All worry I had about spending time with his gorgeousness passed quickly. Edward kept to himself and rarely joined us. When he did come down, he sat by himself in a chair looking forlornly out the window or into space. Alice and her parents were making obvious attempts to make sure I was having a good time and that Edward's mood was not affecting me. By the second day I had loosened up and had just about forgotten he was there.
Christmas Eve came and I joined Alice and her family at their church for services. It was quite beautiful, the church lit by candles and a solemn yet festive spirit in the air. I felt good too, having dressed up a bit for the occasion and my enthusiasm returning, I found myself eager to see what would come next.
I followed Alice and her family around the sanctuary, being introduced to old friends and neighbors as Alice's friend from college. My confidence was bolstered when several guys looked me over after being introduced. Alice nudged me in the side, giggling and whispering in my ear, "Maybe you'll take one of them back to Chicago with you, that's my idea of a Christmas gift." I scolded her for talking like that in church but secretly enjoyed the attention. A relationship would be nice. Up until now, school had been my priority, with graduation coming in a few short months, the time had come to start thinking about my future.
The service was wonderful, full of singing and featuring a play by the children. It kept my mind off the fact that I was seated between Alice's mom and Edward. I could feel his body heat next to me and he smelled so good. He ignored me completely of course, not because he was being rude, he just seemed so distracted by whatever was on his mind. I hoped that whatever it was would work itself out soon. Even though we hadn't gotten to know each other, I was sure he was just as nice as the rest of the Cullen family. It was too bad that his Christmas was being tempered by something.
Afterwards, Mr. Cullen, I was supposed to be calling him Carlisle but couldn't quite bring myself to, went to get the car while we waited on the steps of the church. Esme and Alice wandered over to talk with someone leaving me and Edward alone.
"Did you enjoy the service?" I was startled to hear Edward speak and it took me a minute to realize he was speaking to me.
"Oh, um, yes. It was beautiful." I stuttered out, wondering why the sudden effort to engage in conversation.
"I'm sorry. I caught you off guard there, didn't I?" He smiled slightly before adding, "I know I haven't spoken two words to you since we met. You probably think I'm mental." He looked me full in the eyes now, making my breath catch. He was ten times more handsome when he smiled.
"No. No, I don't. You just seem like you have alot on your mind." I tried to be gracious. Who knows what the guy was dealing with. It really wasn't any of my business.
He let out a long breath, looking away and running his hand through his auburn hair. "Yeah, unfortunately, I do." He turned back to me, "Still, that's no excuse. I'm glad Alice has a friend like you to keep her out of trouble. I worry about her being alone in Chicago."
I knew it. He was a nice guy; nice and heartbreakingly attractive. I guess if I was going to continue to be Alice's friend I was going to have to get over my little crush on her big brother.
"Really, Edward...didn't take you long did it?" Our conversation was interrupted when a gorgeous blond haired woman strode over and put herself right in Edward's face. "I thought we were spending the holiday apart to think this over." She paused and gave me a withering once over, "Now I see you here with this heifer. What the hell, Edward?"
She was obviously angry and Edward did not back down from her but stared back, hurt and anger clouding his face. "Rose, you don't know what you're talking about and you just insulted Alice's friend. I think you'd better apologize." She refused and the argument began in earnest between them. Edward pulled the girl away from the crowd of onlookers and I turned away trying to find Alice. I didn't mention anything to Alice or her parents about what I had seen. I felt like an intruder on something very personal and figured that if Edward wanted them to know, he would tell them. I felt bad for him, though, now that I knew what he had been upset about all week. He obviously cared for her and the hurt that I saw on his face made me want to comfort him somehow. I hoped they could work it out. Maybe she would be coming over on Christmas morning. His being off the market made it easier for me as well. No sense in crushing on someone who you couldn't have.
We stood leaning against the kitchen counter hungrily eating anything Esme pulled from the fridge and put in front of us. We'd all changed into comfy clothes after the service and had decided on watching a movie before bed. Nothing like staying up late on Christmas Eve and sleeping in late on Christmas Day.
We had just finished grazing and were heading into the living room when we heard Edward come in the front door.
"Good, he's home." Esme gave a sigh of relief and seemed to relax now that she knew her son was safe.
We settled in on the couch, the movie just beginning, when Edward walked in. I expected he would sit in his usual chair and join us but instead he put his hands on the back of the couch and stood over his Mom and me for a moment. "Hey, Mom." he began quietly, "I'm going to take Bella outside for a minute, okay?" She looked up at him with a question in her eyes and he added, while looking at me, "I need to apologize." Esme nodded her approval but added, "Don't keep her out too long, Edward. I don't want our guest getting cold."
He laughed quietly and looked at me questioningly, seeing if I would go. I stood up and walked with him toward the garage. He grabbed a jacket off one of the bar stools in the kitchen and handed it to me. It was Alice's and I put it on, following him out to the garage and then outside through the open garage door.
I leaned against the trunk of one of the cars and began to tell him that an apology was not necessary. He held his hand up, not letting me finish.
"No, you deserve an apology." He shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans and paced around on the driveway. After taking a deep breath he said, "That was Rose," He looked at me before adding, "my girlfriend." I nodded and he continued, "She and I, well, anyway, we've been having some problems and tonight she thought that you and I..." he stopped and shook his head. It was kind of like he was having a conversation with himself and I was just there observing, like he wasn't really talking to me. Seeming to recover himself, he walked purposefully toward me, stopping a few steps away and saying, "She shouldn't have said those things about you and I want you to know that I'm sorry. I'm sorry you had to hear that and I'm sorry I just left you standing there all by yourself. You're Alice's friend and you deserve to be treated better than that."
He stood there, having said what he wanted to say but still looking so defeated. "Edward, It's no big deal. I wasn't offended. I'm sorry for you guys, really, and I hope that you can work things out. It seems like you really care for her. Please, don't worry about me, just worry about what you need to worry about." Break-ups are so awkward, for the people going through them and the people who have to watch.
"Thanks." He said, running his hands up and down his face a couple of times. He looked so tired. "I just needed to come home and think things through, get some things straight in my mind, you know." He looked at me, seeking understanding, some common ground. I shrugged, trying to show that I understood that. Looking at him, standing there looking so tired and worn out, my heart seemed to change toward him. He was still the most handsome man I'd ever seen but he was the brother of one of my best friends and he was hurting. With some effort, I put my crush away and sought to be like a sister to him. Raising my hand and patting the space next to me, I invited him over to stand next to me. With a look of relief he came to stand next to me, leaning on the car as well.
Facing out into the night, we got to know each other a little better. He apologized again for barely speaking to me all week and asked me about myself and my family. I learned that he finished college in Seattle last year and had been doing an internship with a big law firm out there. Rose had gone to college there as well, and they had both flown out here to spend Christmas with their respective families.
We talked for about an hour and after telling him a particularly funny story involving Alice and Sushi, he looked up toward the ceiling howling in laughter and said, "Oh, speaking of something funny, look up there." I craned my neck up to see what he was gesturing to and saw a huge bouquet of mistletoe. Still laughing, he said, "My Dad plants mistletoe all over the house every year in the weirdest places just for an extra excuse to kiss my Mom. He's a total romantic." I smiled thinking of how sweet Carlisle and Esme were. I hoped to have a marriage like there's someday.
Noticing my smirk, Edward elbowed me, "You thinking of someone? I'm sorry I didn't even ask you if you had someone special, I was so busy going on about myself."
I blushed, and feeling much more comfortable with Edward, told him the truth, "No, no one. I haven't really had much time for that since starting college." Looking back up at the mistletoe, I added, "It's been over two years since I've been kissed." Meeting his gaze and seeing the look of disbelief there I continued, "Really, I haven't. I'm not lying."
"That is a crying shame." He turned his body toward me, resting his right side on the car. "Beautiful girl like yourself should be kissed on a regular basis." He was teasing me. "I could remedy that for you, you know, right now."
I should have said no. I should have told him it would be too much like kissing my brother seeing how close Alice and I were. I should have said anything but what I said. What I said, no matter how much I regretted it later, felt absolutely right at the time. "Well, you could, but you would have to do a good job. No sense kissing a girl if it's not going to be good."
He rose up from the car, making me realize for the first time how tall he was. The look on his face was the one a boy had when being challenged to a fight. "You think I'm not a good kisser? You think it wouldn't be good?" His face was incredulous, insulted.
I clarified, the teasing between us continuing. "I didn't say that. I said if you're going to do it, you've got to make it good, no wimpy, on the cheek, half-hearted kind of kiss." Of course, you have to understand that when I said these things I really had no idea that he was actually considering kissing me. I thought we were just joking around. Had I realized that he was actually about to press his perfect lips to mine, I wouldn't have had the bravado to continue teasing him. I realized, a bit too late, just how serious his offer was.
"Alright then. You got it." He pulled me to my feet by the front of Alice's jacket, securing me to himself by wrapping his right arm around my waist. His left hand came up and cradled the back of my head, leaving me no room to escape, not that I wanted to. I knew that in just a moment he would let me go and laugh or give me a big sloppy kiss on the cheek and then we'd both laugh and go inside. Instead, he completely surprised me, which coincidentally made the kiss even better, by slowly lowering his lips to mine and kissing me tenderly, almost reverently.
My body immediately melted. All stiffness leaving me, I unconciously molded myself to him, leaning in to accept whatever he would give me. His lips began to move on mine tenderly, sweetly, leaving me breathless. Just when I thought it was about to be over, he pulled me to himself and held me even tighter, his tongue seeking access to my mouth. That's when my hormones kicked in. How can you be kissed by a man like him and not reciprocate?
I drew him closer as well. My lips parted and not only allowed him to kiss me deeply but returned the favor, our tongues moving together in a sweet dance. He tasted like peppermint. My hands moved up to play in his hair and to pull his head in closer to mine. I don't know how long we stood there kissing but I was no longer cold when we both broke apart breathless and panting. I lowered my head to rest on his chest, trying unsuccessfully to catch my breath.
He continued to hold me and when I finally raised my eyes to his I expected to see them full of mirth, slightly smug, full of "I told you so." What I saw surprised me. He looked confused and angry. I stared back at him and didn't know what to say. Was he mad? I shouldn't have taken it so far but how was I to know he was serious? I began to release my hold on him at the same time that he released me. He stepped back from me, his green eyes boring into mine. Should I say I was sorry? The tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife. He closed his eyes and shook his head, looking down at the ground before turning and quickly leaving the garage to go back into the house.