A/N: This is an episode of Batman: The Animated Series and was written as a screenwriting exercise. And as a gift for my nephews. And because I like Harley and Ivy.
Alas, I own neither setting nor characters. I just like telling stories with them.
ACT ONE:
EXT. GOTHAM CITY STREET - AFTERNOON
A bright, clear afternoon in late winter/early spring. There is no snow on the ground but the pedestrians on the street are still wearing coats.
ROBIN rides through an intersection on his BatCycle. He sees something to his right, makes a wide loop through traffic and heads off toward it.
EXT. GOTHAM CITY STREET - AFTERNOON
BELLMAN'S FINE FOODS, a specialty grocery store, has an ambulance, police cars and police officers mingling in the street in front of it.
DETECTIVE RENEE MONTOYA, an attractive woman with long, dark hair, turns away from the officer she is speaking to as Robin rides up.
ROBIN
(getting off his BatCycle)
Detective.
Montoya walks over to him.
MONTOYA
Boy Wonder.
ROBIN
What happened?
MONTOYA
Harley Quinn.
ROBIN
Did she rob the place?
MONTOYA
I'm not sure yet.
Robin gives her a confused look.
MONTOYA (con't)
Come on.
Montoya leads Robin to the store. They stop at the door as two PARAMEDICS help a scared-looking CLERK out of the building. The Clerk has a bandage wrapped around his head.
CLERK
(to Robin)
She ... she tried to kill me!
The Paramedics pull him towards the ambulance. Robin gives Montoya a curious look.
MONTOYA
You need to see this.
INT. BELLMAN'S FINE FOODS, STORE OFFICE - AFTERNOON
A GCPD AV TECH sits in front of a number of VCR-looking machines and adjusts settings on one of them. Robin and Montoya stand behind him.
ROBIN
So we have the security video taken during the incident?
AV TECH
(not looking up)
In just a min ...
He looks up at Robin and Montoya and smiles as he hits a button on the equipment
AV TECH (con't)
Voila!
A video screen clicks on, displays snow for a second and then focuses in to an overhead view of the check-out counter of the main store.
The (same) Clerk stands behind the check-out counter, looking through a box full of groceries and checking them off on a list on a clipboard.
The camera's POV moves in and ...
TRANSITIONS TO:
INT. BELLMAN'S FINE FOODS - AFTERNOON
The Clerk goes through his box.
A unseen CUSTOMER places a small basket on the counter. It has three purple fruits - pomegranates - in it.
CLERK
(not looking up)
I'll be right with you.
CUSTOMER (O.S.)
(female, high-pitched nasal with a Brooklyn accent)
No problemo.
The Clerk continues checking his groceries and list for a moment but then there is a low, menacing animal's GROWL. He looks up and sees ...
HARLEY QUINN, in costume, at the counter, pulls some cash out of her red-and-black purse. On the floor, at either side of her, her two pet HYENAS, show their teeth and GROWL.
The Clerk recognizes Harley, drops his clipboard and steps back.
HARLEY
(to the Hyenas)
Babies, hush!
(then, to the Clerk)
What do I owe you?
CLERK
Owe? Nothing! They're yours! Just ... just take them and go!
(quietly)
Please don't hurt me.
HARLEY
Hurt you? I don't want to hurt you. I just want to buy my -
The Clerk shoves the basket back at her.
CLERK
Take them! They're yours!
HARLEY
No! I need to pay for them!
Harley reaches towards him with some bills in her hand. The Clerk SCREAMS, jumps backwards and stumbles in the tight space. He falls, banging his head on the counter on the way down and knocking himself unconscious.
Harley looks around the store ...
HARLEY (con't)
Is there anyone who can ...
... and sees the commotion has grabbed the attention of everyone else in the store and, from the looks on their faces, they all share the Clerk's opinion of her.
CUSTOMER (O.S.)
Someone call the police!
HARLEY
(quietly, sad)
I just wanted to pay for my ...
Harley tucks the money under the corner of the basket on the counter and picks up her purple fruits. She gestures to her Hyenas.
HARLEY (CON'T)
Come on, babies.
INT. BELLMAN'S FINE FOODS, STORE OFFICE - AFTERNOON
Robin and Montoya look at each other. Montoya raises one eyebrow.
INT. BATMOBILE - AFTERNOON
Batman is driving. Fast. The BatMobile's engines REV and RUMBLE as the streets of Gotham City fly by.
ROBIN (O.S.)
I don't get it.
BATMAN
She's tried to go straight before. Maybe she can do it this time.
EXT. GOTHAM CITY STREET - AFTERNOON
Robin, back on his BatCycle, rides through another part of the city.
ROBIN
Maybe. But ...
BATMAN (O.S.)
But what?
ROBIN
The way she said she needed to pay for her fruit.
INT. BATMOBILE - AFTERNOON
BATMAN
She does need to pay for things if she's going to go straight.
ROBIN (O.S.)
I know, it's just ...
Something on the BatMobile's dashboard BEEPS.
BATMAN
Hold on.
Batman hits a few buttons on the small computer screen on the dashboard and green texts appear as a HUD (heads up display) on the inside of the BatMobile's wind-shield.
BATMAN (CON'T)
She's shopping again.
ROBIN (O.S.)
Where?
BATMAN
Gotham Lawn & Garden. I'm five minutes from there.
EXT. GOTHAM CITY STREET - AFTERNOON
The BatMobile screeches into a high-speed turn through an intersection and speeds off down the street.
EXT. GOTHAM CITY STREET - AFTERNOON
On a different street, Robin makes a U-turn and zooms back the way he came from.
ROBIN
I'm on my way.
EXT. GOTHAM LAWN & GARDEN - AFTERNOON
Gotham Lawn & Garden outdoor store dwarfs their indoor one. Rows of everything from lawn furniture to hoses to trees to gardening tools to gazebos.
Harley, still in costume but without her 'Babies', strolls down a row, whistling and pushing a new red wheelbarrow with a tree sapling in it.
She stops and looks at mulch bags, piled on a wooden skid. Beside that is a tool display - shovels, hoes, trowels - and beside that a pair of dark blue boots. Batman.
BATMAN
Harley.
HARLEY
Oh! Hey, Bats.
Harley takes a deep breath and looks up at the sky.
HARLEY (CON'T)
Great day, ain't it?
BATMAN
What are you up to, Harley?
HARLEY
Me? Just a little shoppin'.
Harley reaches over and pulls a shovel off of the display. Batman shifts his stance to a more defensive, combat-ready one. Harley notices. She frowns and drops the shovel.
HARLEY
(angry)
Now, that ain't fair, Bats! You been on me for years about goin' straight but every time I try you don't give me any credit for doin' it! You're just waitin' for me to mess up. An' that just ain't fair!
Batman looks at her silently for a long moment.
BATMAN
You're right, Harley.
HARLEY
I am?
BATMAN
Yes. And I'm sorry. Changing your life isn't easy and I'll give you the benefit of doubt from now on. OK?
HARLEY
(nodding and smiling)
OK.
Harley leans down to pick up the shovel again but Batman beats her to it. He picks it up and hands it to her.
BATMAN
Where are you planting your tree?
HARLEY
Oh ...
(evasive)
I'm sure I'll find someplace for it.
BATMAN
I'm sure you will.
(beat)
Planting trees. Ivy would be proud of you.
Harley stops dead.
HARLEY
Ivy! Dang it! I forgot about ... She'll kill me if I don't ... if she's not there to ...
BATMAN
Harley - Ivy's still in Arkham. You're not thinking about doing anything that might make you lose the benefit of my doubt already, are you?
HARLEY
(unconvincingly)
Course not! Wouldn't think of it ...
INT. BATCAVE
Batman sits at the BatComputer and watches the footage from the specialty food store. Robin enters and stands beside him.
ROBIN
Do you think she's really doing it?
The video freezes on Harley tucking the money under the basket to pay for her fruit.
BATMAN
I think she's trying.
(beat)
But I think she's also up to something.
ROBIN
Something illegal?
BATMAN
I don't think so. She hasn't tried to hide anything that she's doing, just the reason why.
ROBIN
What do you think it is?
BATMAN
I don't know ... yet. But if she's planting trees I think I know someone who might.
EXT. ARKHAM ASYLUM – AFTERNOON
A tall, wrought-iron gate with the words "ARKHAM ASYLUM" worked into it. Behind it, in the distance, on the top of the hill is the silhouette of the building, looking not unlike an old, creepy castle.
INT. ARKHAM ASYLUM VISITOR CENTER
The Visitor Center is a long room with a transparent, bulletproof-glass window down the center. It is broken into cubicles along both sides of the window, each with a desk, chair and phone.
ARKHAM GUARD (O.S.)
Isley! You got a visitor!
A TALL WOMAN enters at one end of the visitor-side of the room, wearing a tan raincoat and a wide-brimmed hat that obscures her face.
She walks the length of the room. She passes a Goon, on the phone with Penguin (on the other side of the glass), a couple of empty seats, an CRYING OLD WOMAN on the phone with THE VENTRILOQUIST and a couple more empty seats. POISON IVY sits in the last seat, on the other side of the glass. She wears a yellow and green prison jumper and looks bored.
The Tall Woman, hat brim still covering her face, takes a seat across from Ivy.
IVY
(irritated)
You're not my lawyer.
Ivy stands up.
IVY (CON't)
I don't have time for these games!
TALL WOMAN
(Harley's voice)
Sure ya do! Just a quick game of Monopoly ...
Ivy stops.
The Tall Woman lifts her head, and hat, and she is really Harley. She grins.
HARLEY (CON'T)
... and I'm your Get-Out-Of-Jail-Free card!
END ACT ONE