Antithesis: In Which Hermione Talks Too Much

The end of the school year was finally upon them with only a few days to go until the formal end-of-year dinner and graduation ceremony. As tradition dictated, the seventh-year students had thrown an illicit party the evening of their last NEWT examination. As usual, the students seemed to think they were the first to ever come up with such a brilliant idea, and as usual, the Professors knew all about the plans they were supposed to be ignorant of. Still, also as tradition dictated, they turned a blind eye to the antics as long as everything was reasonably under control and no younger students were involved.

Severus sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose as he ended the Floo call with Pomona. This year, things were most definitely not under control. Pomona had called for backup as her Hufflepuffs were running amok armed with various Weasley products, the Ravenclaws were either brawling in the Great Hall or singing raucous songs just outside their common room since apparently none of them were sober enough to answer the riddle at the door, the Gryffindors were of course having some kind of drinking competition in an abandoned room near the Charms classroom, and his own Slytherins had apparently spent the last couple of months brewing all kinds of liquor that they were selling to the others. At least they were showing entrepreneurial spirit, he thought sourly.

He stalked up towards the Great Hall, robes billowing menacingly behind him in a well-practised fashion. Just ahead in the corridor leading to the Slytherin common room he spotted two students snogging in an alcove, an open bottle of Firewhisky standing precariously close to their entwined legs.

"Five points from Slytherin, Miss Davis, for getting caught, and ten points from Slytherin, Mr Goyle, for forcing your own Head of House to take points from you," he snapped. The students sprung apart and would have knocked the bottle over if he hadn't Vanished it with a snap of his fingers before moving on briskly, not bothering to stop.

He quickly surveyed the chaos in the Great Hall. Luckily, Minerva had already arrived and managed to freeze all the combatants in place and was now threatening to Transfigure all of them into toads if they didn't immediately stop fighting. Filius was also there, wringing his hands and trying to duck flying furniture. With a nod at the diminutive Ravenclaw Head of House, he turned around and continued up towards the Hufflepuff dormitories, scattering a few younger students along the way. Luckily Pomona had things well in hand by the time he arrived, although the sweet haze of something suspiciously herbal lingered outside the entrance to the Hufflepuff dorms and a few of them stared at him with vacant eyes, almost smiling, a most unnerving experience. Oh well, if it made the little brats behave he wouldn't go off blabbing to Albus. Nodding at the Herbology teacher he turned around again and made for the Charms corridor where he Disillusioned himself just before turning the corner, keen to see what the Gryffindors were up to before he crashed their little party.

The students were sitting in a circle on the floor of an unused classroom, surrounded by a veritable mountain of pillows similar to those Filius used in Charms class. Soft jazz music was playing from an unseen source, and lit candles and magical lamps cast a soft glow over the room. Several empty bottles and shot glasses were scattered around them, but at least they were reasonably quiet. A few Ravenclaws and even a couple Slytherins were also there, he saw to his surprise, including Theo Nott and Blaise Zabini. As they were all wearing casual clothes, not school uniforms, it took him a moment to identify them all.

"Never have I ever… snogged someone of the same sex," Miss Dunbar, a Gryffindor seventh-year, said while holding the glass rod they used as Truth-Teller for the game to ensure that the person giving the statement didn't cheat. Miss Brown drank her shot, as did Mr Thomas, Mr Zabini and Mr Longbottom to the general sniggers of the others.

Miss Patil was next up. "Never have I ever… stolen something," she said. This time almost all of them drank, including the Potter brat and Miss Granger. He smirked, he well remembered her stunt with Polyjuice where she had stolen ingredients from his stores. Seeing her as a cat in the Infirmary was his best Christmas gift in years, even if he'd had to spend a few days brewing an antidote for her.

"Never have I ever … had a crush on a Professor," Miss Brown stated.

Nearly all the girls drank to that, and some of the boys too, he noted. The glass rod in Miss Brown's hand turned red, however, and she dropped it with a squeak.

"Oooo!" went the room and Miss Brown protested but was forced to drink her shot and an extra for penalties.

"Remember Lockhart, Lav?" Miss Patil said and broke down in giggles.

"Damn, I had forgotten about him!" Miss Brown said.

"Me too," Miss Granger exclaimed and blushed. Interesting, so she wasn't thinking of him, he mused before abruptly catching himself, why would he care who she fancied?

Potter took the rod after everyone's shot glasses were refilled. To Severus' surprise, the Boy-Who-Lived-To-Annoy didn't choose to make a statement indicating his sexual prowess, skill in battle or anything similar.

"Never have I ever … been to an amusement park," the boy said instead.

Miss Granger emptied her glass right away as did a few others, but some of the Pure-bloods looked around in confusion. After a bit of a discussion they agreed that magical fairs also counted since they too had magical rides for children, and so a few others also emptied their shots.

Mr Nott went next. He was seated right across from the doorway and seemed to have some trouble coming up with something.

"Never have I ever … wanted to snog … Professor Snape?" Nott said, eyes widening as he apparently spotted Severus across the room, his Disillusionment gone. He smirked and raised an eyebrow at his student before melting back into the shadows. Nott gulped and gave a very brief nod, keeping his Head of House's presence a secret to the others.

"Ooooo!" went the room again.

To Severus' surprise, some of the girls drank to that, including both Miss Patil and Miss Granger, and Miss Turpin from Ravenclaw. Unfortunately, both Zabini and Longbottom also emptied their shots which made him shudder.

"Eww, 'Mione, you want to snog the dungeon bat but not me?" Weasley Jr said angrily, sitting up straighter.

Miss Granger crossed her arms in front of her and glared at the ginger brat. "Shut up, Ron! Just because I don't want your limp tongue down my throat, or any other limp body parts of yours! Keep them to yourself! I'm not your property!"

That had him smirking. Well said, Miss Granger.

"Come on, why are you so cold, 'Mione? Don't you want the chance to shag someone before meeting You-Know-Who? I only wanted to help even if you'd be a lousy shag, it's the only chance you'll get anyway!"

Miss Granger shot up while the rest of the room erupted in outrage, mostly in Miss Granger's favour, he noted. "Ronald Bilius Weasley," she hissed with her hands on her hips. "If you and I were the last people on Earth I still wouldn't shag you. I thought we were friends but you're just trying to get into my knickers!" She turned to Miss Brown instead while Potter harshly pulled Mr Weasley aside. "Lavender, I have no idea what you see in him, but if you want him with all bits functional I suggest you keep him on a tight leash with a ball gag."

"Good idea, don't worry Hermione, he won't forget how stupid he's been for a long time," the other girl said, glaring at her boyfriend.

Miss Granger nodded at the blonde girl and stormed out of the room without noticing her Professor's presence by the doorway. Severus had to decide what to do, but Mr Nott had obviously noted his presence and so far they weren't out of bounds for a final night at Hogwarts, so he made up his mind to let them continue. After another round of Slytherin house's patented glares and eyebrow lifts in Nott's general direction he turned on his heel and stalked off after Miss Granger who had run off faster than he'd expected her to considering those high heels she was wearing.

He caught up with her in the entrance hall where she'd collapsed in a messy heap on the stairs, her light blue summer dress riding halfway up her thigh. At first he thought she was crying but as he got closer it was clear that she was giggling although the source of her mirth was completely indecipherable.

"Hellooooo," she said and looked up at him with a goofy smile before breaking down in giggles again. She was lying on her back, looking up at the ceiling. It didn't look particularly comfortable.

"Miss Granger, exactly how drunk are you?" he asked with a raised eyebrow that didn't have any effect whatsoever. She was way past eyebrows. Probably even past scowls. No point wasting a good scowl on someone who wouldn't appreciate it, was there?

"You have lovely eyelashes, you know," she said with a soppy smile. "Lavender would be so jealous. Ron doesn't have nice lashes at all."

Definitely past scowls, he decided. Eyelashes? Who in the world cared about eyelashes? He'd never understand the minds of witches. He stepped closer to her and reached down a hand to pull her up. She managed to grasp onto his hand on the second try and stood up on wobbly legs. She smiled at him again and would have toppled over sideways had he not steadied her with a hand on her upper arm.

"What were you drinking?" he tried again but she merely smiled at him and giggled again. It was pointless when she was at this stage and she shouldn't be wandering the halls alone like that. With the current chaos reigning everywhere else in the Castle Poppy was also likely busy, and for some reason he didn't feel like handing her over to Minerva, either. "Come along," he told her and started to steer her down towards the dungeons. Luckily she followed without question, although she had to cling to his arm for stability. It did feel nice, oddly enough.

"You know, you remind me of someone, you know that?" she suddenly said and stopped in her tracks, looking up at him with wide eyes. "My Po… Potions teacher back in school. He was a bit of a grump but I had such a crush on him all my final year. He had wonderful hands, you know, and that voice… I always had to bring a spare pair of knickers to change after class." She broke down in giggles again.

He winced and tried futilely not to think of the state of Miss Hermione Granger's knickers. Luckily they had arrived at his door and he could busy himself with settling the inebriated witch on his couch and fetch her some water. He did have Sober-Up potion in his cupboard but since the side effects of that potion were rather harsh it was often better to settle for a Hangover potion the next morning instead and let the body deal with the alcohol the usual way.

The witch sat up straight on the couch as he returned with the water. Their hands touched when she took the glass, holding it with two hands, and the ghost of her touch lingered on his skin.

"Sir, what if 'the power the Dark Lord knows not' isn't about love or anything silly like that?" she suddenly asked, wide eyes fixed on his. "What if it's something else?"

He shrugged. "Your guess is as good as mine but I never held much stock in that idea of Albus'," he admitted.

She rose unsteadily to her feet again and put the glass on the side table. "Where's the loo?"

He led her to his bathroom, waiting outside to hear if she needed assistance, but it didn't seem like she needed to throw up.

"Do you think he's ever laughed? I mean, properly, not at someone else's expense?" she asked dreamily when she got back from the bathroom. She looked completely stoned, frankly, a goofy smile on her face as she tilted back her head to look at him down her cute little nose. He frowned, where had that thought come from?

"Miss Granger. Has Miss Lovegood given you something?" he asked sharply. "Or did someone slip you a product by the Weasley twins?"

"Nooooo," she said, drawing it out and ending in a fit of giggles.

She settled on the couch again while he sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. This would be a long night.

"Ronald Weasley is a first-class idiot!" she suddenly exclaimed and sat up straight, glaring at him. "Just because I didn't want to kiss him doesn't mean… doesn't mean…" She ended the sentence with a yawn.

"No, of course not," he agreed. "Please finish your glass of water, Miss Granger."

She downed all of it, burped rather impressively, and promptly keeled over sideways as she fell asleep. He cast a couple of diagnostic charms on her to see if she was in need of more immediate care, pulled Minerva's tartan plaid over her and left a new glass of water and the vial of Hangover potion for her on the table before going to bed.

~~oo~oo~oo~oo~~

The next morning he was a bit confused by the groans of misery coming from his sitting room until he recalled the events of the prior evening. For some reason, the sound made him feel rather … happy? Was that it? Either because someone else was embarrassed and miserable, or perhaps even because there was someone in his quarters, for once? He got dressed and entered the sitting room where the young witch appeared completely dishevelled, her hair like a crow's nest, her dress rumpled and stained, and makeup smeared over half her face. The Hangover potion vial was emptied, at least. When she saw him in the doorway she inhaled sharply, bit her lip and blushed while he raised an eyebrow at her.

"Erm…"

"Indeed. Good morning, Miss Granger."

She squeaked something unintelligible and rushed off to the bathroom again while he contacted the kitchen elves for breakfast. It seemed the eyebrow had worked, this time.

There was a thought nagging him in the back of his mind, a stray comment she'd made yesterday which he couldn't quite make sense of.

"Do you remember what you said yesterday?" he asked and peeled an egg.

She blushed again, rather prettily. "Um … maybe?"

He smirked, he did remember her comments about him, too. "No, I was thinking about your comments regarding the Dark Lord, rather."

She frowned and nodded slowly. "Yes, Harry mentioned that he'd never been to an amusement park and that had me thinking, you know, You-Know-Who can't ever have been to one either. Wouldn't it be quite hard to be a megalomanic despot when you're having fun? Has he ever laughed at something that wasn't at someone else's expense? I think I recall reading some old Muggle folk tales about monsters that disappear when you laugh, although that was probably supposed to be directed at the monsters."

While she busied herself with her toast and tea he thought about it. After a while he became aware of some odd sounds coming from the other side of the table. Was she actually giggling, again? What was wrong with the witch, why did she do that all the time? Finally she noticed his pointed glare which, again, seemed to have lost some of its potency against her. At least she stopped the infernal giggling.

"Miss Granger," he began slowly. "What are your plans for this summer?"

She shrugged over her teacup. "I'm staying with Harry at Grimmauld Place for now, I don't have much planned actually. Feels rather pointless with this stupid war still going on."

He nodded sharply. "Good, would you mind assisting me with some research so that we may end this once and for all? I may have some ideas based on your outlandish statements, and you're somewhat decent at Arithmancy aren't you?"

She sat up straighter and he could almost see all the questions bouncing around in her skull. Some of them appeared to leak out through her hair which seemed to poof up with latent magical energy.

"No no, Miss Granger, I won't begrudge you these final few days at Hogwarts only to lock you up in a library in the dungeons," he said with a smirk. "Minerva would be most cross. In the meantime, perhaps you could look into the concept of … joy… since you're probably better suited for such an endeavour than I am." The j-word had him shudder, his lips curling up in a sneer.

Slowly her face was lit up by a radiant smile. "Help you with research, sir? Of course I'd love to help you!"

~~oo~oo~oo~oo~~

His Floo flared to life with an incoming request for a call shortly after she'd left for her dorm room. With a wave of his hand he accepted Lucius' request and soon the blond aristocrat stepped through to his sitting room. The wizard looked rather worse for wear, actually, his hair was matte and tousled, his pristine powder blue robes looked rumpled, and he had dark circles under his eyes. Severus hadn't seen him since the last big meeting as he had only been summoned once after that, to a private meeting with the Dark Lord only, discussing the alleged Invulnerability Potion.

"Severus, you sneaky bastard, what did you do? I haven't slept properly for two months!"

"Good morning to you too. Would you care for some tea or do you need something stronger already?" He couldn't help but to smirk when looking at the blond wizard.

Lucius huffed and flopped down on Severus' couch while he called a house-elf for some tea and light refreshments. They settled down with some crumpets and tea and for a while none of them spoke, until Lucius broke the silence.

"There's been Talks, Severus," he said quietly, staring into the fire. He looked more serious than in a long while. "We've managed to get by for a while now but I fear it won't be enough, soon. Bella is howling in his ears about blood, blood and more blood, Wormtail is sniffing about everywhere and seems to have his eyes set on Narcissa, Greyback is drooling on my carpet and that damn snake is soon bigger than my Abraxans. Did you know she's been eating my birds?"

Severus snorted. "At least she's done some good, then."

Lucius glared at him but Severus was staring into the fire, absently tracing his lower lip with a thumb while he thought about his occasional friend's words. Perhaps… perhaps it was time. He pulled out his wand from his sleeve and added a Muffliato and a few other wards which would give eavesdroppers a nasty surprise.

"Lucius…"

"Yes…?"

He took a deep breath. "You know both of these madmen will want this to end as messily as possible while dragging it out as long as they can."

Lucius nodded. "My bank account and the state of my carpets don't quite agree with that, you know. Did you hear Bella wrecked another antique bed the other week? She must have been jumping in it, again. I refused to hear any details but it's not as if she would ever replace what she breaks. Blasted in-laws, nothing but trouble."

Severus snorted. Well. Hit a Malfoy where it hurts: their Gringotts vault. At least it might make Lord Malfoy take action, hopefully for the right side. He took a deep breath.

"Someone has recently challenged a few core concepts which I had assumed to be immutable, but perhaps they hold a solution to this mess."

"Is that so? Who was that, if I may ask?" Lucius asked and grabbed another crumpet.

"One Miss Granger. I'm sure Draco might have mentioned her once or twice?"

Lucius' eyebrows hitched up. "You mean the Muuuu… ggleborn?"

"Yes. The Mu." He glared at Lucius over the rim of his cup. "Anyhow. I have to do some more research first, at any rate. Would you be terribly against inviting her and her friends to the Manor at some point in the future?"

Lucius frowned, his innate distaste of Gryffindors warring with his need to protect his family. "I think that could be doable as long as you are discreet and make sure the rat, the snake and the sister-in-law are neutralised. If you think it necessary."

"I'm quite convinced."

They finished their crumpets in silence before Lucius rose to leave. "I'll gladly leave the research to you, reading too much just makes me tired. Until later, Severus. I don't envy you the task of managing the other madman in the tower either, I see enough of him in Wizengamot hearings and on the Hogwarts Board meetings."

Severus rose as well, as courtesy required. "Oh, and Lucius?"

"Yes?"

"Try Pisum Reverti."

Lucius stood still for a moment, apparently working out the Latin. "What? Wait a minute… is that why I haven't slept? The Pea Jinx? Oh you complete and utter bastard, Severus!"

Severus smirked. "You were the one to hit me with the Unhibition Hex and your bloody birds still owe me a set of robes."

"You'll have to ask Nagini for that," Lucius sniffed.