Chapter One
Final Conversations
Hinata actually turned eighteen the first year the 'Debut' was established. The minimum age was sixteen and the maximum age was twenty-six. When the Hyuuga elders sat her down and informed her that she would be participating, she had not been terribly surprised.
Hyuuga Hinata had lost her status as heir to the clan a few years back and while her father had been willing to change this, the elders had not. It was not due to the fact that they still believed Hinata was weak with the Gentle Fist, as a chunnin with a promising outlook to make jounin in the next two or three years, no one could argue that Hinata was strong. The issue was that there was the belief Neji and Hanabi were stronger, leaving her the odd man out. The fact of the matter was, Hanabi was not stronger than Hinata, her Gentle Fist style was simply performed better. Hinata had ended up struggling to learn her own advanced techniques and her training for a very long time had been with her teammates.
The council was designed to keep hold of Hyuuga traditions and to ensure that the Hyuuga stayed strong. While Hinata's own jutsus were nothing to sneeze at, she still was not able to utilize a good portion of the Hyuuga's more traditional styles and when she did her form was not as perfect as her sister or Neji's. Her inability to 'properly' perform the more traditional styles made her unfavorable as a future clan leader. None of the council wanted a clan leader that couldn't perform flawlessly in the Gentle Fist style, the next leader would be teaching the next generation and Hinata was a threat to tradition.
She had found herself not as devastated as she thought she would have been. Sure, it stung the pride a bit to be rejected, but at eighteen and with so many life experiences behind her, Hinata held enough self-esteem to know that she held innumerable skills that were a value and asset to the village.
Her immediate family, her father, sister- and Neji as far as she was concerned- still loved her dearly. Years had helped her to understand that her father had not hated her all those years ago, he had merely been disappointed at her inability to truly believe in herself and her skills. His method of trying to shake her out of it had been the 'hard' method; his only method and one that had failed miserably. Her self-esteem and confidence had not been acquired by being a part of the Hyuuga household; it had been through her teammates and her sensei. All three of them were like a family to her than the rest of her clan combined.
When the Debut was first mentioned to the village, Hinata thought it was a rather horrible thing, even though as a noble she had understood it. Arranged marriages weren't an unfamiliar thing to her, her own father and mother's marriage had been arranged. Luckily, the two had eventually fallen in love, Hiashi had been devastated when her mother had died. Arranged marriages between clans of the same country were a bit more acceptable to Hinata, as you at least had somewhat of an idea of what you were getting into. You personally knew these clans, they were your neighbors, friends, teammates. The same could not be applied to marrying someone from another country. You didn't know what you were in for; there was no real way to prepare. All one could do was cross their fingers and hoped to whatever Gods they worshipped that their spouse didn't hold some sort of grudge between your nation and took it out on you. There were no 'take-backsies' or reneging in a political marriage. You dealt with what you got.
Before she had been removed from her position as heir, there had been talk about her marrying into the Uchiha family, to seal an agreement between the two clans that were constantly feuding and competing for who was at the top when it came to clan strength. Land and border disputes had ran rampant in those days and it seemed that an arranged marriage would be a solid way of solving the Uchiha/Hyuuga dispute. However, the next in line to be heir, Uchiha Sasuke, younger brother of Uchiha Itachi, had not been interested in Hinata at all. Her pride still prickled at his flat tone when he had said "I refuse" and walked right out of the meeting. It wasn't even because she was attracted to him, it was the fact that he had sounded so disgusted at the prospect of marrying her. She still didn't think that had been nice of him and she still didn't particularly care for him to this day.
How he and Uzumaki Naruto got along was a complete mystery to her.
Uzumaki Naruto. Now that was a name that brought happiness and sadness to her heart all at the same time. He had been her inspiration, her drive to do better and become stronger. Naruto had been chosen by the nine tailed demon fox to be a host. Unfortunately, the nine tailed demon, otherwise known as the Kyuubi, was the strongest of all the demons and had the tendency to completely devour and destroy its host after so many years. To prevent this from happening, the previous Hokage, Naruto's father, and his wife had both sacrificed themselves to create a special seal. It would keep the Kyuubi in line, make him unable to kill Naruto prematurely. Because Naruto was so young, he could not become the next Hokage, even though he had the noble blood flowing through his veins. Also, as he grew up, he had shown very little skill as a shinobi, he was nowhere near the level of his father or his mother. He had been alienated, hated, disrespected.
But Naruto being Naruto, he had eventually stopped caring what other people said and worked hard. He trained as if his very life had depended on it, pushing himself to his limit over and over, only to get back up and do it again. It had taken him longer and he wasn't nearly as intelligent or as tactical as everyone else, but he never, ever gave up. Because of that, now, at the age of eighteen, he was one of the strongest shinobi in the land and had earned his place as heir to the Hokage line.
Hinata had loved him for so long. Watching him and silently rooting for him, Hinata had stayed in the background, too shy to approach, almost fainting whenever he even so much as approached her. As a child, she had always been so timid and shy, to a point she still was. She was still quiet and somewhat timid, although years of missions and a brief but intense relationship had all but removed her innocence. While Hinata was still not a confrontational person or overly rude, she did not allow others to push her around either.
Too late had it happened. By the time she had acquired the courage to tell Naruto she loved him, he had already delved too deeply into his love for Haruno Sakura. After years and years of pursuit and trying his best to win her over, she, like everyone else who knew Naruto for too long, eventually accepted his advances. The Haruno clan was of course happy to have the – now respected- Uzumaki Naruto as a future son in law and all of the political red tape had been taken care of. They were to marry the moment he became Hokage. The news had devastated Hinata, but instead of crying and scolding herself for her lack of courage, she had smiled warmly at Naruto and wished him the best. He was happy, and as long as he was, she was happy, no matter who it was with.
It wasn't meant to be. She had eventually told herself years ago. As much as I love him, as much as I want to be with him, I have to move on now.
So she focused herself back into her training and her studies, helping Hanabi with the more feminine aspects of being a noblewoman. Hinata might not have excelled in martial prowess as her clan may have wanted, but when it came to being a lady, there were few who could match her poise and grace. Flower arranging, tea ceremonies, manners, dancing, anything that required her to behave as a lady and anything that required diplomatic skills Hinata was an expert at. In this sense, it made her ideal to become the heir, but that wasn't what the Hyuuga wanted. Hanabi had what the Hyuuga wanted most, so Hinata was to help Hanabi become well rounded. It was 'the least she could do' as far as the elders were concerned. Not that she needed prodding. The two sisters were close, they loved each other dearly. Hinata wanted to help Hanabi become a better lady, for her Debut was only two years away.
Then a year ago she had entered into her first real relationship. The year prior to that she had finally been able to put her feelings for Naruto aside. One year later someone completely unexpected had approached her. After a training session one day, her teammate and close friend Aburame Shino had pulled her to the side and told her that he wanted to be 'more than friends'. Hinata had most certainly been surprised at the time, but they had both agreed that no matter what, their bonds as friends would remain. Her first kiss had been with him, her first time had been with him and to this day she didn't regret it. Hinata hoped he felt the same. In the end, it had been Shino who left the relationship. When Hinata had asked why the answer he had given her had shocked her to her core. However, as promised, the two remained good friends. In fact, the transition from lovers back to friends had been so flawless sometimes Hinata had a difficult time believing she had ever been with him intimately.
Thoughts drifted back to the event she was going to participate in. When Neji and Hanabi had first discovered that the elders had signed Hinata for the Debut they had protested – although only really to Hiashi – about how wrong the entire situation was. Her father had pulled her aside once and the two of them had discussed the situation in detail.
In the end, both Hinata and Hiashi had agreed that if she were going to be thrown into a political marriage, the least she could do is have somewhat of a choice in it. Also, she didn't have to accept any of the males if she didn't want to, she would simply have to keep participating until she did. Of course, the political ramifications of her potentially denying various suitors would not look good, so she could not afford to be too picky for too long. When Hinata had thought on it a bit later, she decided that any political marriage she entered would be a fruitful one for both sides if her husband allowed her to actually use the skills she'd acquired over the years. Hiashi had agreed with her assessment; Hinata would make an excellent political wife, her breeding demanded it of her.
When Hinata had informed her sister and Neji that she wanted to participate, that had been even worse. Hanabi had cried, complaining that her big sister would end up being the wife of some fat forty year old male who would suck the life out of her. Neji had actually remained somewhat stoic and silent, although Hinata knew the truth. He was angry and frustrated at his inability to properly protect his younger cousin from the potential threat of a horrible marriage. What if her husband ended up being abusive? It wasn't always a common occurrence but that didn't mean it didn't happen. What would he do then, when the offender was her husband? She had tried to reassure him that she wouldn't just choose anybody but Neji was Neji and his overprotective nature had grown considerably over the years.
A few days before the Debut began Uchiha Sasuke had approached her and proclaimed that he would be choosing her to be his wife.
Since she was to be a participant, Hinata's missions were nonexistent. Neji was off on mission and Hanabi was training with her team, so Hinata had no family to pester for attention. Both Kiba and Shino were off on missions and Kurenai was off on her honeymoon with her new husband. This ended up making her feel quite agitated; sitting idle simply wasn't her. When even working in her garden didn't help she decided she would go and take a walk instead. Perhaps the fresh air would make her feel a little better.
The moment her foot stepped outside the Hyuuga gates she noticed Uchiha Sasuke. Even though Hinata felt no real attraction towards him, it didn't mean he wasn't a noticeable person. The noble oozed confidence and not a small bit of ego and the girls loved it. He was tall, handsome with dark hair and eyes and the brother of Uchiha Itachi, next in line for the Uchiha clan. Considering the last time she had met him had been when he'd flat out rejected their potential union, Hinata was a little confused as to why he was sitting outside her door.
"We need to talk," he began as if reading her mind. Quickly, he grabbed her wrist lightly and began to walk swiftly. The sensation of eyes being on her was felt immediately and she knew that they were being watched.
Sasuke pulled her around a corner to a not-so-busy street and looked her straight in the eye.
"I'm going to pick you during the Debut."
'Shocked' was not the proper word for what Hinata was feeling. Her mouth dropped open slightly before snapping shut. The Uchiha looked a mixture of amused and worried, although the latter part confused her.
"Um, I beg your pardon?" Hinata asked as politely as she could. "I thought-"
"Yeah, about that." He moved closer to her and she felt something shift in the air. Genjutsu. When he stood back his expression seemed to be a bit more relaxed. "There, now they can't read our lips properly."
Hinata knew 'they' were the ones that were tailing them. Since they would have to keep a good distance away Sasuke wasn't worried about being heard.
"I, um…I'm a little confused." A delicate eyebrow rose slightly in curiosity. What was he playing at?
"Look," he began "This isn't exactly something I want to do. You have absolutely no idea the hell I went through just to convince my family that I was actually interested in you so that they'd allow me to participate in this dumbass ceremony."
She couldn't help it, she giggled. "You don't seem very interested Uchiha-san." She was actually teasing him and he, being surrounded by women all his life, picked up on it and gave her a smirk.
"It's nothing personal. Really, it's not." A shrug "Here's the situation I'm in. My girlfriend, who is not from any notable clan as far as my family is concerned, has been denied permission to marry me. It's not like I want to get married, but I guess…I love her and that's good enough."
Hinata nodded in understanding. For people like them, it really was enough.
He coughed as if hiding his embarrassment over having said something so emotional "Anyway, from the way I understand it, this ceremony demands that the two that choose each other are to be married. Immediately. It is not debatable, that's one of the only perks of this idiotic game of matchmaker. Of course, do you honestly believe that my family would support me participating if they knew I was only trying to go around them to be with my girlfriend?"
"I…think I understand where this is going," her expression turned thoughtful "you're going to chose both of us until the last minute, right?"
The amused smirk returned "You are sharp Hyuuga. Yes, that's exactly it. You don't really have to choose me if you don't want, your performance in this game only comes at the end. I'm the one who has to pretend I'm interested in you enough to convince my family that I'm finally ready to 'take on Uchiha responsibilities'." He rolled his eyes, annoyed and Hinata understood that as well. Sometimes families could be trying.
"Um, so I'm basically helping you get your girlfriend?"
He looked uncomfortable "When you say it like that it makes me sound like an inconsiderate asshole. I won't lie; I don't have anything I can give you besides my gratitude and best wishes on whoever you decide to pick. It's completely advantageous to me and you get nothing from it besides a 'happy feeling' knowing that you helped out a friend."
"We're friends now?"
"I meant Ino, idiot, not me."
Oh so they were dating! Hinata had heard the rumors but she really didn't enjoy gossip so had tried to stay as far away from it as possible. Ino, who was a good friend to her, had mentioned once or twice that she had someone she loved, but never said who. It all made sense to her now.
And when he put it that way, she really couldn't refuse him. Rejecting him would be the same as rejecting Ino and she couldn't do that. Simply because she wanted to be a little dramatic she sighed.
"I suppose…" she said dully but she was smiling. "I'll do it. Someone needs a happy ending out of this."
The Uchiha looked relieved "Thanks, I really do mean that." His relief turned to discomfort. "Uh, what I'm about to do next can not be repeated to Ino unless you want her to kill you and it's nothing personal, I just have to play my part."
Hinata let out a 'Huh?' before strong arms came around her waist and she was suddenly pressed against Sasuke's lean body. The look in his dark gaze was intense and filled with determination.
He really does love her.
So when he bent down and slid his lips over hers she did not feel ashamed or awkward. His arms tightened around her and she felt strong hands move up her back. When she felt the swipe of his tongue on her lips she allowed him to deepen the kiss. Deciding that enough time had passed for her to be 'shocked', she slowly slid her hands from his chest up around his neck, a gentle hand moving through his thick hair. He made a strange noise and she shivered.
The kiss had lasted longer than it really should have.
Both teens pulled away, breathless and with deep blushes on their cheeks. Then he moved as if to leave but just before he passed her he dipped his head to whisper in her ear.
"Consider that an apology," he murmured and she knew exactly what he was talking about "but really, don't tell Ino about this."
"Possessive?" She inquired.
She felt rather than saw his smile "You have no idea. I can't blame her, and I can't say that I'm not possessive myself. What's mine is mine, I don't share. Thanks again Hyuuga."
Hinata pretended to be shaken as Sasuke walked smugly away. After a minute or so she began her 'shaky' trek towards the training grounds, moving back to her small gait once she confirmed that she was no longer being followed. She hadn't planned on going to her team's training grounds, but for some reason she suddenly felt the need to be comforted by something familiar. Just sitting and taking in everything seemed to calm her nerves at times.
The surprise on her face was obvious as for the second time in an hour someone she hadn't expected to be somewhere was.
Shino was supposed to be out on a mission and so Hinata had to assume that he had returned early. He inclined his head in her direction, his hands deep in the pockets of his jacket. As always half of his face and his eyes were covered, standard of the clan who housed bugs within their bodies.
He didn't seem surprised to see her and she was quite good at reading him after years of being together as teammates and then that last year as lovers. His gaze turned from her and looked off into the distance. He looked too relaxed, meaning that he was agitated about something.
"Shino-kun," the Hyuuga greeted, walking over to her longtime friend. He regarded her once again briefly.
"Hinata." The words were soft, Shino was rarely a loud or outspoken man, but they also held a lot of emotion. He did not speak often and when he did he always had something of importance to say. His reactions to things and people tended to be distant and borderline anti-social unless you knew him. Judging by how he sounded almost exasperated told her what she needed to know.
"I, um, I guess you heard about the Debut then." Pale eyes looked up to meet his even though she couldn't see them through his shades. He nodded briefly.
"Is this something you want?"
A loaded question. He wasn't just asking for himself, but for Kiba and Kurenai who would also be worried when they discovered the truth. On a personal level, Hinata could tell he was slightly frustrated and a bit confused as to what to do.
"I-I don't really have a choice," she answered honestly "but I-I've spoken to father and he believes that this would be the best opportunity to choose someone instead of being thrust into a political marriage." When he looked at her she sighed and gave him a small smile. That hadn't been what he had asked her and he would not ask again, she knew. "I've given it a lot of thought and…yes. I'm okay with this."
His hands moved out of their pockets and Hinata felt herself hesitate. He was very upset and she was not entirely sure of what she could do to placate her friend.
"This…" he said simply and looked away from her "was not what I wanted."
If I had known you would end up being put into a marriage where you did not love the person I never would have ended it. She could feel him say. It was in his words, his small but telltale actions.
"I-I'm sorry…"
Hinata had known the moment his resistance had faltered when he took a step towards her, his hand cupping her cheek. It was a gentle movement as his fingers brushed over her cheek, her jaw, her lips.
"We want you to be happy." Which was the truth. No matter what happened, the three of them would always love, care, and look out for one another. She would feel the same way if the two of them were in her position.
Then she smiled and his hand dropped, tilting his head to the side slightly. He knew that look, the 'stubborn' look Hinata gave. It didn't look stubborn, she didn't frown or look upset, she would merely smile genuinely at someone, be as soothing and helpful as she could, but still did whatever she wanted anyway. The slight tilting of his head was a sign he was slightly amused by her defiance.
But then his body shifted uncomfortably and he hesitated, as if he wanted to do or say something of importance. He lifted his hand again, tilting her chin up just a tad.
"I could," he began
"But you won't," Hinata smiled sadly at him. "and I-I think you've accepted that."
"I have," he said, sounding slightly surprised with himself "It's not that my feelings have changed, I suppose I've simply accepted the fact that there will be another for me, just as there – hopefully - will be for you. I believe Kiba's feelings will be similar to mine when he discovers this."
When it came to Hinata's happiness and well being, it was the one thing the two men agreed on completely. While Shino had, briefly, taken it a step further, the initial feelings had never changed. Before anything else, they were all friends. They were a family.
"However," he continued "I've always believed you to be a good judge of character."
I know you won't just choose anyone and you'll make sure it is someone you would be able to spend the rest of your life with. It really was amazing just how much Shino would really say in his usually small sentences.
As always, she couldn't help the slight blush that crept up at the compliment and his statement of trust in her. He wanted her to be happy, so he believed that she would make a good decision for herself. Hinata hugged her friend and did not protest or say anything when he held her a little longer than necessary and said nothing when his hands lingered on her just a bit before letting her go.
She loved Shino, it was simply not the same love he held for her and that had been the reason he had ended the relationship. She knew he still cared deeply and it was only moments when there was something serious going on that he would lose his composure and just for a moment, a small moment, he would debate on crossing that threshold once again. Shino knew she wouldn't have turned him away which was why he always, always resisted.
"I'm afraid I would grow to resent you," he had said back then "And that is something I cannot allow."
When she gave him a final smile and left he did not hold her back or call out her name. He wouldn't, not now or ever. Not anymore.
Yet they were both fine with that. Even though the wall he had built around himself had fallen enough times around her their friendship had remained intact. Hinata knew Shino really did want her to be happy, it wasn't a front or him trying to be brave. They did not regret the time they had spent together and they hadn't allowed the aftermath to destroy them.
Hinata found herself wanting a little happiness as well. She really did want to love again.
A day later Neji tried to appeal to her one last time.
"Hinata-sama."
Her cousin, confidant, and possibly best friend stood at the entrance of her room, his expression blank and serious as always. Hyuuga Neji and she had become close over the years to the point where Hinata called him 'brother'. He had become protective over her more so than his duties really needed him to be and she honestly hadn't minded the attention. It was just nice to be around someone of her own flesh and blood and feel connected with them.
"Neji-niisan," she greeted him with a smile, motioning for him to enter. The smile quickly disappeared, however, when Neji slid her door closed and she heard the soft clicking sound of her lock. Wary but not overly concerned, she merely watched her cousin as he began to walk towards her, his expression shifting from blank to severe.
"I've come to talk to you about this Debut." His voice was a slow drawl, deep but not overwhelming. His robes barely made a sound as he moved. "Again."
Hinata bit back a smile. No, it wasn't their first time having this discussion and apparently, her answers weren't good enough for Neji. They both knew this was the last stand, one of them would go away triumphant.
Turning, she was going to motion for him to sit in one of her chairs but he caught her by surprise when his strong hands gripped her arms, pulling her to face him. Her eyes widened in shock, Neji was never, ever this forward. His eyes held a deep intensity that Hinata wasn't sure if she should be afraid of or appreciate. Oh yes, this was definitely the last conversation. Neji wasn't doing this for nothing, this would be his last attempt and he was pulling out all the stops.
"Neji-niisan…" she began.
"Do you ever once think about yourself Hinata?" he interrupted, making her stop short. The question only really threw her off guard because he had discarded the honorific. Not that she wanted him to be so formal with her, but having grown up as a Hyuuga, casual speech wasn't really their clan's thing.
When she opened her mouth to respond, he continued, obviously not wanting her to get a word in "No one here is blind Hinata, we have seen how you have struggled and how much you've grown. Everything you've done has been to prove that you are worthy to the clan…" his gaze shifted from her for a moment, a bit of guilt flashing within those silvery orbs "to us." He finished and Hinata knew what he had meant. The two of them had not always gotten along, but she had tried hard to appease him because regardless of his ill feelings towards her, she had still loved him like a brother. She had never judged him harshly or felt him to have been cruel to her. Her acceptance had plagued him but eventually it had been the foundation for their close relationship now.
"But it's not enough." He looked back at her now "You've lived your life struggling, unhappy with yourself and fighting for recognition and respect. Now you wish to subject yourself to potentially being unhappy for the rest of your life? When will it end Hinata? When will you finally stand up and do something that makes you and only you happy? Where you are going, I cannot follow, I cannot protect you. If the man you marry is a monster…"
She let out a small sigh and closed her eyes. Counted to ten. When she opened them she flashed him a small but sincere smile.
Neji also knew Hinata's 'stubborn' look and hesitated. "Hinata…" he tried again
"Neji-niisan," she cut him off, leaning back in his grip "I have not been unhappy all of my life." When he started to protest, she shook her head "No, I haven't. I've accomplished what I wanted. I wanted those closest to me to recognize me and love me, and they have. Father loves me; things are just out of his hands. I don't mind not being the heir; I don't mind the fact that the elders want Hanabi to take over instead of me. I don't mind all that. But no matter what, there is something that the elders can never take away from me. I'm a Hyuuga, born and raised. No matter how much they may wish it otherwise, my clan's blood flows through my veins, I have the kekkei genkai, I am a Hyuuga. I won't run away from this, that's not our way and you know it Neji-niisan. If I run away now, what was the point in working so hard to begin with? Why did I not just run away when it felt so hard, when I thought father would never look me in the eyes and I see approval?
"I want to go into this feeling positive. I've worked hard all my life and now I'm content. I'll work hard to become a great wife to some noble suitor and I feel that I'll find happiness." She looked away "This is the best choice for me because it gives me a choice. I won't marry a fat old guy." She gave him a lopsided smile.
He returned her smile slightly although his true feelings were there in the pale depths of his eyes. His grip loosened on Hinata and his now free hand moved up to cup her cheek. He tilted his head, a rueful smile on his face "When did my little cousin become so confident?" he asked "It's hard to believe that this is the same girl that used to stutter and hide behind her father's robes when we first met."
"She grew up." Hinata answered, leaning into his hand "With the help of people that loved her."
A sigh. Neji backed away from her, looking a mix between frustrated, proud, and worried. "Just…be careful Hinata. Write to us. No matter what, you're our family and you will be missed in this house."
Hinata could feel the burning behind her eyes and blinked back tears. This would probably be the first and the last heartfelt conversation she'd ever have with Neji like this. A part of her was happy that he cared so much, another part of her wished it could have been for different reasons.
Moving quickly, Hinata move forward and hugged her cousin tightly. A pause from Neji, the stiffening of his body and then his arms came around her gently.
"Thank you Neji-niisan," she said, sniffing back tears "I love you too."
AN: This is the rewritten version of Chapter One. Since this fic is already uploaded on FF I'll continue to update chapters as I finish them. They will also be modifications to the chapters I had already written. I hope you've enjoyed the revision so far.