Beckett was stuck at the scene for almost two hours. She had to explain what happened multiple times to multiple people. Thankfully, no one had given her too hard of a time. There had been plenty of witnesses to back her story. She wasn't worried about it being ruled a clean shooting. All Beckett was worried about was getting home to her family. When she walked in the door, she saw Castle, Alexis, Lanie, and Esposito sitting in the living room. The mood in the was tense and stressed.
"Hey everybody," She said gently.
Alexis jumped up and gave her a hug. Beckett held her close and gave her a little squeeze.
"I'm glad you're home," Alexis whispered.
"Me too," Beckett agreed and released her. "How is everybody?"
"Fine," Alexis bit out quickly and stepped away.
Beckett gave her a concerned look but just nodded. "Lanie?"
"Hanging in there," she answered with a sad smiled.
"Understandable. We finished up at the morgue. I sent Ryan home," Beckett explained and took a seat in the only open chair. Alexis sat back down next to her dad on the couch. She kept her distance from him though.
"What did you guys find out about Dylan?" Lanie asked.
"Do you really want to know?" Beckett questioned.
"Yes," Lanie said confidently.
"Me too," Alexis agreed.
"I told them we should wait for you because you would have more information," Esposito added from his seat next to Lanie. Lanie was sitting close to him, and he had an arm slung over the top of the couch behind her.
"Thanks," Beckett said and shot him a look. "Well we looked him up as soon as we identified him. The guy from the front desk gave us his name. He had a record. Multiple charges for possession as an adult and sealed juvenile record."
"How old was he?" Alexis asked.
"23. He was raised by a single mother and had 3 siblings. Two brothers plus Jenna. Jenna was the only one without a record. Everyone else, including the mom, has been in and out of the system for years."
"He said she was the good one of the family," Alexis shared. Beckett had yet to hear Alexis and Lanie's side of what happened. She had had to wait until she gave her own statement.
"It looks like he may have been right," Beckett said sadly.
"From what the detectives told me Jenna had a pretty hard life," Lanie added.
"Her mom had a serious drug problem, and her brothers were constantly in trouble with the police. I don't think she was getting any support from her family," Beckett explained.
"I think Dylan wanted to help her the best he could," Alexis said as she stared at the floor. She had only looked up a few times the whole conversation.
"I think they all needed help," Castle added and reached over to give Alexis's hand a squeeze. She gripped it back, but then pulled it away.
"The poor mother was already a mess now she has to bury two of her kids." Lanie shook her head.
"I can't even imagine," Castle said sadly.
"Did you have to notify her?" Alexis asked Beckett.
"No, Sergeant Roman will talk to her."
The room was silent for a few minutes. Everyone was tense. Beckett had been nervous about telling them Dylan's story. She knew it would hard to see him as a pure villain knowing he came from such a hard home and childhood. Beckett was really worried about Alexis. The girl couldn't seem to sit still and looked like she was fighting back tears.
"Anybody hungry? We should order dinner," Castle asked breaking the silence. He was desperate to improve the mood.
"Sure," Beckett agreed looking over at him. She had been watching Alexis.
"That'd be great," Lanie said in a false cheery voice. Beckett was worried about her too, but she seemed to be handling it better than Alexis. Beckett was comfortable talking to Lanie and helping her through it. She knew she would sit down with her friend and talk about everything. With Alexis, she was worried she would over step or say the wrong thing.
"Alexis?" Castle asked gently.
"Um, I'm not really hungry," she muttered softly.
"Just have something small. You can pick the place." Castle smiled.
"I don't care. Whatever everyone else wants."
"How about Chinese? You can just have rice if you want," Beckett interjected.
"Yeah, that sounds good," Alexis said picking her head up.
"Everybody want their usual?" Castle asked standing up.
Everyone nodded and confirmed what they wanted. Castle headed into the kitchen to make the call.
"I didn't even ask, where's Martha?" Lanie questioned.
"Out of town. She went on some retreat upstate with the cast of her next play," Beckett answered. She turned to Alexis. "Did your dad call her?"
"Yeah, right when we got home. I talked to her too. We down played it," Alexis replied.
"Probably for the best," Beckett agreed. She didn't want Martha to worry any more than she had to. It was all over now, and everyone was fine. That's all she really needed to know.
"She wanted to come home, but we convinced her to stay."
"I can always go pick her up if you change your mind," Beckett offered.
"Thanks, but I think I'm okay. I don't want to ruin her trip."
"She wouldn't mind," Beckett said quickly.
"I know. It will also be a lot quieter without her around too."
"So much quieter," Castle laughed as he came back in the room.
"You're going to miss her when she finds a place and moves out," Beckett teased.
"Yeah, probably," he agreed. "The food will be about 30 minutes."
It took a few tries for the conversation to get going, but everyone fell into a comfortable chat. They didn't talk about what happened anymore. It seemed like everyone just wanted to give their minds a break. It had been such a hard day. When the food came, no one really ate a lot. It seemed like the stress had gotten the best of everyone. After dinner, Alexis announced she was tired and wanted to go upstairs to get ready for bed. She gave everyone a quick hug and practically ran up the stairs.
"We should go too," Lanie said gesturing to Esposito.
"You're welcome to stay. The guest room is all made up," Beckett offered.
"I don't really want you going home alone tonight. You should stay here or I could stay at your place. No funny business, I promise," Esposito added.
"I'm okay. Thank you guys. I think I could use some time to myself to relax and just sleep."
"I understand," Beckett said. She gave her friend a hug. "Call me if you need me. I don't care what time it is."
"I will." Lanie smiled.
Everyone said their good byes and left, leaving Castle and Beckett alone for the first time since before the incident. Castle was tempted to run right up to Alexis's room to check on her, but decided to give her a little bit more time. He need to talk Beckett too.
"I didn't get a chance to thank you earlier," Castle said as the couple sat back down on the couch.
"For what?"
"Saving my daughter's life."
"You know you don't need to thank me for that." She shook her head and grabbed his hand. He gave it a squeeze and then released her hand to put his arm around her. He tugged her into his side, and she gratefully leaned into him.
"Well I'm still going to," he replied as they got comfortable.
"Okay," Beckett gave in. She took a deep breath. "You know I've been thinking about whether I would have taken that shot if it was two strangers in that room not Alexis and Lanie."
"And?"
"I don't think I would have. I would have followed the plan and waited for the negotiator to set up."
"I hated that plan. I know we hadn't been there very long, and they were trying to figure something out, but I couldn't just stand there knowing Alexis could be shot at any moment."
"I know, Babe, but Roman was right. There was no good way to make contact. We couldn't just knock on the door and all the phones were off."
"The negotiator coming over the loud speaker would have just startled him. He didn't know we were there. Who knows what he would have done."
"I don't regret taking the shot. I saw an opportunity, and I took it. Roman had already authorized the sharp shooters to shoot if it became necessary. I did what I had to do, but I just know my judgement was clouded."
"Of course it was, but that doesn't mean you made the wrong decision. You did the right thing. We can't know for sure what Dylan would have done, but there was a high chance it would have been something terrible. Like you said Roman gave everyone the go ahead to shoot if necessary. And it was necessary."
"I had already made up my mind I was going to do whatever it took to get them out. I would have done something stupid if I had to."
"But it didn't come to that. You did the right thing. Yes, it's tragic that a young man died, but sometimes that's how these situations have to play out. You were a good cop today."
"Thank you," Beckett nuzzled into him.
"I didn't ask, did Roman give you a hard time when you went to talk to him?"
"No, not at all. I talked to the investigative team, and he completely backed me up. I don't expect any trouble. It should be ruled a good shoot by tomorrow."
"Good."
"How are you handling everything?" Beckett asked turning to look at him.
"She's my baby," Castle let out after a moment. His voice cracked.
"I know, I know. She's safe now," Beckett said soothingly and turned in his arms to hug him.
He held her tight and gave himself a moment to pull it together. He didn't want to breakdown. Everything was okay now.
"At this point, I'm just worried about how Alexis is handling it. Lanie too," Castle spoke up.
"We'll help them. They'll get through this."
"I know they will. I just wish they didn't have to," he said sadly.
"Yeah, me too, but we can't go back. We just have to help them move forward."
"Lanie will talk to you, right? She'll open up," Castle asked.
"I think so, but she's almost as stubborn as I am. It's not going to be easy."
Castle chuckled before growing serious again. "Alexis won't be much better. I'm hoping she will talk to one of us though. She looked like she was barely keeping it together all night, but anytime I tried to help she pushed me away. I have never seen her like this, even after Paris."
"I noticed too. She seemed pretty out of it. I think it was just the shock. Maybe tomorrow she will come around a bit."
"I hope so."
"I know this is hard on you too. I don't want you closing me out," Beckett said seriously and looked up at him.
"I won't." He leaned down and dropped a kiss to her head. "The same goes for you. I know how much taking a life affects you, even though it was completely necessary. I'm here for you. I know you are going to be supporting everyone else, but let me support you."
"I will. I promise."
She put her hand on his cheek, came up, and kissed him. They lingered for a moment afterwards, letting their foreheads touch.
"Do you want to go check on Alexis and go to bed?" Beckett asked quietly.
"Yeah, that's a good idea. I'll meet you in the bedroom."
Beckett expected Castle to go up alone. She knew there was no need for both them to check. She wasn't quite sure what her role was going to be in all this. She didn't want to overstep. Castle was fully capable of handling it. She planned on just being there and letting Alexis come to her if she wanted. She wanted to make sure the girl knew she was there and wanted to help, but she wasn't going to force anything. Beckett and Alexis had gotten a lot closer over the past year, but this different territory.
She headed into the bedroom and put her pajamas on. Castle came in just a few minutes later.
"She asleep?" Beckett asked.
"Yeah. I'm glad. I was worried she would be up all night."
What Castle didn't know was Alexis was wide awake. She had heard him coming up the stairs and quickly faked it. She wasn't going to be able to fall asleep tonight if her life depended on it. She just didn't want her dad to know that. She really wanted to sleep, but it didn't seem like an option. She had been actively trying for an hour. That was long enough for her to doubt that it was going to happen at all. She was way too wired.
"Alexis," Beckett said softly not wanting to startle her as she entered the kitchen. It was about two hours after she and Castle had gone to bed. Beckett was dosing, not quite asleep, when she heard a noise in the kitchen. After listening for a few minutes, she determined Alexis had to be up.
"Hey. Sorry, did I wake you?" Alexis asked and quickly turned around from the stove.
"No, no. I was awake," Beckett semi-lied. She had made sure she woke up enough before coming out of the bedroom so that statement would be believable.
"I'm just making some tea."
"That's a good idea. I'll make us both some. Take a seat," Beckett offered. She finished heating up the water silently. "How you doing?" Beckett asked gently as she gave Alexis her mug and sat down.
"Okay. I just couldn't fall asleep. I'm tired, but I can't seem to settle down," Alexis admitted after a pause.
"I know the feeling. It's awful. It doesn't matter how tired you are, your brain just won't stop." Beckett gave her a sad smile.
"I feel like my whole body is just like buzzing or something. I swear my heart has been racing for hours," Alexis explained in a timid voice. She was too tired to filter her thoughts. It almost felt easier to talk to Kate than her dad for some reason. She was worried her dad would freak out and baby her. She trusted Kate to treat her more like an adult. Plus, Alexis had felt a strong sense of security around Kate all day. She had literally killed someone to save her. Being with her made Alexis feel safe.
"Unfortunately, I know that feeling too. Talking helps." Beckett did her best to give her an encouraging look. She felt terrible for the girl. She was surprised, but happy Alexis was being so honest. Beckett wanted to help her, but she wasn't really sure what to say.
"The last thing I want to do right now is talk about it. I don't want to think about it at all."
"Okay," Beckett nodded. "We can talk about something else."
"Like what?" Alexis questioned. She had been trying for hours to come up with any other topic in the world, but her mind had been stuck on the day's events. She had to get it out of her head.
"Hmm… Do you think Lanie and Esposito are actually broken up for good?" Beckett asked a minute later.
"Seriously?" Alexis was definitely not expecting that.
"I don't know." Beckett shrugged.
"It seems like tragedy keeps throwing them together. First Dad's disappearance and now this," Alexis said quietly and took a sip of her tea.
"Oh, I didn't think of it like that."
"Sorry," Alexis apologized quickly. She felt bad being so negative. Normally, she would love relationship gossip.
"No, no. it's okay."
"I'm kinda of tense. I keep jumping to worse case scenarios," Alexis admitted. She was instantly angry with herself for telling Beckett, but it was too late. She was too tired and wrung out to stop herself.
Beckett wondered if she was still talking about Lanie and Esposito. She didn't think she was. "Hey, it's okay." Beckett reached out and gently put a hand on Alexis's arm. She could tell the girl was heading to a bad place. She could practically see the spiraling thoughts on her face.
"I'm fine." Alexis shook her head quickly.
"I know you are," Beckett said kindly. "Don't beat yourself up. You went through hell today. You're supposed to be rattled. It's okay."
"Thanks." She took another sip of her tea. "I just really want to sleep. I need to settle down," Alexis said frustrated and rubbed her hands over her face.
"I know some ways that might help you relax a bit. Maybe that will help?" Beckett offered nervously. She knew Alexis needed help before her anxiety completely got the best of her. The last thing the girl needed was to have a panic attack in the kitchen at 2 am.
"Yeah? That'd be great. I've been trying all night."
"No promises. I really just know what works for me."
"I googled a bunch stuff and read a bunch of suggestions," Alexis admitted quietly. "Nothing helped."
"Been there, done that, kid." Beckett smiled.
"Really?"
"Oh, yeah. You name it I've probably tried it at some point."
"I don't know why I'm so shook up. I was okay after Paris. That was traumatic."
"It's not that simple. Everything situation is different."
"I know."
"Try not to dwell on how you feel, and if it is right or wrong. Don't analyze it. There'll be plenty of time for that later. It's too fresh right now."
"Yeah, okay."
"And I'm here if you want to talk. Day or night. Don't be afraid to wake me up. Your dad and Lanie are here too. So is your grandmother. We want to help."
"I know."
"I'm serious. I know what it's like to deal with something like this on your own. It's not fun. In fact, it sucks. I don't want that for you."
"Thanks," Alexis said softly.
They were quiet for a few minutes and just drank their tea. Beckett was trying to figure out the best thing to do. She wasn't sure what she should tell the girl. Kate smiled as she realized how she would handle this situation herself. She couldn't exactly tell Alexis to have a glass of wine and cuddle with Castle though.
"Did you bring your phone down with you?" Beckett asked as an idea came to her.
"No, why?"
"You should go grab it. There's a great app that I use all the time. It's supposed to be some type of calming hypnosis, which I think is crap by the way, but I swear it really does help. The guy has like an Irish accent or something. I'm not even sure where he's from, but his voice is so soothing."
Alexis chuckled. "Yeah?"
"Yeah. It might just help you relax a bit. You don't have to though. It's just a suggestion. It always helps me when I want to jump out of my skin."
"I'll try." Alexis got up and went upstairs. Beckett didn't know if she was handling this right. She didn't want to force the girl to talk or ask a bunch of questions. She didn't want to jump to conclusions about how this going to affect Alexis in the long term. It was too soon. Beckett figured the best she could do was show Alexis she wasn't alone, and that she shouldn't be embarrassed. A free app seemed harmless enough, and it really did help. It had lulled Beckett to sleep countless times over the years.
Alexis came back down and handed her phone to Beckett. It was unlocked and ready.
"Okay, let's see," Beckett said as she typed.
"Where'd you find this?"
"Um, my therapist suggested it a few years back," Beckett said shyly. She figured honestly was best.
"Your therapist?" Alexis questioned confused.
"I saw someone for a little over a year after my shooting."
"Oh, I didn't…"
"It's okay. Don't worry about it. I think your dad is the only one that knows how long I went," Beckett said and gave the girl a small smile. She didn't want to seem embarrassed.
"He wanted me to go after Paris. I was fine though."
Beckett nodded and set the phone on the table to let the app download. "He wanted me to talk to you about it."
"But you didn't?"
"He told me he talked to you, and you said you didn't need to go. I wasn't going to press the issue or force your hand. I trusted that you were being honest and would tell your dad if something changed. I told him to make sure he left the door open for you to bring the topic back up and was supportive about it."
"Thanks."
"We weren't very close then. I didn't want to act like I knew better than you or like you had poor judgement. You seemed like you were handling things well."
"I did. The first few days were hard, but it passed."
"This will pass too."
"Yeah…" Alexis said staring at her nearly empty mug.
"It feels different?" Beckett questioned.
"Kind of. I don't know."
"That's okay. You don't have to know."
"I wish I did."
"Don't we all?" Beckett smiled. "I promise it really will be okay though. No matter what happens, you'll get it through."
"I know."
"Good. Don't forget it."
"Is that done?" Alexis asked gesturing to her phone.
Beckett picked it up and checked the screen. "Yep. Here ya go."
"Thanks," Alexis said quietly and took the phone.
"You don't have to back upstairs though. We can hang out for a bit."
"You should go to bed. You probably have to get up early."
"Nope. I took the day off."
"Really?" Alexis asked surprised. Beckett never took time off.
"Yeah, I figured there was no way you were going to your classes, and I know Lanie isn't going to work. I want to be around."
"Thanks."
"Of course, I'm always here if you need me."
"I know," Alexis replied, but Kate wasn't surely she really did. "We should probably try to get some sleep though."
"Yeah, we should." Kate grabbed their mugs and put in the sink. She came back and gave Alexis a tight hug. "Good night. Come wake me if you need anything."
"I will." Alexis gave her a sad smile and headed upstairs.
"Good morning," Castle greeted as Beckett walked into the kitchen. It was one of the few occasions he had woken up before her.
"Hey." She smiled and headed for the coffee pot "Alexis up yet?"
"I don't think so. She hasn't come down. I checked on her when I got up about a half an hour ago and she was sleeping."
"It's early yet. She needs the rest." Beckett sat down next to him at the counter. She didn't want to tell him about their late night chat. Alexis could if she wanted. For now, Beckett planned on keeping her confidence even if it wasn't explicitly a secret.
Beckett's phone rang a moment later. "It's Lanie." She picked up. "Hello."
"Hey," Lanie said quietly almost like she was embarrassed to have called.
"How are you?"
"I'm good," she lied. "I just got off the phone with Pearlmutter. He is going to recheck everything and take a look at my autopsy notes from Jenna."
"Lanie."
"I swear this case was solid. It was cut and dry, but maybe I missed something."
"Don't doubt yourself. This wasn't your fault."
"What if I was wrong?" Lanie asked shyly.
"It's still not your fault."
"Dylan did this because of me."
"No, he didn't. It doesn't matter what he may have said to you guys. This wasn't your fault," Beckett answered firmly.
"I know."
"How about I come over and we can talk?"
"No, stay with Alexis," Lanie said quickly.
"Castle's here. She won't be alone."
"Still…"
"You could come over here."
"I guess." Lanie really did want to go, but she felt weird about it.
"Come. We can talk or not talk. We were thinking about having a lazy day and watching movies. You should join us."
"I don't want to intrude on family time."
"Lanie, come on. You know you're family."
"Thanks, but…"
"You don't have to come, but know you're completely welcome."
"Okay, I swing by for a little bit. What time?"
"Whenever. We'll be here all day."
"Okay, and Kate?"
"Yeah?"
"Thank you."
"Of course. I'll see you soon."
Alexis looked much better this morning. Beckett thought she must have gotten at least some sleep. She didn't challenge the girl when she told Castle she slept just fine. Lanie, however, looked like crap when Beckett answered the door.
"Hey,come on in," Beckett reached out and guided Lanie in the door. She looked nervous and frazzled. Beckett noticed the small bag thrown over her shoulder.
"Just in time. You can help us decide on a movie," Castle greeted.
"Actually, I hate to do this, but can I steal Kate for a few minutes?" Lanie asked shyly.
"Oh yeah, take her," Castle laughed.
"Thanks Castle," Beckett smiled. She turned to Lanie, "Is the office okay?"
"Yeah," Lanie nodded.
"First, come here," Beckett said opening her arms right after she shut the office door.
"Thanks." Lanie came willingly and accepted her friend's hug. She really needed it, but it was almost too much.
"How are you?" Beckett asked softy when she saw the tears filling her best friend's eyes.
Lanie took a deep breath and pulled it together. "I barely slept. I felt fine when I left here and when Javi dropped me off. I curled up on the couch with a glass of wine and watched TV for a while, but when I went to bed, I just couldn't sleep. I'm used to dead bodies. I see them every day, but for some reason the image of Dylan on the floor just stuck with me."
"It's different when they die right in front of you."
"Yeah… I keep thinking the story played out differently."
"What do you mean?" Beckett asked even though she was pretty sure what she meant. She brought Lanie over to couch.
"I keep seeing Alexis and I on the floor with him," Lanie admitted. She didn't want to say it out loud, but she knew Kate wouldn't judge her. Beckett knew a thing or two about trauma. Lanie knew she could help.
"And you have to keep actively reminding yourself that's not what happened," Beckett said knowingly and set her hand on top of Lanie's.
"Yeah, and it's exhausting. I just laid in bed with my fingers on my pulse in my neck and told myself over and over that I was okay."
"Reminders are good. That was smart." Beckett gave her a sad smile. She wished she would have called her, but she understood why she didn't.
"I don't know that it was smart, but it was necessary. I ended up just getting out of bed and going over Jenna's case again. I logged into the system from home and went back through everything. I'm sure it was a suicide. "
"But you asked Pearlmutter to look at it?"
"Yeah, there's probably going to be an investigation into it anyway. I just wanted another set of eyes on it."
"Don't let Dylan make you doubt yourself. He was a very troubled young man. There's also a pretty good chance he was high at the time. We should find out soon."
"Yeah, I'd believe it," Lanie nodded. Dylan's unstable behavior coming to mind.
"I don't know all the details of what happened and what he said to you guys, but I know you handled the situation well. You did what you had to do. You followed his instructions and found a discrete way to reach out for help. You did good."
"I guess. I don't think I really did anything. It was pure luck he didn't shoot."
"You kept him as calm as possible and didn't piss him off. That's all you could have done."
"Alexis helped," Lanie sighed. She felt bad she wasn't able to take over the situation better. Alexis shouldn't have had to step up.
"You both did good."
"I cried."
"So?" Beckett questioned.
"I wasn't exactly the strong, capable adult Alexis needed."
"You were exactly what she needed. You showed her it was okay to be freaking out. You showed her that you can be strong even when you are terrified. And honestly, crying was probably a good thing to do. It reminded Dylan you're human. A person just like him. It's a lot harder to pull the trigger when you understand exactly what you are doing."
Lanie nodded. "He didn't like it. He kind of looked like he felt bad for me."
"Exactly. Humanity is a powerful thing."
"I really do think he was a good guy deep inside."
"Probably, but he made some disastrous choices."
"Thanks for saving us."
"Of course, that's my job." Beckett smiled.
"We really had no idea you guys were out there." Lanie remembered how alone she had felt. She had been beginning to think the police weren't coming.
"That was the goal. We needed more time to figure out the best way to proceed and figured it would be best if Dylan didn't know anyone was on to him," Beckett explained.
"He was really freaked when he noticed. I think he knew it was over and was just scrambling to come up with a plan."
"We were watching. I could tell he was unstable."
"Oh, he was. I thought he was going to pass out at one point."
"That would have made things easier," Beckett laughed.
"Tell me about it." Lanie smiled. "I'm sorry you had to shoot him," she said quietly.
"No, no don't apologize. That was definitely not your fault. It was his. I'm not happy it had to end that way, but sometimes that's the only safe solution. I was going to do whatever it took to get you guys out safely."
"Thanks," Lanie said fighting back tears again.
"No need." Beckett hugged her again. It lasted a long time before Lanie pulled back.
"Want to go back out there? See what movie they picked," Lanie asked. She needed a break from all the emotional talk.
"Yeah, you ready?"
"Yeah, but um, before we go out… I brought a bag if that offer for the guest room is still good tonight?" Lanie asked timidly.
"It's always good."
A/N: Thoughts? Comments? Thanks for the great response to the last chapter. Sorry this one took so long to get out. It turned into this giant, long beast I couldn't seem to get right. The next and final one shouldn't take as long.
Disclaimer: Obviously, I own nothing.