember when I told you about the cold ones?
Bella: Yeah…
Jacob: Remember what else I told you?
Bella: ZOMG! You're a werewolf!?
Fangirls: ZOMG! Jacob's a werewolf?
Jacob: Yay I avoided the rules! Come hang out with the pack.
Bella: Cool. You guys are nice.
Jacob: You're being stalked by a vampire.(again!!)
Bella: Oh noes! Victoria's out to kill me because Edward killed James...
Pack: We'll protect you, Bella.
Fangirls: Where's Edward??
Bella: Hmm, I think I'm gonna try cliff diving.
Alice: Noooo! I just saw Bella kill herself…
Rosalie: Hey, Eddie, your girlfriend's dead!
Edward: Gasp! I must get the Volturi to kill me!
Alice: Edward's gonna kill himself. Bella, we need to save him!
Bella: I've gotta save Edward. Bye, Jacob. Tell Charlie I'm sorry if I die.
Alice: Let's fly to Italy! And steal a car!
Bella: As long as we save Edward.
Edward is about to step into the sunlight and expose all of the vampires
Bella: EDWARD!!
Edward: Whoa…I'm in heaven? Cool.
Bella: No! We're not dead.
Volturi: Must kill the human who knows our secrets…
Alice: But we're gonna turn her into a vampire.
Volturi: Okey-dokey then.
Bella: WHEN??
Edward: Never!!
Jacob: If you turn her you'll start a war with the werewolves.
Bella: And you Jacob? Stupid backstabbing werewolf…
Fangirls: Yay! No more Jacob!
Stephenie: Sorry…he comes back in book 3. And I like him.