Hey guys so I have been working on mute love and have decided to push myself with my writing and include some darker themes than I have done before. I hope you enjoy the chapter and because im nice I have decided to add two chapters instead of one because I was well in the zone writing this section and decide to add two chapters hope you enjoy x (Cassandra Clare owns the mortal instruments)

CPOV-

Me and Jace meet john outside and we sat down next to a big oak tree and I looked at him puzzled why he was here and why did he want to talk to me and why was Jace here?

' Clary there is a reason I came back and it's not just because I love you which I do and do want to spend more time with you but also mum found used blade with dry blood on them do you want to tell me what they are from?' he looked angry but at the same time worried and pity. I hate people feeling pity for me. I shook my head as if I didn't know that when jace spoke up and said

'Clary don't lie even I knew from you painting and the fact your all covered up'

I looked at him and could of screamed at him I was angry know how dare they the pity and the judgment just because I'm not one of them blonde bimbos he sleeps with and wears nothing but underwear that passes as cloths he thinks the worst of me .I start to walk off I'm not listening to any of this that until I feel a hand on either wrist and its john and jace stopping me from going.

'No Clary I have finished yet I want you to explain to me why you do it and why you haven't even told or written to me to say what you doing?' I looked at him like he wasn't even family to me how dare he say this to me why does he think I did it? It doesn't take a smart person to figure it out and I was so angry I would show them if they said anything else about it!

'Clary I'm your big brother I love you and you have no real reason to be doing this to yourself yes your depressed and angry we lost our dad but this is just selfish putting everyone through this hurting you self and I will try everything to help you' Oh no he didn't just say he was going to 'help me' I'm not a problem that can be fixed so I decide to show them. I token my pocket knife out of my leather jacket flipped it open and placed it near my wrist

'CLARY DON'T YOU DARE!' my brother screamed at me and took a step closer to me and I slit a thin line on my wrist and he stopped and that's when jace started coming towards me and I placed the knife on my other wrist and did it again but in like john who knew what I was doing jace carried on walking towards me until I place the knife next to my neck and he stopped frozen still. I was shaking from fear and anger and hurt and all this emotions were bubbling up and I didn't know what to do I want to just cut and be over and done with this stupid life I have I'm just pathetic and worthless John just thought it was dad death but it was more I missed him so much and then people were telling me he left and did it himself because how worthless I was and that I'm nothing and I'm not and then there's the memorise I cannot remember before a I was 10 why I couldn't remember everything and it was too much so I want to be with my dad again and that when I decide I would join him and I would speak for the last time.

'John I'm sorry I love you but it's too much first dad then the things I was told I'm worthless I'm nothing I never was and then there are the memorise I cannot remember I'm stuck with the bad ones and no good so I'm sorry but it has to be this way but tell mum I love her and jace I'm sorry I was starting to fall for you but you're a player and I'm a freak and nothing and you're a player so I'm sorry' and I cut my neck and the blackness consumed me .

JPOV

'CLARY!' I ran towards her I never would have thought all those depressing thoughts were in her head and the things she said I can't believe she actually talked to me her voice was like velvet but I couldn't think like this now I rang an ambulance and we went straight to the hospitals. Once we were there they rushed her into a room and sent me and john out of the room.

'John she will be fine she's clary she's a fighter she will be fine' I told john more to reassure myself then him and he just nodded and a nurse come out of the room and came towards u.

'Are you the two lads that came in with the red haired young lady? 'We both nodded and I said

'I'm her friend and this is her brother we have called her mom and she's on her way'

'ok well if you are her family I can tell you she punctured her jugular vein and has lost a lot of blood but she is stable and waiting for a blood transfusion we just need a blood type like hers but we haven't got any so we need to wait till tomorrow' I was curious and to worried to have to wait for her blood to be done tomorrow so I asked

'What type of blood?'

'Negative A I very rare blood type' I smiled a very big smile and the nurse and john looked at me like a had said something offensive

'Nurse go get some needle or whatever I have a few pints of negative a gushing around in these veins of mine' johns face lit up and the nurse smiled and nodded and walked into another room. Two pints of blood later and I was feeling very dizzy but I didn't mind because I was helping clary to live her words keep going over and over again in my head 'and jace I'm sorry I was starting to fall for you but you're a player and I'm a freak and nothing and you're a player so I'm sorry' I was starting to fall for clary and I was sure as hell not going to mess this one up and add her to my list she was to special'.

CPOV

My head felt really heavy and there was a bright light surrounding me and I opened my eyes and I heard bleeping of machines and I released what I had done and all the memorise came flooding back and I remember john and Jaces face as I cut my throat and then it hit my I'm not with my dad. I single tear slide down my face and I felt someone's thumb rub the tear away and it felt like fire on my cheek and I knew why it was

'Hey clary how are you feeling? Jace was looking at me with concern and love? no I must have imagined it then it hit me again what I had said to him about falling for him and my cheek burned bright red and jace chuckled and must of realised what I was thinking of.

'Are you remembering you confessing your undying love for me?'

'No I wasn't more like everything else' I said and jace looked at me shocked and I laughed a little giggle and said

'Yes I'm talking and I'm sick of not talking it was getting boring'

'You know you have very pretty voice almost like velvet' I blushed and he chuckled again

'I think I do remember you confessing you were falling for me' he smiled no smirk a genuine smile

' I think I did but jace you're a player and it would never work out you like having lots of girls and messing them around and I have enough issues if you haven't noticed'

He laughed again as if I was a stupid child which I found affective

' Clary if you were another one of those girls then I wouldn't have given you two pints of my blood to make sure you lived would I'

I looked up into his golden eyes mine emerald green ones tearing up he had given his blood to me?

'You-you gave me your blood so I lived?'

'Yes clary I really like you and I know we have something and I'm not going to miss that chance'

I smiled and began to drift off into a happy sleep.

Hey guys so what do you think I know it's a big dark but I really want to test myself and see what my limits where. So wright some reviews on what your thoughts are so I can improve my story negative comments are just constructive criticism that I can used so be blunt and tell me what you think x