Hot, Tall, and Dangerous

He was no Spike, that was for sure. I was usually not into guys with long hair, but a girl can always change. Unlike Spike's bleached faux blond, this guys hair looked natural. Plus the SOB was ripped. Obviously this guy was a real warrior, unlike William the Bloody. He had more of Angel's tall build. He carried himself more like Spike though. A swagger in his step as he approached the booth. This guy had the best of both of my worlds.

He gives me a smirk that I could easily wipe off of his face if I were in slayer mode. I'm not in slayer mode, I'm in girl needs a job mode. He gives me an eye fuck too. What's up with these vamps? He sits across from me. I'd feel extremely intimidated if I were the helpless damsel in distress, but I'm not. Still, I need to put on that helpless little blond girl look. I do my best to look nervous. I acted like a girl just looking for a potential job.

"My progeny tells me that you are here to answer my need for help. My name is Eric Northman and I am proprietor of this establishment. You will address me as Master," said the vampire with a deep masculine voice. Please! Whatever! You don't see vampires like this in Sunnydale. This guy is old. Maybe even older than Angel. I see that his ego is huge to boot.

"I'm Betty Somners," I said in my quick thinking.

"Betty you say," he purred. "I am in need of a waitress. It seems that the last waitress had an 'accident.'"

Wonder what kind of accident? Probably one that she will never come back from. Then I felt something tugging on my mind. Hate to tell this guy, not gonna work. He gives me a perplexed looked. Something between anger and confusion. Sorry buddy, just deal.

"Do you have any qualifications, Ms. Somners?"

I tell him about my work history on the way to Louisiana. The vampire seemed impressed or at least I hope.

Twenty minutes later, I had the gig. I find out that the female vampire's name is Pam and she is handing me some hidous goth emo punk outfit. So much for my Bluefly specials, looks like I'll be looking like a Hot Topic reject. Seems I now get to dress like Elvira. This Pam started giving me some kind of vamp fabulous makeover. The vampires here seem as crazy as the ones in Sunnydale. I wondered if these vampires watch soaps and smoke cigarettes.

Then I get to meet this giddy human girl named Belinda. She showed me the ropes. She reminded me of a gothic version of Cordelia. The dumb chick swooned over the vampires, especially tall, blond, and egotistical. I wanted to puke when I saw the lame throne sitting on the lame stage. There sat the big headed vampire, watching me like a hawk. Guess I'll just have to deal. You need a job right now, Buffy.

As I was flinging drinks and breaking some fingers. Yeah, these fangbangers are pretty touchy feely. I had one try to pinch my ass. He learned pretty quickly that I'm not passive like the other girls. Blondie had an amused look on his face as he watched from his throne. Couldn't he have at least thrown the SOB out on his ass? The stupid fangbanger threaten to sue, but Pam glamoured him away.

Blondie motioned for me from atop his high horse. I rolled my eyes. I was really starting to miss the Scoobies and The Bronze right now. I'd rather hear Xander's rapid fire mouth then to stoop to calling a vamp Master! I needed this job if I were ever to return to Sunnydale. Hey, I even get insurance here. I put my tray down and rolled my eyes. I don't know who the hell this Eric Northman thinks he is and honestly I don't care. I wish I had Mr. Pointy handy about right now. Calm down, Buff and just deal.

"You are not to inflict bodily harm upon our patrons. Do I make myself clear, Ms. Somners," said the egotistical vampire. I had to swallow my pride.

"Yes Master," I simply said. God I want to throw up.

"In the future, if you have a problem with a costumer, I'd like it if you let Pam or I know so the we may take care of it. Do I make myself clear, Ms. Somners?"

"Crystal," I just said.

"Good! As long as we understand one another."

"Yes Master," I said with a bow. I hate demeaning myself like this. He did a hand motion to dismiss me. What a jerk!

I had the temptation to call Giles and ask him about this jerk wade of vampire, but we left on not so good terms if you know what I mean. Slayer burnout, big time! Life is tough when your major job is saving the world from the big bad. I would call Willow but I wasn't in the mood for her preaching either. Yep, I was a lone slayer in this strange place.

Just as the crowd was starting to thin out, I saw her. She stuck out much like I did when I first entered this place. She was wearing a barmaids outfit of a simple white tee and black shorts. Blond hair pulled back into a ponytail. She looked a little miffed about something as she strode up to the throne on the stage. She slapped big blond along side the face. A girl after my own heart, but foolish as hell. There was something different about her. Almost otherworldly. Couldn't quite put my finger on it.

Pam came to stand beside me as she watched the show. "This should be fun," she said.

"Who is that," I dare ask. I wasn't expecting an answer.

"Oh, that's just Sookie. Eric likes having fun with that one," she said. "Come to think of it, you kind of remind me of her."

Okay, so I reminded Pam of a foolish little southern belle with no physical strength but is stupid enough to slap a very old vamp around. I'm not even that dumb of a blond.

We watched as stupid brave blondie yelled at big dangerous blondie. If my ears weren't deceiving me, I swear she was pitching a fit about a lack of phone call. Maybe this one is just a closet fangbanger. Pam just gleefully kept watching the soap opera unfold. I didn't need this. I had enough vampire troubles of my own. So I go back to waiting tables.

Later, stupid brave blondie followed big blondie to the back of the bar. Maybe she's dumber than I thought, but then again, here I am working at a vampire bar. My spider senses told me that I should follow, but my common sense told me to butt out. I hate being torn between a vampire and a hard place. I told Pam I needed to take care of my 'human needs'. She seemed to buy my lame excuse about that time of the month coming on. Although she offered to come help me, eww. This slayer may have had vampire suitors, but they have been strictly male.

I used my stealth to sneak down the back hall. Door one lead to the storeroom, Door two lead to some sort of creepy Saw like basement and so that left door three. I heard noises behind this door even though it was obviously a sound proof door. I had no Mr. Pointy or my trusty crossbow. It looks like I'll have to improvise. Hey, I can do it! It's been done before. I just hope there is something wooden and breakable in there.

I took the storming the castle approach to this. I just walked right in. Instead of seeing big blond draining stupid brave blond, I saw stupid brave blond sitting on the large mahogany desk buck naked with big blond giving her a good finger bang. The sick bastard had her watching him, but she didn't seem to mind. No, she was completely enjoying this until I barged in. I put my head down and said sorry. I made up another lame excuse about not knowing where the bathroom is.

"Awww, Sookie! I want you to meet our Ms. Somners," big blond said without total abandoned. This Sookie turned three shades of red and tried to cover herself up the best she could.

"It's Betty," I said in my embarrassment. Despite her precarious position, Sookie managed a smile as she fumbled with an oversized tee. Obviously big blonds'.

"Actually, it's Sookie Stackhouse and I'm pleased to meet you, Betty Somners," Sookie said putting on her best southern manners. You don't ever get this kind of politeness in Cali. Usually they would just yell 'get out', I know I would.

"Now, don't you have some work you should be doing, Ms. Somners," a totally buff Eric said with a smirk. I took in his nude glory for a moment. Angel and Spike had nothing on this guy. Totally jealous!

I quietly excuse myself and went back out into the bar. Pam caught me coming out of the back hall. She had a downright devilish grin on her face. The Cheshire Cat had nothing on her. "Did you like what you see," she said in total sarcasm. I just walked away and went about my work.