Author's Note: I originally wrote this on my other FF account. But didn't like where it was going, so I deleted it off that account and am revamping it on this account. This is the account I love most and use anyway. And also, I am so excited to take this story in a different direction than before. It'll be fun! Anyway, I hope you enjoy it! I do not own Degrassi! Quote from "Beautiful Disaster" by Kelly Clarkson.

He's soft to the touch
But frayed at the end he breaks
He's never enough
And still he's more than I can take
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster

CHAPTER TWO

The rest of English was awkward and tense. Eli turned back to his desk and Clare tried to write down some ideas as an outline, but her thoughts only kept wandering to Eli. This was absolute torture. She hated seeing him this way. Actually, there were a lot of things Clare currently hated. She struggled to remember when she had last felt such hatred and anger. It scared her that she felt these things. She hated what Eli had put her through, she hated that he destroyed his prized possession and had put his life at risk, she hated that he seemed completely empty of himself, and she hated him for it all. The bell finally rang, and Clare packed up her things. Adam made his way back over to his desk to grab his backpack.

"Hey," he said to Clare, "I'm helping Eli with his books and things, but sometime we should hang out. Talk. You know."

"Yeah," Clare nodded, "I'd like that."

She knew Eli had a monopoly over Adam. Eli and Adam were so close they were practically brothers. Of course Adam would be there for Eli. And Clare really didn't mind that. What she did mind though was the sinking feeling that because of that, she would lose Adam from her life. They couldn't all three hang out. Everything felt like a huge mess.

Clare swung her backpack over her shoulder and paused at her desk. She had to let Eli get out from his desk first before she walked by. She watched as he gripped the cane and struggled to push himself up. Adam placed a hand under his arm and helped to lift him from the chair. Eli shook slightly as he sought to regain his balance. His knuckles were once again a ghostly white as he gripped the cane too tightly. Adam swung his own backpack over his shoulder, and grabbed Eli's in his hand. Eli straightened himself out after finding his balance.

"I'm making you late," he hissed, clearly frustrated. It took Clare a moment to realize that he was addressing her.

"N -no. It's fine." Clare was going to be late. She still had to run to her locker before History. But Eli was struggling and she couldn't exactly place the blame on him. She watched as he slowly began to walk down the aisle of desks with Adam trailing behind him. When they got to the door, Eli reached for the doorknob, but his right arm shook slightly and he lost his balance a bit.

"Damn it!" Eli slammed the cane against the tile floor, "I hate this thing!"

"It's okay," Adam tried to calm him down, "You only have to use it for another week. That's it. And then you can throw it away or burn it or something."

A hint of a smile crossed Eli's lips, "I like the idea of burning it."

The smile didn't quite reach his eyes, but for a brief moment, Clare thought she saw a fraction of the Eli she once knew. Maybe he was still in there. Buried deep down, but still in there. But those sorts of thoughts were dangerous. She couldn't just sit around and hope that the Eli she loved was still there. She couldn't put herself through all of that again. Clare adjusted her bag on her shoulder as Adam got the door for Eli.

Eli turned suddenly and said to Clare, "At lunch we should probably do some more work on this project. Like you said, get it done while we're here at school. It's just easier that way."

"Okay. Should we meet in the library then?" Clare felt her stomach fill with butterflies. Since when did just speaking to Eli become so nerve racking? Oh, right...since he lost it and crashed his car, almost killing himself, just to punish her. Clare made up her mind that as long as she had to work with Eli for school, she'd just have to get used to the sensation of walking on eggshells.

"Sure." The trio found themselves walking down the hallway in tandem. An on looker would think that everything was normal and fine between them. But the tension made the air between them thick and heavy suffocating.

Adam cleared his throat, unable to stand it much more, and said, "So...what book did you guys pick?"

"The Great Gatsby," Clare answered.

"Are you kidding? I'm jealous! You picked a good one. Jordan and I haven't even come up with something yet. Why do you guys always think up the creative stuff?"

Another hint of a smile played at Eli's lips, "Clare thought of it," he said almost proudly. Clare shyly tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Well, you two are definitely going to ace this project! I just hope Jordan and I can get our stuff together and think up something smart like that too."

"I'm sure you will," Clare paused at her locker, "I'll see you guys later."

"See ya," Adam waved. Eli kept walking.

"That wasn't so bad," Adam nudged Eli gently, "Was it?" Eli tightened his grip on the cane.

Of course it was bad. He had no idea how to even act around her. This was Clare Edwards and he had no idea how to act around her! It used to come so easily for him. He didn't have to think. Now he was constantly anxious of saying the wrong thing. The meds were supposed to help with that. But Clare Edwards gave him a type of anxiety not even medications could suppress.

"Adam," Eli held up a hand, "I don't really want to go down that road."

"What?" Adam asked good naturedly, "You and Clare can't just treat each other like strangers forever, can you?"

"I am a stranger to her," Eli shook his head, "Don't you get it?"

"You are not!" Adam protested, "You and Clare..."

Eli interrupted him, this time his voice was callous and angry, "There is no 'me and Clare' anymore, Adam. And there never will be again. Don't pretend to know or understand. I am a stranger to her. I don't even know who I am anymore, Adam. So how the hell can I expect her to?"