The Baratheons had been in Winterfell for sometime. Their stay was almost over, they would be returning to the capital with Ned as Hand to the King. The night before their departure, I found a tiny black ribbon tied around my rose perfume. The ribbon had been mine and Jon's signal to meet for years.

My handmaidens helped me undress and get into my sleeping clothes. I waited till I was sure everyone was gone before I snuck out to meet him. He was in our spot, under the thick coverage of trees. I could barely see him in the dark and was beginning to wish I had brought a candle.

"There you are," he said turning to face me. His eyes looked sad. The smile on his lips was like a ghost.

"What's wrong?" I asked him. I noticed he was still wearing his day clothes. "Haven't you gotten changed yet?"

"I've been packing." Something sounded off about his voice. It was hollow and emotionless.

"Packing? Are you going somewhere?" He was quiet and I bounced on my heels getting more and more anxious. "Jon, what's going on?"

"I'm leaving Winterfell."

"What?" I furrowed my brow, genuinely confused.

"I'm going with my uncle to the Wall."

"The Wall," I repeated. A million thoughts ran through my brain, trying to find a scenario where this didn't end badly. I could not imagine Winterfell without Jon. I loved my family, but I would never truly be one of them. Jon was the only person who understood that. We had found a sense of belonging in each other.

"I'm going to join the Night's Watch." His voice still sounded so distant and hollow. I wanted to believe he was playing a trick. If it was a joke, it was a terrible one. But, I would forgive him the moment he cracked a smile.

"No," was all I could manage. It didn't even begin to cover how I felt.

"There's nothing left for me here, Ami." His voice cracked when he used my nickname. For a moment, he sounded like himself again. He was holding back tears. It hit me that this wasn't a cruel joke, it was worse. He was actually leaving me.

I grabbed his hands. "I'm here!"

"You heard Ned, wedding preparations will begin soon. Before you know it, you'll be married to Robb. You will have new responsibilities. Catelyn will start preparing you for the day you are Lady of Winterfell."

"I don't want that, I've never wanted that! It can be different."

"How, Amina? You'll marry him, but be with me? The bastard son produces more bastards?"

"I won't marry Robb. We can run away together!" I was on the verge of tears, but I didn't want to cry. I could not bare to let him see me breakdown. I needed to be strong.

He shook his head. "You've said that for years, but if you meant it we would have run away ages ago. This is your world, Ami. I'm trying to protect you."

"I do not want protection! I want something more than this life. I cannot stand to be locked in this world forever, you know that. Please, Jon, I love you."

"I love you too, that's why I'm doing this. Marry Robb, be happy. You deserve to be happy."

"I'll never be happy without you." Finally the tears that had filled my eyes, spilled over onto my cheeks. I wiped at my face furiously, hoping they'd stop. But it seemed that once they'd started, there was no slowing them. Jon reached up and wiped my face with his thumb. He held my head in his hands, and I put my hand on top of his. "Please don't go."

He kissed me. I wrapped my arms around his neck, vowing to never let him go. It was childish, but I convinced myself that if I held on and refused to remove myself, he'd have to stay. The was an urgency in his kisses I'd never felt before. It was as if he was trying to commit every detail to memory, like he'd never see me again.

Looking back, I wish that I had done the same. I wished I could have memorized the glint in his eyes, and the way his kisses made me feel. But I didn't want to remember him like this. I wanted to remember the happy, carefree boy he was just this morning. I wanted to remember the way his eyes would light up when he smiled. Or the way he'd bite his lip when he was trying not to laugh at me. I wanted to remember rolling around under the trees, giggling and fighting. Or the way he looked at me with a half pout when I'd done something I shouldn't have. There were so many things I never wanted to forget. I never wanted there to even be a possibility that I would forget. But he was leaving, and memories didn't last forever.

"I have to go," he whispered. He held me then, just the two of us standing in the most beautiful part of the woods. Me with tears streaming down my face and him with no light left in his eyes. I wasn't sure we'd ever been a better pair than at that moment. Two heartbroken, vulnerable kids, wishing the moment would never end. But then he stepped away.

He didn't look back until he was almost at the tree line. He mouthed words I could barely make out in the dark. "I love you." I sank down against the tree, and cried until there were no tears left.

I wasn't sure how long I'd been there, but eventually the sun came up. I could hear horses and carriages leaving the gates, just past the trees. I didn't bother getting up, I had already said my goodbyes.

It wasn't until later that I thought about the sky. It had been dark that night, so black you could barely see your hands in front of your face. The moon and stars had been covered by clouds. It was just as empty as Jon's eyes. In a sad way, it was fitting. Even the skies were in mourning.

OoOoO

My fingers traced over the last entry in my little leather bound book. The page was a bit puckered from my tears that had fallen on it while I'd written the words. It was silly that I hadn't opened the book since that night. I hadn't written a single word about Bran's accident, or the war, or Ned's execution, or the girls. I hadn't cried since that night either, even though everything had fallen apart. My family had needed me to be strong, and so I had. That was why I was here now, on the front lines of battle, instead of safe at home in Winterfell. Robb had finally realized I wasn't as fragile as he'd once thought. But it was too late.

If I couldn't be happy, the least I could do was be free. Each day was another step closer to revenge. Strength was in my blood, and my upbringing. I had nothing to lose by myself.

I took out a pen and began to write, skipping right to today. One day they would tell stories about me, and I wanted them to be good ones. Nothing from the past year would be considered good. Here's hoping for a change in the future.

OoOoO

I walked across camp to the outskirts where we kept our prisoner. I stopped on the way to fill a cup with water. I nodded to the guards as they let me pass. Jaime Lannister looked up.

"If it isn't the Queen in the North herself," Jaime said with a grin. How he managed to stay his charming self, despite being tied to a post, was beyond me. "Oh, I forgot. You haven't actually married him yet, have you?"

"There have been a handful of other things on our mind. Not the least of which was the execution of Eddard Stark. Your son did chop off his head."

"You make it sound like it's my fault," he said with mock hurt.

"Do you want this water, or not?" I asked. I tried to refrain from doing something that I'd claim to regret later. Though, if I did hit him, he'd deserve it.

"Why haven't you married him yet? He loves you, does he not?"

"I'm not getting married on the front lines of a war," I said flatly. "What do you know about love anyway?"

"I know more than you think, little queen."

"You honestly expect me to believe you love Cersei?"

"Believe what you want." He shrugged. "Are you going to let me drink, or are you just going to hold it?"

I lowered the cup to his lips, but before he took a sip he launched into another sentence. The water spilled down his shirt and I scowled at him. "If Robb were to lose, and you were to be taken hostage. Anyone could steal you away. Maybe I'd do it. You would have that even more than you hate being betrothed to Robb."

"I don't hate-" I started to protest.

"There's another man isn't there?"

"Honestly, Jaime! Are you going to drink this or-"

"Let me see, if I had to take a guess...Not the young Lord Greyjoy, he inherited his fathers charms." He smirked. "I'd have to say the bastard."

"I have nothing to prove to you."

He laughed. "Right on the first guess!" Finally, I turned to leave. It was a mistake to thing I'd get anything out of him but taunts. "Lots of men would die for your hand. If they knew who you really were, the line would be a league long."

"What do you know about that?" I asked carefully. I turned slowly back toward him.

"The King liked to talk, I like to listen."

"I never cared much to talk. Drink this," I said, shoving the cup in his face. This time I managed to get a bit in his mouth, but a great deal just sloshed out on his face.

"I never understood why my father let you live. Robert I understood, he was always an imbecile. I suppose he never thought the Starks would dare raise you to take the throne. Why would they after they fought to put Robert there? But, yet, here you are." I tossed the cup at him as I turned away. "You aren't the only one, you know."

I stopped in my tracks. Could he be telling the truth? Jaime made a life out of being terribly charming. He was known for his dishonor, and his lopsided smile. I couldn't let myself entertain an idea so outrageous. Especially not when it came from a pretty mouth like his.

OoOoO

I sat in my tent brushing my hair. Even with the color I had to put in once a month, it was still long and shiny. I imagined that my hair would be even more beautiful if I were allowed to let the brown fade out to snowy white. The closest it had ever gotten was a dull tan.

One of the times I had run away from Winterfell as a I child, I had tried to camp in the woods. I'd even brought a makeshift tent and supplies. I washed my hair with fresh spring water twice a day, and it had become very light. I just wanted to see the silver white hair my family was know for. But, at the beginning of the second week, they'd found me. I had never planned on running away permanently, I only wanted time to myself. I'd been chided, but everyone had been more worried than angry. Catelyn had gone easy on me then, as she had done every other time. Even though I wasn't actually her daughter, I almost always felt like the favorite child.

"Constantly disappearing," Robb said his mouth close to my ear. I'd been so lost in thought, I hadn't even noticed him come in. I could feel his breath on my neck and I got the chills. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed the side of my head.

"You know I like to have time to myself," I said looking in the mirror. Our faces next to each other were truly a work of art. We were a perfect match as far as our looks were concerned. Our children would be stunning.

"You spend too much time alone," he teased. He turned me to face him.

"Would you rather me spend my time flirting with the soldiers? You know that's what Sansa would be doing." The little dig at our sister, slipped out before I remembered just why she wasn't with us. "I'm sorry, I try to forget."

"As do I. I wish we didn't have to forget, Sansa and Arya should be with us."

"If they were, we likely wouldn't be fighting this war anyway." I smiled sadly.

"I would've married you by now." He kissed me lightly and smiled. His smiles never touched his eyes, but I understood why. I was sure my eyes looked just as empty as his. Our family was incomplete, stretched too thin.

"Of course," I murmured. The war wasn't the only reason I continued to put off our wedding, but it was the most prevalent one. He kissed me again. This time I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him back.

"Ami," he whispered. I pushed him back quickly.

"Don't call me that."

"I'm sorry, I know. You've had that nickname since we were little kids. Jon used to call you that all the time. It just slipped out."

"I need to go, Catelyn wanted me." I stood up and walked toward the tent flaps.

"Amina, I'm sorry," he tried one more time. I could hear in his voice how deeply he meant his apology. I didn't think he knew why it bothered me so much, but he knew that it did. He hated when he hurt me, even if it was an accident.

"I know," I said gently. "I'll see you at supper." I left the tent, and walked around the back all the way to the edge of camp, the opposite side of Jaime's prison. I leaned against a tree, noting the guards that kept a watchful eye on me, the future Queen in the North. I took a deep breath and tried not to cry. No matter how much I tried I couldn't forget.