Summary: As the denizens of the castle become used to functioning without the use of their arms, Anissina comes up with a… unique… way to deal with the problem.

Chapter 2: Poison Lady to the… Rescue?

Yuuri woke up the next morning, refreshed and happy. He was very proud of himself for enacting this new law, because it would make Conrad happy. And if Conrad was happy, he might want to spend time with him and stop running away to Dai Shimaron whenever he had a bit too much to drink. Yuuri would do anything for Conrad's approval, even if it meant letting him get away with murder. So this law was just what he needed to impress his… well, he wasn't sure exactly what Conrad's job was, but he preferred to think of him as his man-slave.

That man-slave was thoroughly enjoying the new law as well. Conrad was glad to see people experiencing the same adversities that he would have experienced, if he was less awesome and powerful and handsome and invincible (and tall). He stood on his balcony, beaming down at the rising sun and the bustling town below him. Well, normally the town was bustling. On this day, people were drunkenly staggering in the roads and trying to buy and sell their wares without the use of their hands. But that was funnier to watch. Conrad did not feel so alone after all. Everyone was once again more pathetic than he was. Balance had been restored to that twenty-mile radius.

Unfortunately, nobody else in the castle seemed too happy with the new legislation. Yuuri walked down the halls only to see disgruntled maids carrying laundry in their mouths, soldiers with spears sticking out between their legs, and stable-boys scooping up horse dung with spoons dangling from their mouths.

"Cheer up, everyone!" Yuuri cried happily, flashing big smiles at them as he passed. Each gave him a weak smile. The stable-boy tried to smirk with a spoonful of dung in his mouth and the spoon flipped up, depositing the refuse in his hair. Yuuri laughed, but the stable-boy did not seem to see the humor in the situation.

Finally, Yuuri found himself in his office once more, his kingly duties needing to be done.

Wolfram sat sleepily at the table in front of the desk. Both he and Yuuri had had an interesting night, which began with Yuuri trying to kick him out of bed. Wolfram, of course, had to choice but to retaliate, which resulted in an hours-long kicking match under the covers, while Greta bounced on the bed with a mouth full of lollipops.

While Yuuri sat there, wishing he could nurse his newly-bruised legs, the door to his office shot off its hinges with a violent CRACK! There stood Gwendal, foot extended from kicking it down. From his mouth dangled a stack of papers.

"What do you have there, Gwendal?" asked Yuuri.

Gwendal slowly walked up to the table, bent over, and deposited the stack of papers from his mouth to the desk. A bit of drool dribbled down his chin, but he had no way to wipe it off.

"A bit of feedback on your new law," he muttered.

Yuuri leaned over the desk in order to read:

To his mahsty kung yuurio,b 27th maou oif shin maskokyu,

Thips lksaew sducks. I xdant edo sn7ythihnfg. Revoike irt pleasew.

Thhyed bnp0oeplkr.

"Well, this doesn't make any sense," said Yuuri, "I can't understand what these people are saying at all!"

"No doubt they are expressing deep praise for His Majesty's brilliant policy-making," said Gwendal dryly.

"Wow, you think so? It's good to see the people becoming so involved with the needs of the disabled."

Wolfram smashed his face onto the table in despair.

"I hope the others are getting used to living without their arms. If Conrad can do it, I'm sure they can too."

It was at this time that Gunter von Kleist staggered into the room. His shining locks of periwinkle hair, normally perfectly in place, resembled a bird's nest. Clearly, Gunter had had trouble using his brush.

"Hello, Gunter, how are you enjoying your newfound understanding?" asked Yuuri cheerfully.

"It is wonderful, Your Majesty. I am truly humbled at your compassion for the armless," he said dreamily, as he wobbled over to the table and sat down. He tried to look dignified. He failed.

"How am I supposed to sign these?" asked Yuuri, looking down at the stack of illegible forms before him.

"Why don't you put the pen in your mouth?" Wolfram replied sarcastically. But Yuuri could not detect sarcasm, so that is what he proceeded to do. After managing to scribble out several signatures, he happened upon a letter. It smelled like roses, and was perfectly legible.

Dear King Yuuri,

I was so pleased to hear of this new law you enacted! I was just telling my seamen that we needed something new to spice up our ship life. I began by forbidding them to use their arms, but I've taken it even further. Now they can only use their hips! It's quite… romantic. You should consider doing the same! You might finally be able to get somewhere with my beloved Wolfram.

Love and Kisses,

Cecilie von Spitzveg

PS: It makes writing so much fun, too!

"How did Cheri-sama manage to write such a perfect letter without the use of her arms?" asked Yuuri.

Gwendal closed his eyes. Wolfram blushed.

"Yikes," Yuuri was imagining it. He had to hand it to Cheri-sama (or he would if he could use his hands), she had amazing control of her breasts.

"What an embarrassment!" cried Gunter, looking up to the ceiling dramatically.

"At least one good thing has come of this," said Gwendal, using his pectoral muscles to shove the signed papers into an open sack.

"What is that?"

"Anissina has been very quiet today," remarked Wolfram.

Gwendal shot him a nervous look. He had done it, used her name. And now it was only a matter of time-

CRASH! An unimaginably loud explosion blasted the wall of the room in, spreading debris everywhere. But nobody noticed the crushed bookcases, or the bits of ceiling now falling on their heads, nor Gunter's pathetic screams. They only saw… it.

Before them was the most horrifying… thing… they had ever seen. It was a giant machine that loosely resembled a crab. Two enormous metal pincers that were the size of a small cow flexed threateningly at the inhabitants of the room. All sorts of ungodly sounds screeched from its joints as it moved. It was a battle-tank, a horrifying death machine, sure to bring doom upon the populace. And yet, the most horrifying feature of all was what came from within it…

"Gwendal!" called the amplified voice of Anissina, ten times louder than it should ever need to be.

"Dear Shinou, Anissina, what have you done?" cried Gwendal in complete shock. One of the claws extended and poked him in the chest, sending him sprawling backwards.

"Gwendal! Don't you like my latest experiment? It is my foot-controlled Harbinger-Of-Doom-Master-10,000! I've been waiting for an excuse to test it here in the castle!"

"It is the end! Oh mother, why did you birth me into such a cruel world?" Gunter wallowed dramatically, rolling on the floor where he had been knocked from his chair.

"Anissina! You are going to kill us all!" yelled Wolfram angrily at the machine. "You could have killed my fiancé!" He turned to look at Yuuri, only to see a shattered window, through which the Maou had been thrown in the initial blast.

"How could you do this to the Maou?" asked Gwendal, rushing to the window. Gunter continued to roll on the ground, crying uncontrollably.

"It's okay, I caught him!" came Conrad's voice from two stories below. Gwendal looked out to see Conrad and Yuuri on the ground. Conrad had caught Yuuri with his legs and done a barrel-roll.

"Hey! Conrad! Unwrap your legs from my fiancé immediately!" Wolfram yelled, as Conrad and Yuuri attempt to stand back up without using their arms.

"That leaves… this," said Gwendal in disgust, turning to Anissina's cruel doom machine.

"What is it?" asked Wolfram. Gunter was curled in an armless fetal position, rocking back and forth.

"I told you! This is my Harbinger-Of-Doom-Master-10,000! No use of arms necessary to control it! My most brilliant invention! Come help me power it, Gwendal."

"No! That is an abomination!"

With a screech, one of the claws extended once more, and grabbed Gwendal by the scruff of his neck. Screaming, he was lifted into the air.

"I have a special station prepared for you!"

A large capsule on the side of the machine opened, revealing a maryoku-generating bicycle. The claw daintily deposited Gwendal in the capsule and it immediately shut with a loud hiss.

"Now, pedal, damn you! Pedal!" Gwendal did as he was told. Today was not a good day to defy the Poison Lady.

"Gunter! I have prepared one for you as well." A second capsule on the other side of the machine opened up. Weeping, Gunter staggered over to it and attempted to climb in, but failed, as he couldn't use his arms. The claw reached down and nudged him in from behind. He fell unceremoniously with a thud, and the capsule hissed close.

"With this amazing invention, we will be able to get things done in the castle without use of our arms!" Anissina boasted.

"You will destroy the building!" yelled Wolfram.

"Ah, yes, Wolfram, I had forgotten about you. Unfortunately there is no room for you in this device. However, in the next version I plan to have more capsules installed. You'll just have to wait until then!" And with a loud rumble the death machine shook, hoisting itself up on its crab-like legs, and returned to from whence it came.

Wolfram decided to go back to bed.