Stiles didn't really know what to do as he stood by himself in the classroom. He was beginning to suspect that maybe he wasn't as stable as he originally thought. He knew he'd been slipping but… what if the one who was manipulating Barrow, the person who Stiles thought was probably from school… was him?

Immediately Stiles thought of Scott, the person he could trust. At remembering Scott though, he remembered Caitlin.

"So you also like boys."

"Absolutely. Do you?" She'd asked. Do you? Stiles hadn't answered the question. He shook his head, he had to focus. There was a murderer on the loose and someone who might be guiding him… someone that could have been Stiles himself. Frustrated, Stiles grabbed at the front of his hair and then quickly let it go before putting the chalk back down. He saw his handwriting next to the informant… what did it mean? What could Stiles make of it? Could he be the one that ordered Kira's death…?

He needed to be absolutely sure.

x

Scott looked around the room empty of its party-goers but full of frightened people in early morning. Someone was missing.

"Where's Stiles?" He asked, looking around.

Kira, along with everyone else, scanned the room. Isaac left in search of him. Timidly, the kitsune guarded girl crept up to Scott. "Maybe he left with that girl he met?" She suggested reassuringly. Scott couldn't help but feel panicked though he appreciated her attempt to comfort him.

"Maybe…" He didn't think it was impossible, but… Scott checked his phone and texted Stiles just to be sure. Anxiously he waited as Isaac came back while the others tried to make sense of what happened. "He's not here." Isaac said before looking at Allison meaningfully. We need to tell them. He said with his eyes. Allison tried calling her dad again.

x

Stiles, frustrated, sat against the wall and breathed out shakily. A sense of helplessness crawled into his insecurities. Was this even real? Could he be losing his control, were his dreams taking over his mind? He could feel it, a panic attack, rising as his head began to spin. He could feel his uncertainty, his stability, falling out of his hands. What, I read it in a book somewhere he heard Lydia say. He held his breath. Voluntary apnea. Even surrounded by air? Just as he was on the verge of blacking out, he felt a calmness rush over him as he suppressed the noisy electric static in his chest. He realized he was on the floor now, but his eyes were unable to focus.

Weakly, he tried to push himself off the ground. He found himself trembling and gasping for air, a bit surprised though he knew he should have expected it.

Useless.

Helpless.

He found himself wanting Scott. No! He needed to be useful to Scott! There was plenty on his friend's plate already. He sighed in a shattered breath reaching out for the warmth he felt the night before. Another sleepless night he though as he realized day light had entered the classroom. He chuckled to himself and his ironic success. Grabbing the edge of the chalkboard, he tried to stand himself up feeling his legs shake but refusing to fall. He made himself stand tall. "Come on Stiles, get up, you can do this, just get up." He demanded of himself. He felt a flurry of that white static in his chest again and with all his might suppressed it before it took a hold of him, breathing heavily and slinking back onto the floor again, grabbing at his chest as if he could push it away with his own hands. "Get up." He demanded of himself. Finally reaching his jeep after standing and throwing his head into the air, he made his way home and quietly crept to his room. He didn't know if his dad was asleep or at work already, but he decided it'd be better that way. In all honesty, he was just glad he made it home without panicking on the road.

Pulling his phone out of his pocket and onto his dresser he changed out of his clothes, stopping every so often to smile at the shirt he'd picked up, the boxers that were now his, and the jeans he was borrowing. Absolutely. Do you?

Did he? Why was he even asking himself this, he did didn't he? He… he liked… S- he has too much to worry about. Stiles had to put Scott's happiness first. Scott was the one who had a life changing event that literally changed his species. It was Stiles' fault after all. If he'd never taken Scott out that night… Besides, Scott was his best friend, his partner for life, he didn't want to see him suffer more than he already was. Stiles hated being by himself. His thoughts would catch up to him. In school there were people to distract him, conversations to respond to, and teachers to learn from (when he wasn't blanking out). Where was Scott? Stiles' checked his phone then and noticed the missed calls and texts. He grinned at his buddy feeling remembered. Just then, his phone began to ring, "Stiles?" His face beamed at the sound of Scott's voice saying his name.

"Yeah, what's up?" He asked forcing a cough and pulling his hand down his face. Calm down. He ordered.

"Where'd you go last night?" Scott's voice asked over the phone.

The key. Stiles' froze. What if Stiles was the one doing this? That would mean he can't control himself… what if he ended up killing Sc-

"Stiles?"

"Wh-yeah, uhm I was-"

There was a chuckle at the other end of the line. "Oh I see, nice." He said half-laughing.

It felt as if a knife cut straight up into Stiles' heart before the beating muscle was grabbed and thrown straight into the pit of his stomach.

"Who was she anyway?" Scott asked, chuckling.

"Huh?" Stiles tried to understand before it hit him. "What-no we didn't-" Stiles stammered, remembering Caitlin.

"You didn't?" Stiles could almost hear Scott grinning. "Oh, well okay-look, Derek came back and ended the party. These weird shadow people came out of nowhere and attacked us like ninjas." Scott gulped remembering how they seemed unbeatable and were targeting them. They might come after Scott tonight, only daylight seemed to stop them. "I'm glad you weren't there. It was… pretty scary." Stiles could hear Allison's voice in the background.

"My dad's not picking up his phone."

"Screw it Allison, we need to tell them." Isaac's voice appeared.

"Tell us what?" Derek demanded.

Stiles asked anxiously into the phone, "What's going on?"

"Look, just get here quick, okay?" Scott told Stiles.

"Okay." Stiles put his hand on his hip and shifted his feet. Looking up he said, "Be right there," feeling useful and needed while he roused his energy.

By the time Stiles got there, Allison had left and so only Isaac was there to explain how he got marked while shuddering and remembering the icy touch the shadow warriors left behind. No one really knew where to go from there though. Derek said he'd ask his uncle.

Stiles tried to give his full attention to them all. It was easier than standing in the classroom. Somehow being surrounded by all this insanity seemed to keep him sane. "Hey, are you okay?" Scott asked Stiles who was off guard.

Do you? Caitlin's face appeared before him. "Uhm, yeah." Do you? Her eyes searching before she laughed to herself and kissed him. His head began to swim. "I'm just kind of tired, partied until the sun rose kind of thing." Stiles said with a chuckle.

"Oh no!" Kira said suddenly. "I have to get back home! My parents didn't know I left last night!"

Scott looked back at her and reassuringly responded, "I'll take you back, don't worry, come on." She seemed reluctant after seeing a new side of Scott last night, but then she remembered how accepting he'd been of her. Preparing herself with many questions, she nodded and followed him.

How could Scott seem so calm even after such a disaster of a night? Stiles watched his best friend and smiled knowing that Scott definitely deserved to be a True Alpha. Although Stiles sometimes wished he could reverse what he'd done, he was glad that Scott was at least recognized for how truly special he was. As the two of them walked out of Derek's apartment, Stiles let his head drop and nodded to himself, trying to keep up his energy despite the sudden lack of it before turning around to face everyone who was left. A tiredness sunk onto his shoulders now, no longer feeling the strength he had before standing next to Scott. Do you?

Derek was off bickering with Isaac about Allison and them keeping secrets. "It's not my fault!" Isaac yelled back, "I wanted to tell you guys but-"

"What?! The werewolf hunter told you not to say anything so you listened?!"

"Hey, we can trust them!" Isaac yelled back.

At seeing how heated Derek was getting, Stiles figured it was about time he interrupted. As he made his way, he noticed the twins huddled together, not listening to anyone and just trying to… stay warm? "Hey guys…" Stiles began towards the yapping wolves.

"What?!" They spat at him.

"What happened to them? Not that I'm worried, but they look kind of-"

"Those things did!" Derek yelled and then turned back to glare at Isaac. The tall wolf shoved Derek with his shoulder as he pushed past him and towards them.

"Mr. Argent got me to recover by making me turn." Derek didn't say anything, having already known that turning would stop the intense chill. Yelling at them and hitting them, Isaac shocked them back from their shivering states. "There, better."

Derek was leaning over the three of them on the floor, looking ready to begin his argument again. Stiles figured it was now or never.

"Okay guys, time to leave the adult here and return to our crazy youth lives." Stiles said patting Aidan's body art. "let's go, time for school."

"School?" Aidan almost growled at Stiles.

"Hey, calm down." Ethan growled back at Aidan. "They go through this all the time and show up every day, if you don't want to go to school then just stay in and…" Ethan watched his brother still shivering, but not because he was cold. "Let's go home." He said, helping his brother up and heading out.

The three left behind watched them go before Stiles patted Isaac's back. "Come on, let's go."

"I want to sleep in."

"Come on, let's go." He said trying to get him out of the door before Derek could start yelling again. Stiles looked over his shoulder to check on him, but the blue-eyed werewolf just stood with his head low as if he were lost in thought.

"Beacon Hills…" Stiles heard Derek say to himself. "A Beacon for monsters…" As Stiles walked past the giant sliding door, he saw Derek jerk his head in frustration away from them.

x

Allison didn't show up to school. The twins weren't seen on campus. Isaac couldn't be found after leaving Stiles, either because he went to check up on Allison or decided to sleep in at the McCall house while no one was expected home. Kira showed up at school a bit shaken and couldn't look her dad in the eye. It seemed Kira's absence didn't go unnoticed and she couldn't find a way to explain what had really happened. Scott watched her worriedly as Stiles watched him and glanced back at Kira every so often. Occasionally he'd look back at Lydia who, as usual, was pretty decent in being alright no matter what happened to her. She seemed a bit unsettled though, a bit agitated. Stiles looked down and away, tapping his pen on his desk before leaning over it, trying to get himself to listen to his teacher. He kept thinking about the new creatures though… shadow people? He looked over at Scott to see how he was doing, but as soon as his eyes met Scott's face he remembered Absolutely. Do you?

Scott looked back at Stiles with a bit of curious concern. Stiles looked away and back at the front of the classroom. Do you? Caitlin's words echoed in his head. Stiles couldn't bring himself to respond to the question, not even to himself. Why did the shadow things have to come now? The three of them hadn't made any progress with controlling any of their new-found issues with reality. Useless. Fuck no, not now. He gripped the edge of his desk and blinked hard before trying to focus on his notebook. He could feel his mind slipping again, though in all honesty he hadn't really felt like his mind was walking on flat ground for a while now. "Stiles?" Kira's dad asked after glancing over at Stiles' pale and feverish body.

"Stiles? Are you okay?" Scott asked in a low voice.

"Scott, do you mind taking him to the nurse's office?"

"Yeah, of course." Scott said, coming around the desks and giving his shoulder to Stiles as he slipped his arm under Stiles'. "Hey, we're gonna be okay, okay?" Stiles nodded harshly but couldn't focus. "We're-" Scott choked on his words. The human boy's heart sunk at the sound of Scott's suffering. "Listen, you'll be okay, alright?" As they got into the hallway, Stiles tried to control his breathing. Why couldn't Stiles be the one to make him happy instead? He remembered the way Scott chuckled and laughed over his dinner with Kira. Stiles couldn't bring himself to hate Kira though. After seeing her excitement when she finished the break-in, he found her kind of fun. She would be good for Scott. His best friend.

Besides, Scott said he thought he liked her.

They made their way into the locker room. "Listen to me Stiles, you're not dreaming okay?"

"Ye-yeah, I know." He said more to convince himself than to Scott as he gasped for air, holding onto the edge of a sink and trying to make his eyes reach Scott's. He didn't want to feel trapped anymore, he didn't want to be caged by his lost sense of reality.

"You do?" Scott asked in a panic, unsure of how to approach the situation now. "Why are you panicking then? Stiles?" His human friend's head hung defeated from his neck, exhausted and unable to control his watery eyes. "Stiles, please, tell me, what can I do?" Stiles threw his head back and shut his eyes, trying to hold his breath. What? I read about it in a book. He remembered Lydia say.

"Lydia… she kissed me." Stiles breathed.

"What?" Scott asked confused, waiting for sense to come out of his friend's mouth. "Stiles, what are you trying to say? Please, let me help you!"

Stiles shook his head, he couldn't believe he just tried to do that. His chest felt like it was collapsing, like he was dying while his breathing grew quicker and smaller. He collapsed into a corner and tried holding his breath again. His head began to swell and he couldn't think anymore. escape, escape, escape his panicked mind screamed. Escape, Escape, ESCAPE! He gasped for breath just before his head felt like it would implode. Why was it harder this time? He didn't even feel Scott's hands on his wrists. The reassuring words out of the werewolf's mouth made their way through muffled sounds into Stiles' ears.

"Stiles?! Stiles?! Please, what can I do?" Scott asked as Stiles tried again to hold his breath while his entire body trembled. Scott shoved his lips against Stiles so hard Stiles felt his head hit the wall. Stiles' entire body ran with a current that shocked him and spun his chest around like a tornado. His entire body froze, every cell of his senses directed towards the touch of his best friend. When Scott finally pulled away Stiles took a big breath of air. Scott searched Stiles' eyes, "Are you okay?" He asked. "I though-I just- you said Lydia kissed you, I thought maybe you-" Scott's face turned red but he kept his eyes on Stiles.

"Uh… uh yeah. She-Lydia, she told me once that holding your breath can help stop panic attacks. She ki-she kissed me to help me stop…" His voice grew weak at the end as his eyes fell onto Scott's lips. His left hand reached for the throbbing pain at the back of his head as he tried to stop his right hand from touching his own lips.

"So you're okay now?" Scott asked, gripping his friend's arms, taking him by surprise.

Stiles' eyes fluttered as he looked up into Scott's brown eyes. "Uh-uh yeah, yeah I'm fine-" His voice cracked "I'm fine now." He stammered. "I'm-" He pushed Scott's arms down. "I'm fine. I'm sorry I-"

"No, Stiles, don't be sorry, please." Scott said, grabbing Stiles' wrists earnestly. Stiles felt his heart grab at him. Absolutely. Do you?

"Absolutely" Stiles muttered under his breath. Scott jerked his head back in a question. "Ah-nothing, nothing. Let's uh-" Stiles' glanced at Scott's lips again for just a second. "Thanks for that." He rushed out of his mouth, standing up. Scott looked up from his crouched position in front of his friend. Stiles looked away, embarrassed and turning red. "Let's uh-let's go to class." His awkwardness began to show as he walked quickly in a funny way towards the exit. Scott stood slowly, watching his best friend before following him.