Author's Note:
I'm doing something with this story that I've never attempted before, and I hope you enjoy it. If you've been following my Tumblr page since Mars Landing, you'll know where I'm going with this right away, but there will be a few twists and turns before we get there. What I do want you to go into this story knowing is this; there are going to be times when there are different realities (seemingly) happening simultaneously. You will see flashbacks to actual "hidden" moments that we never saw in S3, and there will also be events that have yet to happen in S4. The only thing I can tell you, is that you need to have an open mind because some things aren't going to end up as they seem. Think of this story as a little Inception, a little Hindsight (highly recommend this VH1 show if you haven't tried it yet), and a whole lot of New Girl.
Is our destiny the result of the sum total of our decisions, or will we always end up at certain stops along the way no matter which road we choose?
Nick sighed heavily in the driver's seat as he put the car in gear and pulled out into the road. Jess played nervously with the hem of her wool coat until the silence became too much for her. She spoke quietly.
"Thanks for driving me home."
Nick wiped his hand down his face wearily. "Yeah."
Another silence fell over the car until Jess reached her hand across and flipped on the radio. After twisting the knob back and forth and hitting a sequence of buttons in a row, the only thing she managed to find was static. "You know, you should finally get this fixed."
He was about to slap her hand away until he saw her finger glaring back at him and he just gripped the steering wheel tighter instead.
"I don't think this thing has worked since you made me listen to Cotton Eyed Joe a million times." She forced a nervous laugh and he finally squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, making a futile attempt to keep his damn mouth shut. Frustrated, he aggressively poked at the button with his index finger, turning off the static that had filled the air and huffed.
"My car's crap, I get it."
Jess' mouth opened and closed, but no words would come out. Finally, she just shrunk back into her seat and turned to stare out the window. It was quiet with little traffic, and the lull of the street light methodically flashing through the window almost served to put her into a trance. She could have easily fallen asleep, except for the fact that her heart wouldn't stop pounding in her ears and she felt a growing tension in the space between them. She finally took a deep breath and swallowed her pride, saying her most sincere words to him in as long as she could remember.
"I'm sorry about the way you found out. I never meant to hurt you."
Pushing down the lump that had risen in his throat, he glanced quickly at her hands twisting in her lap and then for a brief moment at her face. She wouldn't look at him and it made his heart ache even more. But why would she? Why should she look at him at all anymore?
"It's fine, Jess."
He tried to keep his focus on the road, but his eyes kept sneaking a peak at the beautiful woman that was sitting in his car for the first time in almost a year. When he heard her sniffling beside him, he ignored the voice in his head and reached out to squeeze her hand. The feel of her ring cutting into his palm was almost a welcome diversion from the pain that he felt deep in his chest. He could only hold on for a moment, knowing it wasn't long before he'd be unable to hold in his emotions. He swallowed the lump in his throat and felt like wincing in pain as he spoke the words.
"I honestly just want you to be happy." His foot pressed on the brake slowly and he held her gaze for the briefest moment. "That's all I've ever wanted."
She nodded, her eyes dropping to her lap where she covered her left hand with her right. They both took several deep breaths before the light turned green. Nick glanced at her sad face again and whispered quietly.
"You are happy, right?"
"Of course I am." Her head snapped up and her words had a sharpness to him that he wasn't expecting. Hearing the fierceness of her tone, she immediately lowered her voice. "Why wouldn't I be happy?"
"I don't know Jess, forget it." He sighed, so tired of fighting, so tired of trying to make sense of any of this. After a few sort breaths, he felt his frustration begin to boil up inside. "Forgive me for wanting to talk to you to stay awake after you drag me out of bed to pick you up at a bar at two in the morning."
"You know, you didn't have to come." Her eyes creased angrily. "You could have said no."
"Right. Sure. I'm just going to leave you in this part of town by yourself after closing."
"Quit acting like you're the big hero, Nick. If it pissed you off this badly, I could have taken a cab. I'm a big girl."
"Then why didn't you? And where's your rich and amazing fiance in all this?" He shot her a glare and the way he said the word fiance made her blood run cold. "Off picking out a house on a lake for you?"
As soon as the snide words came out of his mouth, he wished he could crawl into a hole and disappear. Her sharp intake of breath was followed by a shaky whisper, her voice tinged with pain.
"Please stop..."
Nick took a deep breath, his knuckles white on the steering wheel and his eyes glazing over with a layer of growing tears that he begged not to fall. The car fell silent once again, both of them hoping that the next few minutes it would take to get back to the loft would magically fast forward. They came to another red light and Nick's hand grasped at his neck, tugging nervously and letting out a resigned sigh.
"Jess, I'm sorry."
Swiping her hand over her damp cheeks, her ring caught in the dim glow of the street light and she nodded. He just stared at her as she smoothed her hands over her legs and slipped them under the backs of her thighs, tucking away the proof that this time he was about to lose her for good. It wasn't until a horn honked from behind them that Nick snapped out of his daze.
"Can I just ask you one thing?" He stared ahead, his foot still firmly on the brake pedal.
"Yeah." Jess nodded sadly, turned her head as he looked her straight in the eye.
"Did you ever really love me?"
The sensation that she was moving brought Jess slowly into consciousness and she moaned. Trying to roll her head to the side, she felt a hand push gently on her shoulder.
"Don't move."
She didn't recognize the female voice, but even when she tried to focus her mind on hearing what she was saying she was having a hard time deciphering the words. Everything sounded so muffled, as if she had a pillow covering her ears. There was movement next to her and a rustling of plastic when she felt a stabbing sensation in her left arm. She tried to open her eyes but suddenly felt like there was a rubber band around her temples and she started to panic. Gasping for air, the voice came closer and she felt a sharp pain shoot down her neck.
"I just need you to stay still for me. Can you tell me your name?"
Jess tried to open her eyes, but her eyelids felt like they were taped shut. Finally she was able to open them for a split second and all she could see was a bright metal surface before they heavily fluttered shut again. Her throat was dry and she tried to speak, but no words came out. Feeling a warm hand wrapping around hers, the voice spoke again, more soothing this time.
"Squeeze my hand if you can hear me."
A grunt came from Jess' throat as she mustered all her strength to squeeze the hand. If felt like her entire body was asleep and she wondered if the woman had felt it.
"Okay, good. Now, if you know your name, squeeze once."
She squeezed.
"Good." The woman rubbed her hand and her voice was calm. "Can you try and tell me?"
Again, Jess tried to open her mouth, but no words would come out. She started to thrash in frustration, the tears pooling behind her closed lids. The woman pushed down gently on both her shoulders.
"Shhhh, you're doing great. I'm here to help you. I just want you to relax for me. Can you do that?"
Jess took a deep breath. It burned in her throat and her ribs made a strange popping sound as she tried to follow the woman's instructions.
"Good. That's it." The woman gently massaged her shoulders. "You were in an accident and we're on the way to the hospital. Hang in there for me."
Jess could feel her body relaxing and she tried hard to stay awake, but it proved too difficult. She felt herself slipping into a deep sleep as the woman's voice echoed in her ear.
"You're going to make it through this."
Jess patted a towel through her wet hair in front of her dresser, feeling refreshed and relaxed after her long shower. She had never been so happy to feel the hot water rushing over her sunburned and sandy body, after spending 4 days on a beach in Mexico. She glanced at her threadbare sari crumpled on the floor beside her. Even though she should probably burn the thing after all the trouble they'd been in, she couldn't help but smile at the memory of Nick's fingers exploring every inch of her body under its bright blue fabric.
"Well you sure aren't sad about being back in your pajamas."
Lifting her eyes, she met Nick's grinning face in the mirror and smiled back. "I never want to see sand again as long as I live."
Pushing off the door frame with his shoulder, his walked towards her with his hands shoved into the pockets of his gray sweatpants. She couldn't remember the last time she'd seen Nick smile as much as he had the past few days, and she could admit to herself that it was giving her strange sensations deep in her gut every time he did. Stepping behind her, Nick's hands ran along her waist and his arms wrapped tightly around her.
"So am I supposed to still knock?"
Giggling, she spun in his embrace, throwing the towel aside and winding her arms around his neck. "I'll give you a free pass just this once."
Smiling, she pressed her lips against his and he pushed back firmly. As his large hands splayed across her back, she sunk against his chest and moaned softly. Every time he kissed her, she had a hard time reconciling the fact that they were together now and that she could do this when and wherever she wanted. Her skin tingled under the feel of his warm hands over her back and she didn't realize she was giggling until Nick pulled back and quirked an eyebrow at her.
"What's so funny?"
She bit her lip, her wet eyelashes opening wide. "I can't believe we waited so long to do this."
Grinning, he bent to press a kiss to her lips once more. "Me either."
"So, um." Jess' eyes shifted to the bed for a moment and back to his darkened eyes. "My bed is...way more comfortable than the back of the Volvo, so..."
He grunted, his lips crashing into hers and she stumbled forward, pushing him towards the bed. Nick's feet tangled in hers and when his legs hit the mattress they landed hard, Jess tumbling on top of him. Her lips barely left his as she laughed, his hands beginning to fumble with the buttons on her pajama top. Jess gasped to catch her breath, tugging at the bottom of his green t-shirt. She rasped quickly.
"Too many clothes..."
Moaning into her lips once again, he rolled them over, her legs dangling off the end of the bed. Grabbing roughly at the back of his neck, he yanked off his shirt as Jess shrugged off her own and she was pulling him back on top of her. He was about to lean down to kiss her when he suddenly froze, his breathing heavy and his body suspended above hers. His hands moved to her face, thumbs gently caressing her jawline. Giving his head a slow nod, he looked directly into her eyes and she found herself holding her breath.
"We're are going to make it, Jess. I promise."