"Yes, but… Does it have a good school district?" April asks, smiling up at him. If she's totally honest, she doesn't know how that came out, but it somehow just feels right, so she lets it hang in the air instead of taking it back.
Andy stares at her for a moment, and she wonders what he's thinking. It's such an out of character thing for her to say; they've only talked about kids a couple times before and he's always been the one to initiate it.
"But, babe, we're out of school." He shakes his head like it's an obvious answer, and tightens his arm around her. April scowls into the camera.
Naturally, April doesn't bring it up again, and continues with her guise of wanting to adopt "creepy, adult twins from Romania." Not that she'd be overly opposed to Andy bringing it up, but that's a different thing altogether.
Because, it's like, if she brings it up then they're definitely doing it. They'll become boring adults with a house and a dog and 2.5 kids and she won't be allowed to bother Jerry and put sleeping pills in his drinks anymore, because that's not what mothers do, right? And then Leslie and Ann will throw her a stupid baby shower with cake and a stroller and maternity clothes and it'll be like she's a time bomb, and then at some point a baby will pop out and she and Andy will have to raise it for 18 years.
But then if Andy brings it up, which she's almost certain he won't, she can always say no or crack some stupid joke about how a child coming from her shouldn't be brought into the world, or whatever.
Underneath all the boring adult stuff, she guesses that she's legitimately scared.
April just isn't cut out to be a mother. And she loves Andy, but he'd definitely be more of a dad than a father. Like, he'd play ball with the kid in the back yard but would forget to pick them up from school. According to Ben, they're barely taking care of themselves. Yeah, they no longer eat off frisbees (all the time) but it often takes them until they have used every clean dish in the house to finally get them all washed.
So she contents herself with this excuse for another year or so, and just laughs and shakes her head when she's asked by her mom when her grandkid is coming, and hopes Andy never wants to talk about it.
She's in Washington with Ben, and she's been sitting in her hotel room for half an hour until Andy finally Skypes her.
She glares at his pixilated face on her laptop screen until it comes into focus. Andy holds his hands up in surrender.
"I'm sorry I'm late." He seems to be genuinely scared of her, which is one thing she really likes about him.
She forces down a smile and replies: "You better be. Why are you so late this time?" And she is legitimately curious because usually it's her who doesn't pick up because of work stuff or whatever, and Andy's the one who sends her like 8 texts asking if she's okay.
He scratches the back of his neck, embarrassed.
"I had to, uh, get glitter out my hair. And off my face, too."
She shoots him a skeptical look, raises an eyebrow, and prods "Why?"
"Me and Ron had to sort out a hole in front of some woman's house and I accidentally let her daughters give me a makeover."
"Uh huh." She replies with a smirk. Inside, she can feel panic sort of growing inside her because what if Andy wants to talk about it? What if he had such a great time with those kids that he wants his own? She saw it on his bucket list a year ago: "Have a son."
But to her relief, he doesn't. Just gets a wistful look in his eyes, snaps out of it a moment later, and asks: "How was work?"
And April allows herself to forget all about it as she complains to him about the stupid traffic in Washington and how she and Ben wanted to take a road trip back home but didn't.
However, that look he gets in his eyes when he's talking about kids bothers her when she wakes up the next morning.
Everything had been going smoothly for almost another full year when Ron and Dianne screw it all up.
April has been avoiding the topic of kids for so long she's become a pro. But of course, Andy has to find that stupid pregnancy test back at the cabin and goes running around with Ann, searching for the owner.
She tries her hardest to stay out of his way the whole day (and not just because of vet school), even though she feels bad about it and still doesn't feel totally cool with Andy spending that much time with Ann. She reasons with herself by saying that if he thinks it's hers, he'll end up being disappointed, and one thing she hates most is sad Andy.
But of course, after stupid Ann has helped him rule everyone else out, he comes running to her. And the happiness in his eyes, the way he lifts her up and spins her around, starts to make her feel almost guilty. Until she tells him about vet school and the look of glee in his eyes changes from happiness about the potentiality of a child to pride in his wife's accomplishments.
She tells him "I'm so glad I married you." Because she really, truly is, even if they don't share the same views on things like kids. And her heart flutters a little when he replies:
"Yeah, we made a good call on that one," and pulls her into a hug.
When Ron and Dianne announce their pregnancy, April finds that the topic of kids comes up again. But this time, she's prepared.
Or, at least, she thinks she is.
She and Andy are sitting on the couch, watching TV, when suddenly he pauses it and turns to her. He looks all serious, which is rare for him. He takes a deep breath but then casts his eyes to the ground.
"So… About Ron and Dianne, it got me thinking…"
"About what?" She asks, looking everywhere but him, despite the fact that she already knows the answer.
"Kids." He says firmly. April stares at the floor, and Andy seems to take that as a bad sign. "I – I don't want to pressure you, or anything. I mean, I know you don't really want them – I just think we should talk about it, okay?"
"I don't want kids." She blurts out. Andy faces crumples a little, and he turns away to hide it. April desperately wants to take it back, wants to comfort him, because nothing makes her feel worse than upsetting him. But she knows that to take it back now might start a fight, so she just stares at the paused TV until Andy composes himself and unpauses it. She tries to reach for his hand, but he pulls it away at the last second, mumbling something about being hungry and stands in the kitchen.
She doesn't have to worry about The Talk (as she's come to think of it) when Ann falls pregnant. However, it still worries her, so she tiptoes around Andy for the first week or so and even after that she still changes the subject whenever it comes up. After a couple of months, she decides she can't do this to Andy anymore, so she goes to do the one thing she hates most in the world.
"Ann?" April hesitantly catches her just before she's due to go home for the day.
"April?" Ann seems genuinely surprised that April's talking to her. April doesn't blame her, but she rolls her eyes anyway.
"Yes."
"Why… Are you talking to me?" Ann asks suspiciously and looks around as if she's talking to someone behind her.
"I need to get drunk and talk to you about Andy." The words take even her by surprise.
"Seriously? Well, I need to tell Chris… One sec." Obviously Ann has to be weird about this. April rolls her eyes again, but bounces her left leg impatiently as Ann retrieves her phone and texts Chris, presumably telling him not come home in the next few hours. Her phone pings immediately after and she smiles at it, then says "We're good to go!" so April follows her to her car.
Ann's house is annoyingly perfect as usual, and April slumps down on the couch as soon as she gets there, rubbing her temples. Ann takes one look at her and goes to find a bottle of wine.
She comes back a minute later with a bottle and two glasses. She pours April and herself a large glass each and says: "What's up?"
"Andy." April groans and flops backwards.
"What is it this time?"
April glares at her.
"No, I mean, like, you two never fight. It's pretty weird, actually." Ann takes a sip of her wine. April guesses she should do the same.
"Did you and Andy ever talk about kids?" April asks. She cringes just hearing herself say it.
Ann chokes a little on her wine, and then laughs. "No! No…. Noooooo. Never. Andy never wanted kids, and I would never bring a child into the world with him. No way."
"Really?" April says, confusedly. She just assumed that Andy had always wanted kids.
"Yeah… Why? Are you pregnant?" Ann leans forward, intrigued. April reflexively leans back.
"No. It's just…"
"Just what?" Ann's voice is kind now, and one who didn't know them would think they were actually friends.
April sighs and decides just to spit it out. "Andy wants kids."
Ann raises her eyebrows, takes a sip of her wine, and asks "And what's the problem with that? Do you not want kids? He's not… Pressuring you into anything, is he?"
"No. I don't know if I want kids." April takes a long swig of her wine and continues, "it's like, I want a kid with Andy if that would make him happy, but I don't know if that would be such a good idea."
"Why not?" Ann asks as she refills their glasses. She appears to be genuinely interested now.
"Andy and I aren't the most responsible people." There's another reason, too, but April doesn't want to tell Ann that. It's one of the things she's used as an excuse whenever Andy brings it up; Andy understands it, but April is sure that Ann won't.
"Can't argue with that." Ann laughs a little. Is she drunk already? April wonders.
"Like, I guess I kind of hate kids, but… If Andy and I raised it, it couldn't be that bad…" She mulls. Ann stares at her.
"Does Andy really want kids?"
"Yeah. Like, really really wants them. He wants a son. I saw it on his bucket list."
"He still has that?" Ann breaks out into a fit of giggles. It kind of annoys April that Ann knew about Andy's bucket list before she did, but for the moment she lets it slide. She downs the rest of her glass.
"How do I, like, tell him that I wouldn't hate having a kid, but I don't want one now?"
"I don't know, just tell him exactly what you told me." Ann's words are slurred, yet true. April glances at the clock on the wall and finds that it's only been 15 minutes. So much for a few hours, she thinks as she texts Andy to come pick her up.
"I'm gonna go." She says awkwardly as she picks up her jacket from the end of the couch. She opens the door and stands outside, even though it's cold and it'll take a few minutes for Andy to come get her.
When Andy finally shows up, she's so happy to see him that she forgets all about the talk she was going to have with him and just whispers in his ear that she wants to go to bed. Andy certainly obliges.
She procrastinates The Talk until Leslie and Ben announce that they're having triplets, and Andy just looks so overjoyed for them that she decides that today is the day.
She goes about work for the last remaining hours in the day and then she and Andy walk to the car. She's feeling nervous, but it's the good-ish kind, and she grins up at him as he talks about how he's really sorry that he had to keep the whole triplets thing a secret from her, but Leslie and Ben made him promise and those two kind of scare him. As they're getting into the car, she tells him that it's fine, because it is.
When they get home her hands are shaking and she can't stop smiling. Andy looks at her in confusion.
"Babe, are you okay?"
She nods quickly and opens her mouth to speak. Annoyingly, she forgets the whole thing and all that comes out her mouth is "Iwouldn'thatekidswithyou".
"What?" Andy asks. April knows he heard it right but just wants it repeated.
"I wouldn't hate to have kids with you." She says, slower this time. She hesitantly looks into his eyes. She can see the childish glee that is his expression of happiness growing in them.
But he tries to play it cool: "What… Uh, what are we going to do about that?"
"I was thinking…" She clasps their hands together. "We could just, like, stop using condoms."
"So is this trying for a baby, or…?"
"It's not trying," April says because she's never liked that term and she wants to maintain some of her usual, anti-adult self, "it's just not not trying."
"Not not trying." Andy says, grinning. "I can go with that."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
April flings her arms round his neck and he pulls her in and lifts her off the ground. "Hey," She says wryly, "you gotta get used to not doing that if you're going to put a baby in me."
"Oh – Of course." He sets her down immediately. Suddenly, his face grows serious.
"I love you." He tells her, looking straight into her eyes.
"I love you too." She smiles, and she can't deny it; this is pretty awesome.
It's a year and a half later when Max is born, and they joy of cradling him to her chest and watching Andy hold him for the first time makes April forget about the fact that she just freaking gave birth and there's 6 people gathered round her vagina.
Andy hands him back to her and presses a kiss to her cheek. "Babe, you are the best. Seriously."
