Who'd be a Riding Instructor?

Me: Here's some more!!! This was co-written with Tsuki-Himitsu (lol tell me if I spelled that wrong...) and I take my Pikeur top hat off to her!

"The bell's gone, the judges are waiting, but you're still girthing up aren't you?"

"100,000 sperm and you were the fastest?"

"Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."

"I've seen fighter jets in a better outline than that."

"A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five!"

"If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you."

"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception."

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."

Lenobia: "Dalli-dalli!!!"

Pupils: "What?"

Lenobia: "Translates from German as 'get a move on you lazy bastards!'"

"Keep the horseshit in the stable, keep the bullshit up Loren's arse."

"You just had to fall off at the water-jump, didn't you?"

"This isn't a manège, it's Hell with sand on the floor!!!"

"Good thing it has a mane, tail and little ears, otherwise it might be mistaken for a baby elephant."

Lenobia: "I would like to breed your stud."

Anastasia: "I'm sorry, he's booked all season."

Dragon: 0_0*

Lenobia: "This has been a brilliant use of my time Loren thank you."

Loren: "Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit Lenobia."

Lenobia: "And if wit were shit Loren, You would be full of it."

"'Ill-mannered?' It hasn't bitten or kicked anyone for at least a week!"

"Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges. Eventually, you find a farrier who isn't late."

"If at first you don't succeed, see how far down the placings the rosettes go."

"Alright imagine this. God and the Devil want to have a dressage competition to determine which is better. God points out that Heaven has all the best horses, so they are bound to win. The Devil disagrees. You see, Hell has all the judges."

"There isn't one vet in the county that will give you time of day."

"He's never kicked anyone else, you must have upset him."

Anastasia: "Should I get a horse for my husband?"

Lenobia: "It would be a good swap."

Pupil: "I have a photographic memory."

Lenobia: "Your lens cap's stuck on."

"There is no such thing as a sterile stable cat."

"Hilarious."

"That horse can muck out its stable quicker than you can."

"These kids can barely present themselves properly, let alone a horse."

"This is not a situation where you can beat a German."

"Well why do you think there's a yard of yarn attached to the thermometer?"

"When I say jump, you ask how high. Literally."

"Aphrodite we all know why you wear hooped earrings, and it's not to look good, it's a nice place for your ankles."

"The horse doesn't care if you are straight, the horse doesn't care if you are gay. The horse DOES care if you are so desperate you have turned into a Zoophiliac Elliot."

"Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence."

"Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome."

"I'll always cherish the original misconception I had of you."

"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."

Anastasia: They worship the ground he walks on the slimy git!

Lenobia: Whereas we worship the ground he walks away from.

Dragon: "Do you know how to use that thing?"

Lenobia (holding a foil): "Yeah, the pointy end goes in the other guy... Preferably as far up his arse as you can shove it."

Later...

Lenobia: "Do you know how to use that thing?"

Dragon (on horse): "Yeah. The pointy end goes in the other guy. Preferably as far up his arse as you can shove it."

Lenobia (raises eyebrow): "You know, that was almost funny."

Lenobia (singing): "Herzlich willkommen, herzlich willkommen, in unserem schönen, neuen Hof! The House's bank account will never see this coming."

"A horse, never makes mistakes about consumption, unless it is for tax purposes."

"I don't get paid enough for this."