Hello again, people! This is the first actual chapter! YAY!
Diclaimer: I don't actually own any of these characters... if I did, I would worry about my sanity...
The scene we are opening on is me and Ed and Al in a... well... a place... Ed and I are eying each other distrustfully while Al is off kidnapping stray cats... (remind me to free those cats)...
Me: * stares at Ed *
Ed: * stares at me *
Me: Okay... who's taller?!
Ed: I'm 4'11"!
Me: Bwahahahahaha! I have finally surpassed you!
Ed: What are you TALKING about?!
Me: * doing victory dance * I'm taller than you! I'm taller than you!
Ed: WHAT?! LIES!
Me: I AM! I'm four feet, eleven-
Ed: So am I!
Me: * kicks him * SHADDUP! I wasn't done! I'm four feet and eleven and ½ inch!
Ed: I don't believe you!
Me: GYAAH! How DARE you call me a liar! SHRIMP!
Ed: MIDGET!
Me: WHO ARE YOU CALLING TOO SMALL TO SEE OVER THE BACK OF A WORM, ALCHEMY FREAK?!
Ed: WHO ARE YOU CALLING TINY ENOUGH TO STAND ON THE HEAD OF A PIN, FOUR EYES?!
Gajeel Redfox: You're BOTH midgets.
Me, Ed: * slowly turn *
Gajeel: …
Me, Ed: (in full-rage chibi mode) I'M NOT SHORT, YOU EYEBROW LACKING FREAK!
Ed: * launches bad-ass alchemy skillz)
Me: BUBBLE DRAGON'S ROAR!
Gajeel: * goes flying, lands on LinGreed *
LinGreed: Ow! What the HELL?!
Me: (heart eyes) LING!
Greed: It's GREED.
Me: Oh, pshaw! You're both hot! * Glomps him with a hug *
Greed: I know
Ling: (sounding strangled) Ed... help...
Ed: * spurns him *
Ling: WAT?!
Ed: You still haven't paid off your room service bill!
Ling: WAT?!
Me: (suddenly) SHUT UP!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~instant silence~~~~~~~~~~~
Me: * grins in a freakishly Mirajane-esque way * Thank you... now, to the actual contest! The first theme is Best Destroyer... Team Fairy Tail, Team Amestris, you get five minutes to choose your-
~Randomly, Scar and Gildarts fly through the air and almost behead me~
Me: HEY! No throwing people!
~Nobody looks sorry~
Me: (sarcastically) Wow... I feel so loved...
~cue several seconds of awkward silence, complete with cricket noises in background~
Me: * claps hands * Okay, ANYWAY! You guys see those large slabs of rock? ~two large slabs of rock appear magically~
Scar: * silence *
Gildarts: Yeah.
Me: Good. Destroy 'em.
Gildarts: ...what?
Me: DESTROY THEM! Wipe them from existence!
Gildarts: Oh, Okay. CRUSH!
~half the place crumples to dust~
Me: * stares *
Gildarts: * grins *
Scar * says nothing *
Me:...(realization suddenly sinks in) WHAT THE HELL?! I said destroy the SLAB! Not the WHOLE DAMN WORLD! GAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
~everyone stares as I sob dramatically~
Me: * suddenly perking up * Scar! Destroy the last rock!
Scar: * makes the slab go KABOOM with his right arm *
Me: Yep... you win!
TFT: WHAT?!
Me: He only destroyed the rock! Not the world, like Gildarts * glares at said mage *
Gildarts: * slinks off in shame* \
Me: And when Scar destroyed it, it looked cool! All alchemy lightning zzzzzBAM! Kablewy! Bye-bye rock! It was music to my ears!
Kimblee: That's my kind of woman!
Everyone: * sweat drops * Hey, old man...