Chapter 2

A tall, thin man dressed in strange brown clothing emerged, followed by a woman with ginger hair.

"Hello!" the man said, smiling at them. "Lovely day for a picnic!"

There came the sound of drawn laser pistols and the cocking of weapons. Several of the imperial guardsmen abruptly took a firing stance, bringing their weapons to bear on the Doctor and Donna.

"You two." Ringstaff barked out, standing next to the emperor, who suddenly decided to stand behind the guardsmen. "Stay where you are. In the name of the emperor, I order you to put down your arms!"

"Ey?" The Doctor said, looking somewhat perplexed. "Well, we could do, except that we're not holding up our arms." He actually checked, to make certain of this. "Or, is this some sort of new party game?" The Doctor's face brightened, "I like games! What's this one called, "Simple Emperor Says?"

Somehow, without seeming to, the Doctor had managed to shift his body so that it kept Donna out of the immediate line of fire. No one noticed, not even Donna. Her eyes were focused on the laser pistols and pulsar lances which six elaborately dressed imperial guardsmen had leveled at them.

"You dare to call His Imperial Lord simple-minded?" Ringstaff huffed, quite shocked at the Doctor's irreverence in the presence of the emperor.

"Well..." the Doctor said, giving an elaborate shrug, "won't know that 'till I talk to the chap, will I? But, in my experience with people who resort to violence to get their way—and trust me, I've got loads of that, it usually means that their kid's meal is probably short a few chips..."

" This is an outrage!" Ringstaff shouted.

"...and missing its toy action figure." The Doctor finished.

"Erm—Doctor," Donna nudged him. "Maybe now would be a good time for me to point out that those weapons are aimed at us."

"Are they?" The Doctor said, tugging on his ear and feigning surprise, "How very interesting. Oh" he said. His eyes darkened and narrowed, as he looked down at the dead aide. "A dead body. Who's that? The milkman? Got your order wrong, did he?"

"You will not take us alive!" Ringstaff announced pompously.

"You want us to take you...dead?" The Doctor said, raising an eyebrow. "That's a bit kinky, isn't it? I'm afraid necrophilia really isn't my thing. Sorry old chap."

Someone standing near Ringstaff snickered. The Commandant turned to see who it was, his face absolutely livid with rage. It had been Nazene, only he now assumed a nonchalant air, making a show of brushing the dirt from his gun. The emperor's aides were suddenly busy looking after their leader's needs, and of course the guards had their eyes on the two prisoners. In the background, the noise from the battlefield had almost ceased, with only a few scattered explosions and gunfire now and again.

"Look mate, whoever you think we are, we're not them." Donna said, suddenly impatient with the Doctor's slowness in handling the situation. She stalked up to Ringstaff before the Doctor could stop her. "We came here by accident, we don't want to bother anybody. Trust me, if I'd known this place was gonna' be full of paranoid, boring, macho military types, I would'a stayed in the TARDIS playing Tetris on my mobile."

Ringstaff ignored Donna and gave the Doctor a hard stare. Some of the guns and lances of the imperial guardsmen now wavered in her direction, though.

"Er—yeah, what she said." The Doctor agreed. Making no sudden moves, he reached over and gently pulled Donna back to his side.

"I've had enough of this. Guards! Kill them!" Ringstaff ordered.

The Doctor's face abruptly looked concerned, as he put himself once more protectively in front of Donna.

"Wait!" Came another voice from behind the group of aides.

The guards immediately lowered their weapons. It was Yenhir. With his crown once more sitting properly on his head, and his robes properly draped, albeit still dirty, he strode in front of Ringstaff.

"If these people ain't with the Dacanese, then, old friend," the emperor told Ringstaff, unconsciously lapsing into his fake commoner's voice, "you and I can take their ship. Hell, they can always get another one. Mind you, it's a bit chav looking for someone of my excellent taste and social standing..."

"Oi!" The Doctor said in protest. He was ignored.

"...but begabonds can't be choosy." The emperor continued. "We'll use it to escape from here. Dacana won't recognize the ship as one of ours, and will probably let it go. You know what a mob of soft liberally minded pacifists that lot are."

"Excuse me." Donna blurted out to the emperor. "But are you actually talking about car-jacking the TARDIS? This lot may call you king, sunshine, but if you think it's OK to steal somebody else's transport, then all you are is just some cheap gangster."

"No, Donna, don't..." The Doctor murmured, placing a warning hand upon her shoulder.

Watching the exchange, Nazene decided he really liked this oddly dressed couple. In the past few minutes, he was beginning to see his planet's leader in a new light, and was liking what he saw, less and less.

"Ya' know, Ringstaff," the emperor said, disdaining to look at either Donna or the Doctor," I think you had the right idea in the first place. Kill these people, take their ship, and then let's book the hell on outta' here before the Dacanese even know we're gone." He nervously glanced down the valley, where the sound of scattered explosions was getting closer to the hidden knoll. "Kill them now, while we still have time to get away."

Of course, the Doctor knew that they couldn't, in fact, pilot the TARDIS. Without a key, they wouldn't even be able to open the door. He wasn't about to tell them that, though. However, before Ringstaff could give the imperial guardsmen the command to shoot, Nazene stepped forward.

"Permission to speak, sire!" He said, kneeling down in front of the emperor.

"How dare you address the emperor directly!" Ringstaff blustered, raising his gloved fist to strike at the sergeant.

"It's OK, Ringstaff, let's hear what this soldier has to say..." the emperor sniffed, "...if he displeases me, we can always shoot him before we leave. Permission to speak granted, soldier."

"My Lord Emperor," Nanzene said respectfully, bowing his head, "I was only going to ask for the honour of taking these two interlopers into the valley, so that I might execute them in full sight of the Dacanese army. This will demonstrate to them that we'll give no quarter to prisoners. It would also allow your guardsmen no distractions from their their task. That is, of course, protecting the safety of your most imperial person, my Lord Emperor."

Though he kept his face neutral, the Doctor's eyes brightened with hope. Away from this crowd, maybe he and Donna might have a chance to escape.

"Permission granted, soldier. Take these two away for execution." The emperor said. Then, dismissing Nazene and his two prisoners from his mind, he turned and spoke to Ringstaff.

"Have my aides bring up my papers and other belongings to this here ship." The emperor ordered, jerking his thumb in the direction of the TARDIS. I'll wait here with my guards." Ringstaff began to protest, but Emperor Yenhir waved him away. "I order you to make sure that all my stuff is taken out of my command headquarters. Last thing I need is one of Dacana's leftist journalists getting hold of my personal papers." Commandant Ringstaff, the emperor's most senior staff member, head of his army and oldest friend, again began to stammer his protests, but Yenhir cut him off. "Look, you beer-brained space barnacle, last time I checked, I'm still your boss, yeah? Now shut up and go!"

That was the last the Doctor and Donna heard of the emperor, for the soldier who'd asked to execute them, was now motioning to them with his rifle. He indicated for them to move off the knoll. As they walked away from the TARDIS, the soldier curtly commanded them, 'in the name of the emperor' to put their hands on their heads.

"See, what'd I say? Party games! Just like 'Simple Simon!'" The Doctor said to Donna, as they were frog marched, fingers laced over their heads, down towards the battle zone in the valley.

"Yeah? Well, I hope they're not planning to use us as pinata's." Donna muttered.

"Oooh, I love pinatas, especially the one's that look like Thomas the Tank Engine." The Doctor smiled.

"Silence!" Nazene bellowed, prodding the Doctor's back with his rifle.

They walked a good fifteen minutes, until the knoll where the TARDIS had landed was well out of sight. They were now in another shallow ravine near the bottom of the valley floor. Sergeant Nazene ordered the Doctor and Donna to halt.

"Can I put my hands down now?" Donna complained. "I mean, it's not like I'm gonna' shoot you with my finger, am I?"

"Not unless you're an Auton." The Doctor said, giving her an odd look. Then he shook his head. "Nah! The Nestine wouldn't dare. You'd break their machine."

"Oi!" Donna protested, nudging the Doctor's ear with her elbow.

"Ow!" The Doctor said, "What I'd do?"

"Hang on a sec. The nesting...what?" She turned and asked the Doctor.

"You, lady, are going to be quiet!" Nazene said severely.

"Oh, that'll be the day." The Doctor sighed, putting his hands in his pockets and scuffing the dirt with his toe.

"Oi!" Donna said again, louder this time.

The Doctor ducked out of the way, just in case. Donna flashed Nazene a look.

"You have a problem with women?" She challenged the sergeant, putting her hands down and placing them on her hips. "Cos', in case you haven't noticed, I'm not the only one talking here."

"Shut up, or else!" The sergeant barked at her.

"Or else, what?" Donna demanded.

"You know, I haven't the foggiest idea." Nazene smiled, relaxing his body and cradling his rifle in his arms. "I only needed an excuse to get away from those idiots back there." He added, nodding in the direction of the knoll. "Though I gotta' say, sweetheart, you have made me wish that I'd brought a gag and a roll of utility tape along. Or at the very least, a set of ear plugs. Your man here must be very brave."

"He's not my boyfriend!" Donna quickly exclaimed.

"She's not my girlfriend!" The Doctor said at the same time.

Then the penny dropped. Donna looked at the soldier, surprise and suspicion showing on her face.

"You mean you're letting us go?" Donna asked, somewhat confused by this sudden change in the soldier's demeanor. "Just like that?"

Donna looked at the Doctor.

"Is this a trap or something?"

"Not this time, Donna." The Doctor smiled at her. He placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "I think he means it."

"There's been enough dying here today." Nazene said, hefting his rifle. "Which reminds me, I'd better do something to convince them that I'd done the job." So saying, he pointed his laser-rifle in the air and shot off two rounds.

"And what are you going to do now?" The Doctor asked softly, a slight smile playing on his lips. His eyes looked at the soldier with kindness and gratitude. He knew the sergeant would be a dead man, if any of his people ever found out that he'd spared their lives.

"Dunno'." Nazene shrugged. "Maybe go around the battlefield, see if I can do anything for our wounded. Try not to be taken prisoner. By either side."

"Sounds like a good plan." The Doctor agreed. "I probably don't need to tell you this, but whatever you do, I'd stay away from the big chiefs back there. At least for a while. They won't be very happy when they find out they can't use my ship. In fact, they may send someone down here to see if we're still a..."

The Doctor never got to finish his sentence, because they were hit by a shower of dirt from a nearby explosion. All of them looked up to see half a dozen Dacanese chariot-ships coming over the horizon. They were flying in a V formation towards them, like some kind of large, metallic, demented geese. The ship in the lead was already firing its arrow-rockets. At the same time, there was a shout from the direction of the knoll, as several imperial guardsmen unslung their weapons and aimed them at the Doctor, Donna and Nazene.

"Donna, sergeant, I've only one thing to say at a time like this." The Doctor shouted, looking around frantically. They were now faced with both explosions and laser-blasts from two different directions.

"What's that?" Sergeant Nazene shouted back, ducking as another explosion near the ravine sprayed dirt over them.

"Run!" Donna yelled

"Hang on, that's my line!" The Doctor scolded her indignantly, as they crouched down to make smaller targets and literally ran for their lives.