Title: Do You Even Fucking Know What You Mean To Me?

Disclaimer: Don't own 'em

Chapter: 2/?

Rating: N/C 17

Pairings: Sam/Dean, Wincest

Warnings: Language (Lots of Language), Smut, Violence, Wincest, Bottom!Dean, Attempted Suicide

Spoilers: Up Through Season 7

Summary: Started out as a short one shot, now it's being continued by persuasion...Certain circumstances cause Dean to make a stupid decision and Sam to clean up the mess in Dean's head, but there may be other consequences from the actions that were a consequence of Dean's decision...

Dammit! He couldn't believe Dean! Why would Dean do something so stupid, so foolish, so ugh, so fucking damn selfish! Was Dean really that dense that he didn't realize Sam needed him? Didn't Dean die fucking enough? Didn't he leave Sam enough? Didn't they get separated from each other enough in the last few years? Yea Sam may have started it, when he left for Stanford but that never meant he wanted Dean out of his life, he figured if his big brother wanted to see him he would. He missed Dean like crazy, and for the first few weeks he couldn't even sleep without hearing Dean breathing on the bed next to his. His whole body hurt, his heart hurt so bad he even thought he saw the Impala a few times when it was late at night and he was walking past a window or home from the library. At the time, he didn't realize what his emotions meant.

Sam dragged Dean into their hotel room, which for once was a little more fancy than they were used to. It was in a small town in Pennsylvania where they were hunting a pretty annoying demon who was persuading people to kill themselves in dreams. The place was small, why a town this small itself would even need a motel Sam could never know. It was a nice place however with a nice wooden floor and for once was clean and smelled fresh. Ok so the bathroom was tiny and the TV was old, but that didn't matter to the Winchesters.

As Sam dragged Dean over to the bed and sat him down Dean kept murmuring apologies and 'Sammy' but he was hardly coherent. Sam pushed Dean down so he was lying on his back against the pillows and dug his medical kit out of his bag on the table. Sam quickly cleaned and stitched Dean's wrist so there wouldn't be any more blood loss. As he finished, an exhausted and anemic Dean passed out on the bed where Sam stayed and ran his hands through Dean's hair wondering where it all went so wrong.

They had been chasing that damn demon a town over that was stalking people and then causing them to have horrible nightmares of them killing themselves and the reasons why until they actually did it. That was until it tried with an more experienced girl who knew what it was doing and called John's phone for help. She wasn't exactly a hunter, she said she didn't like to go looking for the stuff, enough of it came to her as it was, but she knew her stuff. The problem was, however, this particular demon didn't possesses anything, so there was no way to trap it, kill it, or exorcise it that she knew of.

They thought they had found a powerful enough spell and between the three of them that they had vanquished the damn thing back to the pits of hell. Looks like they didn't. It must have went after Dean when he fell asleep in the Impala. Shit. He'd worry about killing the damn thing tomorrow, and he would find a way to kill it. Right now, he needed to worry about his brother and what the damn thing had said to him to make Dean actually do it.

God he was so mad! He was so mad and so scared and damn Dean for doing this to him, to them. Didn't Dean realize how much Sam loved him, that Sam couldn't live without him? Why didn't Dean think about him? Did the demon convince Dean once again that Sam would be better off without him, stronger even? That seemed to be all the supernatural forces thing, convince Dean that Sam was better without him and it just simply wasn't true. He needed Dean to breath. He was weaker without him. Lost. Just like a lost puppy. He couldn't live without his older brother and if that may be weird, so be it. They were soul mates, he knew it. Their lives were already fucked up, so why not that too, somewhere along the line stars got crossed or whatever cliché phrase you wanted to use, but Dean was his soul mate, that he was sure of.

Sam knew Dean would need to eat once he woke up so he decided to call their friend up the road and see if she would come sit with Dean while he went to get some food, and to warn her that the demon wasn't gone, yet. They could perhaps figure something else out together. She was able to charm a dagger to kill anything once, when she was angry enough. She told them that emotions play a huge role in used any kind of magic but she was never able to replicate it. Perhaps her dagger would work? Ruby's knife didn't, the colt didn't, salt n iron only made it mad, and the spell obviously backfired royally. Sam was sick of demons and their games, perhaps Meg or Cas could help.

As Gina arrived and saw Dean she freaked. It was the same thing that had happened to her husband years before, except they hadn't been so lucky, he bled out before anyone found him. She walked over and sat down next to Dean and grabbed his hand, as the tears started to flow Sam's own joined her. Realizing that Sam was crying she stood and grabbed him in a tearful and slightly awkward embraced.

She told Sam to stay with Dean and that she'd make a run for food, there was a great restaurant right down the road and they had the best pie, which Sam smiled at and added, "Pick up a whole pie for Dean himself," as she walked out the door.

Sam went and sat down next to his still unconscious brother and picked up his hand. He watched Dean sleep and noted how he looked so much younger in sleep, not quite peaceful, but almost. His brother really was beautiful and his relaxed features really just made him that much more. Sam stayed like that until Gina returned with food for the three of them.

Waking Dean up had been a chore, and Gina was getting kind of nervous when it took over 5 mins. to rouse Dean. Dean was a bit groggy and still confused, but he was awake and responding to them so they brought him a plate of food and made him eat to regain his strength. Dinner was awkward at best, and the avoided talking about 'the incident' as Sam was now referring to it in his head. After they were done, Gina produced two amazing looking, homemade pies, one apple and one cherry, and sat them on the table. With a hug to Sam and a squeeze to Dean's good arm she took off, promising to be safe and to meet up with them tomorrow to figure out their problem once and for all.

As soon as Dean was really feeling better, they were going to have a talk, something. Sam needed to get Dean to value his life, to realize what a fucking amazing person he is, how much his little brother needs him to stay around, to be with him until they both go, at the same time preferably. Sam didn't exactly have a game plan beyond a lot of yelling at the moment, but he'd figure something out, he is a Winchester after-all.