When did I eat carrots? Daryl's shirt was caked down the front with pale green puke. What looked like carrots and corn decorated the front of his tank. If Merle was sober he'd never hear the end of it but luckily by the time Carol had nursed him better and brought him home, Merle was fast asleep. More like passed the fuck out on his couch, but Daryl didn't care. Merle was always welcome in his house, it never really felt like home without his greasy, hick brother. They were both assholes, but hey everyone needs someone. And even now, slightly tipsy and still coming down, Daryl counted himself lucky; he might one day be able to count Carol as one of his family.
Though it was an unnecessarily unsavory introduction to the neighborhood.
After Carol's initial shock, however, she'd surprised him.
Hunched over her front stoop, ashamed and abashed, Daryl thought she'd be disgusted by him. With his eyes shut tight and his stomach still turning he expected the worst. But she just started laughing, a deep body laugh that came from her gut. It sounded like Carol all right. Her big bellied laugh that opposed her petite build and mousy frame. He looked up at her, bewildered and frantically wiping his mouth, afraid to meet her new cold and unwelcoming eyes. He was afraid that this new Carol, this strange impostor, could be poking fun at his humiliation.
Only this Carol was red faced and teary eyed, cackling with glee–this was the the Carol he remembered. The woman who found the good in all creation and laughed with everything she had, and boy she was not holding back.
He was starting to get angry when she sagged against the door frame and held her gut.
"Oh Daryl you sure do have a dramatic flare, dontcha," Her words carried that joyful singsong quality he often found himself missing. Even bent over her feet, slimy with semi digested food, Daryl wouldn't trade that moment for anything.
He smiled awkwardly, trying to straighten up, but while the alcohol was half out of his system, the absence of food was affecting his high. His head felt light and foggy while his body wavered and slowed, he was a winning mixture of sluggishly high and faint drunk. Falling on the doorframe opposite Carol, he winced as his shoes slipped in his puke.
"Fuck, I'm sorry Carol, this ain't how I wanted to introduce ya to yer house," He hoped she assumed the red on his face was a flush from the booze, instead of the unpleasant schoolboy blush.
"Come on in you, we better clean you up," The laugh in her voice got quiet and Daryl could feel her hand on his shoulder. It was a slight and tentative touch but it made him feel better, made him feel less anxious, more at peace.
"You owe me a clean porch, Dixon," There was that laugh again, this was going to be a long night, he had really missed her. He didn't know if his heart could take it.
–
Carol was worried; she'd been dreading this day, as much as the Dixons had been looking forward to it.
How could she tell them the truth? How could she lie to them though?
It was an impossible decision, one in which she feared would have terrible repercussions. She wanted this place to be her new life, she wanted so badly to be able to start anew here.
–
She and Ed had been looking for a spot to relocate for an entire summer.
It started towards the end of June, Ed of course was at the root of the problem.
He had been fired from his job; disorderly conduct with a fellow employee who turned out to be his superior in some way. He had a two weeks notice and was advised to find another place to write his recommendation.
That had been a stressful weekend. He had been feeling bullied and hurt in an environment where he had no power, so as retaliation, he went back to an environment where he had the most power, where he felt like an alpha dog. He went home, belligerent and furious, angry at those bottom feeders who hadn't acknowledged his skill and prowess, who had hurt him, made him feel effeminate. He drank all the liquor they had in their house and spent Sophia's lunch money on whiskey and scotch. The first night hadn't been too horrible, he was too drunk to hurt Carol or their daughter, just made inappropriate comments about the people at work, homophobic and racist slurs with some colorful language. Carol only had to intervene when he started talking about that "uppity cunt in charge", and how she "had it coming". She didn't want Sophia thinking this was an appropriate way to talk about women, or treat them. Carol hated that hypocritical side of herself; she didn't want her daughter seeing or hearing any abuse directed towards a woman, but she endured her husband's fists in scared silence. She wanted to be a role model for Sophia, since she so obviously lacked a strong father figure in her life, Ed had hardly ever shown Sophia attention. Often opting to leave their house and stay at a friend's when Sophia was young and fussy at night. That weekend, after Ed lost his job, Carol sent Sophia away because of Ed's fussiness.
The first night, hadn't been great, but it was nothing compared to the night after.
Ed with a hangover was even more sullen than the night before, he refused to accept that it was his fault and instead insisted that they give him his job back, with a raise. Of course that was not negotiable, he needed to be punished. He just couldn't handle it.
He got off the phone with his boss, his words slurred from anger, his eyes bloodshot and beady. His fury knew no bounds that night. He cried and drank and vomited and threw plates, he even picked up a lamp and chucked it across the room, only for it to crash into the wall next to Carol's head. Funny thing was she felt the air and the whoosh by her ear, but she was slightly disappointed when it didn't hit her and hurt her. She wanted any excuse to just pass out; be oblivious to the world. She knew she'd get no sleep that night. If Ed couldn't sleep, he'd make damn sure she couldn't either. He order her around, make her drive out and bring him back food only for him to throw it away and demand her to cook for him. Nothing satisfied him. Not even her. He hit her, groped her, and had his way with her. She was numb to it, to his incessant need to be in control, to have the upper hand in every situation. She had become so complacent that she didn't even move or say anything when he was on top of her, his sweaty flabby body exerting itself in trying to pleasure him. She didn't care that he hit her either, she wore those as badges of honor. Nothing he could do would surprise her, she knew from experience how deep his levels of insecurity ran. He was a small man, a weasel.
But that weekend was especially heinous, he was extremely awful. He called her names and slapped her, pulled her hair and ripped her clothes. The climax of his drunken rage was when he accused her of being too prideful, that if he had to suffer ugliness and misery that she would have to too. Ed had made her sit still, perched on their 'master bedroom' toilet as he crudely cut off her beautiful hair. Silver locks, five or six inches long fell down her back in waves, it was hideous. Harsh and appalling. He left her there, mutely mourning her hair. Her head exposed in unseemly clumps, bald patches and bare spots littering her scalp.
When she'd collected Sophia from a friend's the next day she'd put on a brave face and said it was a new look she was trying out. No one had the guts to tell her–to her face–that it looked like someone had taken dull scissors to her hair.
Usually when Ed laid his hands on her cruelly, he would take precautions to make amends for it; paying for expensive dinners, or buying her flowers, or taking the family out to the movies. Swearing undying love and making tearful apologizes, recognizing his own character flaws. But not this time.
After he had lost his job, Ed had lost the motivation to save face to his wife and child. He could never make them respect him if he couldn't make some low level paper pusher respect him, so what was the point. He wouldn't admit it was abuse, but he wasn't going to pretend like it was anything else. That was when the Peletier mother and father came to the consensus that maybe a new town would give them the new and better life that they so desperately wanted. Maybe a move could save their marriage and their family. It was a last act of a dying relationship. One in which both parties knew how futile the move was, but were both adamant not to be the one that admitted the dead marriage.
It had taken them weeks to narrow down their search to a town, and a style of living. With the family barely living off of Ed's unemployment checks and their savings–and sadly Sophia's college fund–they needed something cheap and sustainable until a new job could be accuired. Ed was the one that came up with the idea of a trailer park, it had no respect attached to it, but there was a certain security in living in a trailer park. It was a community and there was a notorious fierceness of trailer park families. One in particular caught Ed and Carol's eye. A small park twenty minutes walking from downtown Cynthiana, Kentucky. The town had a population of six-thousand four-hundred and two, with a well renown sheriff's department and low crime rate. The park itself had only roughly seventeen people living in it with twelve trailers, two unoccupied. A family owned the trailer that Carol and Ed had agreed on, two brothers that lived in separate trailers one right next to the other. She hadn't been able to find anything negative about the youngest brother–a certain Daryl Dixon–who was a respected and liked member of society there. The older Dixon was however a little more rough, some counts of drug possession and distribution, but he had served his time and had no shots on his record for a few years. He had been seeing a probation officer a few times each month for around eighteen months.
Ed was the one that wanted to live there. He was the one that booked their hotel and put the gas in the tank for the drive down. He was the one that told Carol to go without him to meet them, he was the one that thought "those rednecks might lower the price to a woman and her kid". He was the one that was right about that.
He was also the one that forbade Carol from communicating with the youngest Dixon after they left. He had had a funny feeling after their trip to Kentucky, of course he hadn't been there to actually meet the Dixons, but he didn't like how carefully Carol had described Daryl Dixon. He figured it wasn't romantic, and not sexual, he knew she was too afraid of his wrath to commit adultery. He hadn't liked it but didn't know why.
He really hadn't liked it when he found out the two had been exchanging letters for months after they left, from their visit in late July to early November. Ed had, of course, read the letters, and finding nothing dangerous or scandalous in them, had no real reason to be upset aside from the fact that Carol had deliberately disobeyed him. It was astonishing, she had never said no to him before or acted out, or disobeyed. He was feeling exposed, felt a threat to his power.
He knew that hitting her wouldn't be enough this time. He would have to hurt her where she least expected it. He wanted this to leave a lasting impression on her mind.
He had been the one to drive away on night in November, with Sophia, drunk off greed and power. And drunk in general.
He had been the one to cause the accident, he was so excited to hurt Carol, that he hadn't seen the other car until he was halfway through the intersection and completely T-boned by them.
Ed's plan had been to whisk Sophia away for the weekend, a fun little father daughter trip to her, but a lesson to her mother. He had left a note for her that warned, "If you ever disobey me, you'll never see either of us again,".
Much to Carol's dismay and utter heartbreak, she would see her husband alive and well for a few more times. But she'd never see her daughter again.
Ed had been T-boned on the passenger side. The passenger door collapsing and crushing her daughter, ending her life in a long and painful process. Carol wasn't even allowed the knowledge of knowing her daughter died peacefully. Eye witnesses reported hearing a young girl crying out for her mother and howling in agony before and after paramedics arrived.
Ed had been the one to ruin her life. Ed had been the one to end Sophia's. But he couldn't touch her now, he didn't know where she was. And Carol was going to be damned if she let him hurt her ever again. She had had skin of porcelain. But she had grown skin of ivory. All that was left was for her to steel her heart from harm. She was not the woman she had been months ago. If Ed Peletier came in her door, she knew she'd have the courage to finally tell him, "Go to hell,".