"That's the 48 time this year!" An old woman with crazed eyes and wild hair was protesting to the firefighter next to her. "I don't see why they have yet to kick that man out."

"Well, nothing is ever damaged and he pays for it, if they are." The landlord was saying to the woman.

"And? You kicked out that one man, Tom, for owning too many cats! Fire is worse than cats in my opinion."

"Madame, I am deathly allergic to cats and this complex has a no pet policy."

Severus cannot cook to save his life.

It was something his mother laughed about, something Lily teased about, and something the residents of Altea Apartments grumbled about while gathering on the street at nine pm.

He had been attempting to reheat soup on the stove counter when a call from work distracted him. (The chemicals he had been working with had been knocked over by an intern and melted a hole through the floor. Honestly, people were such imbeciles sometimes.) He only realized that he forgot to turn the stove off when the smell of smoke filled his nose and the fire alarm went off seconds later.

"Get over there and ask!" A voice hissed from behind him, and Severus raised an eyebrow. What did they need to ask him? Some of the people living below him had already asked if he would move out, and he had scared the words back into their mouth. Was another couple really going to attempt to kick him out?

"It looks like he doesn't want any company actually." A second voice spoke, this one deeper than the last. "Besides, he'll most likely say no, kitten. The man doesn't even know us."

"Fine. I'll do it myself, Remus."

And then a small hand was tapping his arm, before a woman stepped into his line of sight. Her brown hair was pulled up into a bun on the top of her head, pencils pushed through it at random angles. Sweatpants and a large sweater adorned her figure, and a bright smile made her warm eyes sparkle. She wasn't a supermodel by any means, but she was attractive.

"Hi," she gave a small wave. "You don't really know us, but I'm Hermione and the man cowering behind you is Remus. We live in the apartment three doors to your left. I was wondering if you would like to join us for dinner?"

Oh.

…

Oh.

Severus was used to people pitying him, but the woman - Hermione - was standing there, staring at her feet with a blush on her face. A quick scan told him that she was leaning towards him, pupils blown wide, bottom lip tucked under her teeth, and goosebumps on her skin. All of those were signs of attraction. It made sense, and yet it didn't because the man - Remus - had called her kitten. It was a pet name, one spoken with familiarity and fondness. That had to mean they were lovers. So why would she invite him to dinner, with her lover standing right there.

It was frustrating, it was confusing, and it was a puzzle.

Severus Snape loved puzzles.

"Alright, thank you." He made sure to purr the words out, and a flash of surprise went through him as the man behind him let out a tiny gasp. Severus stepped to the side and motioned with an arm. "After you."

His new position allowed him to glance at the man. He was tall, taller than Severus, and lean. Not skinny, no, those were muscles. Scars decorated what skin was visible, but instead of taking away from the man's beauty, they intensified it. His eyes were an almost golden color, hard and soft at the same time. And, to make everything even better, his cheeks were red.

Remus' eyes connected with his, and Severus made his move. He raised an eyebrow, and let his eyes roam from top to bottom. And when he was done, he slowly looked back up into the man's eyes before letting an approving smirk adorn his lips. Remus' mouth had dropped open, his eyes wide. His head jerked to look to the side of Severus before the man turned around and rushed inside.

"I hope you like dessert." Hermione said from her place next to him. Her voice was rough, and laced with humor. "Remus is fond of chocolate, and I've developed a taste for it myself. Especially dark chocolate."

This was going to be fun.

WC: 749