Same disclaimer: S&H do not belong to me and no profit is being made.

Thank you for your kind reviews. Sorry for the delay. I should not have started this at this difficult time of year.

CHAPTER 2

"We're not entirely sure of the full events which led to this tragedy, but from accounts received from your friends, your relationship with Mr. Starsky continued to deteriorate after the Kira affair, to the extent that he quit the Department." The doctor watched his patient very carefully as he spoke. Hutch was concentrating too much on coming to terms with the terrible words to notice. Every fiber of his being protested against what he was being told, every part of him tried to deny the words. But as the words sank in, the reaction started and he tried to recall what had happened after Kira left. Blinking back tears, he found he didn't remember anything about their relationship deteriorating. It had been rocky and difficult in the lead up to Kira; in part it was because of this that Kira had occurred. He still wasn't sure why he'd done what he had done but he knew under normal circumstances it would never have happened. Shaking his head slightly, he tried to refocus on the doctor's words.

Starsky quitting? It was very difficult for Hutch to swallow. But then was it any more bizarre than him being told he had killed him? Nothing was coming back to him - nothing at all. Why not? He was unaware that he'd spoken out loud.

"Sometimes a traumatic event can cause temporary amnesia. It blanks out the intense pain from a situation and from all accounts your friendship was a very strong one. So it is not entirely surprising you're not able to remember the tragedy." The doctor paused for a moment before continuing.

"The police report is sketchy at best. You'd gone around to Mr. Starsky's to persuade him not to quit and apparently got into a loud argument. You admitted in your statement to hitting him after you lost your temper. He didn't hit back although apparently you kept hitting him. He then couldn't respond, as he hit his head as he fell and fractured his skull. He died almost immediately."

This had to be a nightmare. No way could he have killed Starsky - NO WAY. He had never hit Starsky - well a couple of times maybe, but never hard, never deadly. They had never had that sort of relationship. They argued and bickered at times, and the intensity of their job situation at times made them snappy but such extreme violence was not part of who they were. He kept hitting Starsky even when he didn't respond? It made no sense to him at all. He couldn't have killed him but how had he ended up here? The doctor was watching him trying to absorb everything with a slight smile.

"You admitted to killing him and then you tried to kill yourself. That's how you ended up here. I think that is enough for today, Mr Hutchinson. I'll send the nurse in shortly to give you another injection." With those parting words, the doctor left Hutch alone.

The words floated through Hutch's mind, but he grappled with understanding what they meant. He was devastated; clearly something terrible had occurred but he found it impossible to believe that he'd killed, or even injured, his best friend. He would kill anyone who did attempt to hurt Starsky. But then…that is what the doctor was telling him. He'd tried to kill himself. Hutch looked at his restrained wrists, more frustrated and frightened than he could remember feeling. Something was terribly wrong and the fact remained there was no sign of Starsky. The part of him that rejected the thought of hurting his partner was growing rapidly. It was not possible, simply not possible. Sleeping with Kira and nearly destroying their friendship had made him realize how important their friendship wa,s and it had taken him longer to forgive himself than it had Starsky. The doctor had informed me that there'd been reports of their friendship deteriorating but Hutch was sure he'd remember that. Things had been a little awkward for a short period, but Starsky's innate forgiving nature had come through again and Hutch knew he'd never do anything to risk that again.

Memories of his curly-haired partner came back - laughing, crying, nearly dying in his arms in an alley while clinging desperately to life. Memories of Starsky holding him after Gillian died, even after he had punched him - not hard enough to kill him, not then anyway, holding him in an alley when he was strung out on heroin, with him in ICU when he had the plague. NO he couldn't have killed his wonderful friend, he just couldn't have. But he had to figure out what had happened, where he was and more importantly where Starsky was. He'd been unaware of the nurse returning and even the pinprick of the needle going into his arm barely registered. But as the medication started to kick in, he drifted off, images of Starsky still on his mind.