For the One I love as sweet as one loves;
never shall it be broken, never shall it be torn.
Always for the moment- shall I take it all?
Never for the questions that break my soul.
For the One I love as deeply as one loves;
please don't despair when all is done and just.
Always be beautiful - can thy forgive me?
Never let demons plague thy heart- save me.
For the One I love as much as one can love;
love is not scary; fear my heart which crumbles.
Always on the edge- sacrifice it all for thy?
Never ponder those questions- am I too late to die?
~Heavy D. Friky
..~For the One I love~..
Chapter 2: The Orchid and the Calla Lily
It was dark. Too dark. It was such a huge contrast to the sunny, bright outside to come into this room. His eyes were having a hard time adjusting to it and he could barely see anything. For the first time in many years, he felt claustrophobic of this room, despite the fact that its size was anything but small. And what was that noise? Ah, the warm breeze whispering through the chimes hanging from the balcony ceiling; it was causing the relaxing rhythmic melodious ring to resonate throughout the room. He would have found it soothing was it not for the situation.
"Hinata" He called into the dark. He placed the tray of food he had been carrying down onto the desk closest to the door. There was no answer, but he didn't expect one either. He searched blindly for the light switch on the wall, until he found it. Then, when the lights finally flickered on -so slow to fully turn on because of their lack of use over the last few days- he let a small sigh escape his lips. He felt slightly more at ease with he light on, even if it couldn't do much to delve into the knot he felt forming in the pit of his stomach.
The light finally allowed for visibility in the room. And what he saw - or rather - what he didn't see scared him more than he expected. She wasn't here.
Before he could completely think through his course of action, his feet were already moving. Where, he has no clue... but the panic he felt was growing by the second, leaving his stomach aching in its wake. His feet carried him to the garden on auto-pilot. He walked far beyond the small patio and the bushes or roses. He travelled to the far back, where there was a small enclosing. A pond, with white lotuses, small frogs and coy fish surrounded by a range of exotic flowering plants like the Peruvian Lilies and Orchids. The place always looked magical-especially at this time of the year when all this magnificent, exotic flora were in full bloom.
She would be there. He hoped.
(She always went there, before all this started)
That little patch of land held so many memories for her; of her mother, her father... and kind, warm and bright days in the summer sun.
(He didn't want to think how painful it would be for her being there, where the memories are sure to be eating her heart)
It would look magical and colourful and alive. Maybe being there would be good for her; showing her that not all the world was shrouded in darkness and sorrow.
(He just hoped that the life in that place wouldn't shatter her instead)
He finally made it to the enclosing, the path of stone leading him here, suddenly stopping.
"Hina-" he stumbled as he reached her, out of breath. However, he didn't finish calling her name as what he saw made his heart clench painfully.
She was wearing her white and blue summer dress. The one which was passed down from her mother. It had always looked so beautiful on her, but now it just made her look pale and malnourished as it looked a size too big for her shrinking frame. She was lying down on her side, her back facing him, looking at the pond in front of her. Indeed, it was certainly beautiful; the flowers blooming around the pond reflecting in the water, adding to the enchantment. But she looked out of place.
She had once been as beautiful as any majestic flower; powerful, captivating and resonating colour and strength. But she looked like a dilute version of her previous self; all that liveliness washed away from her, leaving her as a shadow of what she was.
"Hinata" He called once more, his voice wavering but refusing to crack. Thankfully, however, this time she acknowledged him, turning her face towards him. She had dark circles under her eyes and looked so... sick. And that fake, plastered smile that made him want to throw up was glued on her face again. It was truly disgusting- a poor attempt made by a broken girl to try and keep face. And it made him sick; he hated when she was like this- pretending that nothing was wrong; not wanting to cause any trouble, but ending up worrying him far more than she could if she just broke down. Nothing was fine. So why wouldn't she trust him and let him in; all he wanted to do was help!
"Nii-san" She acknowledged with her rusty voice. (An episode again?). Her fake fucking smile forcefully widening in recognition.
"Hinata... what are you doing? I leave you alone for a few hours and you go and disappear." Neji's voice was probably slightly too harsh, but god dammit he was so scared (he still was...), and he was sick of her not trusting him enough to talk to him any more.
"Don't you trust me enough to tell me where you're going? Or is it that you think I don't care?" He accused, his eyes narrowing slightly in exacerbation. Unfortunately, he didn't realize his mistake until it was too late. Her eyes suddenly unfocused, draining of all energy and drifting to the floor. Her skin became paler and sweat was forming on her brow. But at least that smile was gone- although he wasn't sure he should be celebrating that fact right cursed loudly and walked briskly forwards to her. He crouched next to her. He gently lifted her head by her chin with his hand, keeping it there for support. But even though her eyes were looking right into his, she was not there-not completely anyway- as if she was somewhere far away.
"Hinata look at me" He tried commanding with an authoritative voice but it came out shakier than he expected. Getting no response, his other hand began to stroke her hair (she liked it she admitted to him once, long ago) in a soothing motion. "Hinata... I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. I've been on edge and I took it out on you-"
"Trust?" Her mouth moved so slowly and the word was dropped from her mouth sounding delicate and fragile; leaving a sense of urgency and weakness behind. He hadn't expected her to talk; she was having an 'episode' and it was common for her to be out for hours just staring at nothing, occasionally shuddering. So he wasn't sure whether she had just muttered - whilst still elsewhere- or if the episode had already finished... "They l-left... gone... I-I don't..." She was shaking and he knew now that the episode was cut short and she was back with him. But it caught him off guard; whenever she spoke to him, it would be casual and she would never delve into any personal subjects- even asking her how she felt was dangerous territory; often sending her into another episode or causing her to completely shut down and ignore them. It was a mixture of absolute bliss and terror then that she had started to actually talk to him.
But he couldn't speak as his mouth felt dry- he was sure if he attempted to speak, his voice would sound like sandpaper. "I don't" She started speaking again, her eyes slowly making their way up to meet his. She looked so weak. He pitied her. "I don't" she repeated again. He had forgotten what he had asked her, so her reply to his question was still being processed in his muddled brain. But suddenly he remembered.
"Y-You don't trust me, Hinata?" His voice did sound raw- even for his ears. Her eyes were vacant of any emotion and it tore his heart in two. "I don't... don't understand. Why...?" he mumbled unable to fully register the full significance of this new development. She didn't trust him. How? Did he do or say anything wrong? He had though that out of anyone, he was the most reliable figure in her life now. Maybe even the most important. But she didn't trust him? It made no sense! She used to trust him with her life!
(Maybe not when he were kids... but certainly in the recent few years, she had proven herself and him to her)
They were so close now; like real brothers! He didn't understand and her words upset him deeply.
"Y-You'll j-just... leave. L-leave me". At first he though she meant for him to leave her alone here but slowly it dawned on him. The actual meaning behind her lack of trust towards him - anyone - and her whispered words. He realized he wasn't the problem. Not really, at least. The problem was the word and all that it included. Trust. For her, he is sure now that it is poison -taboo. He felt that knot in his stomach return furiously and he felt slightly nauseous. After all, the only truth left for her, he realized, was that in the end, everyone who she had trusted had abandoned her- left her, not stayed for her. They left and hadn't returned for her. She was the abandoned one; the one left yearning, and loving and hurting in the wake of the storm known as betrayal...
and all that she knew was she was all alone now.
...To Be Continued...
Hello dear readers!
I'm so, so, so sorry for my absence this past... year! I have been so busy and my life has just combusted into a fire of assignments, exams and just life's drama's, so I unfortunately haven't had much time for writing! But I hope you understand :)
I know it's a short chapter, and I also would like to apologize to everyone as I originally planned to make this a two-sot story, but have changed my mind. I will be writing one or two more chapters for the story... so it's a three/four-shot... kind of anyway... ''T.T
I know this chapter is a bit sad too, but I really wanted to write in Neji's P.O.V.- firstly, because I love Neji and he loves Hinata. So of course he'd be worried after she lost both her father and love in the space of a few days! Secondly, I wanted to emphasize the pain Hinata has gone through and how she's dealt with it. I can't imagine Hinata completely breaking down; after all she's strong. However, neither can I imagine her to be able to feel or express any sort of emotion apart from despair. Especially in the first few weeks. So at this moment, Hinata is stuck in a world of her own; she doesn't want to trouble anyone, which is why she has kept her feelings locked up within herself. (she doesn't want to worry anyone- especially Neji or Hanabi; the only family left to her) Unfortunately, locking up her feelings has meant that it has begun eating her up slowly inside, leaving much of an empty shell. Fortunately, Neji is able to crack the façade and she's opened up a bit this chapter; that's the first step to the road of recovery!
PS: If you're intrigued by the name of this chapter, look up what the meanings of the flowers Calla Lily and Orchid are and you'll understand ;)
Anyway, hope you enjoyed!
Please R&R, it's really appreciated and only takes a second of your time!
-Heavy D. Friky ^^