Murphy's First Law: "All things work toward decay."
by Fandomatic
•
Murphy's Law of Friction:
"If anything can go wrong, it will happen to the crankiest person."
"Don't shoot the Smurf!" Colonel Sheppard heard McKay chorus beside him in sync with the second McKay down in their gate room. That's creepy. John shot a look at McKay to make sure he wasn't hallucinating and relaxed his knee-jerk grip on the P90.
A deathly silence settled over the room as Sheppard regarded the second McKay standing with his blue arms raised and his mouth open in shock on a very blue face. The trail of mud led to the edge of the open event horizon behind him. He looked exactly like the first McKay thirty-eight minutes ago.
"Oh, that can't be good," Sheppard murmured next to his friend. It was perhaps the biggest understatement of the year, but Rodney didn't bite.
"Oh, no." McKay sounded faint.
"Don't shoot!" shouted the second McKay again. "It's me, Dr. Rodney McKay! What's with all the hostility? I mean, Sheppard's right behind me…" And the blue eyes in the blue face found Sheppard above him at the control room rail beside the first McKay. "Oh, no," he echoed the first McKay, sounding quite faint.
"What's going on, Rodney?" Sheppard demanded and turned to the cleaner scientist.
"I-I-I don't know! Alternate universe, Michael-clone, replicator copy, gate hiccup, experiment gone awry, take your pick!" McKay gestured at the other him.
"Gate hiccup?" John repeated.
"Of everything I listed, you had to pick out gate hiccup? I meant malfunction!"
On his other side, Woolsey pointed at the stargate. "The gate didn't shut down."
"Obviously!" Rodney harrumphed.
"We didn't blow up, either," Radek added as he joined them at the rail and pointed at the gate. "That energy surge came from the gate buffer." Zelenka looked smug and oddly vindicated.
"Obviously!" Rodney snarled and crossed his arms.
"Of everything that could go wrong," John pointed at the gate, "another you is the last thing I expected!"
"Sorry!" Rodney snapped. "But I hate to be the one to point out that the other you didn't make it! Where's the rest of … his team?" And McKay pointed at the gate.
Below them the other Rodney McKay rotated his head nervously between the active gate and the upper balcony where everyone gawked and pointed at him.
"Colonel," Woolsey broke in. "We need to isolate him and find out who he is. And I'm afraid I have to insist that your team report to Dr. Keller immediately for a post-mission check up. Any one of you could be … replacements."
"Now? In the middle of a crisis?" Rodney objected.
"All right," Sheppard grimaced and turned to the physicist. He knew what McKay meant by 'crisis.' The last McKay double had crushed his ego. "Look, I'll deal with … you," he jerked his head at the second McKay, "and meet you in the infirmary." John squeezed Rodney's shoulder reassuringly. "You can look at the data just as well in the infirmary, McKay."
"Oh, right. I can't concentrate with vampires hovering over me!" Rodney looked unhappy as Sheppard turned toward the side staircase.
John left the geeks behind and lifted his chin to Ronon Dex on the walkway. Dex joined him as he descended the stair.
"What?"
"You and Teyla report to the infirmary. I'll meet you there. I'm taking him," he nodded toward the gate, "to isolation."
"Want some company?"
Sheppard snorted. "He's heard all your jokes."
Dex instantly grinned and shot a look at the second McKay and his muddy boot. "So he has." Ronon broke off and signaled Teyla as John continued on to the second Dr. M. Rodney McKay, who was looking a little blue and flustered.
"I'm Dr. Rodney McKay, astrophysicist and foremost expert on ancient technology. Don't let the blue paint fool you. This is a temporary result from a savage ritual foisted on—"
"I know who you are," John interrupted and tried to keep his sickly expression to a minimum. Just hearing the familiar McKay fanfare sparked annoyance followed by abrupt guilt followed by more annoyance for feeling anything about a fake McKay. He took McKay's Beretta M9 and handed it over to Sergeant Klein, who took his six. Sheppard pulled McKay out of the line of fire into the lower atrium.
"Uh, Sheppard, my team's right behind me. Th-th-that would be you and Ronon and Teyla?" The new blue McKay glanced apprehensively up at the crosswalks where he'd seen his counterparts. "Don't shoot, all right? They're good guys."
"Wasn't planning on it." John wordlessly pointed at his pack and vest with a 'gimme' gesture and Rodney started to shuck them.
"Then what is that?" He pointed with a blue finger at the barricade on the central stairwell. Sheppard's steadiness started to take effect. "What happened here? Where's the lights? Can't you even change a light bulb around here? And where's my team?" The blue McKay picked up steam. "They were right behind me! How did you pull me into your reality and what kind of reality is this that doesn't have lights? Did I get sent back to Atlantis, the Dark Ages? You're not an evil Sheppard, are you?"
"Well, if I was evil, I'd have thumb-screws," Sheppard said evenly and admired the vivid blue paint coating Rodney's nose. "Sorry, fresh out. You'll have to make do with verbal abuse, Blue Boy."
"That wasn't funny the first time," muttered Rodney, "and I said so ten minutes ago."
"So … you prefer 'Smurf?'" And it was worth the look McKay shot him again.
"I prefer Braveheart!" Rodney instantly snapped.
The sense of déjà vu hit both of them at the same time. Sheppard blinked and McKay froze as his vest hit the floor. Their wide eyes met in recognition. They'd had this conversation on the way to the gate — right before Sheppard had announced to Atlantis that he was 'coming through with a harmless Smurf.' But that was impossible.
"McKay?"
"Sheppard?"
"Okay, this is weird." John scratched the back of his neck. "I didn't just come through the gate with you. I mean, I just came through the gate with my McKay and then you showed up, but… You're not my McKay."
"No," McKay agreed. "My Sheppard's right behind me—" And he looked back at the shimmering stargate, looking for his team who hadn't followed him.
When he turned away, John's eyes narrowed as he noticed the smear of mud on the back of his neck. Was that — but no, it couldn't be the same. His McKay and Teyla were already here.
"The gate's still active. What's going on?" Rodney's worried blue eyes searched Sheppard's puzzled face.
"We don't know. The gate won't shut down and then you popped in."
"Well, I can fix it." McKay took a step toward the control room barricade and John stopped him with a firm hand on his chest. "My team's right behind me! You have to let me go to work! They're going to get sucked into this reality!"
"No. You're not. McKay's working on it — the real McKay. You're going to isolation, so empty your pockets, Smurf-boy."
"This is so not fair!"
Later, after an entire litany of whining from the McKay look-alike — that stretched to include every ailment he was likely to get from wearing a soaked boot to every ailment his fair skin was likely to catch from wearing blue paint — the constant stream of complaints slowed down as he lost his breath.
"Transporters!" the fake McKay finally huffed. "You could've mentioned … the transporters were down!" His bright blue paint had started to run down his face with the sweat that was pouring off his brow. And they were just going down the stairs. It didn't help that the squishing boot had developed a pronounced squeak. Reflectively, John thought it was more of a wheezy squelch that alternately gasped with every step.
"You know — SQUELCH! — I could fix that — wheeze! — in the amount — SQUELCH! — of time it took — wheeze! — to go down this tower." SQUELCH!
"Oh, buck up, McKay," He said mildly. Sheppard opened the stairwell door with a wave of his hand and led the squelching, wheezing Blue Boy into the hallway that passed the isolation room. The marines behind them illuminated their feet which cast long gyrating shadows over the corridors.
"We're here." Relieved, Sheppard's flashlight spotlighted the doorway and he ushered Rodney into the red pit. The round room was lit up with a spotlight that glared down on them from the observation deck.
SQUELCH! Wheeze! SQUELCH! Wheeze!
John nodded to Carson's silhouette up at the observation window and turned back to an uncertain McKay. Uncomfortably, he folded his hands over the butt of the P90 and hesitated. Blue Boy looked lost.
"Look, Beckett's going to check you out—"
"Carson?" Instantly, the blue face lit up and turned to squint up at the window where Dr. Beckett watched.
John followed his gaze and Carson's amused grin greeted him. "You do have a Carson in your reality?"
"Of course! I just didn't know if you had another Beckett," Rodney responded.
"A clone Carson?"
"Hmm, looks like the same Carson."
Sheppard nodded. "He's had experience with this sort of thing." This was awkward. It suddenly felt like he was leaving his best friend instead of escorting a prisoner. "Well, then. Good luck."
"John?"
"Yeah?" John opened the door and paused between the two marines stationed outside it.
"Are you coming back?"
"Oh. Sure." John nodded a brief promise and the door closed between them. Swallowing his unease, Sheppard glanced at Johnston and jerked a thumb toward the door. "He doesn't leave."
•
Teyla's elbow bump brought Sheppard's eyes over to the back of the infirmary where Dr. Keller had emerged with McKay and Woolsey. Since Atlantis considered the infirmary a primary system, they had plenty of lights in the room.
Sheppard slid off the bed and stood as Ronon picked up McKay's leftover Jell-O cup and took a bite. Without any verbal agreement, the team abandoned McKay's empty bed and drifted toward the Atlantis leadership assembling near the door of the ancient scanner room. John took it as a good sign that Keller was smiling at Woolsey and McKay.
"How's our uninvited guest, Colonel?" Woolsey asked as they joined the group.
"Blue, whinny, arrogant, squeaks when he walks." Sheppard shrugged and didn't quite pull off the smirk he aimed at McKay. "It's McKay."
Woolsey's brow wrinkled even more. "But is he a 'good' McKay?"
"Contrary to popular culture," Rodney cut in, "There are no good vs. evil realities. There are just different results from a multitude of choices and we got lucky enough to get a double dose of genius." He beamed pointedly at John.
John hiked his hands up on his hips. "I'd say he was the 'good' McKay and we've got the evil one."
"Oh, ha, ha. He's kidding," Rodney worriedly glanced at Woolsey. "Jennifer already cleared me. I'm the original."
"I think that was the point." Dex smirked at the scientist and scooped a big glob of blue Jell-O into his mouth.
"He's kidding, too," McKay nervously amended.
Dr. Keller nodded. "They all checked out, Mr. Woolsey. None of them are clones or replicators or … zombies." She laughed alone since none of them had considered zombies until then.
"Yes. Well, aside from raising the dead to terrorize Atlantis," McKay addressed the ceiling and then remembered who had presented it, "—not that I'm discounting the possibility that that could happen, but clearly hasn't in our case — we still have a slight hiccup going on with the gate. And I say 'slight,' because with two geniuses working on it, we can proceed twice as fast."
"Not so fast, Dr. McKay." Richard disagreed. "Dr. Beckett has to clear the other McKay first. So what happened to the gate? Why's it still on?"
Rodney looked unhappy. "As near as I can tell, we have the same problem. Just before it was ready to shut down, the stargate buffer received a power surge and is bleeding off excess power in order to shut down again."
Teyla frowned. "But you disconnected the ZPM so this would not occur again."
"Yes. Yes, I did. Thank you, Teyla." Rodney crossed his arms. "Obviously, this surge came from somewhere other than our ZedPM. And when I say somewhere, I mean some other reality with a ZedPM. Maybe our gate is tuning-in to the Twilight Zone. Whatever, the surge is responsible for depositing the other McKay onto our doorstep. How? I don't know yet. But we're not in danger of overloading the gate from our end. I was trying to work out the details when a post-mission checkup got in the way." He directed a pointed glare at Richard Woolsey.
Woolsey's eyes widened. "Dr. McKay, a few years ago, the SGC experienced a similar problem like the one we're having. A team gated in from another reality to steal our ZPM. The SGC was overrun with SG1 counterparts. Since we actually have the ZPM they wanted, it makes more sense that another Atlantis Team actually tries to come through our front door!"
"Hmm. Well, that's one possibility that didn't work." Rodney crossed his arms. "The other team members didn't make it and the gate didn't shut down. And how were they planning on getting home once they stole the ZedPM that powered the anomaly? Not exactly a brilliant plan!"
John smiled. "This McKay might be a little less … special. I'll put more guards on the ZPM."
Richard nodded. "Just in case this McKay is evil."
"Enough with the evil scenario! Look, I'll know more when I take a look at the data coming directly off the gate buffer. I have a team pulling it off as we speak and it should be ready for me — oh, would you look at the time I'm wasting," he dramatically looked at his watch, "now!"
"Then I'll let you get back to work, Doctor." Woolsey turned to Jennifer. "Dr. Keller, I believe you and I have a meeting with Dr. Beckett."
"Oh, right." Keller made a funny face and followed Woolsey out the door as he made a notation on his tablet.
"Just in time to get in another round of stair climbing," John reminded Rodney cheerfully.
"Oh, great." Rodney looked a bit ill. "Well, let's get started." He gamely turned with Sheppard to repossess his laptop left on his bed.
"Teyla and Ronon will take you up." Sheppard nodded at his teammates following behind them. "I'll catch up later."
McKay shot a glance behind them in time to see the last of his blue Jell-O disappear into Ronon's maw. "Great. Where are you going?"
Sheppard hesitated. "I sorta promised I'd check in on the other you."
"He's fine!" objected McKay. "He can handle it!"
"No he's not, Rodney." John grimaced. "He thinks he's landed in Evil Atlantis, or maybe Medieval Atlantis."
"What ever gave him that idea?" Rodney stopped to collect his equipment as Sheppard kept going.
John answered over his shoulder. "Big barricade. No lights. No transporters. Lots of guns." John turned in the doorway and hefted his P-90 meaningfully. "It was the little things."
As he turned down the hall he heard Teyla ask, "Rodney, is that a rash?"
•
Colonel Sheppard didn't intend to relax until the gate situation was resolved. Still dressed in full-gear, he approached the isolation room where Johnston greeted him and opened the door. Inside, he found a fresh-faced Rodney McKay in a pair of blue slippers and his Atlantis jacket. The scientist nervously sprang to his feet off the chair and his pinched face lit up.
"Hey. You came back." He anxiously glanced up at the now empty window where Sheppard had joined Beckett, Keller and Woolsey in a heated conference just moments ago. "Where's my team? Did they make it?"
"Uh, no."
"They never…?"
"No. Sorry. It's just you."
"And the gate's still active?"
John nodded.
"Then there's a chance they'll make it."
The colonel changed the subject. "They treating you okay?"
"Yeah, Keller brought me my slippers." McKay looked down at his feet and wiggled his toes. "It's funny how important your feet become…" He suddenly looked uncomfortable and shot John a nervous look.
Sheppard rubbed his jaw as he stared at the muddied pant leg. "Hmm. Funny how that happens," he agreed and redirected the conversation away from regrets he shouldn't be having with a fake McKay. "Well, I have good news. Carson says you're not a clone or a replicator copy. Near as he can tell, you're a match with our McKay."
"And that means…?"
John folded his hands over the butt of the P90. "My McKay thinks you can help us. Woolsey's on the fence. Beckett?" he shrugged. "So I get to decide whether to trust you."
"Oh. Well, what does Carson say?"
Sheppard hesitated. "He doesn't know which way you swing." And it was worth the mortified look McKay gave him.
"Oh, no!" McKay deflated. "I thought we made a solemn vow never to bring that up again!"
"Good enough for me," John announced and cued his headset. "Johnston, open the door."
Rodney gaped at him. "What? That's it? You're going to base all your decision on whether or not the most embarrassing moment in my life took place?"
John grinned and showed him out the door. "Yep. That and a solemn vow that only you seem to remember."
•
When Sheppard arrived with the second McKay in tow, the scene in the gate room was busier than usual. The science team had technicians crawling all over the gate with sensors and probes. John had explained their problem to the fake McKay on the way up the many stairs. His slippers slopped along next to him as Rodney valiantly tried to keep pace.
"So your McKay thinks … there's only a few minutes … left on the wormhole?"
"Yep."
McKay snorted.
"What? You don't think it'll shut down?"
"For what it's worth…, I don't think your McKay … thinks it will shut down either."
"What?" Sheppard stopped and followed him with his eyes as the second Rodney McKay passed him and surveyed the control room with a smug, breathless smile.
"He needs a double dose of genius." His arrogant chin lifted as he spotted the first McKay across the room and grinned happily at the sight. The two McKay's met, shook hands enthusiastically, and started exchanging geek talk as Sheppard trailed into the darkened alcove.
"John," he heard Teyla call from the crosswalk as she led Mr. Woolsey into the room. "I just spoke with Rodney and he does not think the event horizon will close this time."
"Yeah, that's what the other McKay said McKay thought." His brow furrowed at the twisted logic of his words.
"Okay! Listen up, people!" Rodney's loud voice brought silence to the busy room. "This is not a drill! You all have your respective stations to man and record. Chuck will start with the T minus countdown at five seconds out," he looked at his watch, "in thirty seconds. Your job is to get as much data as possible coming off the stargate buffer and systems for myself and me to sift through. I want all eyes on the equipment and off the event horizon. There is no need for loitering at the rail. Thank you."
The two McKays folded their hands behind their respective backs and walked straight over to the rail balcony to loiter. Smugly, they watched their minions scurry and scatter in preparation for the event. Sheppard, Teyla and Woolsey joined the two and John couldn't help the tension that started to knot in his shoulders again. Below, he spotted Ronon taking up a position behind the artillery.
They were ready for whatever walked through the gate this time. And watching the smug McKays, he had a feeling they weren't sharing again.
"Five!" Chuck began.
"Four.
"Three.
"Two.
"One.
"Mark."
"It didn't shut down," Woolsey observed into the dead silence.
The two McKays held up a silencing finger and chorused, "Wait for it."
"Colonel Sheppard's IDC again!" Banks announced.
"This is Sheppard," the colonel's voice echoed over the silent control room. "Nobody shoot. We're coming through with a harmless Smurf."
"Oh, crap." John's stomach twisted in dread. Not another one!
"I'm reading another energy spike!" Dr. Zelenka shouted as another blue-faced McKay walked out of the event horizon with a pronounced gait.
Clomp. SQUISH! Clomp. SQUISH!
The third painted McKay froze at the sight of the arsenal. He also squeaked in terror, dropped his ceremonial stick and raised his blue hands. "Don't shoot the Smurf!"
•
TBC
Next chapter…Law of Equivalents