Not much to say at 3 AM, except that this is where we're getting some of that lovely darkness I promised. I should probably proofread it, but I'm too tired right now, and I want to post it now so, oh well.
:P
Disclaimer: Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you.
It was awkward. Natsuki shifted uncomfortably on Shizuru's couch, once more avoiding Shizuru's eyes.
Tori coughed, "Well, I'll uh, let you two catch up a bit, eh? I'll get the tea started." And with that she hurriedly slipped from the room.
The silence stretched for several seconds, until Natsuki got up the nerve to speak, "It's been awhile."
"Yeah," Shizuru's hands were clenched into fists so tight her knuckles were nearly white. "What brings you back, now?"
Natsuki shifted again, "Well, I just…I was in town, and I remembered it was your birthday…I'm sorry, Shizuru, for…everything."
"Sorry?" Shizuru could feel a nostalgic rage building within her, "For what? Breaking my heart? Leaving without saying goodbye? Disappearing off the face of the Earth for over a decade and then just waltzing back into my life?!" Shizuru felt the emotion flow out from the distant past. She had not felt these things in years, but with Natsuki's reappearance, she suddenly could not contain them.
"I…Shizuru…" Natsuki couldn't think of what to say.
"Why?" It was a whisper so low, Natsuki barely caught it.
Shizuru felt tears trying to fill her eyes, but she pushed them back, not wanting to cry now…not now.
Natsuki didn't say anything, what could she ever say?
"Was it because of what I did?"
It began innocent enough. Quietly watching out for Natsuki from the sidelines, helping her where she could. But then she had had to rescue Natsuki from Nao's misguided revenge. It was a slippery slope down from there.
Haruka. God it was easy to hate her. Shizuru felt ill looking at her. Her own carefully built defenses, hiding away her true feelings with a deceptive mask, as effective as they were, she could never tell Natsuki how she felt. Then there was Haruka, with her bossy ways, strong confidence, and ability to see what she wanted and go get it for herself. Standing there, smug, knowing Shizuru's greatest weakness and shoving it in her face, then insulting Natsuki. Shizuru could feel her grip on herself unraveling slowly. Natsuki's discovery of her feelings ripped Shizuru's control to shreds…her horror and rejection snapped the last threads on Shizuru's sanity. It had been easy, too easy to take it out on Yukino and Haruka. Shizuru felt insane joy spread through her as she called Kiyohime and destroyed Yukino's Child with one fell sweep of her Naginata. Watching Haruka die was almost fun…Shizuru's crazed thoughts told her that that bitch thoroughly deserved what she got. But Yukino…for a moment Shizuru's sanity tried to wrench control back as Haruka hit her one final time. NO!!! What if that happened to you? What if you had to watch Natsuki die? How could you do that to someone? Her insanity ripped control back almost instantly, as Haruka vanished. Shizuru could not let that happen, no matter what, Natsuki must be protected.
Their blood dripped slowly from the razor edge of her blade; it covered the ground with the stain that was once life. Kiyohime reaped havoc on the building behind her, fires spreading rapidly, cutting off al exits for any fools who thought they could escape. She looked down at the bodies strewn over the floor. They had been no match for her; crumpling the instant her naginata touched them. Pathetic. Still, their strength lay in numbers, and those numbers were now depleted. First District, Ha! More like last, dead last. She was walking among them, making sure none had escaped the piercing swipe, it wouldn't do to leave any survivors; they might hurt Natsuki…her Natsuki. It was then that she glanced up and saw her reflection in a broken window pane. Her hair was pristine, and so surprisingly was her kimono. Not a single drop of blood on it. Good, it would not do to be a bloody mess. But something was wrong. Somewhere inside her, some little piece of sanity was screaming at her. STOP! Her eyes, they were wrong. Something in them was not right, and that piece of sanity was trying to tell her, she was mad, crazy, irrational. Perhaps she might have tried to hold on to reason, perhaps she would have realized then that she was just another puppet in a twisted game, despite her efforts to avoid just that. But she didn't. She heard the soft groan of fear, and turned. A man was holding a small boy as still as he could, attempting to stop him from screaming. They were shivering, wide eyed, hiding under a desk. Raising her naginata, Shizuru's eyes gleamed, a wicked deranged smile played across her lips. For my love, for Natsuki.
Then there was Nao. She had survived Shizuru's first attack somehow. And what did she do? She foolishly tried to use Natsuki as bait for Shizuru. Like the outcome would actually be different this time, like she could defeat Shizuru .And now, here she was, causing Natsuki pain once more; there was only one way to deal with that. Her boastful claims that she only cared for herself were undone with the death of her Child. Lucky for Nao, Natsuki was kind, saved her from her wretched demise. Oh well. There were always more fools who were trying to hurt her to take care of…
Shizuru shivered at the memories. "All those people…"
Natsuki tried to speak, "I…Shizuru…"
"I didn't realize…" Shizuru felt her eyes moistening, "It was my own fault. I was young, so young, foolish…"
Tori had silently returned to the room. She placed the tea on the table, and sat down beside Shizuru. Shizuru felt better as Tori wrapped an arm around her.
"I never really told you about it, did I?" Shizuru looked up at her.
"No," Tori replied slowly, "And you don't have to now, if you don't want to." She smiled lightly.
"I should." Shizuru stared off into space. "Natsuki? I thought about it, for a long time, after you left. At the church, our…final confrontation, you didn't just do it because it was the only way to get both of our pillars up and let Mai stop the star. You thought, we'd be dead and you wouldn't ever have to worry about…my feelings again." Shizuru's eyes glittered with tears, "Why, why didn't you just tell me? After it was all over…why did you insist on trying…if it wasn't what you really wanted?" Tori gripped her hand lightly, comforting Shizuru.
"Shizuru…I…it was all happening so fast, I…You're right." Natsuki did her best to look Shizuru in the eye, "I did think that I would never have to worry about it again. But, what I said was true, I cared for you, just not…the same way. When we were revived, I, I really did want to try…but I was afraid."
"You were afraid?" Shizuru laughed humorlessly, "You were afraid? So instead of talking to me, of explaining how you felt, you just up and disappear one day, no note, no goodbye, nothing? Natsuki, it ripped me to shreds." A few tears slipped down Shizuru's cheeks, "I was a wreck for years; sometimes I think it was worse than the Carnival. And, after all that, I see now, it wasn't real love…no…it was real, at the time, but it wasn't the kind of love…it was thoughtless young love." Tears were now streaming down her face, and she whispered, "Thank God for you, Tori. I might have wallowed in that horrible place forever." Then she stood up abruptly, "Please excuse me, Natsuki." Shizuru rushed from the room, leaving Tori and Natsuki sitting in quiet shock.
"I'm…sorry," Natsuki mumbled, getting to her feet, "I knew it was a bad idea to come back. I…sorry." With that she rushed from the house, fighting back her own tears.