Funny Stuff 2

Warrior Excuses

AU- Xun Yu is an English teacher getting odd, misspelled absence notes. This also may have ties with my Roommates story.

A/N: I took inspiration from an Initial D FanFiction called Excuses, Excuses. I've always wanted to try my hand at it.

Warnings: Contains Yaoi, and some rough language. Characters may be OCC.

Xun Yu took a long sip of his tea and sighed happily. Strong, just the way he loved it. It had a hint of cinnamon and vanilla in it as well. It was shaping up to be a nice Monday morning. The traffic was light and he got to his work with time to spare. He was feeling happy about it!

"Xun Yu-san!" A voice called out from the other side of the door. The door was opened to find his colleague Cai Wenji bringing in a stack of papers.

Xun Yu's light smile turned down into a light frown. 'I knew this was too good to be true.'

"Xun Yu-san you have an awful lot of student absences in your box. It seems everyone is getting that illness that's going around."

"I see, thank you Cai Wenji." Xun Yu took the stack of papers. "It is getting to be that time of year."

Cai Wenji nodded. "Yes, well I have to get back to work, take care Xun Yu-san."

"You as well." She nodded again and left, closing the door behind her.

"Okay, let's see what we have now." Xun Yu opened the first letter.

Please excuse Sima Zhao for being absent. "Like he isn't far enough behind." Xun Yu muttered. He was sick and I had him shot.

Xun Yu read it over again. I had him… shot.

Xun Yu set it down with a raised eyebrow. Poor kid, he hardly had a chance. He must have one heck of a cold.

He jabbed at the other one and nearly burst into laughter. Please excuse Yuan Shao for being. It was his father's fault. How the heck he was in his class in the first place was sad enough.

The others were just as bad with their horrible spelling and grammar mistakes.

Please excuse Sun Quan Friday for school. He has very loose vowels.

Zhong Hui has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

Please excuse Guan Ping from class for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

Xun Yu stopped giggling enough to wonder if Zhao Yun wrote it. But then again Zhao Yun had nice handwriting. The handwriting used was messy and was borderline atrocious to the eyes.

The next one was similar but Xun Yu's eyes widened at the contents: Cao Pi is under a doctor's care and should not take class or P.E. today. Please execute him.

Xun Yu sighed deeply. "Sheesh write in Chinese if it's too much trouble." The person clearly meant excuse. The school doesn't allow executions.

Ling Tong won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend his funeral.

Please excuse Guan Xing for being absent. He has a cold and could not breed well. This one also had atrocious handwriting and grammar mistakes.

Li Dian was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.

The reason Zhu Ran is doing bad in school is because he's near and far sighted.

I didn't go to school yesterday because I was feeling sick, but thankfully I wasn't. Signed Gan Ning.

Xun Yu had switched from laughing, to flinching,and rolling his eyes at the excuse notes. He picked up the last one and nearly slammed it on the desk.

Please excuse Guo Jia from class, his hormones are raging.

"Okay now this one is a fake!"

He was on his cell phone.

"Nice try. 'Raging hormones' huh. Get your ass to class Guo Jia!"

"I don't care if you decided to not stop at two and pushed on till four, you should have slept."

"Drink some coffee, run around outside a bit, or take some caffeine, just get woken up!"

"You want some relief from those raging hormones? Do you want me to help you with it? Then get your ass to class or you're sleeping on the couch!" Xun Yu hanged up before Guo Jia could whine and sighed deeply, rubbing his temples. His good mood was definitely gone.

There was a knock on his door. "Xun Yu-san it's time for class."

Xun Yu called back, "Thank you Cai Wenji, and hey, could I get another cup of tea? A big one?"

Sima Zhao hissed in pain as he hit his hand on the side table, narrowly missing his alarm that he set out of force of habit even though he was going to stay home for today.

He let out a pain filled moan as his head hit the pillow. His fever went down, but it still felt like he was breathing with rocks in his chest and head. He was going to get a shot today, and he wasn't looking forward to seeing the doctor. Jia Chong had that air around him that he would try to pull something.

Sima Zhao shivered and tried not to think about it. But his drifting thought was that Jia Chong hadn't done anything to the shot yet.

Zhu Ran glared at the paper on the wall, although blurry now since last Wednesday. "Dammit! I can't see a thing!"

"You shouldn't be staring at a screen for as long as you have for the last couple of nights then." Lu Xun scolded him. "Bad enough that Sun Quan was being gassy in the van coming here, but it's worse that our best driver can't see well. You're lucky we didn't crash coming out of the driveway and 45 Intersection!"

"Shut up!" Zhu Ran glared at his companion. "We had to take the stupid van! Do you think I'll be able to look behind me while five others are in the car with me? They blocked the rear."

"You also hit our neighbor's BMW on the way out of the driveway. There was only a scratch but still." Lu Xun shook his head, still browsing through the racks.

"Well I'm sorry, it was dark and some idiot had to go to a boxing match!" Zhu Ran winced at the pair of glasses thrown at him. "I don't need glasses!"

"Oh yes you do. If you're driving you're going to be wearing them."

"I just hope Lu Meng cashed in my freaking absence note for school. And Gan Ning's when he went to work today."

"Didn't Gan Ning write his own though?" Lu Xun showed him another pair. Zhu Ran scowled at him.

"I will not be caught dead in those. And yes, he did. He will be gone for another 3 days or so before coming home. Stupid boxing matches. He must have a hard head to not be knocked out so early into the season."

"What about these ones?"

"Do you want to be the one driving!?"

"I refuse to stay in the seat next to Sun Quan at the time. I don't even remember what he ate to get that bad."

Li Dian groaned as he stood up. He limped to the bathroom and gripped onto the frame almost like it was a lifeline. He was having trouble staying up on his legs, much less move around.

The little punk who got him in the sensitive area didn't even apologize after the game!

"Dammit, I'm beginning to hate football! I should switch to golfing."

Afterall, there should be a sport that he could be good at out there. That is if a fellow player doesn't aim where the sun don't shine he should be fine. Maybe bowling?

Cao Cao rubbed his son's back. Cao Pi just scowled into the pillows.

"I hate the doctor." Cao Pi mumbled. "He creeps me out."

"Now, now, Cao Pi don't get all sour. I'm having grapes come to your room. You love grapes!"

Cao Pi glared at the wall. He liked grapes. That's no secret. He mumbled something else.

"What was that? I didn't hear you well son?"

"Did the teacher get my absence note?"

"Of course! Jia Chong sent it straight to Xun Yu, so you don't have to worry about it."

Cao Pi groaned. "He wrote the note too!" Gods only know what wrote!

There was a distant groan coming from the hall. Cao Cao stood up and headed toward the door.

"I guess that means Guo Jia couldn't get out of class today to watch you while I head to the clinic. How troublesome. Have Dian Wei summoned for me!" He called to the waiting staff outside the door.

"Hey mom, Xun Yu-sama was looking at me funny the whole day."

"Maybe he knew your father. Maybe he sympathizes."

"I don't think so…" Ling Tong drawled out, rubbing the back of his neck.

Guan Ping was in so much pain. He has to get his hip back into place after climbing a high tree.

"I just wanted to get Yinping's kite back." He hissed as Zhao Yun placed an ice pack to the tender area around his hip.

"I know you did, but because of that fall you will not be moving for a while. So just take it easy."

"But what am I going to do with the race on Tuesday against Zhu Ran?"

"I think he'll have his own problems to deal with. Now lay back on the bed and get some rest. I'll check up on you in a few hours."

"Do you know who wrote my absence note?" Guan Ping struggled to find a comfortable spot.

"Your father did before he left for his boxing match."

Yuan Shao glared at the paper in his hands. He had been driving for hours looking for Cao Cao. He had a score to settle with the millionaire.

It didn't help that he had to ask for a absence slip from his mother of all people, but it would have been worth it to beat Cao Cao in a revenge-game of heart pounding chess with roulette! The perfect game of chance!

But it was hard to find anything in the Wei district. Especially among the powerful and rich.

"Stupid Cao Cao! Making me waste gas trying to find his ass. My beautiful Golden Noble will get filthy driving around these backstreet towns you call neighborhoods!"

Yuan Shao looked up as a few drops of water fell on his shoulder. It started to rain.

"Great, rain a bit harder, maybe I'll care."

There was a heavy downpour that day.

Jiang Wei yawned and stretched, his hands hitting the back of the headboard. As he arched his back he lifted the larger body on top of him. He sighed as he relaxed and curled his hands in the other's hair.

"Guan Xing, time to wake up. It's morning."

Guan Xing stretched his legs and just lazily opened one eye. "Don't care…" His voice was roughed by sleep and the cough he recently had. Needless to say Jiang Wei still shivered at the deep voice.

"You shouldn't be laying on your stomach anyway. You said you were having trouble breathing last night right? You need to lay on your back."

"May be I don't want to move." Guan Xing snuggled into Jiang Wei's touch and body heat. "Besides I'm sick. Aren't you suppose to help me when I'm sick?"

"How is your hand? Any better? And of course I am! But I can't go anywhere with you on top of me, now can I?" Jiang Wei's hands moved to Guan Xing's broad shoulders and traced the muscle.

"That's how it's suppose to be. Now go back to sleep before you rile me up. My hand's fine. That punk got off easy." Guan Xing was drifting off to sleep swiftly.

Jiang Wei sighed and cuddled with Guan Xing, yawning again. "We don't need you to do that while you're like this. You were insatiable before, now it'll make your illness worse." Jiang Wei nearly fell asleep again before remembering something. "Lay on your side then if not on your back!"

Zhao Yun raised an eyebrow at Guan Yu. "I do hope you wrote their absence notes correctly. I'm the one who gets called if they're not."

"That was one time and you haven't let it go yet? I think I did fine writing these ones." Guan Yu said, wrapping his hands in bandages.

"Sure you did. I swear if I get another phone call regarding atrocious grammar and handwriting I'll make sure you take a class over handwriting." Zhao Yun sighed.

"I just broke my hand for the third time these past two months! You think my handwriting will be good when my writing hand is the one that's busted?"

"No, of course not. But may be you can take into consideration of learning the grammar or better yet, learning how to write in the opposite hand."

"Whatever you say Zhao Yun. Hey, did you hear about the Jin kid that got into a fight with his senior?"

"What are you talking about? Please don't tell me you're into gossip." Zhao Yun helped Guan Yu by wrapping his other hand in bandages. "But no I haven't."

"This kid named Zhong Hui had to get two teeth pulled because someone punched him in the jaw at the kids' school. No one knows who did it though."

"I can't say I'm too surprised." Zhao Yun gave Guan Yu a bright smile. "I hear from Jiang Wei that he has trouble keeping his mouth shut. Guan Xing seems to harbor hostile feelings toward him as well."

"Well isn't that something. I thought you didn't keep up with gossip?"

"I don't. That doesn't stop me from hearing it coming from the kids who want me to listen though."

"That does sound like you, being the maternal shoulder as you usually are. Alright, time to get out there and box."

"Best of luck to you Guan Yu-san. I'll be waiting to give you a ride after the boxing match."

"Thanks Yun-chan, I'll see you later then." Guan Yu was about to walk away before he felt Zhao Yun grab his wrist.

"Don't you even start…"