Yo! Ah I'm sorry this chapter is so late but I was in a complete writers block session un! Let me tell you, those are not pretty, I get bags under my eyes and my hair gets all frizzy and sticks out like Shikamaru's un! I'm sure you could mistake me for rode kill yeah. Okay okay, I'm over exaggerating…it's not that bad, but it does suck big time un. I hadn't updated my other story in forever and that needed attending too first so I had to take care of that and now that I have an idea for this chapter we're all good yeah?
Plum-- Oh joy, this chapter's gonna suck un.
Shika-- and why do you say that?
Plum-- Cause I'm listening to I will Remember you by Sarah McLachlan and it's making me sad T.T un.
Shika-- Well here's a good idea…turn it off
Plum-- Fine, I'll change it un.
(Storms off to change song…)
Plum-- Otay, all done yeah!
Shika-- Better?
Plum-- Weeelll…depends on what you mean by better…un…
Shika-- Okay Plum, what did you change it too now?
Plum-- Crazy Train by Ozzy and that makes feel like going out and doing something daring and evil un! O.o
Shika-- That's not an evil song…
Plum-- The beginning is un…
Shika-- Fine, believe what you will…
Plum-- I will…I WILL DAMNIT I WILL YEAH!
Temari-- SHIKAAAAA!! TIME FOR A MAKE-OVERRR!!
Shika-- OMG! I'D RATHER YOU POP MY CLOUDS, MY CLOUDS TEMARI, MY CLOUDS!! (A/N: That's a quote from my other story un .)
Temari-- BUT SHIKKAAAA!! I WANT TO MAKE YOU PRETTY!!
Plum-- MUAHAHAHAHAAA I DON'T OWN NARUTOOO UUUNN!!
Enjoy, yeah!
Itachi, Sakura, and Kisame were walking in complete silence on the way to the Akatsuki's Base with Itachi leading and Kisame in the back keeping Sakura in between them.
'Awkward silence." Sakura thought to her self keeping up her pace.
'Then say something.' Sakura's inner commented back lazily.
'No really? Gee you're a genius.' Sakura rolled her eyes in annoyance as sarcasm oozed out her words, 'I just don't know what to say.' Sakura sighed and continued watching the pathway they were walking.
'How about for starters, Kisame what the hell are you doing?!?' Inner Sakura replied testily and sounded quite unhappy.
'What?' Sakura questioned tilting her head to look back slightly only to catch Kisame's gaze a little to low for her liking.
Sakura whipped her head back around, 'He's gawking at it like he's never seen one before!'
She switched her facial expression from anger to seduction within seconds and replied sweetly, "You know, a picture would last longer."
Kisame snapped his head up only to come face to face with an angry glare. (A/N: (sweat drop) mood swings un)
Sakura pulled her arm back and filled her fist with chakra only to push forward with full force and let it hit Kisame right in the kisser.
Sakura smirked as she placed a hand over her eyes to block out the sun as she watched Kisame take a priceless fly to Never Never Land. Or in Kisame's case Never Never stare at Sakura's ass again Land.
Kisame landed in a moaning heap on the ground looking as though he'd just gotten done with a training session with Lee and Gai.
"Stupid pink haired poodle." He mumbled standing up and straightening himself.
Sakura's lips twitched a little and formed a small smile, "Is that honestly the best you can come up with? 'Stupid pink haired poodle'…oh that's a good one. It's definitely going in my 'Kisame's guide to idiocy' novel." She laughed out loud and turned away from the now fuming red and blue fish.
Itachi had ignored the whole fiascal and just kept at his normal pace leaving them a little ways behind.
Sakura ran away from Kisame and caught up to Itachi walking right next to him.
Now feeling in a pretty good mood from being able to laugh at Kisame she felt like starting up a conversation with Itachi and breaking this solid brick wall of no emotion.
She glanced at him out of the corner of her eyes and felt a blush rising to her cheeks. He certainly had the looks for being and S-class criminal. Then again, who was she kidding, she'd seen a lot of sexy deranged and psychotic guys who were aiming to take over the world in her life time.
She didn't mind anymore considering she'd most likely be put on the same level as them now that she left her village and is hoping on joining the Akatsuki.
She suddenly realized she'd been staring at him the whole time and he was glancing at her out of the corner of his eyes as well. "O-oh uh I was wondering…what are the other's in the Akatsuki like?" She asked looking straight ahead of her again.
He didn't say anything and just looked forward.
Kisame was the one who answered instead, "Well there's Deidara the she-male, Sasori the tree trunk, Hidan the religious sadistic cusser, Kakuzu the money obsessed stitch freak, Tobi the sugar addicted 5 year old man, Zetsu the human plant chess board, Konan the walking piece of paper, and last but not least Pein, the piercing crazed leader." Kisame was now walking on the other side of Sakura taking his bow.
"Oh, let me guess, your Itachi the emotionless wall and your Kisame the fish man…you guys sound like a bunch of circus freaks." Sakura snickered and earned a glare from Kisame.
"Well hey, your willingly joining this circus so you'll eventually earn your name miss tundra." Kisame snorted back and crossed his arms.
"Well--"
Sakura was interrupted by Itachi's irritated voice, "Enough. Put this over your eyes." He pointed to her Konoha headband she still had on her head.
She looked confused and questioned him, "What for?"
"Precautions are needed until you're a final member of the Akatsuki. We don't need you deciding to go running back to Konoha with our base location." Kisame jumped in sliding the headband over her eyes.
"Hey! I can do it you know." Sakura growled and adjusted the headband securely.
"Okay now keep quiet until we say." Itachi demanded and that was the last thing said for a long while.
The trip wasn't much longer though considering they picked up their pace and they were already close when they forced the blindfold on her.
Sakura heard a sliding noise and then their footsteps changed from the soft muffles on the grass to echoing taps.
"Okay, you can take off the head band." Itachi replied still having them walk.
She took it off and tied it back on her head getting a good view of the scenery change.
They were now walking down a long walkway that seemed to be dug into the side of a cliff. The walls and ground consisted of rough rock and nothing more.
'Oh dear god, don't tell me they live in a smelly, cold, and wet cave.'Sakura groaned mentally.
She was scolding herself for ever thinking this was a good idea when they came to the end of the long cave up to two large oak wooden doors.'Well, those look fancy.' Sakura chuckled. 'They have nice doors and shitty hallways.'
Kisame walked up and pushed the heavy looking doors open with no sweat and turned around grinning at Sakura. She just rolled her eyes, 'Show off.'
She then went to follow Itachi through the doors, and only then did she really take notice to the room behind the fancy wooden doors, "Holy shit!"
Sakura gaped at the beautifully decorated black and purple walls, leather black couches and chairs, nicely carved oak coffee table, decent size T.V, and the silver haired man sitting in front of it.
"Quite a damn mouth for a lady." The man in front of the T.V spoke looking in her direction.
"Well look at this room it's amazing!" Sakura exclaimed taking in every detail of everything in the room. Including that stunning man in front of the T.V.
"Sakura, this is only the living room. The rest of the place is just as nice. Kitchen, bathrooms, bedrooms, medical room, and such." Kisame replied walking by Hidan.
"So who's this little bitch?" Hidan asked looking Sakura up and down.
"Hey, watch it. She's got a punch like popeye the sailor man." Kisame frowned and Sakura chuckled remembering her pleasant time turning him into a bruised mess.
"I could have easily broke your bones, but I held back." She grinned and watched Hidan raise his eyebrows at her.
"Is that bitch here voluntarily?" Hidan directed his question to Itachi who was standing there silently.
"Yes, I'm taking her to see leader now. So let's go Sakura." Itachi stated and started walking off.
Sakura nodded and followed.
"Hm, this should be interesting. Eight horny criminals and one hot ass like hers. Wonder how things will turn out." Hidan grinned to himself and Kisame started chuckling completely agreeing.
"Come in." Was heard on the other side of the door Itachi and Sakura were standing in front of.
Itachi pushed open the door and there sat at his desk was the leader of the Akatsuki himself. They both walked in, Sakura following slightly behind Itachi.
Something about this man behind a completely looking normal desk gave her the heeber jeebers.
"What's this?" The leader questioned looking up a bit curious.
"This is Sakura Haruno a missing nin from KonohaGakure. She claims she wants to become a member of the Akatsuki." Itachi exclaimed still as emotionless as ever.
"Well well, this certainly is convenient." The leader chuckled and waved Sakura to step up closer and she did just that.
"So Sakura, what exactly can you do?" He asked placing his elbows on the desk and putting both hands together in front of his mouth intently staring her down with a smirk.
'Okay, deep breathe. Keep it cool Sakura.' She thought mentally taking a deep breathe and answered.
"I'm a specialized medic nin and trained under the Hokage and one of the three Sannin, Tsunade-sama. My genjutsu is top notch and I have perfect chakra control, immense strength, an extremely high IQ, and know just about every jutsu there is." Sakura finished feeling very proud of herself. She never really took the time to realize how strong and intelligent she really was.
The leaders smirk turned into a pure grin. "Well then Sakura Haruno, let us test you and I'll make my decision. First, I'd like to see your skills myself, so I'm going to have you practice battle against one of the members. Come." He got up and walked out the door with Itachi and Sakura following.
"Itachi, gather the others and have them meet in the training room. Sakura, you come with me." The leader said bringing her down the same hallway only down a lot farther and turning every now and then while Itachi went the other direction towards the kitchen, living room, and bedrooms.
Sakura stood silently in the enormously large room with metal plated walls and solid rock floor, perfect for practicing and easy to fix once destroyed.
The leader was sitting in a chair high up on a balcony on the far end of the training room far from where Sakura was standing waiting for the others to show up.
Just then the metal door opened and nine figures walked into the room wearing the Akatsuki robes she wished she had as well. 'Once I have one of those, people will KNOW I'm strong.' Sakura chuckled to her self, just imagining the respect she'd get.
Everyone retreated to their own chair on their own balcony leaving Sakura the only one on the ground looking up at them all.
"Now, all of you, this is Sakura Haruno and she wants to join." The leader informed still giving her that same look of interest he's been giving her the whole time now.
There were different responses, some were chuckles, other's were scoffs, and one in particular was a full out blown laugh.
She turned her head and directed it to the laughing blonde giving him a glare and hissed out, "You find something funny she-male?" She assumed that's the one Kisame was talking about, considering he did look like a woman with his long blonde hair.
That shut him up and he snarled at her, "I didn't know poodles were allowed to join an S-class criminal association pinky."
"I told you!" Kisame bellowed out in laughter.
"Shut up Kisame! I DO NOT look like a poodle!" She growled and Kisame just laughed louder.
"Well Tobi thinks your pretty!" Piped up an obnoxious voice in the balcony next to Deidara.
Sakura looked up at him and noticed he had a mask on with black and orange swirls, 'That must be the sugar addicted 5 year old man.' Sakura noted and then blushed a little thanking him for his comment.
"Okay that's enough, let's do what we came her to do." The leaders demanding spoke up and grabbed everyone's attention.
"Now, I need someone to fight against Sakura so I can analyze and see her skills myself." The leader added looking around for a volunteer.
"Oh! Tobi will! Tobi will!" Tobi waved his hand around excitedly and the leader sighed and agreed, rubbing his temples do to the growing pain in his head.
"Man kid, you're a dead man." Kisame chuckled remembering her unusual strength.
"Okay, begin when ready." The leader gave them the go and Tobi hopped down in front of Sakura and they got in their fighting stances.
Sakura's signal to start was when Tobi hopped three steps backwards and started performing hand signs.
'God, he's an eager one.' Sakura chuckled and gathered chakra into her fist raising it high in the air and then plunging it into the ground with full force knocking the unexpecting Tobi off his feet.
The whole room started shaking and Deidara's Balcony started to crack off the wall.
"GAH!" Deidara huffed and then jumped down before he fell landing on the broken and cracked ground.
"Hah, you deserved that one." Sakura laughed that out of all the balcony's his happened to be the one to fall.
"Gah, bitch." Deidara scowled and walked over to the wall where his balcony used to be and sat on a pile of rubble.
Snickers and chuckles were going around the room because apparently they found what happened to Deidara humorous too.
"Well before you destroy this room anymore I think your strength is enough to go off of." The leader replied descending down to the floor as well.
"Tobi, since you lost you can take the liberty of fixing it." Leader added walking up to Sakura.
Tobi pouted showing his disappointment.
"Next, to show your loyalty I'd like you to take Deidara, Kakuzu, and Zetsu and go to KonohaGakure. There's something I want, and I think this'd be the perfect test for you." He smirked at Sakura's small frown think it was due to having to set foot in Konoha again, but that wasn't it at all.
"What?! Deidara?! Whyyy?" Sakura whined and gave a pouty look making the leaders smirk drop.
"Wait, so you don't mind going to KonohaGakure?" He asked raising his eyebrows at her.
"Huh? No not at all, as long as it's not with him!" She shouted pointing a finger at the grumbling transvestite.
"Well then that's another test for you. If you can't get closer to Deidara during this mission then you can't join." The leader replied walking towards the door.
Sakura's mouth dropped and she crossed her arms in a sulking fashion.
"Wait, leader-sama what exactly are we supposed to get for you?" Zetsu's lighter half asked and the leader turned around and faced them.
"I want…" everyone leaned in curiously "…a…" and leaned a little more "…very…" a tiny bit more "…important…" they were almost falling over in curiosity "…jelly filled donut…" with that he left the members all laying flat on their faces.
Sakura jumped up, "YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!"
The leader popped his head back through the door and gave a serious look, "If you fail this mission, I will make sure you never see the light of day again…or join the Akatsuki." Then he vanished once again, only this time he took Konan with him.
"Well then, shall we go now?" Zetsu's white side asked turning to Sakura, Deidara, and Kakuzu, his partners for this mission.
"God damn, now we've got to get along on this gay ass mission?" Deidara complained glaring at the floor.
"I better hear about some hand holding and face sucking cause I'm not gonna count you guys just not fighting." Kisame chuckled and watched as Sakura's and Deidara's eyes went wide.
"EW! With the she-male?!? No Way!" Sakura put her hands up held them out in a gesture of refusal.
"Like I'd want to make out with a dog." Deidara glared and snarled at Sakura.
"I'm NOT a poodle!" Sakura stormed.
"Woah, woah, no one said anything about making out Deidara. Now your just jumping ahead of yourself, pervert." Kisame started to chuckled again when Deidara's face went white and grumbled a few profanity words putting Hidan to shame.
"That's okay Deidara, if you don't want her I'll gladly take her." Hidan, the violet eyed, silver haired, killer replied with a malicious grin.
"Run Sakura Run! He's gonna rape you! RAPE YOU!" Tobi squealed and tried pushing Sakura out the door.
"Tobi, I think I can handle a pervert like him after being around Kakashi and Naruto so much." Sakura giggled at Tobi wanting to protect her from a Hidan.
"Okay, but be careful, I don't trust that man." He whispered into her ear and earned a glared from Hidan.
"God damn Tobi, I'm not gonna rape, I'm just saying the bitch is fare game for us all." He commented shaking his head.
"Well come on. We have a mission." Kakuzu the man with the mask and stitches stated having Deidara, Sakura, and Zetsu follow him out of the room.
The others left as well, leaving poor sweet Tobi to fix up the entire training room by himself.
Deidara popped back in once again, "I expect my balcony back up too Tobi."
"Aw, Deidara sempai, this is gonna take Tobi forever." Tobi complained and Deidara grabbed a little clay out from under his cloak and let his hands mouths take it and spit it back out to form a small clay bird. He let it go with a smirk and laughed as the small clay bird flapped around chasing the squealing Tobi.
"I'm Sorry Deidara! I'm sorry!!" Tobi ran with his arms in the air trying to dodge the clay bird, or the…ticking time bomb.
The small bird blew up sending Tobi flying across the room and landing in a pile of rubble that used to be the training room floor.
Tobi groaned and sat up, " Tobi hates you Deidara Sempai, now I'm not going to fix your balcony." Tobi crossed his arms and stuck his nose in the air.
Deidara just smirked again and made another small clay bird, letting it go once again. Tobi shrieked and jumped up again running from another clay bird.
Deidara started to walk down the hallway chuckling and counted out loud, "5...4...3...2...1..boom."
Tada! I told you I'd have more funnies this time, you like you like un? So I'm seriously telling your right now that I do not know who to pair Sakura with yeah. So I'm going to have a poll on who you'd like me to pair her with, okay un? Any of the Akatsuki you'd like okay okay yeah? So please give me your opinion un! I'll definitely have up the next chapter sooner yeah!
Plum-- Wooh, I have to say I dedicate the inspiration for my funnies to the coca-cola factories, and willy wonka…and up beat music, if it wasn't for you, I don't know where I'd be un! cries uncontrollably
Shika-- The evil wore off?
Plum-- Yeah yeah, but apparently your make-up didn't…nice pigtails un.
Shika-- WHAT?!? TEMARIII!! YOU CHEATED!! I WAS ASLEEP!!
Temari-- Teeheehee…
Shika-- NOOOOOooooooooo…my manhood…it's gone…all…gone…
Plum-- Here Shika un…Hands him redbull
Shika-- MY MANHOOD! IT'S REPLENISHED!!
Temari-- Redbull may give you wings…but I guarantee it doesn't wash off that waterproof eyeliner and lipstick.
Shika--NOOOOooooooooooo…
Temari-- Muahahaaa! Review review please!
Please review un!