Heeey guys, so I decided to upload this one today as I promissed I'll try to keep uploading frequently. there wont be glee club members on this one, i thought it should be just Rachel and Finn beginning with all the 'apology' process they have to go through before they can actually start to be okay (so next chapters will start getting longer!) But you have to know that Rachel wont just forgive him so quickly, And I think she's right. what he did was pretty bad :/ But on with the story ! thanks to those who first revieweddd, that was very appreciated.

Anyway, Hope you enjoy it !

Happy Readings :)

Chapter 2

People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that's bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they're afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they're wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio, you feel your strength in the experience of pain. Its all in how you carry it. That's what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you're letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel pain.

He made me feel pain. You know…him. Everything is so confusing right now. I can distinguish the physical pain from the excruciating pain and anger that I'm feeling, but all of those thrown in together and its suddenly very hard to breath. I feel hazy, like in the moment when a child swirls around too many times and they end up not being able to see very well. A child. Where is my child? I could very well just open my eyes and find out what's happening around me…but even Rachel Berry gets scared. And I am. Because what if I open my eyes and a reality that I don't want to live hits me in the face? There's no walking back from that type of pain now is there? I'm crushed already, and this little living and breathing life inside of me has taught me that I'm never really alone. And I cant deal with this supposed reality if my baby is gone. I just cant. And maybe my actions could be judged as cowardice, but honestly, the first time you bond with your child, even if it's the moment you hear the little heart beat or the small image on the black and white screen, that type of love is instant. Unconditional. And maybe my life is chaotic right now, but this tiny being inside of me is what's helping me keep it together.

"Rachel? Open your eyes sweetie, I know you can hear me, could you open your eyes for your daddy please?" daddy. he was here. He knew about everything. And he's worried and I hate the fact that I'm making my dads suffer, so I start to open my eyes slowly.

"Oh darling, we were so worried about you, we got the call from your teacher a couple of hours ago and we came as fast as we could. You're dad went to get some clothes for you. You scared us so much baby" he kissed the top of my head.

The thing with daddy is that we know each other very well, something as much as a pout and we know something is terribly wrong. We are both very discreet people, and we don't tend to show our emotions in public. So the moment daddy saw the tears falling from my eyes, he realized just how scared and fragile I truly was.

"Oh Rachel don't cry…look, we already know…about the reason you're here I mean" oh my god. they knew. Why isn't he yelling or screaming or…something. and why did he say, 'the reason why you're here' what if there's no more reason? What if? I'm pretty sure I'm hyperventilating by now.

"Rachel breath please! Calm down honey. ..The baby is ok. Everything will be okay. But I need you to breath right now, the doctor will probably be here soon to explain why you felt so much pain, but don't worry about it for now. Deep breaths, come on."

The baby is okay.

The baby is okay.

My baby is okay!

I'm pretty sure these are the most beautiful words that I've heard in a very long time. And now I feel like I can take a breath knowing that the walls aren't going to come down crashing in my back. Maybe everything might be just okay.

"Listen honey…when we found out from the doctor about you're pregnancy, we were very much shocked and I wont lie to you, disappointed too. We've taught you everything we could so you could one day make the best decisions to reach the brilliant future that you deserve. You're just so young and you've got so much to live. But it's happened, and there's nothing to be done now. And we are a family, and when one of us is in need we go through it together. Because if you're in this situation now it must have been also me and you're dad's fault…maybe we didn't teach you enough…"

"No daddy, you did nothing wrong, you are amazing fathers…" I cant believe he's trying to put the faults of my actions on themselves.

"Shh Rachel, let me finish. We might have been disappointed. But you're the most important person in our lives, and we would never leave you when you most need us. We'll be here every step of the way and we'll support you no matter what. We love you dearly you know that?" by now we were both crying and hugging and maybe I was right, things could be okay for a while. Because I had an amazing family who'd support me…and nothing else matters.

"I love you too daddy" he smiled.

"Now now, lets stop with all the crying here. There's someone who wants to speak with you honey, I'll go down to the first floor to get some coffee. If you need anything or if you feel anything press the red button on the left. I wont take long"

And the moment daddy left he walked in. seriously? I know I have been obsessive with anything that had to do with Finn Hudson but that slushy was the last straw. I'd like to keep whatever dignity I have left, even when most of it went away the moment I trusted him with the last thing I had.

" what are you doing here?" I asked coldly.

"Look Rachel…I-"

"No Finn. You don't get to explain yourself this time. Because I wont fall for your games again. I've had enough. I never thought you'd make me feel this way you know? I literally gave you my heart and you stepped on it like the common ground you walk on. And for what? You're stupid reputation? Keep your damn reputation. But stay the hell away from me." I knew I was yelling by now, but I couldn't help it, I had been keeping this inside for too long…I just needed to get it out.

Even with all of my protests he sat on the chair next to me and began talking,

"You can hate me all you want right now. You don't need to speak to me ever again if you don't want to, I get it, I screwed up big time. And you know what? I cant think of anything that doesn't have to do with you and I cant feel anything rather than this guilt…its taking over all my feelings rach. I'm guilty, all the time. Because I know that what I did was unforgivable. And to know that you could have almost lost the baby because of what I d-." wait. What.

" what are you talking about Finn?"

" Rachel, everyone already knows by now. You said it before you passed out. You might not remember but I know. And I also know I'm in no position to feel hurt over anything, specially after I did to you, but the fact that you weren't going to tell me just hurts Rach. Because I know this baby is mine. And since the time you fainted I had to get used to the idea that I'm going to be a father but at the same time maybe I wouldn't. it was awful. Were you even planning on telling me? Ever?"

"Maybe I wasn't Finn. Because right the next day after I gave my virginity to you, you couldn't even stop to actually talk to me and you decided that telling me we wouldn't see each other anymore through a text was appropriate. Do you know how much that hurts Finn? How did you expect me to tell you I'm expecting your baby when you couldn't even have the decency to speak to me properly? Please enlighten me here."

Out of nowhere Finn put his hand on my stomach and looked at me with tear filled eyes. Finn crying? I wanted to tell him to back off but I was far too shocked yet at the same time… I liked it. Maybe its just that he's referring to the baby and its so sweet and cute and…

No Rachel, don't fall for this, its just his games, you'll get hurt again.

"I'm so sorry okay? And I'll keep saying sorry and maybe sorry wont ever really be enough for the way I've treated you but I just need you to know that I am sorry. You were unconscious for three hours Rach, and it was the longest three hours of my life because they couldn't tell if the baby would be okay and you wouldn't wake up and I would never really forgive myself If anything happened. I'm going to take care of you and this baby Rachel, just give me another chance, I can get on my knees and beg… I'll do whatever it takes for you to let me prove to you that I was just being stupid and that popularity is not the only thing in life, family is. I can shout it out loud in front of everyone in school if you want"

"Finn you don't have to do anything, I'm not going to suddenly forgive everything you have done because now that you know I'm pregnant you decide to look at me. When I found out I was pregnant if there was one thing I knew was that I wouldn't use this baby to keep you like other girls do. You're the father, you have rights, I'm aware of that. But that doesn't mean we'll be together, you hurt me too much"

"Look..just- Just let me be here okay? I'm not asking for anything else. You can hate me all you want. But I want to take responsibility too Rachel, I know what its like to be raised without a father and I don't want that for our baby"

I couldn't deny how my heart skipped a beat every time he said our baby..

Focus Rachel !

"Don't worry Finn, I wont hide your own child from you, if its that what you're worried about, then just don't. lets just try to be civil towards each other for the sake of the baby, its not her or his fault all the things we've done. Can you just…go now? I feel like I need to be alone. Its been a long day and I'm tired.

Just when Finn was about to answer a man that looked to be in his mid - forties walked in holding a folder in his hand.

"Rachel Berry?"

"Yes that's me"

"I'm your doctor, its nice to meet you. I've talked to your fathers earlier but they wanted me to pass by and explain to you what happened and I also would like to do some last check ups to see everything is okay." he paused for a second, looked at the strange machines next to the bed and after scribbling something down kept talking.

"So Rachel, what happed was that the beginning of the pregnancy is already considered to be risky for any woman and that's when we tend to tell them to be extra careful. I believe that you were starting to initiate the process of a stress induced miscarriage. Luckily though, you made it to the hospital fast and we were able to stop it before it got too out of hand. Everything is stable now, but I'd still like for you to keep in mind that you shouldn't spend too much time on your feet, a healthy died is essential and don't forget to take all the vitamins that will be prescript to you before you leave the hospital. And please, no stress okay? Being calm during the pregnancy helps prevent many other things in the future" I was going respond but Finn beat me to it.

"Don't worry Doc, I'll make sure she doesn't get stressed and follows all the stuff you said she had to do. Anything to keep her and the baby healthy. And thank you, I don't know what I'd do if anything had happened" he shook hands with the doctor and soon he was out the door.

Focus Rachel, the fact that he said that doesn't mean anything. Even if you want to erupt with happy tears you must keep it together. What if its all lies? I cant trust him just yet. But I have to admit that he's being amazing…stop !

Finn soon came back to the chair next to me " Rachel? I am sorry. Like seriously." and then he started crying. What the hell?

So I consoled him for a while before he could calm down. The old Rachel berry would have melted at the sight of Finn laying on the bed next to her like that, but this Rachel is far less emotive. I could understand him you know? I really could. I mean I was still angry and hurt. But I cant always be like that for ever, he is the baby's father and we'll be connected forever. And even if maybe what he did was unforgivable, people just make mistakes right? And all the things he said is a start. I can see that. It doesn't mean we'll be all smiles next time we see each other. But it's a start. A beginning. And new beginnings are always good. Right?

And the thing about new beginnings is that you never know for sure if they'll turn out to be good or bad, you just know you're turning the page. You might be jumping in the unknown, but I guess life's made up of that. Risks. So that's got me wondering, what is tomorrow going to be like? Will he be with Quinn? Will he act like he said he would? How are people in glee going to treat me now that they now? The whole school knows…its not going to be easy, I know that already. But I'm Rachel Berry and I'm not going down without a fight.

Hope you liiked that! reviewwww. leave your opinion please, it helps me improove.

next update very soon !

thankyouuu,

love, Jane. 3