"Long were the nights when my days once revolved around you"
-"Dear John", Taylor Swift
...
Chapter Two:
"Bella!" I hear my mother shouting somewhere off into the distance.
Everything sounded so far away, like I was at the bottom of a pool listening to the light chatter of the people above.
"Mom, call dad!" Alice's voice joined in, just as urgent as my mother's.
Someone was waving something back and forth across my face causing a light breeze to cress my flushed skin. It felt nice and I focused solely on the feeling of the circulating air. The voices started to fade away quickly as I allowed the darkness to take over. I was moments from leaving reality behind, when Rosalie's full soprano tone rocked me from complete unconsciousness as her yelling broke through the weight of the water that was pulling me under.
"Don't touch her!"
It took me a second to detect the sensation of a large calloused hand lightly wrapped around my wrist. Two fingers pressed gently into the thin skin of my inner wrist, a familiar action that reminded me of a doctor checking my pulse.
"I said, don't touch her." Rose's voice ripped through the watery gloom again, as the hand checking my pulse slowly removed its touch. "What the hell are you even doing here?"
The deadly sounding hiss that formed around her words confused me and the darkness threatened to claim dominion. It suddenly felt like I couldn't breathe but I could not figure out how to take in more oxygen. My chest felt heavy and my throat seemed to be coated with a thick liquid that I couldn't swallow. I forgot how to breathe.
I tried focusing on the noises that swirled together in the dark. The room seemed to have broken out into chaos. Through the gloom, I could hear the clacking of twenty-five pairs of heels rushing around. A glass shattering somewhere in the distance and my mother's cries quickly adds to the feeling that I was slowly suffocating. A hushed panic had spread through the space and several women muttered worried curses under their breath. I could see the hand of darkness creep closer with every passing second. Each moment that passed felt like a lifetime and I wished for unconsciousness to take me away.
"Where's the fire?"
As soon as the soft, familiar voice hit my ears, the blackness pulled back and I could feel an immediate ease from the tension growing in my head and chest. It was as if the elephant that sat atop of me finally moved away, opening my airways and washing away the thick sludge that I thought must coat the walls of my esophagus. I wanted to open my eyes and see Carlisle's handsome face, but it was like I forgot how to do so.
"Has she taken her medications yet today?" Like velvet and fire, it did not matter what Carlisle was saying, the simple tone of his words spread an instant calm over my overheated body and nearly banished the watery gloom I was stuck under. No longer did the shouts of my friends and the distracting wails of my mom and soon to be mother-in-law threaten to chock me into unconsciousness.
"I'm not sure," Alice answered, still somewhere close to my head. I felt a small hand slowly running its figures through my hair and a different darkness began to loom. My body suddenly felt incredibly heavy, exhausted from the battle that just laid siege in my head. I would not fight; I wanted slumber to overtake me.
"Bella, can you hear me? Honey open your eyes for me." Just as I was on the brink of finding a peaceful sleep, his voice drew me back to the surface. I felt like a person was slowly drowning me. Each time they plunged me underneath the dark water they pulled me back out again before I was completely consumed, only to push me back under after just a moment of sweet relief. But it was this time that I was able to place exactly where the function in my eyelids had gone, and they fluttered open. The bright room blinded me for a moment, and my body tingled with awareness as Carlisle's face soon came into view. Almost immediately I felt the slow trickle of wetness pour from the outer corners of my eyes.
A sigh of relief came from him, his body hunched over my collapsed form. His warm hands brushed away the continuous tears that fell on their own accord without rhythm or reason. "That's my girl. Where's your medication darling?" Carlisle held my head gently, pulling me away from Alice, who had been cradling my head on her lap, his hands prodded for tender spots. I did not take my eyes off his face. It's familiarity pushed me back to reality.
I opened my mouth but nothing came out. I tried again and this time managed a single word, "water".
Carlisle's eyebrows pulled together, giving me a stern look for ignoring his question. My mind quickly crawled back to full capacity and it took me no more than a second to know that there was a box of pills hidden away in my bag, which I had left in the master bedroom soon after my arrival. They were there for precautionary measures, or to be used only if I was dying. I wanted nothing to do with them.
"I'll get it!" Rosalie spoke up for the first time since her beautiful voice ripped through my mind, tears streaming down her face. I felt an instant remorse for being the one to make a hormonal Rose cry; though I couldn't stop my own salty tears from falling.
The room had gone completely silent as Carlisle continued to look for any sign of concussion or other bodily injuries. I however wanted nothing more then to remove myself from the ground and knock back another flute of champagne.
"How many fingers am I holding up Bella?"
His fingers where placed directly in front of my face, but I could not concentrate on them, I needed to get up and once again feel the cool summer air that blew through my open windows this morning. Without warning, I pulled myself up into a sitting position and Carlisle quickly berated me, placing his hand on my shoulder wanting me to lie back down.
"Carlisle, I'm fine, I just need some air." My voice came out breathy and weak as I pushed against the light pressure he was applying to my shoulder.
"Always so stubborn Isabella." He chastised me.
Nevertheless, he must have decided to humor my request because he wrapped his arm under my own, hoisted me off the ground, and onto shaky legs. His grip never loosened as he waited for me to gain my balance, the wedges I was wearing were not helping the matter. I frown at the shoes and let out an unexpected groan, just wanting to get to the fresh air and sunshine outside. Esme must have interpreted my internal conflict, because soon she was kneeling on the floor in front of me removing each shoe from their place on my feet. I let out a sigh as my feet hit the cool hardwood of the sunroom.
Looking up at the crowd of women who all kept cautious eyes on me I longed to be anywhere but in this cursed room. I felt subconscious about my bare feet and wet cheeks. From around the mob of women, I suddenly caught a glimpse of that same flash of caramel colored hair, a particular shade identical to the woman's who held my shoes and still carried the same exhaustion in her eyes. My eyes snapped shut and I found myself wondering once again, 'was this a dream'.
It took me seven years to get that hair out of my head. It still plagued me in my dreams, cost me thousands of dollars in therapy, and yet the moment he came back into my life all the walls I spent so long building up in my mind came crumbling down. Would I ever truly be able to move past this point in my life? I had thought that moving away, getting professional help, falling in love again, and even getting married would finally cancel out Edward Cullen and the night he ruined my life. But I could still feel the hole he left in my heart and the darkness he placed in my mind.
I took long deep breaths, trying my best to keep that darkness at bay.
"Bella?" Carlisle sounded alarmed at the painful wheezing noise that came from my chest with each inhale I took. That bronze hair flashed in my head again. I squeezed my eyes shut tighter.
"It's…." Esme's voice trailed off. Without my eyes open I could tell that everyone's gaze had fallen on my ex fiancé. Silence shook the room.
It felt like years before Carlisle broke the quiet. "I see," his voice sounding gravelly and almost angry, a tone that I wasn't used to hearing from the gentleman who still held my shaking form up with his arms.
"Water!" Rosalie's tear strained voice boomed through the tension that I could feel radiating between the only two men who stood in the room.
"Esme, would you grab the glass from Rosalie? I'm going to take Bella upstairs." He spoke to his wife with such serenity that it sent a chill down my spine; I had yet to open my eyes. To a stranger this simple response would sound nothing like the calamity that was actually unfolding. To me it sounded like the loudest of screams.
"Alice would you calm everyone down, maybe some coffee?" Esme suggested to her daughter, her voice tense.
Completely ignoring my request for fresh air, Carlisle bent over; keeping his right arm still wrapped underneath my arms, he slipped his left underneath my knees, picking me up with little effort. I let out a gasp at the unexpected movement, but was grateful to be off my trembling legs. I couldn't open my eyes yet. I wouldn't.
At this point I was utterly embarrassed and wishing that I had never agreed to this party at all. I still wanted a glass of some kind of alcohol, whatever was strongest, and the sharp pain that was starting to radiate from the back of my head had me craving some aspirin. I buried my head into the crook of Carlisle's neck, figuring it was the only way left to hid my shame and the inevitable blush that consumed my entire face and exposed chest.
"I can get her." His smooth voice had taken on a gruff tone as his father passed him in the hallway, on the way to the staircase. I only pray that Carlisle would just keep walking, I was not prepared to be apart of the impending father son standoff. I clung to Carlisle's neck letting my nails dig into the soft skin there.
"Its okay honey," he rubbed my back and started walking again.
He paused only for a moment to shift his weight and pivot his body back towards the open French doors that I could still see in my mind as I walked out of them some seven years ago, leaving a confused and damaged boy behind.
"Maybe you should wait outside. I'd like to have a word with you later." The normalcy of his voice dripped with acid as each word fell out of his mouth and down the corridor to the broken boy who broke me. I longed for the warm sun soaking into my skin again. It may be the only thing capable of thawing my body from the icy air that has left me feeling frozen.
The farther we got from the sunroom my body became heavier with each step, once again choking me with hefty emotions and memories that tore through my mind at a lightening fast speed. With each new thought, a pound was added. I wondered if Carlisle could feel the immense weight pulling my body out of his arms and back into a thick gloom. He laid me down on the fluffy gray comforter that covered Esme and his bed. My eyes had finally cracked open to see his face strained with dozens of quickly passing emotions, each taken over with a new concern as the seconds ticked on. Anger, resentment, worry, fear, it all passed in shades in his light blue eyes and deepened the wrinkles that had started to form around his lids and forehead since the day I left Forks.
"Have you taken your medicine today love?" I grimace at his choice of endearment and managed to get my overweight limbs to pull my body into an upright position.
When I was a little girl, I loved hearing him call me 'love'. It brought out his carefully disguised British accent that had nearly receded after decades in the United States. In rare moments, a snippet of his charming English tongue would make me giggle and swoon with adoration for the distinguished gentleman who I considered a second father. As a child, I often wished Carlisle were the one tucking me into bed and reading me my favorite picture book, Milk and Cookies, instead of Charlie. Not that I didn't love Charlie more then life itself, and Renee too, but there was just something about the Cullen's that comforted me. They were a little slice of perfection in my otherwise imperfect world. In a therapy session years after I had left Forks, my therapist suggested that perhaps that was the very reason that I started dating Edward. He was the product of both Esme and Carlisle; he inherited the best of both of them and in the same way that brought out the worst in him. Ever since he left my world in the same whirlwind that he showed up in, that term, 'love', always struck a chord deep within me. It was an endearment he picked up from his father and I often found myself remembering the very sound of the word as he whispered it into my ear.
I shuttered remembering the feeling of his lips pressed against my ear, as he kissed my neck and pleaded with me to let him put his hands places I'd never been touched.
The real world came crashing back down on me.
I tried to remember what Carlisle had asked me about a moment ago.
Medication? He is asking about that again?
I could see my black purse sitting in plain sight on top of Esme's vanity, but I still felt no need to inform Carlisle that just inside was the medication he so badly wanted me to take.
"I…I don't remember." I blatantly lied, knowing very well that I hadn't been taking any of my regularly prescribed medication. "I usually take it in the morning but I can't remember if I did this morning or not." I said coolly, finally wiping the tears from my flush and puffy face.
"She usually keeps her pillbox in her bag," Esme entered the room, closing the door softly behind her, carrying a tall glass of ice water in her hand. I loved her, but at that moment, I found myself wishing every different kind of bodily harm upon her that I could think of.
Her husband gave me a disappointed look and I suddenly found my hands to be the most interesting thing in the room. Carlisle rose from the bed and Esme quickly took his spot, giving me an apologetic look as the overprotective man with a medical degree pulled the seven-day pill organizer from my bag.
"So what are you taking these days?" His face took on a very serious look, the look of a doctor doing his job.
His nose scrunched up as he dumped Saturday's contents out into his open hand. He proceeded to expertly name off each pill, recognizing them by just their size, shape, and color. "Doxepin, Esomeprazole, Escitalopram Oxalate? Since when did you start taking Lexapro?"
I once more ignored his question and took small sips of water, loving the way the icy liquid relieved the dryness of my throat.
"Isabella, would you please stop being so stubborn and just answer my question!" He shouted at me from across the room when I did not outright answer his inquiry. He ran a hand roughly through his slicked back hair, a sign of his agitation. I made a loud gulping nose as I swallowed the last of the water and stared in shocked at the man before me. I'd done many stupid things over the years that deserved this sort of tone, but never once had Carlisle ever exercised the kind of parental authority that meant screaming at your child. Therefore, I was a little more than shocked at his exasperated words and heated facial expression.
I opened my mouth but shut it quickly. When I tried, again my sentence came out as a jumble of disconnected sentences, "I…I…I'm sorry. I could not stand it any longer! I've been doing okay. Please don't tell Michael." I clutched at the comforter on either side of my thighs as I rambled on.
"Have you stopped taking your medication?" The question vibrated through the air and I'm back to tangling my figures together as a diversion from looking at his face. I know I've brought this upon myself.
"I don't like the way they make me feel. I'm either drowsy all day or too nauseous to even stand up. They were inhibiting my daily routine, so I made the rightful decision that I can do without them."
He starts angrily pacing back and forth in front of the bed before I even started talking. I can imagine his heavy footsteps burning hotly into the carpeting. The little huffs and puffs he's making have me worried that the big bad woof is about to blow me over.
He's standing in front of me as soon as I'm done trying to explain myself. My chin being gripped by his hand, forcing me to look into his darkened eyes, an angry ocean of blue glares back at me. I wish Esme would intervene, but she's removed herself from the bed and is staring at us from her new place by the bedroom door.
"Isabella, I may not be your father or even your doctor, but I do have a medical degree from Harvard and three children of my own which makes me qualified to tell you what a bloody fool you are being. You think that you can just stop taking medication because you don't like the way it makes you feel. There is a reason your doctor prescribed those prescriptions.
"I love you like one of my own, sometimes more than one of my own." His words turn harsh and I cannot help but picture the tear filled eyes of a lost looking boy who sits behind a thick glass window in the Forks Memorial Hospital. His face is red and splotchy, his broken arm wrapped in a sling, his haunted green eyes piece through me as the same man who holds my chin now speaks to him in the same tone ringing in my ears.
"I have had enough hospital visits to last a lifetime Bella, please don't be so ignorant." The hand lightly gripping my chin rises to cradle my cheek and his lips place a loving kiss on the other.
He moves across the room, disappearing in the connected bathroom and returns with a large bottle of iron supplements and another glass of water. I don't have any say in the matter as he dumps two capsules into my hand and waits until I've swallowed them along with a gulp of water before he takes his leave.
"Stay put Isabella, Esme and I need to have a talk with our son. This conversation is not finished." Grabbing ahold of Esme, Carlisle pulls both of them out the bedroom door before I can make so much as a comment.
The silent room felt cold and empty as I sit motionless on the bed, staring out at the large hemlocks that fill the woods beyond the backyard.
~ oooOooo ~
An hour later, I have made the decision that my legs are stable enough to make my way back into the now empty sunroom. Piles of presents lay on a round table in the corner, wrapped in pink paper and frilly bows. The decorations still hung perfectly around the room, empty glasses once filled to the brim with Champaign, margaritas, daiquiris, and fruity martinis litter every surface. The shattered class that once littered the floor had been removed from sight, like it had never happened.
Alice and Rosalie were sitting on the white love seat positioned in front of another set of large, white French doors that led outside. They were open and the warm breeze I longed to feel for the last hour filled the room, rustling the curtains and the skirt of my dress. The afternoon sun was high in the sky and the room was bursting with an abundance of natural light.
The girls chatted quietly back and forth, each cradling a steamy drink in matching ceramic coffee mugs that I vaguely remember Alice creating in our sixth grade art class. I knocked lightly on the wall by the doorframe. Their heads shot up instantaneously. Alice rose from her seat, placing her mug on the glass end table, before making her way across the room to the place where I stood with an irritated look on my face, and flung her arms around my neck.
"Oh Bella, I was so worried. How are you feeling?" She pulled away from me to look up at my still semi-flushed cheeks and a head of flyaways that had escaped from my once neat looking French braid.
I let out a sigh I'd been holding back for what felt like forever, and brought my arms around my best friend, reciprocating the hug.
"Like I need a much deserved nap or may a bottle of aged single malt whisky."
Truth be told I was craving both of those things but in my head I knew I felt more than just the need for sleep and hard liquor. For the last hour I replayed every moment leading up to what was sure to become known as 'Bella's Bridal Shower Debacle'. What started out as a great afternoon celebrating with family and friends turned into an unexpected hijacking courtesy of my maid of honor's brother, who used to be old fiancé. Not only that, but said debacle took place in the very room that I dumped him in seven year ago.
If that wasn't enough, as I sat in Carlisle and Esme's bedroom downing another glass of water, a burning sensation in my upper abdomen caused me to double over and lose my breath. I had an ulcer the size of Montana eating away at the inner lining of my stomach, just one of many health related issues that was supposed to be curbed by the colorful pills still laying on Esme's vanity across the room.
"I'm not sure we can help with the nap, but I do know where I can get you some whiskey." Rose stood a foot away, towering over us with her four-inch heels and 5'10 height.
I pulled way from Alice and could not help the smile that contagiously spread from Rose's wickedly turned up lips to my own.
"Don't you think we should sit down and talk about this Bella? I mean my brother just showed up, I think there are some things that need to be put out on the table before we even think about getting anymore alcohol in your system."
I considered Alice's motherly tone for two long and thoughtful seconds before I shoved it aside and turned back to Rosalie, who had a look upon her face that made it obvious that she knew who would win my favor.
"Let's go get drink." I proclaimed loudly, my words hitting off the glass and reverberating back into my ears.
Hearing it than I should have known it would be a bad idea. I should have gone home, taken a bubble bath, and spent the whole night watching Sex and the City. It wouldn't be the first mistake I'd make that week, but it was the mistake that set motion to the rest of them. I should have listen to the voice that sounded back in my ears and heard the depression laced within, the exhaustion and the worry, but the need to forget dissolved it all.
"Clubbing doesn't sound like a good idea right now." Alice tried her best to bring Rose and I to our senses, but I was already gathering my discarded shoes that had been left by the door. Rosalie was just happy to be getting out of the house and away from her over protective husband for one night of reminiscing back to the first time we all got drunk in the city and had to call Emmett when we got lost getting back to my apartment.
"Stop acting so much like Carlisle and just buy me a drink Alice." The words came out harsher than I meant, my irritation finally getting the better of me.
It was a lot to ask, abandoning your brother and taking my side. I shouldn't have put her in that situation, at the moment I didn't even know that was what was happening, but it wasn't a question that I hadn't asked before. She wasn't the only one to take my side the first time, but I knew I wouldn't be so lucky if I asked again. Maybe they'd come to their senses and see that I was the lousy choice. The water might have been sweet, but isn't blood always thicker?
I left the room quickly, my shoes gathered in one hand, my bag tucked under the other. I could not stomach the look that Alice gave me after my stupid side comment, my abdomen felt like it was on fire again and I knew alcohol would only make it worse. I just didn't care. I was bored of thinking and tired of feeling. I wanted to be reckless.
Just as I stepped out of the sunroom and into the grand foyer, Esme was entering the front door of the house. Her eyes looked bloodshot, her dress appeared wrinkled, and I could tell she had been pulling at her hair. The moment her eyes meet mine she quickly straightened the hem of her skirt and forged a fake smile.
"Are you leaving so soon dear? Are you positive you wouldn't like to lie down a bit longer? I could call Michael." She made her way over to me and placed the back of her palm against my forehead and then on my cheek, checking for a temperature
"Thank you so much Esme, but I think it would be for the best if I go home." It wasn't a lie; the house that usually filled me with memories of my childhood had turn into a place that was giving me nauseating nostalgia. "It was a beautiful shower, thanks for putting it all together." I managed to pull her into a hug even with my full arms.
"I'm sorry about everything Bella. Sometimes I feel like I'm living my own Sophie's choice, I hope you understand." She spoke softly into my ear as she squeezed her thin arms around my back like this could be the last hug we ever share.
I pull away from her and looked her in the eye, the once expertly hidden exhaustion was now apparent on her face. I hated having to say it, but I couldn't let the second most important woman in my life continue living like this. "There's no choice Esme, I love you like my own mother, but he's your baby…" Silence stood heavy between us. "I'll send Mike over tomorrow to pick up the presents." I kissed her on the cheek and headed to the front door not waiting for a reply, not really wanting one.
Stepping out onto the porch I was welcomed by that summer wind still rolling through the cherry blossoms, pushing the tire swing back and forth in the distance. I could hardly wait to pull the top back on my car and speed down the highway to some old country music. However, before I could become too far lost in my fantasy, my name was being called.
"Isabella," Carlisle bounded up the stairs of the porch, his face overly flush, his eyes had a hard look about them and his mouth was turned down into a grimace. I opened my mouth to ask if he was okay when I caught sight of the boy just a few yards away from us. His hands were shoved into the pockets of his jeans, his eyes focused on the gavel that he pushed around with the toe of his worn, black converse shoe. I couldn't tear my gaze away; I suddenly felt eighteen all over again.
"I'd like you to stop down at the hospital sometime this week. I want to have a consultation with you and Dr. Young about this 'rightful decision' you've made." I nodded at him, but my eyes were still fixed just slightly to the right of where Carlisle stood with his stern face and commanding words. "For the next 24 hours please avoid any strenuous activity or alcohol consumption. Is that clear?" It was the voice of Dr. Cullen that now addressed me and I could only nod my head absent-mindedly, not really agreeing to anything.
My gaze faltered only when Carlisle wrapped his strong, pale arms around my waist, the exact opposite of Esme's motherly hug, his was strong, holding all of me together. It wasn't until that moment that I realized I was close to falling to pieces. Only after a drawn out minute did he pull back and hold me at arms length. I wished he would let go so I could readjust the shoes that were beginning to slip out of my right arm, and yet at the same time I wanted to never leave his embrace.
"Don't let this ruin you Isabella." He spoke in a hushed tone that wouldn't travel farther than the distance between his mouth and my ears. "He may be my son, but for all intents and purposes you are my daughter and I don't forget as easily as my wife does."
I'm not sure how I should take this remark. Between Esme and him, I was feeling the whiplash kicking in. I never stuck around long enough after our broken engagement and the…incident, to know what aftermath followed in the Cullen household. I was beginning to realize I was drawing a bigger line between its members than I initially thought. I chewed on my bottom lip nervously, just thinking about the reparations that will linger on with my damaged past.
How much more fucked up could this day get?
It was a question I'd been asking myself for the last hour, and one that reoccurred to me as Carlisle released me from his fatherly hold and turned to glance at his son. They shared a brief second of eye contact before Carlisle kissed me on the cheek, leaving me with a final message to call my mother on the way home. She was worried about me. I agreed reluctantly knowing that it was going to be at least an hour conversation that could only be done with a gin and tonic in hand. Carlisle went inside and left me alone on the front porch with my ex fiancé just steps away.
I took each step cautiously, making my way down the steps of the porch and onto the gravel that covered the driveway, and I winced as the small pebbles dug into my bare feet. I kept my eyes on the ground as I walked slowly to my car, that Carlisle had parked just to the right of the house.
"Bella?" My teeth clenched together hearing him speak my name.
I stood absolutely still hoping that if I stayed still long enough he would go away. However, the sound of his shoes moving forward through the gravel caused a panic to overtake my body, like the girl who was about to get strangled by a serial killer who loomed behind me. An exaggeration? Perhaps, but feelings of that degree were… justified. Being face to face with Edward Cullen, without passing out, wasn't what I had expected it to be. My hands did not tremble, my eyes did not well up with tears, my heart hurt but not in the way that usually sent a sharp pain through my chest.
As I raised my eyes from the gravel and truly looked at him for the first time in almost a decade, the person who stared back no longer appeared the damaged looking boy I'd pictured in my head a million times over the last seven years. No, the person in front of me was a full grown man with the scruff of a five o'clock shadow covering his face and a muscular body that could be seen underneath his expensive looking jeans and button down plaid shirt.
However, there were still signs of the nineteen-year-old boy I'd left surrounded by a sea of cardboard. The caramel hair he inherited from Esme was still the same disarray of bedhead that I used to run my fingers through. It was his eyes though, that took me back to the days I spent lying in his arms underneath the hemlocks in the forest behind his house. They still glistened like lily pads covering the surface of a pond. My heart pounded loudly against my chest remembering how those same green orbs would blaze emerald when he whispered how much he wanted me and when they darkened to a stormy forest green when he held me down, tore at my clothes, and bruised my skin.
I shuttered at the thought and as if they were waiting for their cue, my hands began to tremble against my sides and I quickly tucked them underneath my armpits awkwardly as my shoes still dangled from my fingers. I couldn't stand to look for a second longer. I turn my back and got into my rusty car.
As I reach for the ignition, he utters one last word before making his way back towards the house. I sit there for a while wondering if I had just hallucinated or if I was still dreaming. However, thinking back to his vivid green eyes I knew there was no way he was a figment of my imagination, I didn't have the mental capacity to recreate such a brilliant hue.
His last word to me float in my head as I finally start the convertible, heading back towards the highway that would lead me out of Forks and back to the familiarity of Seattle. Away form that white house filled with too many memories and too many people.
"Congratulations."
~ oooOooo ~
When I unlocked the door of my apartment, my phone was sticking to the side of my sweaty face as my mother continued ramble on about her concerns about my health. My feet ached from an unfortunate pinching that had started as soon as I put my shoes back on and the dull burning at the back of my head that had started two hours ago had turned into a full fledged throb.
Rosalie's constant text messaging kept my cell phone vibrating against my cheek for the last half hour. I was close to throwing it out the window and forgetting my search for copious amounts of alcohol, heeding Carlisle's expert advice, but I knew the only way to get those green eyes out of my head was to drown myself in whiskey, tequila, and a few extra dry martinis with a twist.
I managed to persuade my mother to hang up only after fifteen minutes of promising to call her tomorrow and make a valiant effort to find the bubblegum pink dress she had wanted me to wear to the shower today. I cringed as it smacked against my closet door when I pried it open in order to hang the Italian dress back in its rightful place, where it would stay unworn for the next two years most likely.
Rosalie wanted to meet at a new club that had just opened on the main drive downtown, a place called Glass. I was not particularly looking for anything fancy, just a place that would start a tab for me, allowing me to drown into the background of a crowded room where the music bleared so loud I couldn't hear myself think.
As the sun sat low in the sky and reds and pinks swirled together beyond the horizon I suddenly recalled a phrase my father used to say to me as we sat on the back porch of his small country house watching the sunset.
"Red at night sailors delight, red at morn sailors be warn."
I pulled on a pair of my most comfortable, dark wash, skinny jeans and a lightweight blue shirt that hung loosely on my frame. I was out the door just as the last of the reds and pinks faded, giving way to a moonless night.
I was pleased when I notice that the air was still warm even with the absence of the sun and I enjoyed the feeling of my bare arms being caressed by the evening air. The gush of wind that soared past my head as I dove down I-26 with the top still down on my rickety car lessened the pounding in the back of my head but that inevitably allowed my mind to wander easily back to a pair of distinct green eyes.
Alice and Rose where already waiting for me just beyond the entrance of the club we agreed to meet at. A neon sign flashed the word 'Glass' in an elegant scrawl. It was a fitting name, for a building whose exterior was made completely of large tinted windows. As I approached them, it was clear to me that Alice was not thrilled to be apart of this impromptu, late night outing. However, the grimace on her face did not take away from the rest of her alluring physique. She had traded in her purple sundress for a more risqué black lace number that I wasn't convinced would cover much of anything if she bent over. The grey pumps that adorned her feet made me glad I had chosen a pair of comfortable sandals instead of something with a heel.
Although they were complete opposites in their looks, Rosalie was just as stunning, even with her protruding tummy. As usual, she was a vision of blonde curls and bronzed skin, a stark difference from Alice's pale pink flesh and pitch-black locks. They were beautiful and not for the first time, I felt plain in comparison. As I came within a few feet of them, I just happened to glance down at Rosalie's feet.
"Should you really be wearing those shoes Rose?" Looking down, I found my pregnant friend's feet clad in five-inch black leather pumps. A choice of footwear that I would not find comfortable ever, let along if I was seven months pregnant.
"Just because I'm pregnant doesn't me that I can't look hot." She leaned in towards me as if she were about to tell me a secret. "Just don't tell Emmett. He hid everything higher then three inches in the attic. I had to fight my way past a spider the size of a dog to get to these babies."
"Manolo Blahnik would be proud." I replied, hardly succeeding in holding back my laughter.
If there was tension between Alice and I, it dissipated as a round of giggles took hold of us. We grasp each other's hands as we made away towards the blaring music that slipped past the doors of Glass and into the summer night. The war was far from over, but that particular battle had been peacefully resolved. The club was hot and stuffy, filled with a mix of posh looking colleges kids from the city's university and professional looking business people just off from weekend overtime. I didn't mind the crowed as long as I could get drunk fast and get lost in the thudding of the music instead of the thudding radiating from the back of my head.
Alice gave me a concerned look when I ordered three rounds of shots for us, nonetheless I was past caring what anyone thought of my actions today. As we headed back to where the seating was located, I caught sight of Rose sitting at a booth in the far corner. Across from her sat three men dressed in crisp business suits. I eyed the men warily when I returned to the table, setting our drinks down. We had enough girls' nights out on the town to know that attention from these types of men was not always the best attention, especially when they couldn't take a hint.
"Hello ladies, we were just talking to your gorgeous friend here," the man furthest from me spoke, giving Rosalie a wink, "and wanted to know if we could buy you a couple drinks."
It was not as if this was something we hadn't handled before. There was always a guy, or in this case a group of guys who thought they would throw a couple of dollars around, buy us all a round of tequila, and worm their way into our tight dresses and low riding jeans. It took me years to figure this out, in all my naivety. It was only when Mike practically broke a poor guys nose for engaging me in what I then thought was innocent small talk at a local Yale bar we frequented and a heated debate over his intentions that the light bulb finally blinked on. However, I had quickly wised up to what that sort of 'small talk' actually meant and tonight I was running on a very short fuse. I saw red, wondering what it took to be left in peace for a few hours with my girlfriends in order for me to get completely wasted so as to forget the shitty day I'd just had.
I quickly pulled Rose from her seat, exposing her rounded stomach. I pointed harshly at the visible sign of a child growing within her.
The music was pulsing through my veins as I yelled over the bass.
"Pregnant."
Not faltering a moment, I grabbed Alice's right hand, showing off her engagement ring as well as her white gold wedding band.
"Married."
Slammed my own hand down against the polished wood harder than I meant, the diamond on my finger caught the light of the tacky disco ball, meant for some kind of throwback Thursday promotion.
"Engaged."
With furrowing brows and a few snide remarks mumbled under their breath, they stepped out of the booth one by one making their way back to the crowd.
Alice and Rosalie eyed me with curious and astonished looks etched across their faces. This was definitely an out of character night for the girl who would rather read a book into the late hours of the night than spend it slamming back over priced drinks in a club were you could barely hear yourself think. However, thinking was the last thing that I needed to do right now.
As time passed, the glasses at our table turned into a small pile. The original tequila shots were downed quickly, followed by sugar-rimmed martinis, single malt scotch in crystal glasses, and half a dozen empty virgin daiquiris kept the table crowded.
The serious look Alice had been wearing all night was traded in for a goofy grin and random intervals of giggling after her second martini. She kept calling our handsome waiter a 'sexy beast' and insisting Jasper should learn how to make appletinis as well as the 'beast'. Rosalie on the other hand had been consuming nothing but sugar for the last two hours in the form of six strawberry, virgin daiquiris with extra whipped cream and was now experiencing some sort of sugar high. Jittering in her seat, she claimed to have to check her makeup every fifteen minutes, and had been to the bathroom at least ten times tonight.
"We should dance!" Rosalie giggled and soon Alice was laughing like Rose was the world's best stand up comedian.
"Hold that thought Mrs. Rosy Posy. I think we need to interrogate little Miss Belly Welly here." Alice swayed back and forth in her seat to the blearing music escaping from the dance floor, a new martini in her hand. Part of my brain told me that I should suggest my friend slow down on the alcohol consumption, but our waiter returned with another glass of scotch and the thought was gone.
"Oh yes! So…Edward?" Rose and Alice were now huddled together on one side of the booth looking at me as if I'd just grown a second head.
"Can we not talk about this," I shouted throwing my arms up in the air. "I came here to drown that stupid loser out of my…my…" I could not remember where my head was as I swung my arm around in front of me, the brown liquid in my glass sloshed over the sides. "…my head!"
I proceeded to comb my fingers through my thick hair, wincing when I touched the tender sport from my fall earlier in the day. "He ruins everything." I began to whine. "If I never saw his face again, he would still find a way to follow me and ruin everything good that ever happens to me." It all came spewing out of my mouth.
"Alice I think you need to smother the bastard in his sleep." I suggested in a nonchalant way, staring at the contents of my glass knowing that the excessive swearing was my personal 'beyond the point of no return'.
I lost my train of thought again as my phone started vibrating on the table in front of me. My fiancés face danced across my vision in colorful flashes and I giggled, which set Rose and Alice off again, before I hit 'call'.
"Who the hell is this?" I yelled into the phone, forgetting it was Mike even after seeing his face appear on the screen moments before.
"Bella? It's Mike, where are you?" His voice sounded delightful to my ringing ears and I cradled the phone closer to my face. "Emmett and Jasper are here and they want to know where their wives went. My mother00 called me and told me you passed out at the shower." I pulled the phone away from my face missing anything he may have said after that sentence.
"Hey everyone it's my fiancé!" I shouted through the thick haze of simulated fog coming off the dance floor.
Alice and Rose were still going at it, their laughter distracting me for a moment before pressing the phone back to my ear. "Bella, are you there?" He was yelling. While listening to him call my name, Rosalie had flagged down the waiter and I heard myself asking for another scotch.
Mike's disapproving voice boomed in my ear, "Isabella Swan, are you drunk?"
Other then one frat party we attended together my junior year of college, Mike had never seen me drunk. I was never one for going passed one glass of wine or a casual cocktail.
"Maybe just a tinsy, winsy, little bit." I motioned with my pointer finger and thumb the amount of scotch and tequila that I believed was in my system. It was a terrible representation of how much alcohol was actually coursing through my veins.
"Baby, where are you?" he sighed loudly and said something that I couldn't quite make out.
I was now whistling into my phone and rolling my eyes as Rose finally convinced Alice to go dance with her.
"Give me the phone!" Someone shouted in the distance.
"Isabella Marie Swan, you better tell me where the hell you are or I'll be forced to do something drastic." Emmett's deep voice made me recoil from the phone, no longer finding comfort in having it held so close to my ear. I wanted Mike to come back on and call me 'baby' again.
"Fuck you Emmett, they just turned the lasers on and I'm going to get another drink." I hung up the phone and pocketed it, making my way over to the bar.
My girlfriend's a dick magnet. My girlfriend's got a habit
The lyrics blared through the large speakers surrounding the long bar. A few tipsy college girls standing next to me let out wild shrieks.
"I fucking love this song!" The red head closest to me screamed to the girl next to her who was sipping a Long Island iced tea through a straw.
The alcohol in my system had my reserves down and I couldn't help it as my hips began to sway to the beat of the bass that pounded in my ears and through my body. I couldn't tell you how it happened, but somehow I ended up standing on the bar's countertop. At first, I looked around nervously trying to find Alice or Rose, but my vision was blurry and I could only come up with strangers' faces.
She's hot, can't stop, up on stage, doing shots, Tip the man he'll
Ring the bell, get her drunk she'll scream like hell.
I wanted to dance, throw my hands in the air and let out excited shrieks like the college girls, but the room wouldn't stop spinning. The music went from rhythmic to nauseating, the scotch filling my stomach was threatening to come back up, and my mouth suddenly had an awful sour taste.
Dirty girl, gettin' down, dance with guys from outta town.
Grab her ass, actin' tough. Mess with her, she'll fuck you up.
No one really knows if she's drunk or if she's stoned, but she's
Comin' back to my place tonight!
Everything from head to toe felt like it was on fire. It had taken all day, but the events of this particular Saturday finally came crashing down on me, and instead of being in a comfortable pair of pajamas, sitting in front of my television, I was drunk and standing on a bar above a crowd of screaming strangers.
She likes to shake her ass she grinds it to the beat
She likes to pull my hair when I make her grind her teeth
I like to strip her down she's naughty to the end
You know what she is, no doubt about it
She's a bad, bad girlfriend!
The tears that fell from my eyes worsened my already hazy vision and I took a step forward, hoping to find my way down from the counter. Instantly I felt myself falling straight towards the floor. I clutched my eyes shut ready for the pain, but it never came. Someone's arms were wrapped around my body, holding me close to their warm chest. Everything smelled like spearmint and musk, a distinct smell that I couldn't place my finger on because soon I plummeted into the darkness of my mind, a fall that even this stranger couldn't save me from.
~ oooOooo ~
There was nothing but black for a moment, as my eyes moved frantically behind my closed lids. A cool breeze made its way up my body, rocking me from head to toe in shivers that brought awareness back to my appendages. I instinctively hid my face in the warmth that had wrapped its limbs around me. I clutched at the fabric encasing the source of heat, wanting to pull myself closer. All was silent.
Taking a deep breath, my senses where flooded with the same smell of cologne, body wash, and a musky aroma that came to me as I fell from the counter. The smell drove an unexpected tingling sensation into my lower abdomen. A small moan slipped past my lips and I inhaled deeply, taking in as much of the wonderful bouquet as possible. It was a strangely familiar scent that I knew from a long time ago. Possibly, it was my father's manly odor, after a day on the force. But that did not seem quite right.
It couldn't be Mike's heavenly scent of Armani and silk either.
Suddenly my eyes shot open a moment before my brain had even finished registering how I knew the smell that wrapped around me with such familiarity. I violently jerked from the warmth that clung to my bare skin even after I fell out of his arms, my ass landing painfully on the concrete.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow it down Bella." There was that voice again.
I quickly stumble onto my feet, may brain screaming at me to get as far away from Edward Cullen as possible. My flesh burned in the most revolting way, as I thought about his skin touching my own, his body keeping me warm with his heat. I felt like I was going to vomit, and clutched my arms over my stomach, digging my nails into the fabric of my shirt. My head whipped around in a harsh manor, my eyes frantic to find out where I was. My blurry vision focused on the neon lights just above the entrance of Glass, leaving us at the same corner where I had met Alice and Rosalie some time ago. The streets were disserted, the only noise came from the constant booming of the pounding bass inside the club.
"Calm down Bella, just let me help you." He let out an exasperated sigh, standing up from his spot on a bench, holding his hands up in a sign of surrender.
My breathing came faster now as he approached me slowly, each step as cautious as someone stepping across a minefield, one wrong move and I was ready and explode. When Edward's arms finally wrapped around my waist I wasn't prepared for the memories that unpredictably flashed across my mind. Memories of those same hands on me but not in this gentle way. He rips at the straps holding up my nightshirt, his legs pressing painfully into my thighs.
I gasp out into the chilly night air, my legs collapsing under the weight of my heavy feeling body. His arms slip away as I crumple to the ground. I still clutch at my shirt, but my nails began to dig deeper into my sides as our eyes stayed connected. The usual lily pad green of his sparkling orbs had taken on a darker shade, like the color of a damp, dark forest during a thunderstorm. There was concern etched on his face, which made me sick, and a confusing glint of fear lingering behind his long eyelashes. His hand reached for me again, but I automatically flinched at his forward movement.
"Please don't touch me." I begged in a hushed whispered.
The fear dissipated and anger touched his sharp features. "Dear god Bella, let me just help you to the bench." He growled and darted forward, grabbed my wrists from their iron grip on my shirt.
He hauled me off the ground, pulling me close to his chest, bringing his pungent aroma back to me. My lips parted, letting loose a strangled sounding groan.
"Can't you see I'm just trying to help you, for once." His eyes burned bright with so many emotions it made me dizzy again, his grip kept me from floating away.
"Edward, she said she didn't want you to touch her." Emmett's voice boomed like a siren, cutting through our tension filled silence.
My wrists were released from their fleshy shackles one second and I was being cradled by two mammoth arms the next. Emmett held me close to his body. The brothers stood less than two feet form one another, a proximately that hadn't existed in seven years. I wish I could have concentrated more thoroughly on the looks they exchanged and the way their bodies held a private conversation, but the scotch and tequila hit me hard.
"Bella!" The sound of my fiancé's worried voice carried over several streets, and it was the most wonderful thing I had heard throughout this hellish day.
"That's her fiancé. I'll make sure she gets back into his arms, safe and sound." Emmett spoke softly between the three of us. "I suggest you go."
Edward gave his brother one last look before catching my lethargic gaze. I watched the word 'sorry' form around his lips, but no sound came from him. In a second, he was gone.
"Bella," my fiancé sighed as he replaced Emmett's thick arms with his own strong embrace. "Are you fucking insane?" He whispered into my ear as he held me close.
I didn't want to talk, to explain everything that had fallen apart in my life today, I just wanted Mike to help me find my bed and hid away with me until it was only him and me left on the earth.
"She's just had one too many drinks. It's been a long day from what I've heard from Rosalie. Speaking of which, Bella is she inside with Alice?" I opened my eyes only for a second before they slid shut again on their own accord.
"Alice and Rose are inside, and don't shoot the messenger, but your wife is wear a five inch spiders she fought a shoe for." I mumbled through a groggy haze to which my body was finally succumbing. I knew the words didn't make sense, but I could not figure out how to make them fit together.
I snuggled into Mike's chest, reveling in his softness immensely more than Emmett's muscle.
"Come home with me; I don't want to sleep along." I murmured in his ear, leaving a hot trail of kisses along his neck. His skin tasted like the first sip of water after a week in the driest desert.
"Isabella, you're drunk." He whispered to me, kissing my head. "Let's get you home." He lifted me with little effort, carrying me in his arms as a knight would his princess.
My white knight.
Wrapping my arms around my soon to be husband's neck, I pried my eyes open just for a moment, looking over his shoulder at the empty street behind us. I caught just a glimpse of a head of bronze hair walking away from the club. I couldn't be sure if it was the start of a nightmare or the end of a very bad memory.